First Date Rules
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Out of curiosity, do you think guys should judge women in this way? If she is too broke to pay for her own lunch then she isn't a good match?
Not directed at me...but everyone has different things they look for in a match, I don't think this is a gender thing. I feel the same way, and assume the types of men I date would also judge me the same way - I'm not broke so I wouldn't date someone who is either, I think thats fair. So i don't think its a question of guys judging women this way...if a guy makes good money its only fair that he doesn't want a broke woman either.0 -
Out of curiosity, do you think guys should judge women in this way? If she is too broke to pay for her own lunch then she isn't a good match?
Not directed at me...but everyone has different things they look for in a match, I don't think this is a gender thing. I feel the same way, and assume the types of men I date would also judge me the same way - I'm not broke so I wouldn't date someone who is either, I think thats fair. So i don't think its a question of guys judging women this way...if a guy makes good money its only fair that he doesn't want a broke woman either.
Just checking for consistency.0 -
I think men judge women in other areas, such as appearance, so I don’t think this an apples and oranges question. Stereotypically, most women don’t care what a man looks like if his personality fits her well and many men don’t care what woman makes if she looks good. My experience has been that when a man is really interested in a woman he has no problem paying her way or finding a way to treat her special (if he’s short on funds he finds something else cheaper to do) and that a man in my income bracket who insists a woman pay is often frustrated with dating, selfish, lazy, or just plain broke. None of those guys will work for me. My experience has also been that the same man who insists women should pull her weight has no problem going all out when Ms Amazing shows up. So for me this is an indicator.Out of curiosity, do you think guys should judge women in this way? If she is too broke to pay for her own lunch then she isn't a good match?Also, going to someone's house doesn't necessarily mean they are too broke to go out. My ex initially thought that I was poor because I have a frugal attitude for most things and follow a disciplined budget. This is far from the truth. I handle my finances frugally because I believe there is wisdom in saving and investing rather than blowing my money.
I certainly appreciate a frugal attitude… I firmly believe in debt free and have been bustin buns for the last 4 years to pay off 6 figures of divorce debt (I’m almost there!!). I remember the guy who I first dated after becoming single: He drove an old hoopty accord and always took me to nice –but reasonable- places, nothing fancy. So I almost threw up when I discovered he had over $2M in investment accounts which did NOT include his home or his rental properties.
So I get that. But look (and I almost hate to say this because you’re a cutie and since ya never know I don’t like to burn bridges) a guy who doesn’t have money to spend or isn’t willing to spend some of it isn’t going to be compatible with me. I am frugal about many things but I have a fun budget and need a partner with similar mindset. The guy who wants me at his house all the time is either a really great guy with an incompatible personality (he likes to stay indoors tv, video games, and such) or he could be too lazy, too broke, or too tight with his money to be a good match for me. Doesn’t mean he’s not a good match for someone else.
That said… a big spender isn’t necessarily solid financially either!0 -
I dont judge men by their bank accounts or their cold hard value on paper. I judge them by how much fire they have inside of them.0
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And to piggy back on that. If I were in my 20s and a guy was broke that's one thing. But a man in his late 40s/early 50s ought to have something or, if like me, he's been victim of a crummy divorce, he should have the skill set to get back on his feet quickly. And I think he should have himself back on his feet before dating someone like me who has her act together.0
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Out of curiosity, do you think guys should judge women in this way? If she is too broke to pay for her own lunch then she isn't a good match?
Not directed at me...but everyone has different things they look for in a match, I don't think this is a gender thing. I feel the same way, and assume the types of men I date would also judge me the same way - I'm not broke so I wouldn't date someone who is either, I think thats fair. So i don't think its a question of guys judging women this way...if a guy makes good money its only fair that he doesn't want a broke woman either.
Just checking for consistency.
I think there is a difference in someone that is down on their luck, or just starting out compared to someone going nowhere... at least for dudes. Would I date someone on welfare, No, would I date someone that is doing something they love that pays low, YES!0 -
that's good to know - because I dont make much money, but I come home from work feeling satisfied, happy and excited about the projects Im working on. I dont bring home stress or headaches or a bad mood just so I can have a job to impress people who only care about my net worth and not my level of personal gratification in life. I find that doing something you absolutely love, counts far more than just some checkstub he brings home to make me feel better about his godawful mood and depression over driving himself into an early grave because he is wasting his life doing what he hates cause i want a man to spend money on me.
You what I want a man to spend on me?
Time.0 -
that's good to know - because I dont make much money, but I come home from work feeling satisfied, happy and excited about the projects Im working on. I dont bring home stress or headaches or a bad mood just so I can have a job to impress people who only care about my net worth and not my level of personal gratification in life. I find that doing something you absolutely love, counts far more than just some checkstub he brings home to make me feel better about his godawful mood and depression over driving himself into an early grave because he is wasting his life doing what he hates cause i want a man to spend money on me.
You what I want a man to spend on me?
Time.
I think this is a better way to live, but I don't think it's the social norm. I've actually just started to come around to the idea personal happiness is better than creating an illusion of happiness. And it wasn't that I cared what people think, but more just the way I was raised... you make money to buy stuff. Now I don't want ****, I want experiences.0 -
Out of curiosity, do you think guys should judge women in this way? If she is too broke to pay for her own lunch then she isn't a good match?
Not directed at me...but everyone has different things they look for in a match, I don't think this is a gender thing. I feel the same way, and assume the types of men I date would also judge me the same way - I'm not broke so I wouldn't date someone who is either, I think thats fair. So i don't think its a question of guys judging women this way...if a guy makes good money its only fair that he doesn't want a broke woman either.
Just checking for consistency.
I think there is a difference in someone that is down on their luck, or just starting out compared to someone going nowhere... at least for dudes. Would I date someone on welfare, No, would I date someone that is doing something they love that pays low, YES!
And I agree. I could personally care less how much a woman makes as long as she is reasonably driven. But someone who is broke because they are lazy is disgusting to me.0 -
And to piggy back on that. If I were in my 20s and a guy was broke that's one thing. But a man in his late 40s/early 50s ought to have something or, if like me, he's been victim of a crummy divorce, he should have the skill set to get back on his feet quickly. And I think he should have himself back on his feet before dating someone like me who has her act together.
I do not disagree with this.
Also, I just realized I am the worst person to give first date advice. I have had all of three in the past decade. :laugh:0 -
lazy is a bigger turn-off than.... almost everything.0
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Also, I just realized I am the worst person to give first date advice. I have had all of three in the past decade. :laugh:
haha that means nothing. Like I wrote in the other post, I had over 20 first dates in a 4 month perioud last year, but I have no good advice to offer on getting dates because my lifestyle is way different from most folks and what works for me won't attract the kind o guy they're looking for. Besides, all I did was say yes to whoever asked lol! Could be your 3 were very well thought out dates.0 -
If I get the notion that you're expecting me to behave a certain way on a date, I will go out of my way to shock and disappoint you. I call it date trolling. Just my little way of laughing at your presumptuous, cookie cutter approach to chivalry and saying thanks but no thanks. You wont be hearing from me again.
At least she wont forget me. lol0 -
Out of curiosity, do you think guys should judge women in this way? If she is too broke to pay for her own lunch then she isn't a good match?
I agree with Poncho and others - if (s)he's broke because of consistent stupid financial decisions, laziness, or anything else negative like that yes it bothers me, whether I'm dating you or not. I don't tend to surround myself with those kinds of people. I make enough to get by and take care of myself, I expect my partner/friends/family to be able to at least do that.0 -
I'm 34 and am divorced. I make about $1000 a month due to being in school. A year ago, I was making a pretty okay living on my own but didn't want to do that forvever. I'm wanting to be a bilingual teacher so I've already accepted I won't be a 6 figure income on my own- ever! But I sure will die happy doing something I'm passionate about.
Right now, I'm dating a pilot (captain). He doesnt make as much as most assume but he makes plenty. He pays for everything mostly but I believe because this is how he contributes to our relationship, not because he has to (although he does because I wouldn't be able to pay for the things we do!) but because he cares about me. I'm the romantic, affectionate, emotional, outgoing gal, he's the breadwinner, affectionate, strong, logical man.
Glad he doesn't judge me for my lack of income. He knows my heart. He knows I dont take advantage of his money, he knows I'm passionate about my future career, and he knows that I'm basically starting over. I appreciate that in him more than he knows!0 -
I've been on dates where the girl asked me, she showed up early and had already ordered. I greeted her, went and got my coffee, and then sat down with her. Not that difficult. Still had a good time. Honestly the last thing on my mind was who was going to pay for whose coffee. Not everything needs to be so damn complicated.
If they have preordered and expect you to go up and get your own (whether it be male or female) I think it almost takes away from the fact it's a date.. seems more like a meeting between friends...
This happened to me once, and I was uncomfortable to even go up and get my own drink.. so I sat there.
While it was awkward, I have seen the guy 2 more times on more 'formal' dates. Worked better that way, didn't seem so friend like.0 -
If we're talking indoor bouldering, then the places I've been have generally had a good selection of climbs easy for new climbers - they can always use extra holds from other problems to help if needed.Rock Climbing would be a fun first date for me but determine how proficent they are first before picking a where you are going to climb.
When I've got some spare time/cash, I want to finish learning to hang glide.
With an appropriate 'glider for two etc, I reckon that'd be a pretty awesome second/third date... presuming you've established they don't have a big problem with heights, just give instructions to 'wrap up warm' and drive out to the hill with the 'glider waiting.
I know a nice pub-resteraunt at the top of a decent hill - for bonus points, have a table booked there, land, then fly home after
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Oh and yes; I wouldn't arrange a date if I didn't have the cash to cover it for both of us. If it was a girl asking me out, then I'd be less expecting to pay for her.0
