widows and widowers welcome

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  • quilteryoyo
    quilteryoyo Posts: 5,999 Member
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    Yes JulieGo, I do girl push-ups, for now. I'm working toward "real" ones. I too enjoy your gym stories. Did Satan help you out with the machines as he promised he would? Good for you that you keep going.

    Slziner, I understand how hard vacations without your spouse can be. The first one is the hardest, so you have that one behind you. It will get better and more relaxing each time. The first time I went to see my husbands family after he died I literally kept counting how many people were there because I felt like someone was missing. It took me a while to realize it was John. But it was such a strong feeling. That first trip was more stressful than fun, but they have gotten a lot better since then. Hang in there. I commend you for going.

    I had a bad eating weekend. My birthday was Saturday. Need I say more? I'll get back with it today. I'm supposed to play tennis this evening, but it looks like it will probably be rained out. I have meetings today, so will not run until tomorrow morning. I still have my 4 runs scheduled into my week. It'll all work out one way or the other.

    Hope you all have a great week! :flowerforyou:
  • beckster2223
    beckster2223 Posts: 19 Member
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    My you girls have been busy while I have been away. I didn't completely fall off the wagon but I did fall off the tracking in MFP for quite some time. During this time however, I have started the Online Trainer program and am loving it. I am down a few pounds, a few inches and a few % body fat. I will post this Thursday when I do my weigh in/Fit Test. Also during this time, my Grandpa passed away. He was 88 years old and he and Grandma had been married almost 63 years. I already had a few days scheduled for vacation so took those plus my bereavement time and spent 6 days with Grandma. She told me there was no way she would have been able to stay at their house if I had not been there. I am very thankful that I was able to be there with her and able to comfort her as I knew all too well what it was like. My boys had a lot of questions about the funeral. My husband was cremated so no casket, body viewing or burial. My oldest stuck like glue to my dad and I think that was good for both of them. But the 5 year old had a million questions.

    On a completely different subject, I had a date. It was okay but the guys was a few years younger than me and I don't think we are on the same page of responsiblities. Nice guy....just not going to work. Got the "first" out of the way. Ugh...I don't like this dating thing!!!!!
  • JulieGo
    JulieGo Posts: 45 Member
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    Wow. I'm gone a few days and missed a lot!
    Beckster - a date. Wow. That's not even on my radar, but good for you!
    Susan — I haven't had a vacation since my Bill died, but then it's only been 10 months and I've been working. I don't see a vacation on my radar either! Maybe after my home loan is modified I can start thinking about that.
    Quilter — Happy Birthday. I think we all get a pass on our birthdays. Unfortunately, I feel like we all should get a pass on everyone's birthday! Every day. But good for you for running 4 days a week.
    I'm still going to the gym and walking. I'm discouraged because I don't see much weight loss. Seems like the same couple of pounds over and over. But I'm sticking with it because it makes me feel better and also sleep better. I'm sure the weight will start coming off. I've just been at a plateau for a long, long time.
    Ladies - have a good Wednesday evening. I'll check in tomorrow.
    Julie
  • slzinser
    slzinser Posts: 15 Member
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    Quilter - So happy for a Birthday! Did you celebrate? A balloon maybe! I hope is was a good one.

    Beckster - A date! Wow, I can't imagine that. I have thought about that alot and wonder what that would be like. My husband and I were married for 26 years and I was so young when I married, I don't think I remember dating. I have taken the approach that dating will have to wait till after my daughter is up and out. She is 17, so after one more year of high school, we will see. I just don't want to confuse her and bring something into her life to explain. Maybe that's weird, but it's my theory. She has suggested I try and meet someone, so I don't think she would have a problem with it, but right now it's easy to hide behind her. I'm fine with it. . .

    JulieGo - you GO girl . . I look forward to your next adventure story! It really does bring smiles!

    Until next time,
    Susan
  • quilteryoyo
    quilteryoyo Posts: 5,999 Member
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    beckster - sounds like you are doing great! Keep up the good work. Good for you for getting that first date over with. Me, I'm not dating yet and really don't feel the need. But, if the right guy dropped out of the sky, I might reconsider. :wink:

    JulieGo- try to not get discouraged. With all of that gym work, I bet you are losing inches. Have you measured yourself to see? Or are you close fitting looser? And, just keep reminding yourself how much better you feel when exercising. That will keep you going. I know you can do it. If not, :devil: will get you. LOL

    Thanks for the birthday wishes. I did not do anything except eat things I shouldn't have. I watched TV and read some. I like to go somewhere I've never been before or do something new on my birthday. I just didn't plan ahead this year. So, no balloon ride, Susan. Maybe I'll plan better next year.

    I get to see one of my grand-daughter's on Monday. She is coming up from FL with her grand - parents (my husband's ex and her husband) to his mom's house about an hour away. I have been invited to come up so I can see her. I know, it sounds weird to most people, but his ex and I are friends. She's a very nice lady and, if they had never gotten a divorce, I would never have gotten to be married to him. There's no reason for me to not like her. She and John got along well, so there's no reason we shouldn't either. Anyway, I am really looking forward to seeing Zoe. She's 3 and I've only gotten to see her five times in her life, I think. She sure is a cutie pie.

    Well, I'd better get off of here, get dressed, and head out for my morning run. I'm planning another easy run today with a long one tomorrow, since the temperature is supposed to be lower all day tomorrow! Have a great day everyone.
  • Dinah2
    Dinah2 Posts: 42 Member
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    HI Everybody

    I lost my husband in December from cancer he had for a year. We were married 35 years and would have been 36 on August 29. I am 56 so I got married at almost 21.

    I decided to get fit and eat right and I joined in July. I have been doing wii step and strength training exercises. I have back issues and have been able to do more and feel great. Do any of you have a fitbit. I love it. It keeps me motivating into reaching the goals.
    Its great for motivation.

    I have a son in Cleveland and my daughter lives nearby with her husband and my two grandsons, 6 and 2. They are really good at lifting my spirits.

    I'm glad for the group and hope we can inspire each other to get fit and healthy.
    Dinah
  • JulieGo
    JulieGo Posts: 45 Member
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    Hi Dinah. Welcome.
    I'm Julie and I lost my husband last October 1. We were married for 26 years and I was 31 when we took the plunge. So I'm 58 now. I started Fitness Pal about a hundred years ago and have periodically logged on. I'm trying to be more committed because I still have so much to lose.
    I joined a gym about a month ago and already have started skipping days. My knee have gotten really bad since I sprained one last January (it was a very tough winter for me!). So I need motivation.
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. Keep checking back with us because these are wonderful ladies who have all been through it.
    Julie
  • quilteryoyo
    quilteryoyo Posts: 5,999 Member
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    Dinah, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died in 2006 from brain cancer. Cancer is so widespread and such an awful disease. Again, I am sorry for your loss. Welcome to this group. We not only support each other in our physical journey, but also in our grief journey...because that is what it is. A journey. Not one any of us wanted to take, but we're on it and have to deal with it.

    I'm glad the exercise is making you feel better. I actually started exercising in order to get off of anti-depressants....and it worked! Exercise can also help with your joint and back issues, as you have already found out. Keep it up. You've taken the first steps and sounds like you are doing great.

    Julie, You don't HAVE to go to the gym every day. I think I would get burned out pretty quickly. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is okay to skip days, just don't stop going altogether! I'd miss your stories of :devil: if you did. :laugh:

    Hope you all have a great day. Going to help with the American Cancer Society Cancer Prevention Study sign up again today.
  • slzinser
    slzinser Posts: 15 Member
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    Welcome Dinah! I lost my husband New Years Day 2009 also from Cancer. We were married for 24 years. 6 months from diagnosis to death, so yes I agree, it's a horrible illness.

    I have been doing MFP since July 4th of this year and have found it very helpful and it forces accountability for me. I enjoy this group and it has helped me make some online-friends to help keep us going and progressing through our journey. I so agree with Quilter, life, grief and living is so much a journey. I don't think you ever get to the destination. . . . . .

    Dinah - I'm so sorry for your loss. As far away as we seem, this group does encourage and help get through some of the many issues we share with losing a spouse.

    Until next time,
    Susan
  • Dinah2
    Dinah2 Posts: 42 Member
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    Thanks everybody. My son is here from Cleveland this weekend:smile: We are going to my daughters in a little while to see her her husband and my grandsons. He has a labradoodle and they love her. I have stuck to my eating program and exercising while he is here. So that is good.

    It is funny how many around the house things husbands do that now I have to figure out or have someone to come over and do. I live in the country and have a sand point and been having trouble with the waterpump and then my lights were flickering. I do not know much about electricity or waterpumps. But my son in law has been helping me out with things around the house, but I hate to ask him.

    I'm getting along fine but it is certainly different.
    Dinah
  • slzinser
    slzinser Posts: 15 Member
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    Dinah - Husband chores, it's never ending and every one I do or have someone do make me miss him more. I run a business (automotive related) that my husband and I opened over 20 years ago, and everyday there is something. I have learned that everyday is a new day and everyday you will get through it. I have to make a conscious decision to keep going. People say I'm a strong woman, but it's strength out of desperation, but they don't see that. Keep depending on people and accept their help. It's hard to ask and then accept the help, but they wouldn't make themselves available to you if they didn't care for you. One day at a time!

    Until next time!
    Susan
  • Dinah2
    Dinah2 Posts: 42 Member
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    Thanks Susan.

    Well I got weighed and measured today and have lost 9.2 pounds and 7 inches in 5 weeks. I am 5'1" and so every little bit shows gaining especially. I try to eat about 1100 to 1200 calories a day and do the wii and walk and strength train. It had been a long time since I had done any exercise and now I make sure I get it done. It is easier for me to do it first thing in the morning even if I have to get up really early. That way I don't have to worry about it the rest of the day. Since it is only me to cook for, I drink two shakes a day for 2 of the meals, two snacks, and then a balanced third meal. I almost always eat the 100 calorie popcorn if I have calories left.

    Thanks for the support.

    Dinah
  • quilteryoyo
    quilteryoyo Posts: 5,999 Member
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    Dinah,

    Sounds like you are doing well with the weight. You do need to continue to make sure you eat enough calories to fuel your body and try to eat back some of your exercise calories. I know that is hard. Cooking for myself was one of the hardest things for me to do after my husband died. I would cook breakfast, but nothing else. It's been 6 years and I am just now beginning to cook more meals. You are trying to take care of yourself and get your exercise in, so you are doing great!

    I also know about the husband chores...sure we all do. I do accept help, and ask for it, for things I can't do myself. It is still frustrating though that those things have to be done when the person who is helping can come and not when I want them to be done. It sure is different.

    Everyone keep up the good work. Hope you have a great day.
  • JulieGo
    JulieGo Posts: 45 Member
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    Hi everyone,
    Nice to see the activity on the site. I've been pre-occupied for awhile and have only had the chance to log on today.
    I'm getting better about going to the gym. It still hasn't become something I look forward to though. I wish I was one of those people who love to go to the gym. I've never been.
    But, I plod forward.
    I have to take a good hard look at my eating habits. What was so automatic 6 months ago has changed and I'm making poor choices again. I did really well when my kidney disease was diagnosed.
    Maybe fear is a good motivating factor!
    Oh!! The husband chores! I'm still getting through that. Something new crops up all the time: from cleaning gutters to changing overhead lights in the garage to cleaning the AC filter. There was so much he did without talking about it. I always feel a little stronger when I finish something that I've done for the first time.
    Ladies - have a great Thursday. I'm hoping to have something positive to report soon.
    Julie
  • quilteryoyo
    quilteryoyo Posts: 5,999 Member
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    Julie,

    Good job on plodding along in the gym. You don't have to like it, just do it! Oh no, am I sounding like :devil: ?! :laugh:

    Like I have said, eating well has been the absolute hardest thing for me to do after my husband died. Looking back, I had the same bad habits when I was single before I got married. I had never learned how to cook for just myself and be healthy. (I didn't get married until I was 35 and had been in the Air Force for 12 years.) I would just grab fast food on the way home from work and don't even want to tell you how bad I was when I traveled for meetings. If I hadn't been forced to stay below a certain weight, I would have been huge when I got out, I'm sure. So, I am having to learn that new skill....cooking well for one. Any of you have ideas on foods. I've thought that I need to get a bunch of quick, healthy recipes for one and make a cookbook for all of those single people out there....never married or widows/widowers. There are some books out there, but the recipes aren't very simple and require lots of ingredients I don't have on hand. Oh well, that's for a different time.

    Right now, I'm trying to decide which husband job to tackle today. I need to work on filling cracks in the driveway, edge all along the .25 miles of my driveway (I usually just edge near the house and do all of it once or twice a year), and cut the trees back from the edge of the yard and driveway. That's just 3 of the jobs I haven't tackled yet this summer that need to be done before it gets cold. There are others. Well, sounds like I need to get off of the computer and get my butt up and get busy.

    Hope you all have a great Friday and weekend! Keep exercising and tracking foods! :smile:
  • JulieGo
    JulieGo Posts: 45 Member
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    Cooking for one for me is about the same as cooking for two. Except ... I only cook what I want and I like. I find myself eating more salads and vegetables. My husband liked good food, but always seemed to need a meat, potatoes and veggie at each dinner.
    Now I make dinner out of salad, veggies and a small amount of protein. I trim chicken breasts to 4 ounce pieces and freeze them. Salads last a few days. It's not hard once you get on a roll and learn what you like.
    I've become a huge fan of roasted beets! My husband didn't like beets. Now I buy fresh, organic beets and cut them up and drizzle them with balsamic vinegar and roast the in foil on the grill. Yum!!!
    Roasted corn and zucchini on the grill ... easy to do for one person.
    Now, if I could cut back on the Haggen Daaz Vanilla Bean Ice Cream, I might be able to drop some weight!!!
    Happy Friday!
  • Dinah2
    Dinah2 Posts: 42 Member
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    Have you tried the Blue Bunny frozen yogurt. The homemade vanilla and the vanilla bean are really good. The fat free is 90 cal for 1/2 cup and the lowfat is 120 for 1/2 cup. Both are excellent. They did not have them at the store the other day so I got the caramel praline crunch it too is 120 cal for 1/2 cup. Really good. They have the probiotics like the regular.

    I drink 2 protein shakes for two meals so the other meal is the only one I have to worry about. I am remodeling and without a kitchen so I am confined to a grill and a microwave so I have grilled alot of veggies and meat and microwave popcorn. I have not had a diet meal in months which I used to live on. Grilling is so much better plus I was told you do not lose weight on them because they are processed food no matter the calorie count. Who knows?

    I went out for lunch and dinner both yesterday and stayed on track! I went to Applebee's and had the Weight Watchers Shrimp which was 300 calories and my grandson wanted to go to Dairy Queen for supper and I had the grilled chicken salad which I think was 385 and then of course I had popcorn at the movies but still kept on track.

    So I guess it can be done.

    Have a good weekend everybody
    Dinah
  • quilteryoyo
    quilteryoyo Posts: 5,999 Member
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    Dinah,

    Sounds like you did great on your day out. I love Applebee's low calorie menu items. I'd have them even if I wasn't trying to watch what I eat. I don't think we get Blue Bunny here. I like the Dannon Light & Fit yogurts. I used to eat them a lot, but not as much lately. I guess I got tired of them. I am doing better. I baked chicken last night and had baked cubed potatoes and sauteed zuchinni, onions, and mushrooms as my sides. I'm getting there.

    Hope you are having a great weekend too...that goes for everyone.
  • JulieGo
    JulieGo Posts: 45 Member
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    Dinah - good for you on the grilling. I love grilling. I never though I would open the barbecue after Bill died, but it's my favorite way to cook right now. And about those processed diet meals!! I lived on those for a few months after Bill died. I lost some weight - but that was probably the grief diet kicking in.
    I just didn't feel good eating that food. I can't stand the taste of that frozen stuff any more. I'm becoming a whole food eater and I love it. My weight is stuck though.
    So, instead of Vanilla Bean ice cream, I just had some Yoplait Light Orange Creme yogurt. Yummy and healthy.
    I've been being a little bit bad though. And I don't blame myself. Here's what happened. My neighbor across the street lost her mother recently and I sent over a beautiful peace lily. These are very kind and generous people who were very good to me when Bill died. They sent me food and stuff.
    So, I send them a plant and the next thing I know, she shows up with a whole bucket of these Madeleines fro Costco. They are SO light and delicious. My first thought was to bring them to work or save them for the barbecue I'm having on Sunday for my family. But no. I opened it up and started having 2 or 3 each day. OMG They're yummy!!! \
    So ... I solemnly promise that after Labor Day weekend I 'll get back on track and begin tracking my food and exercise again. I'm counting on you ladies to keep me honest because Lord knows I can't do this alone!!!
    Have a great Thursday.
    Julie
  • quilteryoyo
    quilteryoyo Posts: 5,999 Member
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    Julie,

    What is a Madeleine? Sounds like you have the same problem with them that I do with Oreo Cookies. If there's an open package of them near me, they'll be gone in no time! I think they jump in my mouth all by themselves. :laugh:

    I expect to see you back on her on Tuesday and start logging and exercising again! It is very easy to get out of the habit and tell yourself that you will start tomorrow. But, as the old saying goes, tomorrow never comes. Today is the only day we can do anything about, so get your behind in gear and get going! :bigsmile:

    Hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend!