Daily check in

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  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    Msty, I actually volunteer for a national organization that connects people with resources for disordered eating. If you are interested, I'd be glad to see if there's anyone in your area. I would need to get basic info (like how far you're willing to travel, city, etc) but I can totally do this. Of course some places are vastly under resourced when it comes to ED specialists but it's always worth a shot. If you're interested shoot me a message!
  • msty112
    msty112 Posts: 199 Member
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    I know stress is my biggest trigger and I don't manage it well, obviously. The biggest stressor has been that we have been trying to conceive again for almost 8 months and my body is not cooperating. I also realize that getting pregnant on top of this BED is probably not a good idea, and that stresses me out even more!
  • irishjeepgirl1969
    irishjeepgirl1969 Posts: 188 Member
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    No binging today. I ate some foods I'm not glad about, but I stayed below my calorie goal.

    My daughter has been sick, I've not been to the gym all week, and I have a phone appointment with my weight management case worker tomorrow. The perfect storm. Pray for me tomorrow!

    But today, no binge. I'll take that as a victory.
  • msty112
    msty112 Posts: 199 Member
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    I would call it a victory Irish!! I also managed not to binge today, but I didn't track my food either. Sometimes I feel like tracking my food sets me off, I see it go in the red by a few calories and I say "oh well the day is blown, might as well binge"
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    I do the exact same thing. I should consider not tracking. I've weighed and written my food in a journal for years so I could always keep doing that and not do it on MFP and see it that helps. Ok so glad you both had good days! Mine wasn't good, but given the circumstances could have been worse. Still not happy with it.
  • mweckler
    mweckler Posts: 623 Member
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    This is why this ED is tricky, we need to eat to stay alive, but sometimes eating can trigger a binge, or stress, or family, or emotions. So trying to play a balancing game where the scales are tipped not in your favor is hard.
    Each day we can wake up and post here is a victory, it means you are still trying, and fighting. It means you are still showing accountability for your actions, and still care enough to try to be healthy. For that I say congratulations to you all.
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    Things are not going well for me. I have a day off from my usual internship and decided I'm not gonna go to the gym. Now I went to the store and bought a cheesecake. It's relatively small and I've been craving it so much I feel like I need to just get it out of my system so I can stop obsessing a move on. But also its only 11:40 so if I start now I'm gonna end up with a full day binge. Maybe I should just allow myself unlimited cheesecake today but only cheesecake? HELP!
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    Update from four minutes ago: I ate 3/4 of it. Writing here to try to stop myself from finishing it now so I can have it later. Today is going to be horrible.
  • RespectTheKitty
    RespectTheKitty Posts: 1,667 Member
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    ((((((HUGS))))))
    Try not to beat yourself up. Take a few deep breaths and try to move on from the cheesecake. Today doesn't have to be horrible, even if it started out that way. Maybe try to have a short walk outside if it's nice, and clear your head. And remember we're all here rooting for you.
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    Thanks, I think getting out of the house would be a good idea. I'll go on a walk, and maybe I should reconsider going to the gym at some point. I hate myself so much right now, I do not understand why this is so difficult.
  • mweckler
    mweckler Posts: 623 Member
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    Because you are fighting your own mind and body. That is why this is hard. You are battling yourself and that is not fun at all. Do not be hard on yourself when you binge, you are doing the best you can do to maintain a binge free lifestyle, but with all of us there is no guarantee from day to day of a binge free day. Be thankful for the strong days, and on the days you do binge try to write down how you felt before, during and after the binge to try to see if a pattern begins to present itself. Then once you identify a pattern you can start to fix the reason behind it.
  • msty112
    msty112 Posts: 199 Member
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    I'm sorry it's been a rough day so far ab!! If it were me I would toss the rest of the cheesecake. Eating the rest later will only lead to more negative thoughts. We truly are fighting our own minds.

    I'm on the opposite side today, I'm restricting. My favorite jeans are getting tight and it's put me in a bad place. I know it will back fire and lead to a binge in the coming days...
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
    edited March 2016
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    Yeah that's tough. I used to restrict a lot after bingeing but it didn't do me any favors. Now I make a conscious effort not to, but then I feel like I end up bingeing anyway so it's frustrating.

    Today is going surprisingly well given the cheesecake earlier. I could have really gone off the deep end but I haven't really. I don't have many food options, and I'm not letting myself go out to buy stuff. My husband is gonna go get groceries for dinner and I think I'll probably get carried away but if I can come in under 5000 calories today I'll consider it a win. It's sad that it's come to that haha.
  • daniellethesheep
    daniellethesheep Posts: 117 Member
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    Today was bad for me too. I'm at about 5000 now and have no more food in my room so I don't think I'll eat anything else. Bought some Easter candy to send to my little sister and I opened it (of course). Ate about 2000 calories worth of chocolate and then had a bunch of pretzels. I'm disgusted with myself. I was feeling crappy earlier in the day, in a lot of pain while running, then over ate at lunch (not quite a binge though). After that I went to the store, got the candy, and went wayyy overboard.
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    Ugh I hate that. I also will buy things for people and eat it. And I'm really dreading the Easter candy! I hope tomorrow goes better for you. My day was bingey but not full blown binge day which is uncommon given the circumstances so I guess I owe myself credit for that.
  • chelseascounter
    chelseascounter Posts: 1,283 Member
    edited March 2016
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    Yes. I binged last night on multi packed Oreo thins. This is why I can't have junk food. :/
  • ab6046
    ab6046 Posts: 371 Member
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    Oh wow I've never had Oreo thins before but I like the sound of them. I ended up going to the store but just bought a small think of twizzlers and some doughnuts that I'll share so I guess that's it for the day. I came in just over 5000 calories which considering the cheesecake I ate, is really not bad. Still not good and need to get it together tomorrow.
  • irishjeepgirl1969
    irishjeepgirl1969 Posts: 188 Member
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    Would we give another human being as much power as we give food? Ab, you said you hate yourself right now. Why? Because you made a few bad choices? Because you are too many calories? But if you took your relationship with food out of your personal equation, how would you feel about yourself? Just from what I see, you are determined, hard working, and generous with your heart.

    Why do we focus so hard on giving food all the power?

    My day? Not bad. I finished right at 1400 calories. That health insurance call that I was dreading turned out to be a blessing. Seems my insurance co. has appointed a dietitian to me :) So far, the daily menu requires cooking :/ But we will iron out the wrinkles! I have renewed hope!

    Sadly, a five day binge means I gained weight this week.

    Next week, though, I will kick @ss!
  • mweckler
    mweckler Posts: 623 Member
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    @irishjeepgirl1969 Let me know if you need any help with the cooking? I mean I know how much you LOVE!!!! to cook and all.
  • RespectTheKitty
    RespectTheKitty Posts: 1,667 Member
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    I went out to eat for dinner last night and I think I must have eaten too much because today I feel tired and lethargic. I so do NOT want to go to the gym today... right now there's a huge battle going on in my head trying to psych myself up for going. Ugh.