BE Support Group Conversation Thread - 2013
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""I think part of the binge process is that it sort of sinks whatever feelings are actually at play, which is probably why many of us do binge. It acts as a cover. A temporary elastoplast.""
Graelwyn, above is one great quote from you. There are many more fantastic, helpful, healing comments you have made since I have known you. I think it would be great for you to go back and read your own posts!! It seems like you are in an 'out of control" place where you need to hear positive hopeful ideas instead of the" I can't," "I always", "I know I will gain" words I am hearing from you.
You would never allow one of us to talk to ourselves like that!!!!! You are one of the great ones who can see how we get caught up in the negative thinking and you have helped so many people break out of that!!
So, this is what you have said works for you: Exercise - but not too much..... Intermittent fasting - eating only at night, since that is when you like to eat the most..... Pouring dish detergent all over the junk food in your house...remembering that the scale does not say who you are.....and you often have trouble right before TOM, so ease up on yourself. It's hard enough with the TOM mood swings - you don't need to dump on yourself and make it worse
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Good to see other people mentioning journaling - I'm clinging to it.
Pouring the energy I'd usually put into binging into being as meticulous as i can about journaling.
Despite a major crisis with family - had to move mom out of assisted living - and two flights to get to her - hanging around an airport is when i normally go for the bakery stuff.
I made 7 days without binging.
My goal has been to eat in a healthy way and journal everything. Let two pieces of pizza and a bagel sandwich be ok.
Ended up being fine with my calories.
Still I'm tired now and I know that's when i can get going - leaving to take bath and then bed.
Looking for community and support here.
THANKS for the welcome, hdkerr0 -
Isn't it time for us to be done with the crap of comparison - I get caught in comparing with how I was, how my daughter is, my sister - heck - anyone going down the street.
I am so ready to not have that be a factor.
These past days I was out of town and didn't have much to wear so was in a tight shirt. I felt gross and kept a running commentary putting myself down.
I know self talk makes a difference and I'd like to turn it positive - did at least make food notes of all the things I wanted and didn't have.
Thanks for writing and posting - do appreciate not feeling alone and totally "weird"0 -
Woodsy,
I like and appreciate your specifics.
Thanks for being here and posting0 -
Nice job Sailrunner. You should be proud of yourself!
I have no idea why, but I wanted to binge so much last night. Usually I am fine till the weekend rolls around put I had to physically fight myself from changing out of my PJ's and driving to the store last night. I thought I knew what I wanted to binge on, but it turns out all I wanted to do was eat anything sweet. And a lot of it.
PLAN: I am upping my calories for the next 2 weeks. I need to get these cravings under control. Then the week after that is vacation where I will eat what I want and NOT binge. Week after will be a maintenance week giving me a nice 2 week "diet break." I hope this will clear my head and get me back on the right path. Calorie restricting for weight loss is hard, and I need to do it right and make healthy sustainable changes if I want the weight to stay off. It's more important to me now than losing quick.
I am proud of myself last night for not doing it. Pissed off that I am having these thoughts at all, but proud of myself for not doing it.0 -
Something that helped me not binge: I got out of my normal routine of sitting on front of my computer with the TV on before bed. I made myself a cup of hot raspberry tea with splenda and sat outside and read my book. I got into it, and really started to forget about my cravings. Then after that, I made a list of many things I can do to distract myself when stupid urges like this hit.
Something that did NOT help: looking up a BED forum to try to do some research. Just felt like it was giving me ideas and almost validating what I wanted so badly to do. I closed the computer quick after just a couple of mins. :laugh:0 -
I was doing so good then I had a small gain and a stressful week and blew it!! Some days were just overeating but very close to binges though.
New day today and I will beat this!!0 -
Have had a good couple of days after my last 3 day binge. I let a smaller weight loss than expected, disappoint me and got into the "what the heck" mentality. I'm going to be very careful not to do that again in the future. I am working on accepting any weight loss as good....I have upped my calories from 1300 to 1600-1800. That's what MyFitnessPal says I should be having for a 1 lb a week weight loss which is what is recommended. I have to get rid of the "all or nothing" mentality too. If I make one little mistake, I'm off and running to a binge. I let an unexpected dinner throw me off too....I have to learn to make good choices out of whatever is served me when i have to be out. I did learn a lot from this last binge and for that I am grateful.
Donna~0 -
I had the "what the heck" this week too. I gained on monday (last week) and went and made it worse by binging and gaining even more this week. What had me upset was a .6 gain. Not even a whole pound. I am so stupid!0
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Karendee, You know I won't let you get away with talking bad about yourself like that!!!!! Negative self talk is such a trigger!! Sure you made a poor choice because you were disappointed about gaining. I would have been upset too! But you are not stupid and it's wrong to treat yourself like that
That is over. You made a mistake. No big deal. Nothing new. Been there done that,....Now "focus your attention on everything you are doing well, everything that feels good, and everything that works" Someone posted this the last time I was in the food fog and hating on myself and it helped me so much to just switch my focus off what I was doing WRONG and back to all the many things I do RIGHT every day
I really don't think any of us are going to get better until we treat ourselves with respect and kindness.0 -
I'll take this chance to introduce myself. Name is Dana, from Ohio, and I've gained and lost the same 10 pounds for the past 3 years. I'm also hovering back around my heaviest weight. I'm a big binge and stress eater, which doesn't help.
One of my MFP friends told me about this group and how much it has helped her, so here I am. I really want to lose the weight, but I just can't seem to ever do it. When I binge/indulge/have bad days, I can't seem to make myself stop at one, it spirals into months of bad choices.
I joined the binge challenge, so we'll see how this goes. I'm up for any suggestions, lord knows I could use any help I can get.0 -
Welcome Dana! Check out some of the websites, books, etc listed on the other threads in this group. Some of them are very helpful and encouraging. And don't forget to pat yourself on the back for all of the successful moments you have:)
Have a great night:)0 -
Chibea
thanks for the pep talk! I will treat myself kinder. 2 binge free days so far too!
oualum26
Dana, Welcome!! I have been losing the same few pounds and gaining it back the last year or so. I can relate.
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I had 2 good days despite being sick. Usually when sick I would eat like crazy. I also had a stomach ache so that was part of it. I will focus on the good things. I made healthy choices when I was hungry and ate under my calories. I rested when I needed to so I can heal.
I hope everyone is having a great day.0 -
I have a tendency to start out well, but to end up setting too many rules on eating.
At first I said, no sweet drinks, no fast food, more exercise.
Somehow that has turned into 1400 calories, an hour of exercise swimming laps, cutting out whole food groups ... Stopping taking my anxiety meds, because they might be slowing my weight loss. Now I'm not sleeping at night. Not eating ketchup, chocolate, peanut butter.
Let me back up.
The reason I am even doing this is because my nine year old daughter was eating food at night one night, when my husband, who I think was also going down to eat, found her and said, "if you keep eating at night, you are going to weigh 400 lbs like your mother."
So, I have been shamed into this weight loss and have ridden a wave of anger to lose the eight pounds so far. But I am losing my motivation. I don't like me, but I can't seem to sustain this.
Part of me thinks I should have just left him, but I'm too dependent. This sucks so badly to write down and I would go see a therapist if I had insurance, but I don't and I don't qualify for free programs.
I just feel like today will be the day that I quit.
My husband, who is also very overweight cheated online on me for three years and I caught him back in 2010. We have been trying to keep things normal, but I am so angry and I eat my anger. I found transcripts of his long IM sessions with his ex, talking about how unattractive I am and how he would always love her, because I'm not shaped like her. I carry this around in my head. I can't forgive and forget.
I just want to be free of this.0 -
Hi Onward, welcome to the group.
I am sorry your husband has behaved in this manner, and it is a shame you cannot leave him as to be blunt, he sounds like a total loser. And irresponsible to have said what he said to your young daughter also.
On the food front, you really need to stop cutting things out, as being too strict is what can often trigger a binge mentality. I find if I tell myself I cannot have this or that, I end up binging on everything I deny myself. I also find I binge if I pressure myself too much to do a certain amount of exercise each day. There are enough people out there ready to bully and abuse us without us abusing and bullying ourselves.
I suggest you allow yourself some limited treats, and do not cut out entire food groups. I think the more we try and control what we eat, the more we end up binging. Considering some of my binges have been over 6000 calories, I concluded it is better to be a bit over my daily goal and eat when I am hungry or really crave something, than to hold out and end up doing much worse damage. If you are ready to quit, then you aren't doing it right. It is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and it needs to be primarily for you, for your health, for your body, for your happiness. Never lose the weight for or because of someone else, or it simply will not work.
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Anyway, I successfully navigated my recent long weekend in London for my bday, complete with meals out and being in my mother's home with lots of cereal and cookies around. I indulged a lot(during the meals out and the odd bit of cake and waffle), but did not binge while there. I am struggling a bit right now, not due to emotional hunger, but genuine hunger, even though I am eating plenty. This has started since I got back into my cycling, basically. I am worried about going over my calorie goal as I do wish to lose some weight, but at the same time, if I ignore genuine hunger, I could end up binging eventually.
I also question other peoples' ideas of what a binge is. To me, getting up and down to pick at food after dinner, is not a binge. That is simply something many people do when bored or when they fancy something. For myself, that is not a binge. I think the term is used far too lightly in some cases on this site.0 -
I also question other peoples' ideas of what a binge is. To me, getting up and down to pick at food after dinner, is not a binge. That is simply something many people do when bored or when they fancy something. For myself, that is not a binge. I think the term is used far too lightly in some cases on this site.
I haven't read any of the posts on this page so forgive me if I sound ignorant, (Ive been trying to skip over the depressing posts in here as they are really unsettling to me)
To me, a binge is accompanied by a feeling of being out of control, an intense animalistic need to consume in excess, its far deeper than something habitual. Binges don't stop even when I am physically full, and sometimes continue until I am physically in pain or throw up my stomach is so full. This is my version of a binge, its dark and scary and hasn't happened for a while now.
However, I also think its important to point out that whether a binge falls into our own personal definitions, the underlying problem is that we all have issues with food, and because of that everyone is relate able despite the severity of their condition.0 -
I also question other peoples' ideas of what a binge is. To me, getting up and down to pick at food after dinner, is not a binge. That is simply something many people do when bored or when they fancy something. For myself, that is not a binge. I think the term is used far too lightly in some cases on this site.
I haven't read any of the posts on this page so forgive me if I sound ignorant, (Ive been trying to skip over the depressing posts in here as they are really unsettling to me)
To me, a binge is accompanied by a feeling of being out of control, an intense animalistic need to consume in excess, its far deeper than something habitual. Binges don't stop even when I am physically full, and sometimes continue until I am physically in pain or throw up my stomach is so full. This is my version of a binge, its dark and scary and hasn't happened for a while now.
However, I also think its important to point out that whether a binge falls into our own personal definitions, the underlying problem is that we all have issues with food, and because of that everyone is relate able despite the severity of their condition.
The way you describe the binges you had, are basically the way I view a binge and are the sort of binges I experience.
I definitely agree that we all have underlying issues with food. In fact, I would be surprised if there are many people in the Western world who do not have some kind of hangup around food.0 -
onwarddownward I give myself too many rules too! So sorry the way your hubby said that. It was not the best way to get her to stop eating and it hurt you in the process. I am glad you are trying to get healthy, good for you!
Graelwyn75 I too question what people think is a binge. JUst eating too much is not one. A binge means to me eating so much food you are uncomfortable. Sometimes in secret and usually I am not even hungry when doing it. It does feel out of control not just extra food I should not have.
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I have been struggling this week. I gained due to a binge and It has gotten me sad all week. Plus I got sick this week and sickness makes me want to overeat.
I am hoping today can be a better day. I am skipping the scale Monday. It just causes trouble. I will lose points in the challenge I am in but I don't care. My team will understand. I get lots of points for them by doing exercise.0 -
Hi all,
It's been a while since I've posted in this group. The last time I posted was in March about to go on a vacation and feeling that logging was not working for me as it was causing me to fixate too much on food. Unfortunately it seems that not logging hasn't helped either. I have been binging on/off ever since and felt too ashamed to come back to MFP these last few weeks...
Well, I have read all the posts since I left off. I'm glad to see that this is still such a supportive space.
@ Graelwyn: congrats on a successful trip to London and staying with your mother... traveling and not having a routine is so so hard and tends to be a trigger for me as well.
@ Karendee: good on you for taking care of yourself first! These group challenges can be motivating but in the end, you need to do what's best for your mental and physical health, so if that means skipping weighing, then definitely don't feel bad about it.
@ onward: I am so sorry to hear about those hurtful comments you have to deal with. The mental battle we have to wage when struggling with binging is difficult enough without all that additional external pressure... so sorry you are dealing with this, and I am angry on your behalf! DO NOT quit, do not let the maliciousness and negativity caused by others prevail over YOU!
The thing I am struggling with now is trying to turn around my compulsive negative thoughts. I just cannot stop the thoughts of disgust, shame, self-loathing, etc. whenever I put a piece of food in my mouth (even if it's healthy!), look in the mirror, etc. I feel so out of control even though I write little motivational paragraphs in my journal... Saying to myself I am strong/in control etc., the words just feel so empty. How do you guys deal with these types of thoughts, if you deal with them at all?0 -
onwarddownward I give myself too many rules too! So sorry the way your hubby said that. It was not the best way to get her to stop eating and it hurt you in the process. I am glad you are trying to get healthy, good for you!
Graelwyn75 I too question what people think is a binge. JUst eating too much is not one. A binge means to me eating so much food you are uncomfortable. Sometimes in secret and usually I am not even hungry when doing it. It does feel out of control not just extra food I should not have.
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I have been struggling this week. I gained due to a binge and It has gotten me sad all week. Plus I got sick this week and sickness makes me want to overeat.
I am hoping today can be a better day. I am skipping the scale Monday. It just causes trouble. I will lose points in the challenge I am in but I don't care. My team will understand. I get lots of points for them by doing exercise.
Since a lot of your binges occur with the scale, I think you would be better with a monthly weigh in, to be honest.
Seeing the number wont make it go down any quicker, you know by now how to eat and remain active to lose weight, and if staying off the scale will help the process, then you should go for it.0 -
onwarddownward I give myself too many rules too! So sorry the way your hubby said that. It was not the best way to get her to stop eating and it hurt you in the process. I am glad you are trying to get healthy, good for you!
Graelwyn75 I too question what people think is a binge. JUst eating too much is not one. A binge means to me eating so much food you are uncomfortable. Sometimes in secret and usually I am not even hungry when doing it. It does feel out of control not just extra food I should not have.
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I have been struggling this week. I gained due to a binge and It has gotten me sad all week. Plus I got sick this week and sickness makes me want to overeat.
I am hoping today can be a better day. I am skipping the scale Monday. It just causes trouble. I will lose points in the challenge I am in but I don't care. My team will understand. I get lots of points for them by doing exercise.
Since a lot of your binges occur with the scale, I think you would be better with a monthly weigh in, to be honest.
Seeing the number wont make it go down any quicker, you know by now how to eat and remain active to lose weight, and if staying off the scale will help the process, then you should go for it.
I think you are right!! I should switch to a monthly one too. I am on a challenge and weigh weekly. Which is way better than I did before,
I was addicted to the scale. it was at last daily and sometimes several times a day. It was not good!0 -
Hello. I am new to the group and am a binge eater and excise purger. I feel like I have absolute no control over my binging. Its like my brain quits working. I start the day out saying I will stay on track, and then next thing I know I ate everything in he house. Like my mind ignores what my body is doing forgets that I don't want to do it, and then beats myself up over it. I hope this group helps0
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Hello. I am new to the group and am a binge eater and excise purger. I feel like I have absolute no control over my binging. Its like my brain quits working. I start the day out saying I will stay on track, and then next thing I know I ate everything in he house. Like my mind ignores what my body is doing forgets that I don't want to do it, and then beats myself up over it. I hope this group helps
Sorry this post has not been active this week. I know I have been busy.
I understand the "no control" feeling. It is a hard disorder to conquer.0 -
I have been so busy lately and sick with my Crohn's. I have been substitute teaching in special needs classrooms. What a tough job. I feel for the teachers there everyday. It is so hard and stressful. I had one day where I had a binge and I think it was from being so tired and just emotionally drained.
Today I am only working for a couple hours so I get a break.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Karen0 -
Hello all! I'm new to the group, but have been using MFP for awhile - first religiously for over a year, reached my goal weight, but due to recent binges I'm back on because it makes me more accountable to myself and less likely to binge.
I've read through some (but not all!) of the thread and have to say thank you to everyone for sharing. I can relate to basically every posting here and I am so grateful that this community exists.
As I wrote in my profile, my husband is a great work-out buddy/motivator but he does not understand emotional eating or binge eating. My close friends don't seem to have this problem and I really need an outlet to talk through these daily issue.
I'm looking to add friends and offer support and encouragement, so please feel free to send requests!
Good vibes to everyone! Take it one day (or meal) at a time.
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Bad start to the day for me. I was cutting up blondies to take to work for morning tea and ate a whole bunch of the off cuts. I told myself that I was only going to try one but ended up just going f**K it and eating a whole bunch. Felt awful after all the sugar and I'm doing IF too.
I re-focused though and tald myself that I will NOT use it as an excuse to stuff up the entire day. I sat there at morning tea and watch the others eat and only had a cup of tea. So NSV for me 0 -
Hello all! I'm new to the group, but have been using MFP for awhile - first religiously for over a year, reached my goal weight, but due to recent binges I'm back on because it makes me more accountable to myself and less likely to binge.
I've read through some (but not all!) of the thread and have to say thank you to everyone for sharing. I can relate to basically every posting here and I am so grateful that this community exists.
As I wrote in my profile, my husband is a great work-out buddy/motivator but he does not understand emotional eating or binge eating. My close friends don't seem to have this problem and I really need an outlet to talk through these daily issue.
I'm looking to add friends and offer support and encouragement, so please feel free to send requests!
Good vibes to everyone! Take it one day (or meal) at a time.
Welcome!! It took my hubby a long time to realize how hard BE is for me to conquer. I also kept it a secret from him for a very long time. I too have to log to keep accountable or a binge would happen more often.0 -
Bad start to the day for me. I was cutting up blondies to take to work for morning tea and ate a whole bunch of the off cuts. I told myself that I was only going to try one but ended up just going f**K it and eating a whole bunch. Felt awful after all the sugar and I'm doing IF too.
I re-focused though and tald myself that I will NOT use it as an excuse to stuff up the entire day. I sat there at morning tea and watch the others eat and only had a cup of tea. So NSV for me
Hey, you re-focused and that is what counts. One bad start is not going to ruin the whole day. Remember you did not eat the whole pan! In a Binge I could eat them all and have to hide that I baked them at all.
I actually stopped baking treats cause they can be a trigger food for me0 -
Me - 18
Binge - 5
Going to visit my parents for a short holiday trip. They are very elderly, so I don't expect to do much exercising. Good thing is they don't keep a lot of food in the house. I hope to keep the traveling munchies at bay, but have not had much success in the past. Good luck to everyone this weekend.
Oops - dumb me - posted this on wrong thread I'm tired..... 0 -
Hey guys I have a question, do any of you feel like youre making the choice to binge and you just dont care? Usually when I binge have it set that im going to binge and will go well out of my way to make that happen. My favorite is pretty much any type of fast food or going to the grocery store for candy/snack cakes. But I eat a ridiculous amount of food and then my tummy hurts and I hate myself afterwards. Im starting to realize that I have the control but when stressed/unhappy just say eff it and eat a ton. Other times im just at home and end up binging on cereal, peanut butter anything else good.0
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