Leashes for Kids

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Replies

  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
    I am a step-mom to an amazing 5yr old who has been out of his stroller since he could walk. We have never put him on a leash. To this day when he reaches the curb, or a parking lot or an end of the sidewalk for whatever reason he stops and gives us his hand. He does not run around randomly where it is not safe to do so, he does not lay down having fits, he does not ignore his father or me when we tell him something is not safe. He does not yell or cry or scream when he can't have his way.

    We started to train him when he was small. He was not allowed to get away with bad behavior, tantrums or not listening. It's not difficult - but it IS a lot of work. In my/our opinion, a leash is too often used as a crutch that makes it easy for parents/caregivers/babysitters/ daycare workers etc to ignore the child. If the child has a behavioral issue that prevents it from listening to you as the parent then that needs to be corrected. If the child has a habit of not paying attention or wandering off then that needs to be corrected. If someone does not discipline their children properly while they are growing up they end up with unruly brats that throw tantrums when they can't have their way in the grocery store or at the park and kids who need leashes because they were never taught to listen and respect their parents.

    If you have to use a leash to control your child that is a parenting issue not a safety issue. A child that was raised to listen and respect rules and safety would never need one.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    I am a step-mom to an amazing 5yr old who has been out of his stroller since he could walk. We have never put him on a leash. To this day when he reaches the curb, or a parking lot or an end of the sidewalk for whatever reason he stops and gives us his hand. He does not run around randomly where it is not safe to do so, he does not lay down having fits, he does not ignore his father or me when we tell him something is not safe. He does not yell or cry or scream when he can't have his way.

    We started to train him when he was small. He was not allowed to get away with bad behavior, tantrums or not listening. It's not difficult - but it IS a lot of work. In my/our opinion, a leash is too often used as a crutch that makes it easy for parents/caregivers/babysitters/ daycare workers etc to ignore the child. If the child has a behavioral issue that prevents it from listening to you as the parent then that needs to be corrected. If the child has a habit of not paying attention or wandering off then that needs to be corrected. If someone does not discipline their children properly while they are growing up they end up with unruly brats that throw tantrums when they can't have their way in the grocery store or at the park and kids who need leashes because they were never taught to listen and respect their parents.

    If you have to use a leash to control your child that is a parenting issue not a safety issue. A child that was raised to listen and respect rules and safety would never need one.

    I'm glad you learned all about all kids ever from your one stepchild. The truth is though that kids have very different personalities and impulses. Training them isn't the only thing. Overall, I am not pro-leash for most kids. I have definitely seen some that need it. When my kids were younger and if we had been somewhere like Disney, I may have had a different opinion there since there is so much to watch out for on top of just what the kids are doing. Even if it is a matter of poor parenting though, I would prefer that a child be on a leash than smushed by a car.....
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
    I am a step-mom to an amazing 5yr old who has been out of his stroller since he could walk. We have never put him on a leash. To this day when he reaches the curb, or a parking lot or an end of the sidewalk for whatever reason he stops and gives us his hand. He does not run around randomly where it is not safe to do so, he does not lay down having fits, he does not ignore his father or me when we tell him something is not safe. He does not yell or cry or scream when he can't have his way.

    We started to train him when he was small. He was not allowed to get away with bad behavior, tantrums or not listening. It's not difficult - but it IS a lot of work. In my/our opinion, a leash is too often used as a crutch that makes it easy for parents/caregivers/babysitters/ daycare workers etc to ignore the child. If the child has a behavioral issue that prevents it from listening to you as the parent then that needs to be corrected. If the child has a habit of not paying attention or wandering off then that needs to be corrected. If someone does not discipline their children properly while they are growing up they end up with unruly brats that throw tantrums when they can't have their way in the grocery store or at the park and kids who need leashes because they were never taught to listen and respect their parents.

    If you have to use a leash to control your child that is a parenting issue not a safety issue. A child that was raised to listen and respect rules and safety would never need one.

    Good for you for being perfect with just the one child, the child's parent and presumably, if you're in parking lots, short distances to walk.

    I'm quite glad I realised I wasn't perfect when dealing with more than one child, a dog and the need to walk everywhere. Its meant there haven't been many unpleasant surprises over their lifespans when they don't perform as the perfect little clone some expect their children to be.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member

    I'm glad you learned all about all kids ever from your one stepchild. The truth is though that kids have very different personalities and impulses. Training them isn't the only thing. Overall, I am not pro-leash for most kids. I have definitely seen some that need it. When my kids were younger and if we had been somewhere like Disney, I may have had a different opinion there since there is so much to watch out for on top of just what the kids are doing. Even if it is a matter of poor parenting though, I would prefer that a child be on a leash than smushed by a car.....

    I am 40 years old and have been around more than just ONE child really.. Besides this isn't about how we raise kids its about if we believe in leashes. I gave my thoughts. I don't need people to justify their child rearing abilities or insult me because I have a different opinion and experience.
    Good for you for being perfect with just the one child, the child's parent and presumably, if you're in parking lots, short distances to walk.

    Thanks for your assumptions..you know what they say about those.
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member

    I'm glad you learned all about all kids ever from your one stepchild. The truth is though that kids have very different personalities and impulses. Training them isn't the only thing. Overall, I am not pro-leash for most kids. I have definitely seen some that need it. When my kids were younger and if we had been somewhere like Disney, I may have had a different opinion there since there is so much to watch out for on top of just what the kids are doing. Even if it is a matter of poor parenting though, I would prefer that a child be on a leash than smushed by a car.....

    I am 40 years old and have been around more than just ONE child really.. Besides this isn't about how we raise kids its about if we believe in leashes. I gave my thoughts. I don't need people to justify their child rearing abilities or insult me because I have a different opinion and experience.
    Good for you for being perfect with just the one child, the child's parent and presumably, if you're in parking lots, short distances to walk.

    Thanks for your assumptions..you know what they say about those.


    Nope. Does it make perfect step parents?



    I wonder how many people against their poor darlings being restricted refuse to let the kid use a seatbelt? Surely the well trained child knows they aren't to allow themselves to be catapulted out the car windscreen? It's poor parenting not to take it on trust that the two year old will sit still and not slide under the seats in the event of a crash.

    After all, in a car, a seatbelt means they're tethered like a farmyard animal. Only bad parents would want to try and prevent the kid being killed, whomsoever is actually at fault.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member

    I wonder how many people against their poor darlings being restricted refuse to let the kid use a seatbelt? Surely the well trained child knows they aren't to allow themselves to be catapulted out the car windscreen? It's poor parenting not to take it on trust that the two year old will sit still and not slide under the seats in the event of a crash.

    After all, in a car, a seatbelt means they're tethered like a farmyard animal. Only bad parents would want to try and prevent the kid being killed, whomsoever is actually at fault.

    Actually that just means you are going to jail for breaking the law which requires you to wear a seat belt. Leashing your child is not illegal, NOT placing them in a proper restraint IS. And if your child dies through your negligence you will also go to jail for manslaughter. They are not even close to the same. Vehicular motion is controlled by physics, behavioral issues should be controlled by parents.

    The point is not about thinking your child knows better its about TEACHING your child to know better and not allowing unsafe behaviour. By using a leash you are not teaching your child anything except that they can do whatever they want because YOU will save them when they do something you have never taught them not to do.
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member

    I wonder how many people against their poor darlings being restricted refuse to let the kid use a seatbelt? Surely the well trained child knows they aren't to allow themselves to be catapulted out the car windscreen? It's poor parenting not to take it on trust that the two year old will sit still and not slide under the seats in the event of a crash.

    After all, in a car, a seatbelt means they're tethered like a farmyard animal. Only bad parents would want to try and prevent the kid being killed, whomsoever is actually at fault.

    Actually that just means you are going to jail for breaking the law which requires you to wear a seat belt. Leashing your child is not illegal, NOT placing them in a proper restraint IS. And if your child dies through your negligence you will also go to jail for manslaughter. They are not even close to the same. Vehicular motion is controlled by physics, behavioral issues should be controlled by parents.

    The point is not about thinking your child knows better its about TEACHING your child to know better and not allowing unsafe behaviour. By using a leash you are not teaching your child anything except that they can do whatever they want because YOU will save them when they do something you have never taught them not to do.

    Oh, the USA has finally got round to making seat belts compulsory now? Good, good.

    Well, I'm sure when my eldest tripped and fell into the road whilst still holding my hand (and pulling me over with her because I was pregnant at the time) I'm sure she nearly learned her lesson that mummy can't save her. Fortunately, the driver stopped in time.

    It is - or was, they made it to puberty undamaged - my responsibility to protect them first. No 'I told you to not trip' or 'you mustn't have a tantrum at 13 months old' would have made a blind bit of difference to the laws of physics had a car not been able to stop at that precise moment.

    I am not obviously as perfect as some like to think they are. But I am aware of my limitations and where they could have endangered tiny children that were my sole responsibility, I would rather be aware of those limitations than say at the funeral 'I told them to hold my hand but they chose to not listen on that one occasion'.

    For the sake of a bit of extra safety from first walking to about 2 years old, I don't regret it.
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 847 Member
    How funny, Children aren't degraded using a hardness or wrist strap & don't develop complexs over them. Most normal children love having freedom to investigate & walk around, having them tethered to you prevents alot of risk situations. If you chose not to use that preventative measure then that is your choice, some parents like the added security. You are not a better parent for not using one, they are not a better parent for using one. This competative parenting **** really is getting stupid.

    I personally don't like seeing parents walking their child along with the kids little arms raised high above it's head trying to hold on to the parents hand. Especially if the kid falls, the instinct is to jerk them up. Can't be good for their wrists or joints but if that's what they chose to do with their kid then up to them.
  • robert65ferguson
    robert65ferguson Posts: 390 Member
    How funny, Children aren't degraded using a hardness or wrist strap & don't develop complexs over them. Most normal children love having freedom to investigate & walk around, having them tethered to you prevents alot of risk situations. If you chose not to use that preventative measure then that is your choice, some parents like the added security. You are not a better parent for not using one, they are not a better parent for using one. This competative parenting **** really is getting stupid.

    I personally don't like seeing parents walking their child along with the kids little arms raised high above it's head trying to hold on to the parents hand. Especially if the kid falls, the instinct is to jerk them up. Can't be good for their wrists or joints but if that's what they chose to do with their kid then up to them.

    At last at least one sensible, rational contribution to this debate. People outside the US simply shake their heads in amazement at the topics which exercise our friends in the US. We do this more in sorrow than in anger.
  • SemperAnticus1643
    SemperAnticus1643 Posts: 703 Member
    I luckily have never had to use them on my children. My girls are now 10 and 7. I did teach them at an early age to hang on to mommy's back pocket or belt loop when we were in crowded places. But again, they weren't prone at all to take off. But not all children are the same. I can't pass judgement on you for putting a harness on YOUR child just like I don't expect you to pass judgement on me for being pro-spanking with mine. I understand the ideology behind it and I respect it. In the end, the harness is to keep the child from taking off, whether the child is prone to run or the parent is "lazy" or whatever. My biggest problem isn't the harness but the kids that are screaming and crying in the store because they couldn't get a certain type of cereal or candy.
  • gretaelisif1
    gretaelisif1 Posts: 11 Member
    edited September 2018
    Smart parenting.

    My brother & I had one when we were very little. We weren’t embarrassed—how could a 1- or 2-yr-old be embarrassed? Kids that age still like to run around naked, even. We weren’t damaged by the harness, instead were kept safe. I remember my mom used to go to lots of boring stores back then, stores w/ no carts to put us in. And there were 2 of us anyway. Strollers hadn’t been invented yet. She hadn’t brought books or toys along for us (we were never inseparable from any toys). There wasn’t anything for us to do but wander around & look at stuff & hide in racks of clothes.

    The damaging part was being force-fed hot-sauce & spanked, & being force-fed soap & hit w/ paddles at school. I didn’t learn my ‘lesson’ from any of that, b/c it all continued until I was too big & until I was sent to a different school. It all just terrorized me. (I don’t know what bad stuff we might have done at home except climb around, jump ½-way down the stairs onto pillows, etc.—we were a bit wild—but I do remember being bored out of my mind in school b/c everything was absurdly easy, so I talked too much. What else are you going to do when you are 5 & the 4th-gr dictionary doesn’t have any words you don’t already know, so your parents tell you to use their college dictionary, so you do & find all the words you need, but your parents still send you to infantile kindergarten? 🙄 Anyway…) Now I hate hot sauce, have a sensitive stomach, & have anxiety. And was perverted until becoming a Christian.

    Our 1st baby couldn’t tolerate a stroller for > a few min. b/c she got scared & started crying. She needed me to hold her literally all day & night for the 1st few mos. (I’m lazy?) Only gradually less. Much less when she started walking, but that was at 10 mos. So then most of the time, she’d kick & wiggle around until I put her down. She was fine in most places indoors, but she did it when we had gotten out of the car & needed to walk across a parking-lot. A 10-mo.-old is too short to hold hands unless you bend down so far you can’t see where you’re going, & you hurt your back. And 10-mo.-olds are unable to understand holding hands. I think only by about 2, they are able to reciprocate, but they still won’t necessarily always hold on. Might slip away. Obviously a 10-mo.-old cannot hold onto anything (a rope, really? or my belt? Guess she could have reached that if I had been sitting down…) to cross a parking-lot. So should I have ignored her scared feelings & pushed a stroller w/ a screaming baby in it everywhere? Or have held her when she was kicking & wiggling until she got big enough to kick herself out of my arms & fall & get hurt? No, I just carried her in my arms until she needed to walk, & then she had a harness, which she liked b/c it let her move around & look at things. She never had a tantrum or screamed anywhere. She needed the harness until maybe 3, & then stayed right with us every moment. Was always happy & calm & good. (Once she learned how to argue though… 😅)

    By the time this 2nd baby—the strong-willed, fussy, payback-time baby 😆—came along, the harness had gotten lost, but we got a stroller for her & she likes it. My husband thought if we put her in a harness she’d just fling herself down & have a tantrum. (But I thought she’d like getting to walk around, & if she were to have a tantrum, we’d just put her in the stroller & take her away.) So we didn’t get another. Not sure what we’ll do though at the time I think there will be when she’s too big for the stroller but it’s not perfectly safe to have her walk next to us in every public place. Maybe 4. But older kids have been kidnapped too. Somebody could take her in an instant. Maybe we’ll get a wrist-strap, or a backpack w/ a strap.

    Of course I’ve never let them be hit or force-fed anything. And we are not hippies or anything like that. We’re strict Catholics. So they have enough discipline. Also, even though I’m not in a wheelchair, now I have arthritis, my ACL is messed up & might need to get replaced, & I have chronic mono (flu-like symptoms + rash/sores + chilblains + other chronic infections incl. 1 in my toe). So walking is manageable, but my running days are over forever. And further proof of not-laziness is I never let them ‘cry it out’. (Not saying people who do are, but people who take constant, solicitous care are certainly not lazy.) This one prob. would have had an aneurysm anyway. That’s what I told the dr who recommended ‘Ferberization’, when I said there was no way I’d do that to a baby. She’s 2½ & still has to have lullabies & nursing & rocking to sleep for every nap & every bedtime. I guess too high-strung to yet just fall asleep. For a nap she might be caught at the right moment, & take only 10 min. Sometimes she needs one a little after breakfast, but usu. at 3, & sometimes can’t take a nap. Today it took hrs, & bedtime always does. This is hard work. Please don’t call people lazy if you aren’t sure they are. 🙂