First Date Rules
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Generally I think a first date is about seeing if you even like the other person's company, and it's hard to do that if you're following a scripted set of rules...
This is kind of my point. You are there to see if you enjoy each other and want to go out again. You don't know me, so why would you want to hold my hand, kiss me, try to have sex with me.... When you don't know me!!! That's just how I see it. By date 2 you've established there's some interest and attraction so I open up to it a bit more. If I'm not wanting a kiss by date 2 I question why
Great point!0 -
See I like kissing, and how good our kissing chemistry is really makes a difference in me wanting to see someone again. SO if he kisses me on the first date I see no issue with that if I was giving off the right signals.
But be your self, have fun and don't be too stuck on rules. Although I won't sleep with someone..because I don't do that with strangers anyway lol.0 -
for all the cheap women in the thread, at least buy a round of drinks, it's 5 dollars, and trust me, the guys will appreciate it.
I always find ways to make it up... my last date he got tickets to a lacross game, so I went and got us some beers.
BUT a round is only $5??? Where do you live?? A beer here is like $8.50 each
Dallas, TX. Lol, everything is cheap. And you just gave a perfect example of little gestures that go along way.
I need to move there. Canada is expensive haha
This was date 3 though, I would still like a man to offer to pay date one. I had a man let me pay it all when I offered only to pay mine - wrong on so many levels. He was the main reason I have all my first date rules. He was creepy.
i'm with ya on date one, i'll pay if i'm interested, even if i'm not i'll cover it, that said i'll usually meet for coffee or something first if it's a first time meet (online). i've been in dating situations where it's the 4th or 5th date and she hasn't paid a dime. that's about the time i start looking elsewhere.
Exactly, date one is usually pretty small - a beer or coffee. I'm usually generally not open to much more that the first time anyways.
I always offer or try to get my gesture in. I've dated guys who refused to ever let me pay so I've surprised them with tickets to a game or something.0 -
Ladies, this whole paying-for-dates tired argument has absolutely nothing to do with our desire to get in your bank account. We just want you to physically pull out your wallet at some point, without us suggesting it. Actually, I would never suggest it - sounds tacky and cheap. I have no intention of letting you actually do anything with it, there is just something about that act that shows character and a willingness to be part of an equal relationship.
I went on one first date with a girl where we bar hopped to about four places. She ordered drinks each time and then looked over at me when the tab came. I never called her back.
Another first date last night, I paid admission to the pinball museum as it was my idea. We went for coffee afterwards and immediately out came her wallet. I still paid but it made a big impression on me.
Edit: See kimad's post for examples of a good natured gesture.0 -
You had me at "pinball museum"
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I have had sex on the first date and it was awesome. I have no intention of limiting myself to a specific set of rules and stressing about if I not sticking to them. This isn't say that I'm going to have sex on every first date, but if we're vibing I don't see a point in not going for it. If he doesn't call me the next day I tend to not get hung up on it. If he does, sweet. I'm not the type of person that gets hung up on sex as a sacred thing. I do believe it can be special and intimate with established relationships but I can also differentiate between getting my rocks off and being in love.0
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I have had sex on the first date and it was awesome. I have no intention of limiting myself to a specific set of rules and stressing about if I not sticking to them. This isn't say that I'm going to have sex on every first date, but if we're vibing I don't see a point in not going for it. If he doesn't call me the next day I tend to not get hung up on it. If he does, sweet. I'm not the type of person that gets hung up on sex as a sacred thing. I do believe it can be special and intimate with established relationships but I can also differentiate between getting my rocks off and being in love.
Kits, I think that is great you can differentiate between the two... I am not saying that I can't, but due to my recent experience I am left wondering where I stand with all of this stuff. Even though I had only known the guy a month/5 dates, I felt we were on the same page to work for more. I didn't feel at the time having sex was going to ruin anything/him dump me, etc. Had I have known I probably wouldn't have done it - not becuase I think sex is sacred, persay, but more so becuase I am looking for a long term committed relationship nothing less. If I was just out to have fun, find someone to casually date, etc. I wouldn't have cared - and I have done the FWB thing so I feel I get the difference between the two.
I also think on a side note, I tend to me a bit 'jaded' about it becuase of the industry I work in. I am a women's health nurse, and I have seen every disease and rash, and whatnot known to man!
edit: typo0 -
I also think on a side note, I tend to me a bit 'jaded' about it becuase of the industry I work in. I am a women's health nurse, and I have seen every disease and rash, and whatnot known to man!
You PROMISED me that was confidential!
Kit - the pinball museum was pretty rad, but not very conducive to a first date. It was very loud and I was tempted to pay too much attention to the games. I will be going back again with buddies.
edit: I always edit, don't worry about the why.0 -
I also think on a side note, I tend to me a bit 'jaded' about it becuase of the industry I work in. I am a women's health nurse, and I have seen every disease and rash, and whatnot known to man!
You PROMISED me that was confidential!
Kit - the pinball museum was pretty rad, but not very conducive to a first date. It was very loud and I was tempted to pay too much attention to the games. I will be going back again with buddies.
edit: I always edit, don't worry about the why.
I'd let you play MY pinball machine
Kim, I would also prefer a committed relationship. I don't think having sex early and seeking a long term partner are mutually exclusive.0 -
I love kissing :smooched: i think if the chemistry is right and you're attracted to each other, then you just naturally want to kiss/touch. But then again, some people dont like PDA, so I can only speak for what I find acceptable/compatible with the way I am. I've had 1st dates when we dont kiss too. But usually they are the sober dates!! lol
I always offer to pay.
However, If the guy doesnt offer the first drink as soon as he meets me, then a) I think he's not interested or b) I think he's stingy, which is a turn off for me. Pet hate of mine in fact!
I certainly offer the second drink, and then take it in turns unless he runs up to the bar and wont let me pay, which is usually what happens if the guy's really into me.
I agree that you should just go with the flow and not get hung up on rules. Every date is different. It just depends on the vibe of the two people involved.0 -
I went on one first date with a girl where we bar hopped to about four places. She ordered drinks each time and then looked over at me when the tab came. I never called her back.
That's just .............all wrong! I would never in a million years go up to the bar and order drinks and expect someone else to pay!
Don't blame you for not calling her.........she has no manners!0 -
I always offer to pay on first dates, and have only been taken up on that once.
Only first date rule I have is to not have sex on first date.....always have had this and has worked for me well so far. This may be partly due to the fact that someone can seem very interested and say "we should get together again" and never call....and if I had slept with them,.......that would not work well for me.0 -
for all the cheap women in the thread, at least buy a round of drinks, it's 5 dollars, and trust me, the guys will appreciate it.
its not about being cheap. for me its about being old fashioned/traditional. and yes I will cook and clean for my man. (notice I said my man, not a first date).
furthermore, where I'm from, when a woman offers to pay, a man will get offended because they will take it to mean that a. he can't afford to pay for both, or b. he's being friend zoned.
ETA: so for me its more about letting him know that I am interested in him romantically and that I respect him enough to let him be the man. Of course if I like someone I will find ways to contribute like getting movie tickets or tickets to a game in advance, cooking him dinner (when we get to that point). But its something about being at a restaurant and picking up the tab taht doesnt feel right.0 -
im sure ill get flamed, but seriously though.. if a guy is just after sex from you, and you dont pick up on it yourself early on... wouldn't it be logical and far less painful to have sex earlier on in the relationship and have him poof? rather than date after date allowing yourself to get more and more attached to them? if hes gonna poof, hes gonna poof!
I also know a theory used by many women is that if they just hold out long enough, that the dogs will get frustrated and leave early on out of frustration... but a LOT of guys are far more patient than most women give them credit for... especially when the woman is going for a 5-7 range guy rather than a 8-10 guy...0 -
Interesting thoughts from everyone on here...
For myself, I'd be myself and go with the flow. I don't set any rules for a first date. I'm completely myself from date one. I don't want a man to be out on date 6 or 7 and say "who the hell are you and where did you come from?". I've had many men comment on how comfortable I am to talk with and how stress-free our first dates were. I like it that way.
Kissing on a first date.... sometimes it will happen, sometimes it won't. Depends on the man, depends on the date. It doesn't determine if the date was great or not. I've had great first dates that ended with and without kisses (and one that ended in sex).
Paying on a first date...I'll always bring out my wallet and offer to pay. Most times he won't let me pay. If we have multiple destinations on our date, I'll insist (i.e. - one date we went to the batting cages, starbucks & lunch....another we followed dinner with a round of drinks in the basement). In all of those times, the man seemed genuinely appreciative.
Things that I do look for in a man during a first date (other than the normal hygiene, chemistry, etc).... does he wait for me to order first, does he hold the door, is he polite to our waiter/barista, etc.
And, LMAO at JNash's comment about not paying during dating....I'm just going to throw a big ditto right into that. If you're not going to contribute at some point during the first few dates, I find that to be really selfish. I hope you're making up for it in other ways.0 -
im sure ill get flamed, but seriously though.. if a guy is just after sex from you, and you dont pick up on it yourself early on... wouldn't it be logical and far less painful to have sex earlier on in the relationship and have him poof? rather than date after date allowing yourself to get more and more attached to them? if hes gonna poof, hes gonna poof!
You make a valid point, one I have considered since this happened to me for the first time a month ago!!!!
Sometimes I think they are SOOO good though that you don't get any signs yourself early on. I know in my situation, looking back, I can pinpoint the one....but, ya sometimes you don't get them... so with that again, I think you make a valid point.0 -
im sure ill get flamed, but seriously though.. if a guy is just after sex from you, and you dont pick up on it yourself early on... wouldn't it be logical and far less painful to have sex earlier on in the relationship and have him poof? rather than date after date allowing yourself to get more and more attached to them? if hes gonna poof, hes gonna poof!
I also know a theory used by many women is that if they just hold out long enough, that the dogs will get frustrated and leave early on out of frustration... but a LOT of guys are far more patient than most women give them credit for... especially when the woman is going for a 5-7 range guy rather than a 8-10 guy...
That's an interesting thought. I rather beat someone at their own game rather than be used. I had an experience with a man in a similar situation. The crazy thing is our first date was filled with sex talk from his part. I thought I over exaggerated because of my sexual inexperience, so I gave him another chance. Low and behold he poofed after I rejected him in bed a few times. Then I found out from a friend he tried to sleep with another girl who rejected him around the same time he was dating me. If a man doesn't have another option, they will usually stick around. You have to worry about the ones who struggle to get dates because they will stick around longer until something else comes along.0 -
for all the cheap women in the thread, at least buy a round of drinks, it's 5 dollars, and trust me, the guys will appreciate it.
its not about being cheap. for me its about being old fashioned/traditional. and yes I will cook and clean for my man. (notice I said my man, not a first date).
furthermore, where I'm from, when a woman offers to pay, a man will get offended because they will take it to mean that a. he can't afford to pay for both, or b. he's being friend zoned.
ETA: so for me its more about letting him know that I am interested in him romantically and that I respect him enough to let him be the man. Of course if I like someone I will find ways to contribute like getting movie tickets or tickets to a game in advance, cooking him dinner (when we get to that point). But its something about being at a restaurant and picking up the tab taht doesnt feel right.
Same here. Where I'm from, if a guy asks you out to dinner, picks you up, all the stuff that signals it's a "proper" date, and then you offer to pay at the end of the meal, it is a clear sign (to him) that you don't want him to think there's going to be a second date. I think it's long since been established on this board that things are different in different parts of the U.S. and different parts of the world. It doesn't mean one region's customs are better or worse than another's. Not all women who don't offer to pay on a first date are cheap or selfish, and not all women who ask men out are desperate or control freaks. People are allowed to like what they like.0 -
im sure ill get flamed, but seriously though.. if a guy is just after sex from you, and you dont pick up on it yourself early on... wouldn't it be logical and far less painful to have sex earlier on in the relationship and have him poof? rather than date after date allowing yourself to get more and more attached to them? if hes gonna poof, hes gonna poof!
I also know a theory used by many women is that if they just hold out long enough, that the dogs will get frustrated and leave early on out of frustration... but a LOT of guys are far more patient than most women give them credit for... especially when the woman is going for a 5-7 range guy rather than a 8-10 guy...
This is a really sad way to be thinking about the beautiful blossoming of a new relationship..........
However, I tend to agree!! lol
If you're sexually active and not religiously predisposed, there really is no valid reason to hold out on sex if you like sex. None whatsoever! Everything else is just societal pressure and game playing.0 -
Good ones!1.) "Accidentally" leave my wallet in the car - it's empty anyways
2.) Crack a couple gay-jokes so she knows I'm not one of them, but make it clear that lesbians are cool as long as they don't wear flannels and trucker hats
3.) Make a point to tell any bums asking us for change to get a real job - girls like confidence
4.) Knock her drink out of her hand so I can inspect her cleaning skills
You know, basically just common sense.
Edit: Oh, I forgot - use the "c-word" as often as possible, both in reference to women and their lady parts. Real cake-winner here.
I generally try to compliment her on her outfit and tell her how great it will look on my bedroom floor.
I never wait for a bum to ask me for change, I always ask them first. Girls like guys that show initiative and have jobs.
I usually try to throw in a couple backhanded compliments so it weakens her self esteem and makes me look better. Things like "You could be really pretty if you just dropped a few pounds" or " I can hardly even notice your gray hairs/love handles/big feet"
Usually try to keep conversation light, I talk extensively about my fantasy football team or whatever video game I've been playing for the last 7 days straight. Sometimes add some lighthearted humor and ask her what her stance is on anal.
Fart. A lot, because it's funny.
Stare at her boobs a lot to let her know I am attracted to her.
I always try to be as friendly as possible to the wait staff to let her know I'm a man of the people. If the waitress is really nice I will also ask for her phone number or see what she's doing later. I'm just a really friendly person, girls like that.0
