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Perhaps you just need someone more like Sam, who's more independant and not a huggy type woman?
Anna, I see what you did there :huh::laugh:0 -
I only say this because it what was I did - sacrificed part of myself to make the relationship work, agreed and went along with it because he was such a great person, but then a lot of resentment built because I wasn't physically or emotionally satisfied with the amount and type of affection I was receiving.
My situation is a little different but I have done this before.
When I met my last bf (we dated 9 months) things were going smoothly and all was great, but I got to the point that 1 date a week didn't feel like enough at about 4-5 months in. We talked and he told me all I wanted to hear. Well nothing changed and I broke up with him maybe a month later. When I got to thinking about it, I kind of thought I was the problem. Maybe this is a normal healthy relationship (I have always jumped in and lived together in the first month lol) So I should just lay back and let him come to me. We got back together and things were going ok for about another 4 months, when I realized all these feelings were surfacing again. I came to realize that no it wasn't me, I had lost myself the last 4 months and this wasn't normal. In my case I found out he was a gambling addict and that's why he NEVER had time for me, and when he should have time he always had some lame excuse/seemed like he was waiting for better to come along. Felt good to move on.
Moral of my story is - when you sacrafice a part of yourself, no matter if you realize it or not, those old feelings will ALWAYS resurface.0 -
This is a really interesting discussion to me, because I'm not an affectionate person at all and it always ends up turning into a struggle of the man in my life feeling neglected.
I've been dating a guy for the past five months and everything is going really, really great...but I fear what may be coming. I'm happy with seeing him 2-3 times a week and feel like I could continue with a schedule like that indefinitely, but I know that as the months wear on he is going to want more. (I'm just a "need my alone time" introverted independent workaholic busy kind of person, and really have never met a man I wanted to see every single day or even 5-6 days a week. I just don't feel like I have time for that.) He hasn't pushed for more per se, but has mentioned off the cuff that he would like to see more of me.
I feel like everyone I know who is in a relationship sees their significant other nearly every day, and I would feel smothered if I had to do that. I've never been able to do that. I've considered strongly whether I just don't have deep enough feelings for him, but I really don't think that's it either. I would be happy to continue dating him forever. But...realistically...he's going to want more at some point. And I'm not sure I can give him that...."more." I'm fundamentally happier when I'm alone. It makes me feel like a weirdo sometimes.0 -
Status: in a relationship. Dated casually 3 months, been "official" 6 months. He wants more (has dropped the M word on me) but I have issues (some of which are admittedly superficial). He is an amazing man, and I'm taking my deployment time as an opportunity to explore whether it's really a big deal or am I still trying to compete against my ex and his 21 yr old model fiancé.
As to the hugging thing, YEARS ago I hated ALL physical connection that didn't come from my SO. Now I am a hugger, kisser (cheek) and don't mind non-sexual physical contact. I *do* however, take great issue with men who try to be sexual without getting to know me (for example, kissing on the lips upon first meeting).0 -
I *do* however, take great issue with men who try to be sexual without getting to know me (for example, kissing on the lips upon first meeting).
Agree 100%, huge deal breaker for me.0 -
This is a really interesting discussion to me, because I'm not an affectionate person at all and it always ends up turning into a struggle of the man in my life feeling neglected.
I've been dating a guy for the past five months and everything is going really, really great...but I fear what may be coming. I'm happy with seeing him 2-3 times a week and feel like I could continue with a schedule like that indefinitely, but I know that as the months wear on he is going to want more. (I'm just a "need my alone time" introverted independent workaholic busy kind of person, and really have never met a man I wanted to see every single day or even 5-6 days a week. I just don't feel like I have time for that.) He hasn't pushed for more per se, but has mentioned off the cuff that he would like to see more of me.
I feel like everyone I know who is in a relationship sees their significant other nearly every day, and I would feel smothered if I had to do that. I've never been able to do that. I've considered strongly whether I just don't have deep enough feelings for him, but I really don't think that's it either. I would be happy to continue dating him forever. But...realistically...he's going to want more at some point. And I'm not sure I can give him that...."more." I'm fundamentally happier when I'm alone. It makes me feel like a weirdo sometimes.
I feel you, 2-3 days a week is nice. That is what I really wanted with my ex bf, but he could barely do 1-2. 3 was a very rare special treat lol.
I dont think it speaks for you not having deep enough feelings for him, you are just independent with your own life, and are happy with the balance. I think though at some point you will need to move to the next level though. You aren't there yet, and I think that is ok - might be nice to think about what your compramise may be when he does ask?!?!
ETA: I feel somewhat lucky with kids that this slows stuff down alot. I was always moving in with bf's VERY quickly, and now I won't. I have actually decided I won't live with another man without a ring on my finger. Having the kids makes it easier to slow stuff down to protect not only me but them too. It's nice you can do that just with your personality type.0 -
I feel you, 2-3 days a week is nice. That is what I really wanted with my ex bf, but he could barely do 1-2. 3 was a very rare special treat lol.
Yeah, even I think once a week is not enough!I dont think it speaks for you not having deep enough feelings for him, you are just independent with your own life, and are happy with the balance.
This is exactly it.I think though at some point you will need to move to the next level though. You aren't there yet, and I think that is ok - might be nice to think about what your compramise may be when he does ask?!?!
I know it will have to move at some point...I'm thinking I probably have 3-4 more months that I can keep going like this. I'm not sure what I will do. I guess I'll just have to see how much more frequently he wants us to see each other and decide if I can handle it. I certainly hope he doesn't start squawking about moving in together or marriage anytime soon...eek. I really don't want to let him go, though. He's a great guy and we are really compatible. So far he has been understanding about my quirks!0 -
I know it will have to move at some point...I'm thinking I probably have 3-4 more months that I can keep going like this. I'm not sure what I will do. I guess I'll just have to see how much more frequently he wants us to see each other and decide if I can handle it. I certainly hope he doesn't start squawking about moving in together or marriage anytime soon...eek. I really don't want to let him go, though. He's a great guy and we are really compatible. So far he has been understanding about my quirks!
It's cute you say squawking about marriage etc. I can't wait to be married but after a long list of relationship mess ups (lol) there will be no living together until that ring is on my finger.
Hopefully you two have some time and can come to a good compromise. He sounds like a good guy for you and that seems hard to find.
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Well part of it is I'm just not a very outwardly affectionate or touchy/feely person, and women tend to take that personally and leaves them wanting something more. I'm working on it, but I'm not sure how much I can do without it feeling forced or becomes uncomfortable.Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.
I am curious what they want you can't or won't give? just curious
I am glad I'm not the only one wondering this...
Could you elaborate on what you mean by this Roadie?
There's also a bit more to it than that, but I'd rather not get into it on here.
@moonshadows - she's never been emotionally dependent at all until recently, so this is sort of surprising.
Sounds to me like she is ready for the relationship to move to the next stage and she's wondering whether it will, so she's feeling a bit insecure and reading too much into random signs rather than addressing the emotional need. That would fit with feeling better after she talked to you (as she gained reassurance you are still into her).
By the way, whilst I totally agree with needingto be with someone who is the right fit and not trying to change yourself too much for a partner, I do believe it's good to try and change for yourself if you have identified something that you'd like to change. So I was interested in you saying "I'm working on it, but I'm not sure how much I can do without it feeling forced or becomes uncomfortable. ".
We all have our own comfort zone. Any change which feels diffiicult takes us outside it. It's only through repeatedly stepping outside it that the comfort circle widens and we feel OK again. Otherwise known as "fake it until you make it" . Not that it is faking it really as the action is congruent with the feelings, it's just the expression of them that causes the discomfort. Not sure if this helps but thought I would share it in case it does 0 -
I set myself a limit of only breaking one heart per year so no more dating until next year for me :ohwell:
Why would you limit yourself? If you feel that your ready to move on and persue another relationship, then I see no reason why you shouldent do so! This is for you, not for them.
I mean... leading someone on is completely different from trying things and finding that its not working.
Thanks Luke :flowerforyou: I must admit, I made up the one heart per year thing as I posted in exasperation with myself :ohwell:
Unfortunately, I've had a lifelong problem with the "This is for you, not for them" thing. With me, it's all about the other person. I've sorted this out in other areas of my life eg with family and friends where my relationships are now much more mutual in terms of giving. But dating takes things to a whole new level.
The start is fine - I love that bit. But I seem incapable of rejecting guys without making a mess of it and being bothered about it for ages afterwards, to the point where I prefer to avoid the whole thing given half an excuse to do so (too busy, single parent etc.). I'm way too nice and spend so much time communicating my genuine regard for them that they either don't register the fact that I am saying no thanks or they persuade me to keep seeing them for longer because they think we get on so well (and after all, how can you know what may or may not happen in the future?) :huh: But the main thing is just how much I hate doing it. As my guy friends tell me, this isn't actually being nice to them at all in the long run..0 -
I just want a spooning buddy...0
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I have been with B for almost 5 months now. For the most part we are great. There are issues but we try to work through them. I am an introvert though and need a good amount of alone time and am finding it difficult to balance that and a relationship.0
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I just want a spooning buddy...
With those arms, shouldn't be too hard!0 -
status update time:
I had been seeing someone for a month, but he was not ready for a relationship and we agreed to be friends. oh well.
I am emailing back and forth with a new guy but i'm not sure about this one...I have some reservations on whether or not it will go anywhere.
anyone has more exciting news? haha0 -
I've been single for 5 weeks today.
Still have some harassment issues with him and his mom is starting to get in the game telling me I should play nice because like her son, I am not perfect. How is it my fault your son is playing a sh!tty game of trolling me through texts and e-mails and trying to make my life miserable? I've only sent neutral replies and ignored most texts/e-mail.
Anyway, not looking, playing only, have two steady FWB and exploring, plus living my life too and trying to forget about the whole "crazies" issue (they live 2 floors up from me btw).0 -
I've been single for 5 weeks today.
Still have some harassment issues with him and his mom is starting to get in the game telling me I should play nice because like her son, I am not perfect. How is it my fault your son is playing a sh!tty game of trolling me through texts and e-mails and trying to make my life miserable? I've only sent neutral replies and ignored most texts/e-mail.
Anyway, not looking, playing only, have two steady FWB and exploring, plus living my life too and trying to forget about the whole "crazies" issue (they live 2 floors up from me btw).
Wow! I can not imagine dealing with that AND with them living so close.
I wish you well!!0 -
I'm single - its been about a year and a half. I took a "dating sabbatical" from May to November 2012 (no thinking about guys, no dates, no online profiles, etc). Since then I've been doing the online thing - I revamped my dating strategy, had my girlfriends rewrite my profile and pic new pics.
Been on a bunch of dates since, and there have been 2 guys that I dated for a while but I ended up not thinking either was long term material. There is another one who I really like (I posted about the situation with him here, whether I should call him), but I think that might be done, I haven't heard from him in a week
. So back to the drawing board, its never ending! 0 -
I just want a spooning buddy...
Ok done 0 -
I'm single - its been about a year and a half. I took a "dating sabbatical" from May to November 2012 (no thinking about guys, no dates, no online profiles, etc). Since then I've been doing the online thing - I revamped my dating strategy, had my girlfriends rewrite my profile and pic new pics.
Been on a bunch of dates since, and there have been 2 guys that I dated for a while but I ended up not thinking either was long term material. There is another one who I really like (I posted about the situation with him here, whether I should call him), but I think that might be done, I haven't heard from him in a week. So back to the drawing board, its never ending!
Oooh I wanna know what the "revamping" of said profile entailed 0 -
I'm single - its been about a year and a half. I took a "dating sabbatical" from May to November 2012 (no thinking about guys, no dates, no online profiles, etc). Since then I've been doing the online thing - I revamped my dating strategy, had my girlfriends rewrite my profile and pic new pics.
Been on a bunch of dates since, and there have been 2 guys that I dated for a while but I ended up not thinking either was long term material. There is another one who I really like (I posted about the situation with him here, whether I should call him), but I think that might be done, I haven't heard from him in a week. So back to the drawing board, its never ending!
Oooh I wanna know what the "revamping" of said profile entailed
"vamping" it up? Hehehe0
