Sidenote-- why can't I edit my posts anymore? I have to quote everything. lol.

You only have one hour after a post to edit.

I'm going to be honest. Lately I find it hard to manage a day that doesn't go 3,000+ calories.

Today I was thinking I should eat phase 1 of south beach, that didn't work. I don't like telling myself I can't have whole grains or fruit. Too restrictive. But I can't get over the fact that I gained 7 lbs. That makes me mad and I want to run to the first thing that promises me immediate results. Sugar still controls me (I don't mean grains and fruit. I mean sweets and junk food - one bite of it makes me want more. more. more.)
I keep telling myself I will be happy once I get into a healthy BMI and thats everything I need to strive for. But that's not really true because I need to solve this binge eating issue, the weight isn't the big problem... it's the relationship with food. Everything would line up smoothly if I didn't struggle with binges. I could slowly lose all the weight and never gain it back if weight was the only issue.


So... I'm trying to evaluate myself... but I don't know why I keep bingeing. I feel like I want to do the best ever. And then it goes completely opposite. I can't say I love food when I continuously eat more and more servings of one thing. Thats not loving - that's something else. It's like I won't see it the next day, like I need it to comfort me. Or I need something to make me not think. Distraction. It's so hard to know why.
I feel like I have way too many triggers.

There are trigger foods in the house and I can't get rid of them because other people like them.
I feel like I should be able to deal with my stress productively but I am finding it's very hard. Not because I don't have other alternatives.... but because I seem to choose food over them. I still want the food more than any other alternative (like a bath, walk, reading over my blogs, etc)

Why Do I feel this way? Is it just a sucky self control? Lack of motivation? Can you make any sense of this because I don't understand myself somedays. =/

Negatives: I have binged twice this month,
Positives: I logged everything.

This actually brings tears to my eyes because this is me!!! You are not alone. I am trying to figure out why I do this too. When I restrict foods I binge, when I eat foods that aren't that good for me I am so angry at myself b/c I feel like I will not lose weight eating those things. I keep having to update my weight loss ticker higher and higher. I am totally addicted to sugar and for the past few days have really been trying to eat very clean and low sugar foods, it seems my cravings are getting less and less but I know that I am setting myself up for a binge--only a matter of time. I don't know why food is so hard for me but I look at my husband and he has no issues at all and I don't understand. Then I watch how my kids eat and when you are a baby and toddler you have intuitive eating down but I remember binging as a teen and then in college and now even at almost 35 I will still do it and I really don't want to set unhealthy eating habits for my children. Some years in my life I don't struggle with it, but some years are really tough for some reason--like this year. I should probably see a therapist but for some reason I don't. I have every excuse in the book and I tend to put myself last. I have a good friend and we both struggle with this. She has recently shared what her therapist is telling her about her "disordered eating" and basically it throws every food rule you have EVER read or heard in your life out the window and this woman is teaching her how to eat again. Hang in there and know that this is really so hard for so many of us. You have to eat and are surrounded by food always which makes it even harder.

I'm going to be honest. Lately I find it hard to manage a day that doesn't go 3,000+ calories.

Today I was thinking I should eat phase 1 of south beach, that didn't work. I don't like telling myself I can't have whole grains or fruit. Too restrictive. But I can't get over the fact that I gained 7 lbs. That makes me mad and I want to run to the first thing that promises me immediate results. Sugar still controls me (I don't mean grains and fruit. I mean sweets and junk food - one bite of it makes me want more. more. more.)
I keep telling myself I will be happy once I get into a healthy BMI and thats everything I need to strive for. But that's not really true because I need to solve this binge eating issue, the weight isn't the big problem... it's the relationship with food. Everything would line up smoothly if I didn't struggle with binges. I could slowly lose all the weight and never gain it back if weight was the only issue.


So... I'm trying to evaluate myself... but I don't know why I keep bingeing. I feel like I want to do the best ever. And then it goes completely opposite. I can't say I love food when I continuously eat more and more servings of one thing. Thats not loving - that's something else. It's like I won't see it the next day, like I need it to comfort me. Or I need something to make me not think. Distraction. It's so hard to know why.
I feel like I have way too many triggers.

There are trigger foods in the house and I can't get rid of them because other people like them.
I feel like I should be able to deal with my stress productively but I am finding it's very hard. Not because I don't have other alternatives.... but because I seem to choose food over them. I still want the food more than any other alternative (like a bath, walk, reading over my blogs, etc)

Why Do I feel this way? Is it just a sucky self control? Lack of motivation? Can you make any sense of this because I don't understand myself somedays. =/

Negatives: I have binged twice this month,
Positives: I logged everything.

This actually brings tears to my eyes because this is me!!! You are not alone. I am trying to figure out why I do this too. When I restrict foods I binge, when I eat foods that aren't that good for me I am so angry at myself b/c I feel like I will not lose weight eating those things. I keep having to update my weight loss ticker higher and higher. I am totally addicted to sugar and for the past few days have really been trying to eat very clean and low sugar foods, it seems my cravings are getting less and less but I know that I am setting myself up for a binge--only a matter of time. I don't know why food is so hard for me but I look at my husband and he has no issues at all and I don't understand. Then I watch how my kids eat and when you are a baby and toddler you have intuitive eating down but I remember binging as a teen and then in college and now even at almost 35 I will still do it and I really don't want to set unhealthy eating habits for my children. Some years in my life I don't struggle with it, but some years are really tough for some reason--like this year. I should probably see a therapist but for some reason I don't. I have every excuse in the book and I tend to put myself last. I have a good friend and we both struggle with this. She has recently shared what her therapist is telling her about her "disordered eating" and basically it throws every food rule you have EVER read or heard in your life out the window and this woman is teaching her how to eat again. Hang in there and know that this is really so hard for so many of us. You have to eat and are surrounded by food always which makes it even harder.

Yeah, I guess the "diet" mentality is hard to get rid of sometimes. I'm trying very hard, but they have been trained into my mind for a long time...food rules.
I seem to do better when I'm limiting sugar - I know it can lead to a binge sometimes... but it helps regardless. Once the cravings are down I have more control... I am amazed when I watch how babies/kids eat intuitively. Something I haven't done in a long time. I guess your husband doesn't have as much of a problem because guys have higher metabolisms.. .
I don't think your kids will carry your behavior. Just make sure to encourage them to follow their hunger, and offer them healthy foods as well as treats... .kids are pretty simple. They don't usually eat unless they're hungry.. just don't force them to "make a clean plate".. .my parents did that a lot and it made me feel like I had to eat everything in front of me all the time.

I've been listening to podcasts today.... browsing encouraging quotes....and staying away from the kitchen. I'm not going to commit or make promises for tomorrow... .I'm just taking it meal by meal for the rest of the day...

Thanks for the reply. Good luck. You're right, food is difficult because we are always surrounded by it.

You might find this book useful if you can find it on the Amazon for your country.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rules-Normal-Eating-Commonsense-Undereaters/dp/0936077212