December Challenge - Me vs. The Binge
Replies
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With the thoughts up above ^^ I couldn't agree with you more. It is awfully challenging for people to understand, and I don't blame them! I don't understand my behaviors either. BUT, this website is my only place where I am honest to the best of my ability and need to be surrounded by positive people. Even though we have setbacks. all of my friends get back up the next day and start working hard at it again. I definitely have un-friended people that didn't portray a healthy image to me (re: too low calorie counts, constantly self-hate talk, a consistent negative attitude or putting other friends down). My friends often ask for advice or seek comfort in a tough time (both food wise and life wise), which is very different than not striving for improvement. You're a product of who you surround yourself with, make sure you like who they are!!
I
this. 0 -
**Just to add to my previous statement. I'm glad to be surrounded by all of you. Your positivity, determination and honesty has helped me in more ways than I can count! I feel so lucky that I get to celebrate our accomplishments and work through out challenges together 0
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**Just to add to my previous statement. I'm glad to be surrounded by all of you. Your positivity, determination and honesty has helped me in more ways than I can count! I feel so lucky that I get to celebrate our accomplishments and work through out challenges together
Awwww. I could say the same thing - I completely agree! Everyone here has helped me.
@ Beatrix I know, I didn't get mad at him...I really think his heart was in the right place. He thought he was helping me 0 -
I totally agree with this statement too, that is why after I calmed down I decided not to delete him.@ Beatrix I know, I didn't get mad at him...I really think his heart was in the right place. He thought he was helping me0 -
Amen!**Just to add to my previous statement. I'm glad to be surrounded by all of you. Your positivity, determination and honesty has helped me in more ways than I can count! I feel so lucky that I get to celebrate our accomplishments and work through out challenges together0 -
Dec 1-11
beatrixia: 11
The Binge: 0
I've been trying to think about why this month is so different from last, and this is what I've come up with so far:
1. Well, last month I was on a binge roll with the highest number of binge days since I started MFP, and I just did not want to repeat that again.
2. Icey posted a blog called "Reasons NOT to Binge" that got me thinking about specific reasons I don't want to binge. (Well, I related to Icey's list so well that I basically appropriated it!)
3. Wilma called us binge slayers...so now I think of myself with a superhero name: Beatrixia the Binge Slayer. (Seriously, this helps me!)
4. Greeky posted a blog listing her December goals that inspired me to list my own. I came up with five goals to make it manageable, and my number one goal is to have a binge-free month by making each day binge free, one day at a time. I read my list almost every day.
5. This one may be hard to explain. One day I was thinking about how much I wanted to binge on bingefoodX, and I realized that I may have that urge or desire to binge for a long time. I may have to consciously turn away from it for the rest of my life. I don't know. But until my default coping strategies are replaced with healthy ones...as a default...I have to be aware that the _desire_ to binge may just pop up in my brain, sometimes unexpectedly. And then I realized that if I am to be binge free, I need to find ways to say "no" to a binge even when in the moment I really _want_ to binge...and I will need to do this for the rest of my life. (I had thought recovery means that the urge to binge would eventually be completely quelled, but I now I think it may or may not go away.) So, I have to remember that the reasons I don't want to binge anymore are more important to me than wanting to binge in a moment. I thought about alcoholics, and how some say they never lose the desire to drink alcohol, but they find ways to stay sober nonetheless. And if they can do it, there is a way for me to do it-- to stay sober from binges--, too. I guess this represented a shift in my thinking, where I owned that I may have to work on "sobriety"...always. And that my long-term goals really are more important to my heart than the binge urges that come and go. (I'm in a better place mentally than several weeks ago, so I will put this theory to the test when I'm in a real whirlpool of struggle. That's when it matters!)
6. I closed my diary, which helps me be free from the worry of condemnation from others (not from you guys, but from nameless strangers that I will never see nor meet nor know in any way, lol). I may re-open it next year.
So, to sum up (tl;dr version):
1. I was tired of fighting last month's binge-cycle.
2. I started a journal and wrote down reasons not to binge and my goals for December.
3. I learned from friends here and implemented some of their coping ideas.
4. I realized that recovery for me means that the I want to binge feeling may not completely go away. I envisioned the rest of my life and realized I truly do want to be binge-free long term. To do that, I will need to focus on all the small choices (one eating experience at a time) that will help me live my goal.
5. I closed my diary.
That's all. (LOL)
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I am always learning from you all, so thank you for being so open and honest. 0 -
Well put Bea!! They do not understand and we all battle with public or private diaries because all of our friend are not bingers. I use to have a lock on mines, keep private and now friends only. I go back and forth depending on what is best for ME at the time. So if private diary is helping you I say by all means DO IT.Totally LOL, though, at someone ignoring the fact that since you've been logging your intake, you are now well acquainted with calorie values and what you're eating. I want to giggle and roll my eyes simultaneously at the assumption that you don't know what you're doing.
But you're right; people who haven't experienced or learned about binging have a hard time understanding the struggle...and they don't know they don't understand. If it were as easy as staying within our calorie numbers and staying active, we would all be super-healthy, because we know that already! I'm glad, though, that you're letting the comments roll off your back. Just assume his heart was in the right place (unless proven otherwise), and continue to focus on your choices today.
BTW, I do understand that unsolicited comments about your diary could be challenge to overlook, to put it politely, so I'm so glad you are posting about it and recognize that you don't want this to derail you today. I closed my diary after my free-for-all last month because I didn't want anyone to judge me, and I needed some time to worry just about me and not what others might think. I know I shouldn't care, and I hope to get back to that place where I don't, but...I do feel so free this month! (Ironically, there is nothing in my diary "judgement-worthy" now.) I love what Jul says: "You're a product of who you surround yourself with, make sure you like who they are!!" So...do what you need to do friend-wise to stay on track.
For me right now as long as I don't feel myself lying to myself because others may peek, I am fine with public.
Keep up the good work!!0 -
Dec 1-11
beatrixia: 11
The Binge: 0
I've been trying to think about why this month is so different from last, and this is what I've come up with so far:
1. Well, last month I was on a binge roll with the highest number of binge days since I started MFP, and I just did not want to repeat that again.
2. Icey posted a blog called "Reasons NOT to Binge" that got me thinking about specific reasons I don't want to binge. (Well, I related to Icey's list so well that I basically appropriated it!)
3. Wilma called us binge slayers...so now I think of myself with a superhero name: Beatrixia the Binge Slayer. (Seriously, this helps me!)
4. Greeky posted a blog listing her December goals that inspired me to list my own. I came up with five goals to make it manageable, and my number one goal is to have a binge-free month by making each day binge free, one day at a time. I read my list almost every day.
5. This one may be hard to explain. One day I was thinking about how much I wanted to binge on bingefoodX, and I realized that I may have that urge or desire to binge for a long time. I may have to consciously turn away from it for the rest of my life. I don't know. But until my default coping strategies are replaced with healthy ones...as a default...I have to be aware that the _desire_ to binge may just pop up in my brain, sometimes unexpectedly. And then I realized that if I am to be binge free, I need to find ways to say "no" to a binge even when in the moment I really _want_ to binge...and I will need to do this for the rest of my life. (I had thought recovery means that the urge to binge would eventually be completely quelled, but I now I think it may or may not go away.) So, I have to remember that the reasons I don't want to binge anymore are more important to me than wanting to binge in a moment. I thought about alcoholics, and how some say they never lose the desire to drink alcohol, but they find ways to stay sober nonetheless. And if they can do it, there is a way for me to do it-- to stay sober from binges--, too. I guess this represented a shift in my thinking, where I owned that I may have to work on "sobriety"...always. And that my long-term goals really are more important to my heart than the binge urges that come and go. (I'm in a better place mentally than several weeks ago, so I will put this theory to the test when I'm in a real whirlpool of struggle. That's when it matters!)
6. I closed my diary, which helps me be free from the worry of condemnation from others (not from you guys, but from nameless strangers that I will never see nor meet nor know in any way, lol). I may re-open it next year.
So, to sum up (tl;dr version):
1. I was tired of fighting last month's binge-cycle.
2. I started a journal and wrote down reasons not to binge and my goals for December.
3. I learned from friends here and implemented some of their coping ideas.
4. I realized that recovery for me means that the I want to binge feeling may not completely go away. I envisioned the rest of my life and realized I truly do want to be binge-free long term. To do that, I will need to focus on all the small choices (one eating experience at a time) that will help me live my goal.
5. I closed my diary.
That's all. (LOL)
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I am always learning from you all, so thank you for being so open and honest.
3 -- I love your name. It's so awesome
5 -- I never thought of that. I think I keep telling myself I shouldn't have the urges anymore once I get over it... and when I have an urge, I tell myself it's too hard and I can get rid of them later...so I binge. I hope the binge desires slowly diminish with time, but maybe they won't . Either way, we have to fight them because they're doing nothing positive to us and in the long run they solve nothing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!0 -
12/12
Natalie: 6
Binge: 6
It's really, really bad. I don't know how to break the cycle. I don't know where to reach out for help. I tried calling some special facility today, but they told me that I have to have a paper from my 'normal' doctor. I argue with my boyfriend. I lie to him, tell him that he can go home and after he leaves, I run to the shops. My head hurts, my stomach hurts. I don't know how to stop. I can't sleep.
I'm proud of you. You are all doing very well.
And I sometimes even feel like I don't care about fighting that monster.
I had to write this. Sorry.0 -
I 100% agree with you on # 4. Because I think once you resolve in your heart you may not 100% recover you can move forward wtih what I like to term Binge Management. Thanks again for sharing with us!!4. I realized that recovery for me means that the I want to binge feeling may not completely go away. I envisioned the rest of my life and realized I truly do want to be binge-free long term. To do that, I will need to focus on all the small choices (one eating experience at a time) that will help me live my goal.
That's all. (LOL)
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I am always learning from you all, so thank you for being so open and honest.0 -
Me - 8.
Binge - 4.
Another binge free day, but it is very hard because I am craving, craving, craving sugary, bready things like crazy, presumably because my period is due within days, coupled with the cold weather and increase in my activity the last few days.
Having a buffet dinner with bf tomorrow, slightly in dread, as usually I have a dinner of about 400 calories, and eat much later. This will most definitely be over 400 calories as it involved 2 starters, salad, main and dessert. I will just have to fob off as much as possible on the bf and workout, and limit calories in the daytime.0 -
Dec 1-11
beatrixia: 11
The Binge: 0
I've been trying to think about why this month is so different from last, and this is what I've come up with so far:
1. Well, last month I was on a binge roll with the highest number of binge days since I started MFP, and I just did not want to repeat that again.
2. Icey posted a blog called "Reasons NOT to Binge" that got me thinking about specific reasons I don't want to binge. (Well, I related to Icey's list so well that I basically appropriated it!)
3. Wilma called us binge slayers...so now I think of myself with a superhero name: Beatrixia the Binge Slayer. (Seriously, this helps me!)
4. Greeky posted a blog listing her December goals that inspired me to list my own. I came up with five goals to make it manageable, and my number one goal is to have a binge-free month by making each day binge free, one day at a time. I read my list almost every day.
5. This one may be hard to explain. One day I was thinking about how much I wanted to binge on bingefoodX, and I realized that I may have that urge or desire to binge for a long time. I may have to consciously turn away from it for the rest of my life. I don't know. But until my default coping strategies are replaced with healthy ones...as a default...I have to be aware that the _desire_ to binge may just pop up in my brain, sometimes unexpectedly. And then I realized that if I am to be binge free, I need to find ways to say "no" to a binge even when in the moment I really _want_ to binge...and I will need to do this for the rest of my life. (I had thought recovery means that the urge to binge would eventually be completely quelled, but I now I think it may or may not go away.) So, I have to remember that the reasons I don't want to binge anymore are more important to me than wanting to binge in a moment. I thought about alcoholics, and how some say they never lose the desire to drink alcohol, but they find ways to stay sober nonetheless. And if they can do it, there is a way for me to do it-- to stay sober from binges--, too. I guess this represented a shift in my thinking, where I owned that I may have to work on "sobriety"...always. And that my long-term goals really are more important to my heart than the binge urges that come and go. (I'm in a better place mentally than several weeks ago, so I will put this theory to the test when I'm in a real whirlpool of struggle. That's when it matters!)
6. I closed my diary, which helps me be free from the worry of condemnation from others (not from you guys, but from nameless strangers that I will never see nor meet nor know in any way, lol). I may re-open it next year.
So, to sum up (tl;dr version):
1. I was tired of fighting last month's binge-cycle.
2. I started a journal and wrote down reasons not to binge and my goals for December.
3. I learned from friends here and implemented some of their coping ideas.
4. I realized that recovery for me means that the I want to binge feeling may not completely go away. I envisioned the rest of my life and realized I truly do want to be binge-free long term. To do that, I will need to focus on all the small choices (one eating experience at a time) that will help me live my goal.
5. I closed my diary.
That's all. (LOL)
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I am always learning from you all, so thank you for being so open and honest.
This is FABULOUS Bea~ Thank you for sharing what is working for you, it is so helpful. You are doing so well, way to go!!!0 -
Elizabeth 10
Binge 2 (12/7, 12/8)
Today wasn't a great eating day, but it wasn't a binge day. It was actually the first day I ate "forbidden foods" and had no guilt about it, that in itself is a huge step in the right direction. Usually that will cause me to then binge b/c for some reason I think I shouldn't eat certain foods.
There is SUCH good info on the board this month!!!! Thank you everyone for such a supportive group. It is nice to have a support system out there and we all understand each other.0 -
12-12-12
Me: 10
Binge: 2 (12/7, 12/8)
Had quite a bit of (controlled) sweets and actually don't feel so great. Even though I didn't binge, the sweetness is making me feel really full. Just my imagination? Regardless, it was delicious and I feel content! Though tomorrow I'd like to avoid any junk to compensate hmm.0 -
December 12, 2012
Rachael - 11
The Binge - 1 (12/7)
Overcalories - 0
Made a few food choices that weren't the best, but I managed to keep to my target for the day. Determined to keep this month going good and not fall into binge mode.0 -
December 2012:
Terry - 8.5
The Binge - 3.5
Logging days - 12 / 310 -
Dec 1-11
beatrixia: 11
The Binge: 0
I've been trying to think about why this month is so different from last, and this is what I've come up with so far:
1. Well, last month I was on a binge roll with the highest number of binge days since I started MFP, and I just did not want to repeat that again.
2. Icey posted a blog called "Reasons NOT to Binge" that got me thinking about specific reasons I don't want to binge. (Well, I related to Icey's list so well that I basically appropriated it!)
3. Wilma called us binge slayers...so now I think of myself with a superhero name: Beatrixia the Binge Slayer. (Seriously, this helps me!)
4. Greeky posted a blog listing her December goals that inspired me to list my own. I came up with five goals to make it manageable, and my number one goal is to have a binge-free month by making each day binge free, one day at a time. I read my list almost every day.
5. This one may be hard to explain. One day I was thinking about how much I wanted to binge on bingefoodX, and I realized that I may have that urge or desire to binge for a long time. I may have to consciously turn away from it for the rest of my life. I don't know. But until my default coping strategies are replaced with healthy ones...as a default...I have to be aware that the _desire_ to binge may just pop up in my brain, sometimes unexpectedly. And then I realized that if I am to be binge free, I need to find ways to say "no" to a binge even when in the moment I really _want_ to binge...and I will need to do this for the rest of my life. (I had thought recovery means that the urge to binge would eventually be completely quelled, but I now I think it may or may not go away.) So, I have to remember that the reasons I don't want to binge anymore are more important to me than wanting to binge in a moment. I thought about alcoholics, and how some say they never lose the desire to drink alcohol, but they find ways to stay sober nonetheless. And if they can do it, there is a way for me to do it-- to stay sober from binges--, too. I guess this represented a shift in my thinking, where I owned that I may have to work on "sobriety"...always. And that my long-term goals really are more important to my heart than the binge urges that come and go. (I'm in a better place mentally than several weeks ago, so I will put this theory to the test when I'm in a real whirlpool of struggle. That's when it matters!)
6. I closed my diary, which helps me be free from the worry of condemnation from others (not from you guys, but from nameless strangers that I will never see nor meet nor know in any way, lol). I may re-open it next year.
So, to sum up (tl;dr version):
1. I was tired of fighting last month's binge-cycle.
2. I started a journal and wrote down reasons not to binge and my goals for December.
3. I learned from friends here and implemented some of their coping ideas.
4. I realized that recovery for me means that the I want to binge feeling may not completely go away. I envisioned the rest of my life and realized I truly do want to be binge-free long term. To do that, I will need to focus on all the small choices (one eating experience at a time) that will help me live my goal.
5. I closed my diary.
That's all. (LOL)
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I am always learning from you all, so thank you for being so open and honest.
This is FABULOUS Bea~ Thank you for sharing what is working for you, it is so helpful. You are doing so well, way to go!!!
Agree!!
#5 is interesting to me....I spent years in 12-step meetings and a lot of the time the urge to binge just did not go away. Sometimes I was free from it but I agree this is just like any other addiction in that I will likely have to fight this for the rest of my life and it will not always be easy. I think when the pain of the bingeing becomes greater than the pain of doing healthier things to cope is when I stop bingeing. But then I forget after a period of time and the cycle starts again....I really need to not forget.
And thank you for the reminder of the goals I wrote...I haven't been reading them and I am going to start reading them daily again.
I keep my diary closed for various reasons and I didn't realize how "bad" it is to have a closed diary. I had one friend ask me as soon as we became friends why they couldn't see my diary. I was kind of offended - why is that so important? So I responded that I have an ED and if they couldn't hang with that maybe we shouldn't be friends. LOL. They deleted me. Which is fine.0 -
December 12
Me - 7
Binge - 5
Ok so today did NOT turn out well. It turned into a binge day. UGH. I pretty much knew this would be a high calorie day but it sucked. I'm glad it's over and only once a year. I'm sure most people at work overate today. The difference is that I practically kill myself in my head over it whereas "normal" people don't...but I'm really trying not to punish myself. It does not help me at all.
My first instinct was to not make my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow because "I won't be hungry tomorrow after everything I ate today".....but that will only set me up for more bingeing or at the very least, eating junk food. So I made my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and if I'm hungry I'll eat it and if not I won't.
Oh and I didn't log my food today. :indifferent:0 -
Doing better than I have in the past 3 months.....btw this makes 17 binge free days in a row!
Me: 12
Binge: 00 -
December 2012
Diane - 8
The Binge - 40 -
He guys--This has been a really bad month. I lost count with me vs the binge, because the binge has been winning a lot lately.
I am recovering from a back injury, not being able to run as much as I'd like to and on my "good days" I'm lucky if I get 3 miles. My chiropractor says its okay for me to run, but stop and walk if any pain gets worse. I am falling into a depression, stressing about life, having high levels of anxiousity and seem to be eating in a way to calm me down. I have stopped writing in my journals, diary cards..etc. I feel like I'm in sort of denial from these actions. My therapist thinks I'm just not ready to give my addiction up, and maybe shes right. I hate the consequences it gives. She did give me a suggestion for a book, the author was a binger and has overcame all odds and wrote it and now leading binge eating seminars. Wouldn't that be great huh? If you like to look out for it..its called "When Food Is Love" by Geneen Roth. I am thinking about talking to my doctor and see if I can get on some anti depressants. Maybe just one..and see if that helps. 0 -
December 2012:
Mollie - 9
The Binge - 3 (1st, 2nd, 11th)
Days I did not log it all - 2 (Goal to be no more than 4 days)0 -
Doing better than I have in the past 3 months.....btw this makes 17 binge free days in a row!
Me: 12
Binge: 0
GREAT job!!!!0 -
I 100% agree with you on # 4. Because I think once you resolve in your heart you may not 100% recover you can move forward wtih what I like to term Binge Management. Thanks again for sharing with us!!4. I realized that recovery for me means that the I want to binge feeling may not completely go away. I envisioned the rest of my life and realized I truly do want to be binge-free long term. To do that, I will need to focus on all the small choices (one eating experience at a time) that will help me live my goal.
That's all. (LOL)
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I am always learning from you all, so thank you for being so open and honest.
This exactly!!!0 -
12-13-12
Me: 10
Binge: 3 (12/7, 12/8, 12/13)
Farther between. buh, who knows.0 -
Me - 9.
Binge - 4.
I was over calories today, even with the 900+ I burnt cycling and walking, because of a combination of factors.
1) My sore throat woke me for the 6th or 7th day in a row after little sleep, this time after only 3 hours which usually triggers me to be hungry and to crave sugar (lack of sleep).
2) I decided to just get my backside to the doctor's morning surgery and get some antibiotics, and it was really cold walking there and back, so I stopped into a cafe and had a cooked breakfast. I tend to have about 400 calories before bed anyway as part of my routine since I go to bed around 2-3am. So add to that a 700 odd calorie breakfast(2 slices buttered toast, scrambled eggs, mushrooms and baked beans), knowing my bf and I were going to an all you can eat Swedish christmas buffet dinner and you have a problem.
3) A lot of the Swedish buffet items had sauces, a lot of herring in various things, smoked salmon, various swedish cakes... lot of calories, even though I did not binge.
So I overate, in terms of calorie intake, but do not consider it a binge as I was not stuffing in everything I could with the intention of binge eating. I also purged twice during dinner
It seems unfair that my bf eats two plates of the starters and was bloated and stuffed. I sometimes feel sure I can outeat him which is awful. Maybe that is the key to being thin, make it so your stomach shrinks or something.
How come some people get full so much quicker than others?0 -
12-13-12
Me: 10
Binge: 3 (12/7, 12/8, 12/13)
Farther between. buh, who knows.
We have binged on the same days! Here's to a binge-free day tomorrow!!!0 -
12-13-12
Me: 10
Binge: 3 (12/7, 12/8, 12/13)
Farther between. buh, who knows.
We have binged on the same days! Here's to a binge-free day tomorrow!!!
I saw this the other day! Yes yes! Let's conquer tomorrow : ) I hate when I have two days in a row, stopping it tomorrow!0 -
Elizabeth 10
Binge 3 (12/7, 12/8, 12/13)
Binged today and didn't log the food. The strange thing is I really don't care and not beating myself up for once. My 3 year old is sick with croup and I have been stressed and kind of confined to the house I think that is why it happened. I have also had a lot of negative thinking going on in my brain. The end of the year is quickly approaching and I keep beating myself up thinking back to this past January when I was fed up with my weight and joined WW, well today I am 8 pounds heavier than that starting "fat" weight. So basically this year of dieting I have gained 8 pounds. Lovely. I think I basically told myself today what difference will today make, so what eat whatever you want you won't have technically lost any weight this year anyway, so go on ahead....Like I said, bad negative self talk. THAT needs to stop. I have also accomplished a lot this year--I need to focus on that and remind myself I am more than my weight and that does not define me. It is so hard!! I really struggle with low self-esteem.0 -
December 2012:
Terry - 9.5
The Binge - 3.5
Logging days - 13 / 310
