ADD, and the next better thing to come along...
FitnessPalWorks
Posts: 1,128 Member
For this, I blame the Internet.
Dating never used to be this stupid.
Guys are so conditioned anymore that they will find yet another girl to date on FB, POF, Match or wherever.
The behavior guys exhibit - especially those in my age frame or older - come on guys, you were TAUGHT better than this.
Am I the only gal to feel GUYS expect WOMEN to chase them now?
What is UP with that???
Dating never used to be this stupid.
Guys are so conditioned anymore that they will find yet another girl to date on FB, POF, Match or wherever.
The behavior guys exhibit - especially those in my age frame or older - come on guys, you were TAUGHT better than this.
Am I the only gal to feel GUYS expect WOMEN to chase them now?
What is UP with that???
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Replies
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I am into more "traditional" dating and agree with you. I have no problem (in theory) smiling at a guy or initiating conversation (I am shy though so I rarely do, but I have before although it has never gotten me anywhere), but when it comes to the actual moment of "hey, wanna go out with me?" I want the guy to be the one saying it. I will never "chase" a guy or ask him out.0
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No, I've actually had better luck letting the man do the pursuing. Yes, I make sure to show interest. But, based on advice received from some of my best guy friends I've done my best not to chase. "Let him woo you" is what they always tell me. Took a little while for me to come around to that, but now that I have, I enjoy dating a lot more.
ETA - We had a discussion on regions a few weeks back and how men and women interact. My response was that men in the Richmond area don't approach women as often as other areas I've been to. I drove my kids down to FL last Friday and had to spend a few hours between court, lunch and wandering the mall (waiting for some papers to process at the court). I wore the same clothes as I wear here, and if anything my body language was less approachable than normal (I'd driven 12 hours and only gotten 4 hours of sleep). But, I had 3 different men come up and initiate conversations with me in that time. All were attractive and well spoken and good catches from the outset. So, I think there's definitely something with your "region" theory Mike.
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ETA - We had a discussion on regions a few weeks back and how men and women interact. My response was that men in the Richmond area don't approach women as often as other areas I've been to. I drove my kids down to FL last Friday and had to spend a few hours between court, lunch and wandering the mall (waiting for some papers to process at the court). I wore the same clothes as I wear here, and if anything my body language was less approachable than normal (I'd driven 12 hours and only gotten 4 hours of sleep). But, I had 3 different men come up and initiate conversations with me in that time. All were attractive and well spoken and good catches from the outset. So, I think there's definitely something with your "region" theory Mike.
I must've missed that one but it is a fascinating idea.0 -
Yes there are men that expect me to chase them. Those aren't my type so I move on.
I show interes and I'll send a text, call, make plans once I know he's definitely interested and does the pursuing because I want to be an active part of the relationship we are forming but that usually comes after a while.
The guys who expect me to chase don't stand a chance with me. It's just that simple.0 -
i think a big part of this is because guys are seeing conflicting actions in women.0
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For this, I blame the Internet.
Dating never used to be this stupid.
Guys are so conditioned anymore that they will find yet another girl to date on FB, POF, Match or wherever.
The behavior guys exhibit - especially those in my age frame or older - come on guys, you were TAUGHT better than this.
Am I the only gal to feel GUYS expect WOMEN to chase them now?
What is UP with that???
There is zero reason for "men pursuing women", aside from age old gender roles that are obsolete.
If your argument for "men should chase me" is "it has always been that way", that isn't a strong argument.0 -
Top tier, hot women get pursued by men all the time, regardless of region.0
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For this, I blame the Internet.
Dating never used to be this stupid.
Guys are so conditioned anymore that they will find yet another girl to date on FB, POF, Match or wherever.
The behavior guys exhibit - especially those in my age frame or older - come on guys, you were TAUGHT better than this.
Am I the only gal to feel GUYS expect WOMEN to chase them now?
What is UP with that???
Yeah, God forbid us men have options when it comes to dating. :noway:
Also, I don't know any guy that expects women to chase them (even though men do have more options nowadays). Guys being the aggressor is just more natural.0 -
Yes there are men that expect me to chase them. Those aren't my type so I move on.
I show interes and I'll send a text, call, make plans once I know he's definitely interested and does the pursuing because I want to be an active part of the relationship we are forming but that usually comes after a while.
The guys who expect me to chase don't stand a chance with me. It's just that simple.
I agree with this. And at the same time... I heard in a movie or something, "If a guy really wants to be with you, he will make it happen"
I know this isn't true all of the time, because some people aren't as bold as others... But I can always hear it in the back of my head.0 -
Yes there are men that expect me to chase them. Those aren't my type so I move on.
I show interes and I'll send a text, call, make plans once I know he's definitely interested and does the pursuing because I want to be an active part of the relationship we are forming but that usually comes after a while.
The guys who expect me to chase don't stand a chance with me. It's just that simple.
I agree with this. And at the same time... I heard in a movie or something, "If a guy really wants to be with you, he will make it happen"
I know this isn't true all of the time, because some people aren't as bold as others... But I can always hear it in the back of my head.
I've heard lots of things in movies. Maybe I should try using the Force.0 -
Top tier, hot women get pursued by men all the time, regardless of region.
No **** sherlock tell us something we don't know.0 -
Yes there are men that expect me to chase them. Those aren't my type so I move on.
I show interes and I'll send a text, call, make plans once I know he's definitely interested and does the pursuing because I want to be an active part of the relationship we are forming but that usually comes after a while.
The guys who expect me to chase don't stand a chance with me. It's just that simple.
I agree with this. And at the same time... I heard in a movie or something, "If a guy really wants to be with you, he will make it happen"
I know this isn't true all of the time, because some people aren't as bold as others... But I can always hear it in the back of my head.
I've heard lots of things in movies. Maybe I should try using the Force.
If the force works can you help me move next time please:bigsmile:
Movies especially romantic comdies are bad for you .... thay aren't real and are unrealistic *ducks*0 -
I'll chase you but if you turn it into a game........ Be prepared to become a target and get shot in the @ss. All puns intended.
I've been pursused by one guy in my life, he continues to pursue me, and unfortunately he probably isn't the best thing for me, all though I'd like to make it more with him.
I've always been the pursuer....I'm fighting it but I'm trying to become the pursuee. I don't like this not having any control thing.0 -
Maybe I have a weird perspective on this that nobody will agree with but I have a lot of "issues" with the idea of anyone chasing anyone. This process can be as simple, or as complicated, as both parties allow it to be. And if they really are interested in one another, then they owe it to each other, both, to make it go as swiftly, as smoothly, and as simply as possible. I never understood the concept of why people care about which gender makes the first move. It just makes no sense to me whatsoever. I do know that I have a high sense of self worth, and any woman who decides she wants to add unnecessary complications to the process simply isn't worth my time or effort, because I'm content enough with my life as a single person to not put up with BS.0
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I can`t imagine there are very many guys who expect to be chased but perhaps locally anything is possible.
In 2012 I do think guys may raise an eyebrow to an "Everything in life is equal but as a lady I want the easier avenue to a relationship mindset".
As far as all the time ladies saying that it works out better for them if they don`t pursue isn`t that a captain obvious thing?
Sort of like saying since I won the lottery and retired,job stress sure has gone down. :laugh:
The most immediate chance of rejection has been eliminated from the basic equation so the odds of a level of success rise immensely.
What I mean is that unless one equally pursues or is pursued does it not stand to reason a few attempts at it may well be unsuccessful?
It presumes that a guy pursuing almost always has a good outcome which is of course not the case save for a certain percentage of the male population.
It is more of a mathematical equation then a profound truth if really considered.0 -
In 2012 I do think guys may raise an eyebrow to an "Everything in life is equal but as a lady I want the easier avenue to a relationship mindset".
Very, very strong point.0 -
I'll chase you but if you turn it into a game........ Be prepared to become a target and get shot in the @ss. All puns intended.
I've been pursused by one guy in my life, he continues to pursue me, and unfortunately he probably isn't the best thing for me, all though I'd like to make it more with him.
I've always been the pursuer....I'm fighting it but I'm trying to become the pursuee. I don't like this not having any control thing.
I happen to enjoy hunting.... ummm I mean chasing guys. I see no reason why a women cannot initiate a conversation with a man or be the first to appraoch. Before the ladies jump down my throat let me remind you this works for me. It may not work for you. BUt I'm rarely home on a weekend night alone (unless I cant go out) either0 -
I can`t imagine there are very many guys who expect to be chased but perhaps locally anything is possible.
In 2012 I do think guys may raise an eyebrow to an "Everything in life is equal but as a lady I want the easier avenue to a relationship mindset".
Nothing is ever equal and life isn't fair. There is a give and take in everything. (I am thinking all my posts today might be cliches).0 -
Top tier, hot women get pursued by men all the time, regardless of region.
No **** sherlock tell us something we don't know.
tee-hee!0 -
I can`t imagine there are very many guys who expect to be chased but perhaps locally anything is possible.
In 2012 I do think guys may raise an eyebrow to an "Everything in life is equal but as a lady I want the easier avenue to a relationship mindset".
Nothing is ever equal and life isn't fair. There is a give and take in everything. (I am thinking all my posts today might be cliches).
In reality yes, but then why do we teach our kids something different? We push it on our kids since childhood to treat everyone equally, girls aren't any different than boys. What if, you know, it actually started to SINK IN with this younger generation? Think about that...0 -
I can`t imagine there are very many guys who expect to be chased but perhaps locally anything is possible.
In 2012 I do think guys may raise an eyebrow to an "Everything in life is equal but as a lady I want the easier avenue to a relationship mindset".
Nothing is ever equal and life isn't fair. There is a give and take in everything. (I am thinking all my posts today might be cliches).
Of course and why,outside of that small percentage of each who do have the dating world at their fingertips (wonder how satisfied they are though),any guy that expects to be chased or any lady that expects to be a princess is going to have a difficult time of things.
I don`t see it as anything outside of a logical conclusion based on human nature and lifes course.
There really aren`t any here that hold an extreme of either view other then maybe at times in idealistic musings so not a thing.
My main point was thinking that if a lady did pursue a few times without success it does not make it a universal truth that Yoda (getting back to the Force thingie
) would share.
It is more likely simply a matter of what happens regardless who is the protagonist.0 -
ETA - We had a discussion on regions a few weeks back and how men and women interact. My response was that men in the Richmond area don't approach women as often as other areas I've been to. I drove my kids down to FL last Friday and had to spend a few hours between court, lunch and wandering the mall (waiting for some papers to process at the court). I wore the same clothes as I wear here, and if anything my body language was less approachable than normal (I'd driven 12 hours and only gotten 4 hours of sleep). But, I had 3 different men come up and initiate conversations with me in that time. All were attractive and well spoken and good catches from the outset. So, I think there's definitely something with your "region" theory Mike.
There's definitely major differences in dating depending upon your location. I can only speak for dating in the northeast cities and south Florida. Dating in Miami definitely favors the man. There's an abundance of beautiful women and there's a lack of hard working professional type of men down here (this is what most women say). Most guys are huge players down here because they can get away with it.
In the northeast, there are many more quality men that will compete for top tier women there. If I was a girl looking to land a high quality man, I'd move to anywhere in the Bos-Wash Corridor. If you're a guy looking to date a pretty girl, I'd look at Florida, Texas, and most places in the South.0 -
In reality yes, but then why do we teach our kids something different? We push it on our kids since childhood to treat everyone equally, girls aren't any different than boys. What if, you know, it actually started to SINK IN with this younger generation? Think about that...
Very good point.
When I was in school, it seems that we were taught that that boys and girls were "different, but equal". Judging from my friends that are teachers, they are now pushing the idea that all kids are equal and you should treat boys and girls the same.
I don't think either is right or wrong, it's just the difference between traditional and progressive thinking. Our schools are becoming very progressive places.
I think this plays a part why more and more men (mostly younger) think that women should pursue them.0 -
In reality yes, but then why do we teach our kids something different? We push it on our kids since childhood to treat everyone equally, girls aren't any different than boys. What if, you know, it actually started to SINK IN with this younger generation? Think about that...
Very good point.
When I was in school, it seems that we were taught that that boys and girls were "different, but equal". Judging from my friends that are teachers, they are now pushing the idea that all kids are equal and you should treat boys and girls the same.
I don't think either is right or wrong, it's just the difference between traditional and progressive thinking. Our schools are becoming very progressive places.
I think this plays a part why more and more men (mostly younger) think that women should pursue them.
Also another reason why getting participation medals are ruining the world. Once that started people started growing up with the attitude that they don't have to try for anything.0 -
In my experience, the guys who expect to be chased are usually pretty handsome or have an above average amount of wealth, and is under the age of 40. I dated someone who was emotionally unavailable. As a result. as soon as I returned the interest and apparently started chasing me, he turned cold on me. Well to some men dating is a literally a game.0
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I don't think I have read in your short paragraph any good reason why you expect these men to chase you (as opposed to other women).Guys are so conditioned anymore that they will find yet another girl to date on FB, POF, Match or wherever.
Am I the only gal to feel GUYS expect WOMEN to chase them now?
What is UP with that???
Yes, it is true that there are other women out there competing for the same men as you (* GASP *) and that if the said men find the attitude of the other woman more attractive he will (generally) go for the other woman.
I personally find there is enough supply of interesting women through all the channels you mentioned so there is no particular need indeed to go overboard with a specific woman. It's a free market.0 -
Top tier, hot women get pursued by men all the time, regardless of region.
Their some fast bizzos too, very hard to catch!0 -
Yes, and by the way you are also implying that most women on this forum have the attitude that they don't have to try for anything (as they are waiting for the man to chase).
Also another reason why getting participation medals are ruining the world. Once that started people started growing up with the attitude that they don't have to try for anything.
I don't think either is right or wrong, it's just the difference between traditional and progressive thinking. Our schools are becoming very progressive places.In reality yes, but then why do we teach our kids something different? We push it on our kids since childhood to treat everyone equally, girls aren't any different than boys. What if, you know, it actually started to SINK IN with this younger generation? Think about that...
I think this plays a part why more and more men (mostly younger) think that women should pursue them.
I agree with you that this is a disgusting attitude in both men and women.0 -
i think the worst thing that has happened to dating has not been internet dating, but mainly smart phone technology.
it's a doubled edged sword and it can work as equally in your favor as it can against you.
we ALL carry our cell phones with us at all times, unless we are CIA or work in a SKIV ( of however they are spelled). the way they have changed how we interact is really mind boggling. they make it very easy to take multi dating and multi tasking to the ultimate level.
you can be chatting up TONS of people all at the same time!! and it takes ZERO effort. heck, you can be talking on the phone to one person and texting another or two others or more. you can be talking on your home phone and it would be even easier to text with multiple people! people have conversations over text/ IM that they probably wouldn't have face to face. you can exchange pics without any problem. smart phones have made it easier for people who are cheating too.
the iphone 4s ( maybe 4 too) has "delivered" as the message on iMessage. so you know the person GOT your text. the iphone 5, has the date and time it was READ! so, now you know when someone read your message. this is where my biggest issue with dating comes into play. i wish everyone would just stop texting! at the same time, it's just so nice to have that ability to send a quick HI. but i hear soooo many people who get their panties in a wad over the length of time people take to respond to texts. or that their being ignored. or that if someone ignores you for 24 hrs then move on because they aren't interested. or the texts from others being pissy with me because i took too long responding.
i really do want to go back to the days where someone called you and you talked on the phone and they asked you out and you said good night and then you moved along with your day :-) sigh............0 -
Yes, and by the way you are also implying that most women on this forum have the attitude that they don't have to try for anything (as they are waiting for the man to chase).
Also another reason why getting participation medals are ruining the world. Once that started people started growing up with the attitude that they don't have to try for anything.
I don't think either is right or wrong, it's just the difference between traditional and progressive thinking. Our schools are becoming very progressive places.In reality yes, but then why do we teach our kids something different? We push it on our kids since childhood to treat everyone equally, girls aren't any different than boys. What if, you know, it actually started to SINK IN with this younger generation? Think about that...
I think this plays a part why more and more men (mostly younger) think that women should pursue them.
I agree with you that this is a disgusting attitude in both men and women.
Most of the US (male and female) has become too passive. They don't feel they have to fight for things. Probably another reason why divorce rates are so high. I am know I am very passive in my dating game and I know that is probably one of the main reasons I am single.0
