First Date Rules
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Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!0 -
Chrstine hun... I know plenty of ladies who dont cohabitate before marrige and are "old fashioned" ..Most of the are married now. Several of them have LT BF and 2 are engaged. So its not the way you want a relationship to progress that we're talking about. Its getting a relationship started. No one is telling you to comprimise your morals. We're just suggesting some out side the box thinking.....
BTW I've never been rock climbing and totally want to go now0 -
There's nothing wrong with that, it's still probably how most relationships start. But life has a tendency to throw you curve balls, if everything worked out exactly the way you expect it to it wouldn't be very interesting. Someday you might meet someone you want to kiss on the first date.By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural." I have no desire to kiss a man I just met or go to his house or sleep with him on the second date. I'm very very traditional.
Seems like a lot of women have this picture in their heads of the way things are supposed to work, and then when they don't they're just disappointed. I try to focus more on the person and less on the situation. If I don't want to kiss them by the second or third date, it's usually because I just don't want to kiss them, not because it's too early. If I really like them I don't even think about how long it takes things to progress, I just roll with it.0 -
BTW I've never been rock climbing and totally want to go now
I do too after watching all the hot guys on the climbing walls at the US Whitewater center last night. RAWR. My friend gets to work that there sometimes when not working on the zipline and says it has very nice viewings.0 -
Eh, some people don't know exactly how it works on a coffee date. I would probably focus more on if you had fun and if you two are compatible rather than who paid for a stupid $2 coffee.Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!0 -
You're correct.
There's nothing wrong with that, it's still probably how most relationships start. But life has a tendency to throw you curve balls, if everything worked out exactly the way you expect it to it wouldn't be very interesting. Someday you might meet someone you want to kiss on the first date.By naturally I meant guy asks girl out, first date he takes girl out and pays, a few dates in he kisses girl, they keep dating and maybe sex happens and then he proposes and you get married...not "go with the flow natural." I have no desire to kiss a man I just met or go to his house or sleep with him on the second date. I'm very very traditional.
Seems like a lot of women have this picture in their heads of the way things are supposed to work, and then when they don't they're just disappointed. I try to focus more on the person and less on the situation. If I don't want to kiss them by the second or third date, it's usually because I just don't want to kiss them, not because it's too early. If I really like them I don't even think about how long it takes things to progress, I just roll with it.
And also, the more you wait for this perfect alignment of planets to happen the more difficult it gets...
How else can you accept and justify (to yourself) having waited for all these years if the "one" you have waited for doesn't tick all your boxes (you might as well have chosen one of the previous ones, if this guy doesn't tick all the boxes either) - thus making it more and more difficult as time passes to accept "less than perfect".0 -
I wanted to let you all know that on my first date with a guy recently he paid- I pulled out my wallet and such. Date two was a lunch date and I paid, I'm not sure I would have but after reading the beginning of this thread I realized it meant more to guys than I realized. I don't make a lot but I can pay for a lunch date!0
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Eh, some people don't know exactly how it works on a coffee date. I would probably focus more on if you had fun and if you two are compatible rather than who paid for a stupid $2 coffee.Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!
To each their own, to me that was really rude (more so that he ordered before I got there, though paying too...it is just $2 - he asked me out so why can't he pony up $2?) - I've been on many coffee dates and this has never happened.0 -
Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!
Holy fuck this exact thing happened to me two weeks ago.0 -
Moving in (partially at least) before marriage seems like a sensible thing to do. You should try before you buy. Especially if *you* value marriage so much that you consider it a commitment for life. Don't screw this up, please and move in with the person you want to commit to. Being with someone 24/7 is a world of difference from seeing them only once in a while.
Actually, statistics show that couple who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who don't.
95% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I don't believe this is a valid statistic even if it could be legit, its assuming that its a direct correlation between cohabitation and eventual divorce. but there are soooo many variables involved in a failing marriage. the divorce rate has increased dramatically over the last 2 decades. So while cohabitation may possibly be argued as a factor in eventual divorce it is FAR from the cause leading up to it.
Statistics are very easily created and manipulated all the time to sway public opinion toward their favor. And this sounds very much like religion and traditionalism attempting to turn us against cohabitation.
Marriage is NOT an easy thing by any means and is far overly romanticized! Being with someone constantly and never finding relief apart from them is very difficult to adapt to and its very often a great source of stress early on in any marriage without precohabitation.
The statistics I've seen were in 3-4 studies performed by economists looking at either the effects of marriage on men or women. My experience with economists is that they aren't an overly religious group.
I'm not sure what you mean by direct correlation. Correlation between X and Y is the covariance between X and Y dvided by the product of the standard deviations of X and Y. Covariance is positive if X tends to be above its mean while Y is also above its mean. It is negative if X tends to be above its mean when Y is below its mean. Correlation basically converts covariance to a scale from -1 to 1. It has nothing to do with causality.
As far as expanations for cohabitation being correlated with higher diviorce rates, Flim provided a reasonable one. Although there is some evidence that persons who identify themselves as religious are more like to divorce as well (I am not all that familiar with these studies but I am aware they exist). The general thought is that religious persons are more likely to seek counseling from a member of the clergy rather than someone with an education in family counseling.
Another possible explanation is that people who cohabitate premarriage may value the short term more than those who wait and as a result are more likely to be less patient when difficulties arise. One more is that if there is a behavior change by your partner after getting married it may not be as noticeable if you didn't live together first. It is hard to resent a partner for changing his/her attitude and behavior after marriage if you weren't aware of it beforehand.
Whatever the explanation, I haven't read of one that indicates that waiting causes a more stable marraige only that there is a correlation with waiting to live together and probability of divorce. Whatever the reason, the relationship between divorce rate and premarital cohabitation contradicts the hypothesis that you'll be more successful in marriage if you live together first.0 -
Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!
Holy fuck this exact thing happened to me two weeks ago.
LOL! Was his name Justin??0 -
Speaking of first date rules, I have some gleaned from my date last night!
Guys:
- Do not order for yourself before your date gets there (especially if she is on time!)
- Do not let her sit there with nothing while you're drinking your coffee
- By 15 minutes in you should have said something about her getting something...when she finally makes a move to, don't just sit there and say ok and let her go up. If you asked her out you can pay for her $2 coffee.
- And if you have not heeded any of the advice above, do not tell her you had fun, she is so cute, and for her to text you when she gets home.
NEXT!
Holy fuck this exact thing happened to me two weeks ago.
LOL! Was his name Justin??
No, Brandon.
I didn't have a problem paying for my own coffee, I just thought it was all a bit weird and disjointed (having to sit down, then get up by myself, order coffee, wait for it then sit down again) and it messed up the flow for the first part.
But then I paid for everything for the rest of the date only to find out that he has no car, lives with his parents and despite being 28 with a nursing degree is a prep chef with no aspirations to do anything else 8T
I'm a bit relieved really, I wasn't wanting to get into anything considering I'm moving for school in a couple months.0 -
I wanted to let you all know that on my first date with a guy recently he paid- I pulled out my wallet and such. Date two was a lunch date and I paid, I'm not sure I would have but after reading the beginning of this thread I realized it meant more to guys than I realized. I don't make a lot but I can pay for a lunch date!
I love when I have time to save up to pay for him too, or even just get coffee for us on the go. I dont make much either, so if i can get together money to spend on me and a guy, I thoroughly enjoy the moment i get to spend it.0 -
The problem is that it's expected, and it's only $2, why do you care so much? Are you that broke? Call him up and ask for your $2 back if it's such a big deal. Maybe he's cheap, I don't know. Or maybe he just didn't think it was really that big of a deal.To each their own, to me that was really rude (more so that he ordered before I got there, though paying too...it is just $2 - he asked me out so why can't he pony up $2?) - I've been on many coffee dates and this has never happened.
I've been on dates where the girl asked me, she showed up early and had already ordered. I greeted her, went and got my coffee, and then sat down with her. Not that difficult. Still had a good time. Honestly the last thing on my mind was who was going to pay for whose coffee. Not everything needs to be so damn complicated.0 -
The problem is that it's expected, and it's only $2, why do you care so much? Are you that broke? Call him up and ask for your $2 back if it's such a big deal. Maybe he's cheap, I don't know. Or maybe he just didn't think it was really that big of a deal.To each their own, to me that was really rude (more so that he ordered before I got there, though paying too...it is just $2 - he asked me out so why can't he pony up $2?) - I've been on many coffee dates and this has never happened.
I've been on dates where the girl asked me, she showed up early and had already ordered. I greeted her, went and got my coffee, and then sat down with her. Not that difficult. Still had a good time. Honestly the last thing on my mind was who was going to pay for whose coffee. Not everything needs to be so damn complicated.
Wow no need to be an *kitten*.0 -
I've rarely had to pay for a date, though I will certainly offer to pay on a first date if I can already tell I don't want a second date. If a guy was that broke that he needed me to spot him a few or have me over to the house bc he couldn't afford to go out then we wouldn't be a match. Financial prowess and debt-free attitude is very important to me. BB makes slightly less than I do, but he makes good enough money that I'm not worried about him being a mooch or wasting away everything I've worked so hard to build.
If a guy was not broke but just tired of wasting money on one-date-wonders or women who won’t put out, then we wouldn’t be a match because that indicates he’s not enjoying the dating process and needs time to regroup and get less bitter before we go out. Daycare is expensive, and some dates I spent more in daycare than he spent on me.
That said, the scenario above would bother me more because he didn't wait for me than that he didn't pay. In fact, I thought it was customary to wait outside, meet, then walk in together when you're going to a place that has no waiting area. It's embarrassing to have to go inside and look for whoever seems unattached, asking random guys standing around “are you so-and-so.” I think not waiting (especially not waiting to order) shows a low value placed on the date (unless the date is running significantly late).0 -
I wanted to let you all know that on my first date with a guy recently he paid- I pulled out my wallet and such. Date two was a lunch date and I paid, I'm not sure I would have but after reading the beginning of this thread I realized it meant more to guys than I realized. I don't make a lot but I can pay for a lunch date!
Good for you!!
When I go out on dates, I fully expect to pay for everything. It was one of those things that I was told I was expected to do while growing up, so it has been drilled in well. I do, however, appreciate it when my date at least initially offers to pay for help. Then I can protest and tell her since I was the one who invited her out, I should be the one who pays.
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I wanted to let you all know that on my first date with a guy recently he paid- I pulled out my wallet and such. Date two was a lunch date and I paid, I'm not sure I would have but after reading the beginning of this thread I realized it meant more to guys than I realized. I don't make a lot but I can pay for a lunch date!
Good for you!!
When I go out on dates, I fully expect to pay for everything. It was one of those things that I was told I was expected to do while growing up, so it has been drilled in well. I do, however, appreciate it when my date at least initially offers to pay for help. Then I can protest and tell her since I was the one who invited her out, I should be the one who pays.
lol I had one guy friend get all upset when I bought a round of shots for everyone.... He literally went and bought me 2 shots so he could even out the balance0 -
I've rarely had to pay for a date, though I will certainly offer to pay on a first date if I can already tell I don't want a second date. If a guy was that broke that he needed me to spot him a few or have me over to the house bc he couldn't afford to go out then we wouldn't be a match. Financial prowess and debt-free attitude is very important to me. BB makes slightly less than I do, but he makes good enough money that I'm not worried about him being a mooch or wasting away everything I've worked so hard to build.
If a guy was not broke but just tired of wasting money on one-date-wonders or women who won’t put out, then we wouldn’t be a match because that indicates he’s not enjoying the dating process and needs time to regroup and get less bitter before we go out. Daycare is expensive, and some dates I spent more in daycare than he spent on me.
That said, the scenario above would bother me more because he didn't wait for me than that he didn't pay. In fact, I thought it was customary to wait outside, meet, then walk in together when you're going to a place that has no waiting area. It's embarrassing to have to go inside and look for whoever seems unattached, asking random guys standing around “are you so-and-so.” I think not waiting (especially not waiting to order) shows a low value placed on the date (unless the date is running significantly late).
Out of curiosity, do you think guys should judge women in this way? If she is too broke to pay for her own lunch then she isn't a good match?
Also, going to someone's house doesn't necessarily mean they are too broke to go out. My ex initially thought that I was poor because I have a frugal attitude for most things and follow a disciplined budget. This is far from the truth. I handle my finances frugally because I believe there is wisdom in saving and investing rather than blowing my money.0 -
I wanted to let you all know that on my first date with a guy recently he paid- I pulled out my wallet and such. Date two was a lunch date and I paid, I'm not sure I would have but after reading the beginning of this thread I realized it meant more to guys than I realized. I don't make a lot but I can pay for a lunch date!
Good for you!!
When I go out on dates, I fully expect to pay for everything. It was one of those things that I was told I was expected to do while growing up, so it has been drilled in well. I do, however, appreciate it when my date at least initially offers to pay for help. Then I can protest and tell her since I was the one who invited her out, I should be the one who pays.
lol I had one guy friend get all upset when I bought a round of shots for everyone.... He literally went and bought me 2 shots so he could even out the balance
I do understand his sentiment. Society has taught men that allowing a woman to buy him dinner/drinks makes him less of a man or a mooch. We have since learned better, but it can be a struggle.
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