First Date Rules
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im sure ill get flamed, but seriously though.. if a guy is just after sex from you, and you dont pick up on it yourself early on... wouldn't it be logical and far less painful to have sex earlier on in the relationship and have him poof? rather than date after date allowing yourself to get more and more attached to them? if hes gonna poof, hes gonna poof!
But if someone is just after sex, they won't stick around - so you don't get to the point where you've been on a bunch of dates or are in a relationship and you haven't had sex, they would have left well before that!0 -
for all the cheap women in the thread, at least buy a round of drinks, it's 5 dollars, and trust me, the guys will appreciate it.
its not about being cheap. for me its about being old fashioned/traditional. and yes I will cook and clean for my man. (notice I said my man, not a first date).
furthermore, where I'm from, when a woman offers to pay, a man will get offended because they will take it to mean that a. he can't afford to pay for both, or b. he's being friend zoned.
ETA: so for me its more about letting him know that I am interested in him romantically and that I respect him enough to let him be the man. Of course if I like someone I will find ways to contribute like getting movie tickets or tickets to a game in advance, cooking him dinner (when we get to that point). But its something about being at a restaurant and picking up the tab taht doesnt feel right.
Same here. Where I'm from, if a guy asks you out to dinner, picks you up, all the stuff that signals it's a "proper" date, and then you offer to pay at the end of the meal, it is a clear sign (to him) that you don't want him to think there's going to be a second date. I think it's long since been established on this board that things are different in different parts of the U.S. and different parts of the world. It doesn't mean one region's customs are better or worse than another's. Not all women who don't offer to pay on a first date are cheap or selfish, and not all women who ask men out are desperate or control freaks. People are allowed to like what they like.
Absolutely agree! I always offer/reach for my purse, and the guy will ALWAYS insist, thats just how it works when its a real date. If I am not interested, I will insist on splitting the check. If I am, he pays - and everyone knows thats how it works, its the normal social convention here.
I am still LMAO over $5 for a round! Try $25-30 - clearly we are in different regions!!0 -
As a former date by my rules only gal, SP converted me into no more rules!!
I found myself feeling guilty if I got caught up in a wonderful perfect 1st date and kissed the guy. Now I reaize, those moments don't happen twice. If I am feeling it, he's feeling it, why not? Go with the flow. My dating life got way less complicated once I got rid of rules. With my bf now, we kissed on our first date in his car (after a super romantic sushi dinner and some fun at a Dave and Busters)and it was initiated by ME. I just wanted to kiss him so bad and I was ready so I copied my fav country song at the moment and asked, "are you going to kiss me or what??" :bigsmile: He said something about being a gentleman and didn't know blah blah blah. Then he planted one (or 4) on me!
There are certain things I don't do like call the guy after our first date but only because it's just not me.0 -
I'm old fashioned too, I don't think women should be able to vote, own land, or be allowed to pursue and education or a career. Why would they need to? Men can do all of the just fine, we only need women to cook and clean.for all the cheap women in the thread, at least buy a round of drinks, it's 5 dollars, and trust me, the guys will appreciate it.
its not about being cheap. for me its about being old fashioned/traditional. and yes I will cook and clean for my man. (notice I said my man, not a first date).
furthermore, where I'm from, when a woman offers to pay, a man will get offended because they will take it to mean that a. he can't afford to pay for both, or b. he's being friend zoned.
ETA: so for me its more about letting him know that I am interested in him romantically and that I respect him enough to let him be the man. Of course if I like someone I will find ways to contribute like getting movie tickets or tickets to a game in advance, cooking him dinner (when we get to that point). But its something about being at a restaurant and picking up the tab taht doesnt feel right.
Yes, I'm totally kidding, but I don't think women should just be able to pick and choose what traditions they want to keep. Men traditionally paid for the bill because women didn't really work, or weren't allowed to keep their own wages.
I'm also not saying I don't pay on the first date, because I always do. But I do think the woman should at least offer. There's something about me being expected to pay just because I'm a guy that makes me very uneasy. It's like me expecting someone else to do all the the cooking, cleaning, child care, etc just because they are a woman. I have a feeling some women would be offended by that. In reality, I would picture a healthy relationship pitch i their fair share, or at least come to an agreement.0 -
Yes, I'm totally kidding, but I don't think women should just be able to pick and choose what traditions they want to keep. Men traditionally paid for the bill because women didn't really work, or weren't allowed to keep their own wages.
I'm a woman and I agree with this too.0 -
im sure ill get flamed, but seriously though.. if a guy is just after sex from you, and you dont pick up on it yourself early on... wouldn't it be logical and far less painful to have sex earlier on in the relationship and have him poof? rather than date after date allowing yourself to get more and more attached to them? if hes gonna poof, hes gonna poof!
But if someone is just after sex, they won't stick around - so you don't get to the point where you've been on a bunch of dates or are in a relationship and you haven't had sex, they would have left well before that!
If the guy does not have a better offer at the time and especially if he lacks confidence making it hard to find someone else, then he has no reason to poof. Don't under estimate the patience of an insecure man.
unfortunately for a lot of women, attachment does not require being in a relationship, only attention. Sadly this leaves them venerable to being hurt and easily used this way.0 -
Good ones!1.) "Accidentally" leave my wallet in the car - it's empty anyways
2.) Crack a couple gay-jokes so she knows I'm not one of them, but make it clear that lesbians are cool as long as they don't wear flannels and trucker hats
3.) Make a point to tell any bums asking us for change to get a real job - girls like confidence
4.) Knock her drink out of her hand so I can inspect her cleaning skills
You know, basically just common sense.
Edit: Oh, I forgot - use the "c-word" as often as possible, both in reference to women and their lady parts. Real cake-winner here.
I generally try to compliment her on her outfit and tell her how great it will look on my bedroom floor.
I never wait for a bum to ask me for change, I always ask them first. Girls like guys that show initiative and have jobs.
I usually try to throw in a couple backhanded compliments so it weakens her self esteem and makes me look better. Things like "You could be really pretty if you just dropped a few pounds" or " I can hardly even notice your gray hairs/love handles/big feet"
Usually try to keep conversation light, I talk extensively about my fantasy football team or whatever video game I've been playing for the last 7 days straight. Sometimes add some lighthearted humor and ask her what her stance is on anal.
Fart. A lot, because it's funny.
Stare at her boobs a lot to let her know I am attracted to her.
I always try to be as friendly as possible to the wait staff to let her know I'm a man of the people. If the waitress is really nice I will also ask for her phone number or see what she's doing later. I'm just a really friendly person, girls like that.
:laugh:
ETA: I think I just found my prince charming lol0 -
1. No religion talk
2. No meeting my best friend Jen. If you met her right away and looked straight at her 30D boobs, you will never see my 34C's.
3. If we don't kiss on the first date, Im never going to kiss you.0 -
im sure ill get flamed, but seriously though.. if a guy is just after sex from you, and you dont pick up on it yourself early on... wouldn't it be logical and far less painful to have sex earlier on in the relationship and have him poof? rather than date after date allowing yourself to get more and more attached to them? if hes gonna poof, hes gonna poof!
I also know a theory used by many women is that if they just hold out long enough, that the dogs will get frustrated and leave early on out of frustration... but a LOT of guys are far more patient than most women give them credit for... especially when the woman is going for a 5-7 range guy rather than a 8-10 guy...
I don't really like this. I don't think that anyone should feel obligated to have sex on the first date, or early on "just to get it out of the way". What my stance is, is that if I want to have sex, I'm going to. Regardless of how things turn out, I'm not going to regret it because it was just sex (unless he was terrible and then I'm just going to be relieved I didn't get emotionally invested first hahaha). I think it's counter intuitive to have an obligation to either do it or hold out. That's why I just do what I feel like at that moment.0 -
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People that have rules about dating, well, we probably wouldn't date. the rules are, there are no rules. I'm a grown up. I do what I want to do. It is dependant on the person I am with and how we gel. If you met the person of your dreams, or even if you're just swept up in the moment, go with it. Why would you deny that? Come on now, You only live once (and no, that isn't a silly YOLO revference. It's just true.
No rules. Just go hang out and see what happens.
This is why I don't date. Its so stupid and so many games everyone plays. Why can't everyone just be cool? Geez. Uptight much?
Please don't take this the wrong way, but there's no other way to deliver this message other than to be frank.
It sounds like you are dangerously on the other end of the spectrum - bitter. There's plenty of people here on both sides but you're last statement shows you only read the one that fuels your frustration. It belies the first part of your comment where you says to chill out and roll with it, but then you turn around and says that everyone plays games and is uptight....???0 -
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Yes, I'm totally kidding, but I don't think women should just be able to pick and choose what traditions they want to keep. Men traditionally paid for the bill because women didn't really work, or weren't allowed to keep their own wages.
I'm a woman and I agree with this too.
I agree with this as well. My most successful relationships have been those in which the responsibilities were even. Mutual respect, mutual responsibility. I do like my men to be a bit more assertive, but I don't want to feel like he is taking care of me or like the relationship is lopsided. I make a decent living, I contribute to dates. We both work, we both do household chores.
I guess I'm lucky in that a round of drinks down here is about $10-15. I couldn't imagine the $25-50 for a round that some of you stated. And, then to expect him to continue to pay for that. I would feel horrible. But, again, different strokes for different folks...0 -
People that have rules about dating, well, we probably wouldn't date. the rules are, there are no rules. I'm a grown up. I do what I want to do. It is dependant on the person I am with and how we gel. If you met the person of your dreams, or even if you're just swept up in the moment, go with it. Why would you deny that? Come on now, You only live once (and no, that isn't a silly YOLO revference. It's just true.
No rules. Just go hang out and see what happens.
This is why I don't date. Its so stupid and so many games everyone plays. Why can't everyone just be cool? Geez. Uptight much?
I have my rule because, even if im completely smitten with someone on the first date and they push me and pressure me to discuss part of my past or my stance on religion, im going to feel that attraction disappear very quickly, and Id rather him not get cut on the first date if I really like him. If he can wait a year or so to hear my story, then Im really happy. if he pushes me to open up on the first date, then I cant handle it.
It doesnt mean im not giving love a fair chance, it means he doesnt care enough about my personal comfort or have enough respect for me to not pressure me into that on my first date. He is the one that is throwing it away because of what HE wants.
Geez, you lighten up too.
Girls need rules so we dont get raped and killed too. There are no date-safe classes that teach guys how to not rape and harass, only date-safe classes for girls that teach you how to not get raped and harassed.
If you dont need ANY rules, cause there is nothing special about you that causes you to need one, then congratulations on being perfect. Most people are beautifully flawed, scared and trying to protect themselves emotionally and physically.
I dont want to get swept up in the moment with someone dropping red flags all over the floor.
that's what my twenties were for.0 -
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kk same page0
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There's a thin line between boundaries and rules.
I have boundaries to protect myself- physically and emotionally.
I don't have rules, anymore anyway.0 -
Yoovie - totally agree with your entire post! My "rules" are there for actual reasons, not just for the hell of having rules.Yes, I'm totally kidding, but I don't think women should just be able to pick and choose what traditions they want to keep. Men traditionally paid for the bill because women didn't really work, or weren't allowed to keep their own wages.
When women start getting equal pay, we'll talk. Until then, if a guy wants to take me out, he can take me out - that includes paying.I agree with this as well. My most successful relationships have been those in which the responsibilities were even. Mutual respect, mutual responsibility. I do like my men to be a bit more assertive, but I don't want to feel like he is taking care of me or like the relationship is lopsided. I make a decent living, I contribute to dates. We both work, we both do household chores.
I guess I'm lucky in that a round of drinks down here is about $10-15. I couldn't imagine the $25-50 for a round that some of you stated. And, then to expect him to continue to pay for that. I would feel horrible. But, again, different strokes for different folks...
We're talking about 2 different issues here - I'm not talking about who pays when you're in a relationship, I'm talking about the first few dates (and I think everyone talking about the guy paying is too). In a relationship its different!
I'm guessing that cost of living and salaries are very different where you live too. A round of drinks for $10-15 does not exist here, so I don't feel bad if a guy is spending what he normally would no matter where/who he went out with. Salaries are higher here too, a drink isn't going to cost more than his hourly wage you know?0 -
Guys have rules, like never call after a date until 3 days. Do you think that's an awesome rule? Almost every guy I know lives by that. I think it's stupid. If I had fun and liked her, I call the next day, if I feel like it. I just don't subscribe to "the rules" of dating, or any rules, for that matter.
DUMBEST RULE EVER!!!0 -
There's a thin line between boundaries and rules.
I have boundaries to protect myself- physically and emotionally.
I don't have rules, anymore anyway.
I am almost thinking rules and boundaries are one in the same....0 -
Guys have rules, like never call after a date until 3 days. Do you think that's an awesome rule? Almost every guy I know lives by that. I think it's stupid. If I had fun and liked her, I call the next day, if I feel like it. I just don't subscribe to "the rules" of dating, or any rules, for that matter.
DUMBEST RULE EVER!!!
I've never encountered this rule.. either I hear from them within 15 mins or a few hours, or I never hear from them again!0 -
When women start getting equal pay, we'll talk. Until then, if a guy wants to take me out, he can take me out - that includes paying.
Guess I'm lucky in that I make equal or more than a lot of men here as well. That said, even if the man taking me out makes more than me, I'd like to pay some portion of the bill (or at least offer to). If he declines that offer, it's on him and I certainly do appreciate it.We're talking about 2 different issues here - I'm not talking about who pays when you're in a relationship, I'm talking about the first few dates (and I think everyone talking about the guy paying is too). In a relationship its different!
I'm guessing that cost of living and salaries are very different where you live too. A round of drinks for $10-15 does not exist here, so I don't feel bad if a guy is spending what he normally would no matter where/who he went out with. Salaries are higher here too, a drink isn't going to cost more than his hourly wage you know?
Someone mentioned that if a man made her pay anything within 5-10 dates, that was a dealbreaker. As I've said, I think that to make a man continuously pay in a relationship is ridiculous and selfish.
I'm in Richmond....I've got plenty of friends in DC. A round of drinks for $15-20 is attainable in Adams Morgan.0 -
Guys have rules, like never call after a date until 3 days. Do you think that's an awesome rule? Almost every guy I know lives by that. I think it's stupid. If I had fun and liked her, I call the next day, if I feel like it. I just don't subscribe to "the rules" of dating, or any rules, for that matter.
DUMBEST RULE EVER!!!
I actually like that rule. I feel like the problem child here. Especially because Im contradicting myself here. I should say - I actually like that rule when Im not sure if I am into someone. If I AM into someone, we're texting and talking before and immediately after the date and the next morning, I better have gotten either a sleepy face picture or a selfie in the mirror showing me his guns.0 -
Guys have rules, like never call after a date until 3 days. Do you think that's an awesome rule? Almost every guy I know lives by that. I think it's stupid. If I had fun and liked her, I call the next day, if I feel like it. I just don't subscribe to "the rules" of dating, or any rules, for that matter.
DUMBEST RULE EVER!!!
I've never encountered this rule.. either I hear from them within 15 mins or a few hours, or I never hear from them again!
never happened to me either. but I think a lot of guys really do use this as a rule and I think its dumb. if ur interested in a girl he should follow up sooner than later.0 -
Wow, this whole dating thing sounds pretty complicated.0
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When women start getting equal pay, we'll talk. Until then, if a guy wants to take me out, he can take me out - that includes paying.
Guess I'm lucky in that I make equal or more than a lot of men here as well. That said, even if the man taking me out makes more than me, I'd like to pay some portion of the bill (or at least offer to). If he declines that offer, it's on him and I certainly do appreciate it.We're talking about 2 different issues here - I'm not talking about who pays when you're in a relationship, I'm talking about the first few dates (and I think everyone talking about the guy paying is too). In a relationship its different!
I'm guessing that cost of living and salaries are very different where you live too. A round of drinks for $10-15 does not exist here, so I don't feel bad if a guy is spending what he normally would no matter where/who he went out with. Salaries are higher here too, a drink isn't going to cost more than his hourly wage you know?
Someone mentioned that if a man made her pay anything within 5-10 dates, that was a dealbreaker. As I've said, I think that to make a man continuously pay in a relationship is ridiculous and selfish.
I'm in Richmond....I've got plenty of friends in DC. A round of drinks for $15-20 is attainable in Adams Morgan.
People my age/in my scene don't really hang out in Adams Morgan, its like a big frat party, and $15 is still def not doable. As far as the pay gap, I'm not talking about YOU or ME specifically, I make plenty myself lol. THIS is what I'm talking about, the overall wage gap between genders: http://www.seiu.org/2010/04/77-cents-on-a-mans-dollar-women-still-earn-less-than-men.php0 -
Eh.... is what it is. I'm still going to offer to pay whether he earns more, I earn more. I want to feel like I'm contributing.0
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Wow, this whole dating thing sounds pretty complicated.
I just want to take your *kitten* out to a steak dinner.0 -
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Saw this question posted somewhere and it got me thinking...no matter how you've met someone (in person or online), or how long you've known them, etc, what are your "First Date Rules"
Some of mine are:
No kissing on the first date. No cursing on the first date. (this is more for me, but i also don't like men to do that early on) Let the guy be a gentleman. (Sometimes women get caught up in being independent and self sufficient but on a date you should just sit back and be a lady) No talking about the ex
If there was no goodnight kiss I would assume you weren't interested in a second date.
The rest is pretty legit. But I just try to go with it and have fun.0
