ADD, and the next better thing to come along...
Replies
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I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
Refer to my previous posts in this very thread.
TL;DR: Go get 'em, Tiger.
Haha so it's that simple! I wish!
(When I was typing that it autocorrected it out to "gaga donuts." Lol)0 -
I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
Christine,we have been here over and over...there is nothing wrong with the way you look,nothing,zero nada *exasperated sigh*
Success or lack thereof is something one can only guess at but read so many of your posts here and what do you end up saying?
"I won`t/can`t do that".
While it is fine to have a standard it just seems you are so "something" about being in a relationship that you find a way to walk away from the situation (my opinion from observance and not a judgment or insult).
If so that no doubt will translate into your body language etc.
Obviously I am guessing but if you keep determining you are not good enough and getting hung up on that it will become a self fulfilling prophecy. :flowerforyou:0 -
A girl that is into the same hobbies as the guy. For an example, she is a fan of a guys favorite sport/team. For me personally, a fitness/gym girl or, being the geek/nerd that I am, if I saw a girl who is just a "6" doing cosplay of a anime/sci-fi tv show/comic book character I would find her 10x more attractive over a girl who is a "10" in the looks department but isn't into that stuff.I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?0 -
I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
Christine,we have been here over and over...there is nothing wrong with the way you look,nothing,zero nada *exasperated sigh*
Success or lack thereof is something one can only guess at but read so many of your posts here and what do you end up saying?
"I won`t/can`t do that".
While it is fine to have a standard it just seems you are so "something" about being in a relationship that you find a way to walk away from the situation (my opinion from observance and not a judgment or insult).
If so that no doubt will translate into your body language etc.
Obviously I am guessing but if you keep determining you are not good enough and getting hung up on that it will become a self fulfilling prophecy. :flowerforyou:
I kind of just meant in general because let's face it...the majority of the world isn't "top-tier." How do average women get men? I know I'm not ugly but I'm also nowhere near top tier.0 -
I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
Refer to my previous posts in this very thread.
TL;DR: Go get 'em, Tiger.
Haha so it's that simple! I wish!
(When I was typing that it autocorrected it out to "gaga donuts." Lol)
Saying this may be a mistake, but here goes:
So I am not the individual that constantly beats the "confidence" drum, but I will say that you have to like yourself. Regardless, if you are saying that because you feel you are just "being honest" about your situation, just know that you are a pretty girl! I know there are guys out there who would like to be with you.
I will say this (and of course, will get flamed, insulted etc etc), honestly the biggest thing that helps improves "looks" that you can change is body fat percentage. Before you decide to demonize me, click on my photos, i let myself blow up to 80lbs heavier than now, and lost it.
I cannot tell you the night and day difference with the treatment i receive from both genders. So, as long as you keep dropping your body fat, and you stick with it, I promise you will see much more attention.
Things to clarify before I get screamed at by angry females:
- No I am not saying you are ugly now, you are not
- No I am not saying you are obese, I would look better right now if i dropped more body fat, it is a UNIVERSAL way to make yourself look better (usually)
So just work on yourself, like I assume you have been doing, and you will get where you wanna be. You are not an ugly girl, I really hope you don't believe that.0 -
I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
Refer to my previous posts in this very thread.
TL;DR: Go get 'em, Tiger.
Haha so it's that simple! I wish!
(When I was typing that it autocorrected it out to "gaga donuts." Lol)
(LOL!)
It IS that simple, that's the f*cking miracle of it! It's very simple... but something simple can also be hard. It's hard to work up the courage to go talk to a dude... but if you don't do it, someone else will.
I explained it before, and there's only so many ways to say it. You get over being shy, by sucking it up and doing something out of your comfort zone. The question is the answer. "How do I stop doing X?" "By not doing X".0 -
A girl that is into the same hobbies as the guy. For an example, she is a fan of a guys favorite sport/team. For me personally, a fitness/gym girl or, being the geek/nerd that I am, if I saw a girl who is just a "6" doing cosplay of a anime/sci-fi tv show/comic book character I would find her 10x more attractive over a girl who is a "10" in the looks department but isn't into that stuff.I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
You are going to LOVE me in July
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I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
Refer to my previous posts in this very thread.
TL;DR: Go get 'em, Tiger.
Haha so it's that simple! I wish!
(When I was typing that it autocorrected it out to "gaga donuts." Lol)
Saying this may be a mistake, but here goes:
So I am not the individual that constantly beats the "confidence" drum, but I will say that you have to like yourself. Regardless, if you are saying that because you feel you are just "being honest" about your situation, just know that you are a pretty girl! I know there are guys out there who would like to be with you.
I will say this (and of course, will get flamed, insulted etc etc), honestly the biggest thing that helps improves "looks" that you can change is body fat percentage. Before you decide to demonize me, click on my photos, i let myself blow up to 80lbs heavier than now, and lost it.
I cannot tell you the night and day difference with the treatment i receive from both genders. So, as long as you keep dropping your body fat, and you stick with it, I promise you will see much more attention.
Things to clarify before I get screamed at by angry females:
- No I am not saying you are ugly now, you are not
- No I am not saying you are obese, I would look better right now if i dropped more body fat, it is a UNIVERSAL way to make yourself look better (usually)
So just work on yourself, like I assume you have been doing, and you will get where you wanna be. You are not an ugly girl, I really hope you don't believe that.
In an ideal world your words are very true! I lost 50 lbs and I got the male attention of maybe 2 guys (1 of them is iffy) over the course of a year. I have gained 20 lbs of the weight back and my dating situation is exactly the same as it was when I lost 50 lbs. part of the reason why I gained the weight back was that it didn't help my dating situation at all and that was a big motivator for me to lose weight.
Eta if I was a lesbian it would've been different. I got so many compliments from women but none from men except my old crush that knew I liked him.0 -
In an ideal world your words are very true! I lost 50 lbs and I got the male attention of maybe 2 guys (1 of them is iffy) over the course of a year. I have gained 20 lbs of the weight back and my dating situation is exactly the same as it was when I lost 50 lbs. part of the reason why I gained the weight back was that it didn't help my dating situation at all and that was a big motivator for me to lose weight.
I understand your frustration, but you are losing weight for the wrong reasons.
It has to be simply about improving you, forget anyone else when it comes to you getting in shape.
You have to improve you regardless of someone else's opinion, because if attention from people is your key motivator, you will eventually return to your old ways.
However, great job losing 50 lbs, I know the struggles you went through, 50 lbs is no joke.0 -
I have to wait until July? Can't I just love already?
A girl that is into the same hobbies as the guy. For an example, she is a fan of a guys favorite sport/team. For me personally, a fitness/gym girl or, being the geek/nerd that I am, if I saw a girl who is just a "6" doing cosplay of a anime/sci-fi tv show/comic book character I would find her 10x more attractive over a girl who is a "10" in the looks department but isn't into that stuff.I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
You are going to LOVE me in July
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I have to wait until July? Can't I just love already?
A girl that is into the same hobbies as the guy. For an example, she is a fan of a guys favorite sport/team. For me personally, a fitness/gym girl or, being the geek/nerd that I am, if I saw a girl who is just a "6" doing cosplay of a anime/sci-fi tv show/comic book character I would find her 10x more attractive over a girl who is a "10" in the looks department but isn't into that stuff.I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
You are going to LOVE me in July
You two need to get a room already.0 -
I have to wait until July? Can't I just love already?
A girl that is into the same hobbies as the guy. For an example, she is a fan of a guys favorite sport/team. For me personally, a fitness/gym girl or, being the geek/nerd that I am, if I saw a girl who is just a "6" doing cosplay of a anime/sci-fi tv show/comic book character I would find her 10x more attractive over a girl who is a "10" in the looks department but isn't into that stuff.I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
You are going to LOVE me in July
Oh, whoops, let me reword that. You can totally love me now...
But you are going to LUST me in July :smokin:0 -
I have to wait until July? Can't I just love already?
A girl that is into the same hobbies as the guy. For an example, she is a fan of a guys favorite sport/team. For me personally, a fitness/gym girl or, being the geek/nerd that I am, if I saw a girl who is just a "6" doing cosplay of a anime/sci-fi tv show/comic book character I would find her 10x more attractive over a girl who is a "10" in the looks department but isn't into that stuff.I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
You are going to LOVE me in July
You two need to get a room already.
Don't be jealous, you can totally meet us at SDCC too :laugh:0 -
And this is why this guy became a villain...No guy has ever looked at some girl across the bar and said to his friend"you know what I wanna hump her brain" cause they cant see your brain or anything else that makes you you from across the bar.
lol :laugh:0 -
I understand your frustration, but you are losing weight for the wrong reasons.
I agree with this.
A lot of people drop some weight and expect dating to be a walk in the park. That isn't realistic at all.0 -
I have to wait until July? Can't I just love already?
A girl that is into the same hobbies as the guy. For an example, she is a fan of a guys favorite sport/team. For me personally, a fitness/gym girl or, being the geek/nerd that I am, if I saw a girl who is just a "6" doing cosplay of a anime/sci-fi tv show/comic book character I would find her 10x more attractive over a girl who is a "10" in the looks department but isn't into that stuff.I absolutely understand that men approach based on looks. But what if you're not good looking enough that men approach you? How do you meet people when it's all looks based?
You are going to LOVE me in July
You two need to get a room already.
Don't be jealous, you can totally meet us at SDCC too :laugh:
I would be way out of my element at SDCC but a trip to San Diego would always be nice.0 -
I understand your frustration, but you are losing weight for the wrong reasons.
I agree with this.
A lot of people drop some weight and expect dating to be a walk in the park. That isn't realistic at all.
As additional food for thought couple that with the era of online dating sites where no longer is it presumed one has to wait for fate to intervene...here are men and women all wanting the same (in general) so it should happen almost instantly.0 -
I understand your frustration, but you are losing weight for the wrong reasons.
I agree with this.
A lot of people drop some weight and expect dating to be a walk in the park. That isn't realistic at all.
Truth losing weight because you want to look better (with and without clothes) is one thing but losing weight does not automatically mean your gonna date more. Are you now dressing to compliment your new figure/shape. Do you still see yourself as fat in your head. Also suprisingly hairstlyes should change after losing wieght... DONT SHOOT ME ...think about it your face shape changes after you lose weight. You choose your hairstlye to flatter your face but now your face is a little different so maybe your hair no longer suits it the way it used to. Theres a thousand factors that affect why you get approached. Let me tell you I know plenty a BBW who are beating guys off with a stick. PArt of it is because they think they are the *kitten* and dress to compliment their bodies. I also know plenty a skinny lady who never get approached because they hang back dress poorly for their figure and need an upgraded hair style to better compliment their faces. Truth is you must work on you to be who you want to be before expecting anyone to see how awesome you are0 -
I understand your frustration, but you are losing weight for the wrong reasons.
I agree with this.
A lot of people drop some weight and expect dating to be a walk in the park. That isn't realistic at all.
As additional food for thought couple that with the era of online dating sites where no longer is it presumed one has to wait for fate to intervene...here are men and women all wanting the same (in general) so it should happen almost instantly.
Interesting thought and I'm sure it rings true for many! For me though, I didn't think I get a boyfriend instantly. But
I thought I might get kissed or flirted with or whatnot. Just a baby step.0 -
I understand your frustration, but you are losing weight for the wrong reasons.
I agree with this.
A lot of people drop some weight and expect dating to be a walk in the park. That isn't realistic at all.
As additional food for thought couple that with the era of online dating sites where no longer is it presumed one has to wait for fate to intervene...here are men and women all wanting the same (in general) so it should happen almost instantly.
Interesting thought and I'm sure it rings true for many! For me though, I didn't think I get a boyfriend instantly. But
I thought I might get kissed or flirted with or whatnot. Just a baby step.
Ok so I went to your profile an actually saw you have a face lol. Your cute you really are which means one of the other factors in the dating equation are off....
1.... How are you dressing when you go out... Do you put on makeup , what kind of clothes ect?
2. Where do you go when prowling for men... (and yes start thinking of it as prowling, cats as graceful and confident and pretty much get what they want.)
3. Does the area you live in/play in have like minded singles?
4. How do you act when your in a place with member of both sexes (not classes though) ?
5 What do you think is wrong with the situation?
I'm not trying to be mean. You remind me a little of my sister so I want to help you.0 -
Top tier, hot women get pursued by men all the time, regardless of region.
No **** sherlock tell us something we don't know.
Your 'tude is uncalled for. Perhaps you should channel that energy into something more productive.0 -
omg i nothing more to add besides asking why do so many threads in this group descend into people needing to be told they're pretty and gosh darn it people like them ??
it makes it hard to have a discussion when people can't get over themselves.0 -
omg i nothing more to add besides asking why do so many threads in this group descend into people needing to be told they're pretty and gosh darn it people like them ??
it makes it hard to have a discussion when people can't get over themselves.
:drinker: :drinker:0 -
omg i nothing more to add besides asking why do so many threads in this group descend into people needing to be told they're pretty and gosh darn it people like them ??
it makes it hard to have a discussion when people can't get over themselves.
YES YES YES !!!0 -
omg i nothing more to add besides asking why do so many threads in this group descend into people needing to be told they're pretty and gosh darn it people like them ??
it makes it hard to have a discussion when people can't get over themselves.
lol I knew I liked you0 -
Ok, so top tier might be famous people that none of us will ever meet much less have a chance
At dating :-)
I still say its subjective. Maybe if only just within sight of the judger..... 10 women to choose from, one will stand out. The interesting thing about beauty is that it is so subjective!!! None of us define beauty the same way. And more than that, everyone, and I mean everyone!! Thinks someone out there looks better than they do..... It's a fact.
People covet us while we covet others. We are someone's ideal while we are looking to another for our ideal. It's the curse of humanity ( vanity)......... ;-)0 -
I understand your frustration, but you are losing weight for the wrong reasons.
I agree with this.
A lot of people drop some weight and expect dating to be a walk in the park. That isn't realistic at all.
As additional food for thought couple that with the era of online dating sites where no longer is it presumed one has to wait for fate to intervene...here are men and women all wanting the same (in general) so it should happen almost instantly.
Interesting thought and I'm sure it rings true for many! For me though, I didn't think I get a boyfriend instantly. But
I thought I might get kissed or flirted with or whatnot. Just a baby step.
Ok so I went to your profile an actually saw you have a face lol. Your cute you really are which means one of the other factors in the dating equation are off....
1.... How are you dressing when you go out... Do you put on makeup , what kind of clothes ect?
2. Where do you go when prowling for men... (and yes start thinking of it as prowling, cats as graceful and confident and pretty much get what they want.)
3. Does the area you live in/play in have like minded singles?
4. How do you act when your in a place with member of both sexes (not classes though) ?
5 What do you think is wrong with the situation?
I'm not trying to be mean. You remind me a little of my sister so I want to help you.
1) I usually wear blouses, tank tops with cardigans, tank tops in the summer...with heels or boots or flats. Makeup yes...foundation mascara eyeshadow
2) I go the gym everyday, am frequently out shopping, a local bar maybe once or twice a month.
3) I live in an urban area, I think there are a ton of singles
4) I try to be friendly. Open body language (I used to cross my arms but I try to stop when I do it). Usually up listening to the band or dancing on the dance floor if there is a DJ. Leave every few songs to take a break, etc. I have struck up conversations with men before but they usually walk away within 30 seconds to a minute. I just ask normal questions "what's your name?" "Where are you from?" "What do you do for a living?" The last weekend, there was a man standing by me so I said hello...a minute later he just walked away.
5) I wonder this myself. Part of me thinks that my friends are a lot prettier so they get the attention that I don't. If any guys come up to my group, they're there to hit on my friends not me. I try to be very outgoing even though its not my nature. I know I'm not "top-tier" but it's truly shocking to me (and my friends) that I've never really been hit on or anything.0 -
1) I usually wear blouses, tank tops with cardigans, tank tops in the summer...with heels or boots or flats. Makeup yes...foundation mascara eyeshadow .. Ok so first get someone (a gay guy works best they can be bruteally honest) to go through your clothes with you. Makes sure the colors compliment and flatter your figure... Also Anytime your going out something should be on your lips. Lips gloss during the day lipstick at night (not the gym work... I mean situations where you want to be hit on) Also you have very nice hair try a half updo . Put some of your hair in a pony tail or mini braid and let the rest fall free. This will show your face more but also show off your hair.
2) I go the gym everyday, am frequently out shopping, a local bar maybe once or twice a month. ...The gym is for working out getting hit on is a bonus but not expected. Shopping is a chore to most men they are there to get in and out. Bars, clubs, other place where singles mingle is what you need to be looking at. Your young most guys your age are gonna go to the bar on friday night or a club ,bowling ,ect.
3) I live in an urban area, I think there are a ton of singles
4) I try to be friendly. Open body language (I used to cross my arms but I try to stop when I do it). Usually up listening to the band or dancing on the dance floor if there is a DJ. Leave every few songs to take a break, etc. I have struck up conversations with men before but they usually walk away within 30 seconds to a minute. I just ask normal questions "what's your name?" "Where are you from?" "What do you do for a living?" The last weekend, there was a man standing by me so I said hello...a minute later he just walked away. ...
The easiest trick at a bar is to put your hands in your back pockets . This naturally arches your back which elongates your torso and neck. AND NO SLOUCHING !!!!Also remember that most men dont want to approach a pack of ladies. Try going near the bar by yourself ...MAKE EYE CONTACT , smile, look away, look back and smile again. It helps if you have a drink your sipping when you do this.When approached offer your name and your hand they will tell you their name. Complement him I like your shirt, necklace, something . It shows you've been looking at him and found him note worthy. Your questions might come off a little 3rd degree. Let conversation flow naturally " i like this song" ect .
5) I wonder this myself. Part of me thinks that my friends are a lot prettier so they get the attention that I don't. If any guys come up to my group, they're there to hit on my friends not me. I try to be very outgoing even though its not my nature. I know I'm not "top-tier" but it's truly shocking to me (and my friends) that I've never really been hit on or anything. Like I said make eye contact, try to make yourself avalible to be approached solo. Smile, laugh, Also Kareoke as odd as it sounds is a greet meet and greet place. Because people learn yourn name and most people want to compliment you on a song or if you see a guy you like and he sings you can compliment him on his song choice.
Truely you just need a few hints on how to work it to get what you want. You have to fight shyness and fake it til you make it... If you act confident eventually you will feel confident0 -
Maybe I have a weird perspective on this that nobody will agree with but I have a lot of "issues" with the idea of anyone chasing anyone. This process can be as simple, or as complicated, as both parties allow it to be. And if they really are interested in one another, then they owe it to each other, both, to make it go as swiftly, as smoothly, and as simply as possible. I never understood the concept of why people care about which gender makes the first move. It just makes no sense to me whatsoever. I do know that I have a high sense of self worth, and any woman who decides she wants to add unnecessary complications to the process simply isn't worth my time or effort, because I'm content enough with my life as a single person.
I can certainly see this... at the same time personalities are different and many guys don't feel the way you do. Where I live guys do not typically want women to pursue unless they're just gonna take advantage of her (money, sex, etc). The ones who express that mindset to me are usually in 3 categories: 1) the hot/big spender types that have many women after them 2) the ones that have been burned by women taking advantage of them or 3) the ones who have such an inflated sense of self worth that they'll always be single.
When I first became single, the MINUTE I started pursuing men they'd lose interest, time after time. As a control freak it was hard for me to let go of the situation and let the man take the lead, but I'm so glad I did!
The guy I am seeing after every single date made plans for the next date before we parted ways. He still pays my way for most things and was actually perturbed that I bought amusement park tickets for his visit next week. From his perspective, that's what a man DOES....he provides for his woman. Not the other way around. I told him since he was spending the money to come out here it was the least I could do since most of my tickets were free (I'm military). But I took note of his reaction and will find other ways to show my appreciation than contributing in that area. 0 -
Who's got time to chase men?
Seriously! You have to weed 'em out somehow. If you're not interested enough to pursue me, there's plenty that are. Whether I'm interested in THEM, lol, is the crux of the single's problem.If your argument for "men should chase me" is "it has always been that way", that isn't a strong argument.
My prevailing argument for men pursuing (aside from time management, lol) is that, in my experience, men who do not pursue are really not all that interested. That doesn't mean a woman won't do nice things for her man, but when a man is really interested (and mature enough to handle a relationship) he will usually pursue.0
