widows and widowers welcome
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Hello everyone,
I have spent some time reading over the past post of the group and although the details are different our situations are very much the same. When one lady (can't remember which one, sorry) talked about being sick and not having a husband to help bring soup and sympathy and another one saying she has been sleeping in her husband chair and yet another one talking about the issue of her house mortgage and doing all that important paperwork alone brought me so many memories and familiarity. I to have many issues being a small business owner (alone) in today's economy, a single parent now, and finding something to do with my time. It's funny how I used to fight for alone time and now I just can't stand it. Everyone says I should 'take up a hobby', well that's all good and fine, but the thought of doing something else along, is horribly scary.
I'm excited about the support of this site as I have been looking for something like this for a while but didn't want to do the 'weight watchers' meeting or joining a gym. Not really ready for that. It's like picking up your house before the housekeepers come, I feel I have to lose some weight before I can face others in a meeting or a gym ... lol
I went to a local lake yesterday, alone of course. I didn't do any walking around the paths, but I got out of the car and looked around. I had to process the surrounding and get an idea of what to do next time. I know that seems weird, but it is definitely a journey and the fact I got out of the car was a huge step for me. Sometimes I feel like hiding ..... I'm excited to go back and take a walk in my new shoes. I think you can walk around the lake (kind of a large pond) and it's between 1 to 2 miles. Wouldn't that be something?
Until next time,
Susan0 -
Susan,
I totally understand how that actually get out of the car is a victory for you....and how you would want to survey the landscape before you actually take that walk. Things ARE different when we are alone.
You'll be able to walk around that lake in no time. Just take it one step at a time. We all know what it is like starting new things when you are by yourself, to some extent. One thing I have learned from talking to others is that no two people grieve alike because no two people are alike and their relationships were different. So, we just do what we can and, as my Chaplain told me, trust the process (of grief).
Keep up the good work.0 -
The heat wave is stifling, but I guess I should count my blessing for the dry heat of the desert. The east coast is melting! My office at work is upstairs and no matter how good the AC is on the upstairs office just seems hotter. I have taken to leaving work early, which is kind of nice. Looking forward to vacation at the end of the month. Going to the OR coast to do a little crabbin' for some dungies! Meeting my father-in-law for a week. Looking forward to it very much! My father-in-law so reminds me of my husband. When my husband was alive my relationship with my in laws was a bit tense at times, but now (since his wife passed away also, although he has remarried), he is my family. I will always take care for him as he takes care of me. My father-in-law lost his wife of 54 years and all 3 of his children, his strength amazes me.
My joints have been hurting with all the jumping around. Does that get better, or once the damage is done there is no going back? My husband wanted to put in a swimming pool and I didn't want him to spend the money. I wish I would have supported him now as the exercise in the pool would be great. Not ready for a public setting. Does anyone know anything about those current pools? That could fit in my garage.
Until next time,
Susan0 -
Susan,
I'm so glad that you have a good relationship with your father-in-law. I have a great relationship with my step children and grand children and am very thankful for that. I hear that doesn't happen very often....esp since they were grown when we got married.
I have no idea about the pool. Have you gone to the doctor to discuss losing weight and exercise. He/she may be able to help you get started without hurting your joints. Make sure you aren't doing too much, too fast. Three years ago, or so, I decided I was going to start running and I way overdid it too soon. I had such severe shin splints that I couldn't walk up steps for weeks. I had to lay off the exercise until they got better and then start again, but much, much slower......less distance and pace. Slow and steady does win the race sometimes.0 -
Hello Group! Wow it has been a long time since I have checked into our message board. I wish there was a way to get a message when someone posts here.
Hope everyone is doing well. My boys have been very busy in baseball this spring and summer. We have been running for 2-3 games a week. I have also gotten a few things done around my house. My kitchen flooring was installed. My living room ceiling (plaster) was sheetrocked and painted. I have not painted the walls in the living room. Now just to go buy some furniture that will fit in there and bring my house back to a little more normal feeling. Living in construction choas is not fun!!!
If any of you on here, are not on my friend list yet, please feel free to add me as a friend.
I found a very positve Online Personal Training. A friend of mine actually is able to use this personal training in person, but he has a website for online. I am almost through my first week. My body has been screaming at me while I do the workouts but I feel so much better when I finish them. I almost skipped my workout this morning thinking "I will do it tonight". I did get myself up and get it done and am very thankful now that I don't have to try to still do it tonight.
I will do my best to start checking our message board more often. Take care.0 -
beckster, Sounds like things are going well for you. I'm glad to hear that. I know it must be hard to get your workouts in with home construction and running around to games with the boys. Good for you for getting up and doing it early. I find I have to do that too now, or I'll talk myself out of it, for whatever reason.
Keep up the good work and keep in touch.0 -
btw beckser, I agree with you about the message. But, what I do is go to "community" and click on "my topics." It will list all the topics you have commented on and show who commented last, so you can see if someone has said something that you haven't seen.0
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Thanks for the tip. That will make it quicker to find.0
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I worked in the yard today. My husband spent so much time and money making this house and yard so beautiful. It is showing it's age and wear, make me so sad. I live on 10 acres, close to an acre is landscaped. The animals are getting in the fencing and eating and digging stuff up. A large part of the lawn is not doing so great. The first summer after his death, I hired a yard maint company, but giving the size of the yard, it got real expensive. Then year 2 I bought a riding lawn mover and between my daughter and son I have done OK keeping it up, but this year it's not working real good. There is real evidence of rabbit's and they are really doing horrible things to the grass and shrubs. I hauled some rocks to fill in some holes that were dug to get in, but I'm sure they will find others.
I wish I could sell this house and get a condo on a lake or something. My plan is after my daughter graduates HS, we are out of this house. I have 1 more year, then it's all about housing prices and can I get out of this one?
Well now that I've had a good cry, . . . . . I'm going to search out a lawn company and maybe get some piece meal help instead of doing a season contract that is expensive.
It does shock me after 3.5 years it still hurts so much. Rather it be in the quiet of the night, the calmness of the morning or the hard work of the day, it is so very raw missing my husband!
Until next time,
Susan0 -
Hi all and Welcome Susan.
I've been BAD about posting and I have no excuses. My biggest problem with staying up to date is that when I eat well ... I post my food intake and exercise. When I don't ... I don't.
That said, I'm going to try to be better. Last week I joined a gym(!) The first time in many, many years. And it made me realize how out-of-shape I really am! Walking my dog isn't nearly the same as getting on an elliptical machine.
I got a trainer the first visit and I don't remember his name, but we'll just call him ... Satan. And Satan had me do 10 minutes of EVERY cardio machine. To figure out which ones I liked. It's definitely not the elliptical machine.
But, I guess that's the one I need the most now. The treadmill, exercise bikes, and rowing thing are fine, but that elliptical kills me. Makes my knees hurt and I feel like a food when I can barely huff and puff out 10 minutes and other people are on there for half an hour and don't break a sweat!
But - that's why I joined. We'll see where this takes me.
Anyway, I'm sorry I've been away. I'm going to drop by more often and get to know everyone again. Like you Susan, I have had some home maintenance issues lately and ended up spending over $1,100 in one weekend for stuff to be fixed. Made me cranky.
But I'd be crankier if my A/C was still broken, and it's not ... so there's that.
Have a lovely week ladies. I'll check back soon!0 -
JulieGo, I'm glad you joined a gym and have taken that step You can do this. One day at a time is what it takes.0
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Juliego thats funny what you said about the elliptical machine, cuz that's the one my son thinks I should buy. I will tell him your story! I'm thinking a stationary bike is more my speed for now, it might be the answer to my heel and ankle pain now. Got to lose some pounds first before I get crazy jumping around. I don't want to damage something .. . . .
Excited for you to have the power to join the gym! You go and don't worry about your 10 minutes of puffin'! Satan will be there . . . . lol. At least it's not some little thing named barbie or something! lol0 -
Susan, Love the comment about Juliego's trainer not being a little thing named Barbie! :laugh:0
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OH. MY. [INSERT NAME OF FAVORITE DIETY HERE].
That was awful. I went back last night and let me begin by saying that, for some reason, I was dragging all day long. I got up, walked Mali for 2 miles, came home and CRAWLED BACK IN BED before I got in the shower. Then I went to work, came home at lunch and CRAWLED BACK IN BED before I got my lunch. After work I went to the gym, huffed and puffed through about 8 minutes of elliptical (it is definitely from hell); did some arm-bike stuff, rowing and then some crunches. Saw Satan there, but we simply nodded at each other the way two people who seriously dislike each other will do ... then I came home and CRAWLED BACK IN BED.
I'm beginning to think I'm not lazy, but probably have some kind of bug or something. I'm at work now, but I'm really fatigued.
I need a day of rest. So tonight I'm not going to the gym ... not going to see Satan at all ... and just relax. I have an appointment with him tomorrow evening to learn the weight-portion of our show and then I'll figure out what is right for me.
Ladies ... thanks for the support. I need all I can get.
Susan - tell your son that unless he wants you to call him Satan that the elliptical machine can wait. At least until you're toned up enough and your joints don't hurt. Stationary bikes are perfect for going easy on the joints.
Then when we're both toned and buffed and completely delirious, we can take up running like Quilter.
Yikes!!!!!
Have a great Tuesday!
Julie0 -
JulieGo, You are so funny! It does sound like that you may have a bug of some sort. Hope you get to feeling better. And, might I add, don't overdo it to begin with. You'll get burned out, or hurt yourself, and quit. I run 3 days a week, with a day of "rest" in between. Sometimes on those days I play tennis or mow the lawn, but sometimes I don't. I'm a big proponent of giving your body a day or two of rest each week. I know, if you go to the gym they usually do one day of upper body and one of lower and that way your muscles can rest. I just need days off so my mind can rest.
Good luck with Satan tomorrow! :bigsmile:0 -
Thanks Quilter! I'm doing just that. And I'm surprised to learn that a number of people here at work are fighting something. Some have stomach issues and a woman who works for me came in with a cold. So I'm going to drink lots of water, get lots of rest, and hopefully feel better tomorrow.
Playing tennis and mowing the lawn is not resting. Not in my book. But I'm not in shape either. I haven't played tennis in many years. Although I had a great serve!
Something to strive for ...0 -
I also agree with you Juliego. Mowing the lawn is not relaxing, however if you were on a riding lawnmower with a cocktail in the drink holder then maybe that would be a good definition of a resting event. ha ha I do also agree with Quilter, a day of rest in between workout days would probably encourage consistency and routine. I'm trying for that as I have never done a regular workout routine before. I was skinny, got fat and 2 decade later, still fat! I have my video's and have just started to walk outside and when I do my exercise, I'm not going to lie, I'm excited that I don't have to do it for another 2 days (that if you rest in between). I think I like the 'Whew, I don't have to exercise tomorrow' chant better then the feeling of the exercising. But if I'm going to stay with the 'not lying' theme, the feeling of accomplishment after exercising is starting to grow on me. I'm liking that feeling too! Is that a form of success? For me, yes, I'm going to take it at that.
Running is so far off my radar, but when i see how Quilter and others do that, it does encourage me to build towards that! Thank you Quilter for that . . . . .
Juliego - rest, drink lots of water with lemon (I like to drink it hot when I'm not feeling well, it seems to flush it out better) and do a couple days of 'low impact, or stretching' if you are not up to full strength. Good luck!0 -
JulieGo, I sure hope you are feeling better! I guess the flu and colds can get started any time of the year. Take care of yourself!
To you and slzinser, I guess mowing isn't really "rest" since I push mow it, but it isn't high impact either, so it rests my joints. It just doesn't rest my body. I do get plenty of exercise and sweat A LOT doing that! LOL I like the idea of a cocktail in the drink holder, if I had one. :laugh:
Don't worry Slzinser about being glad you "don't have to exercise tomorrow." I still do that too. I must say I do like my non running days, but look forward to the next run because I know how much better I feel overall...physically, spiritually, and mentally.
Don't think that running is that far away. I've been looking into the Jeff Galloway method of running. I think you could start that anytime. (I'd check with your doctor first and get good running shoes.) He advocates lots of walking breaks. The way I understand his beginning runner, he says to start by walking, then walk part of it a little faster, then add in just a little jog (like between 2 light poles) and keep adding just a little more jogging every week until you get up to jogging for a minute and then go from there. You don't have to start off running a mile. I really do like running. Wait, did I really just say that!? :laugh: I think I did! I think it's the feeling of accomplishment and knowing that it is helping me to be healthy and get my weight down to where I want it to be and be able to keep it there this time. I really don't think I could do it without running.
Slzinser, I noticed that your ticker says you have lost 3 pounds already! Way to go! You are doing awesome. Keep up the good work!
JulieGo: 30 pounds lost!!! You are doing great. Over a third of the way to your goal!!! How long have you been working at getting healthier?
Hope you ladies have a great day!0 -
Hi all,
I'm feeling better. I don't know what that was, but it's gone now. I went to the doctor yesterday because I had a few things to discuss. One was my sore knees. Remember I sprained my left knee last January during the winter from hell? Now my right knee hurts as well and I wanted to make sure that the gym was a good idea. Turns out the doctor thinks I've got the beginning stages of arthritis. Bummer. I've gone my whole life with great joints. But she says exercise will help it. Doesn't want me taking drugs and I agree. So she told me what will work for me and the elliptical is NOT one of those things Darn!!! She said 5-10 minutes tops. Which is good for me because I can't do any more than that anyway. Satan will just have to understand.
She also reduced the amount of cholesterol meds I'm taking because my diet has been so "green" lately. I hope this helps with the fatigue I'm feeling. I don't like the meds and have never felt very energetic since I began taking them. So ... good things ahead for me.
I'm going to see a play tomorrow night with my best friend and we're gonna begin the evening with healthy chicken salads and some good local wine. I can't wait. I'm officially in love with summer. 'Bout time something good happens, right?
Have a lovely weekend everyone. Find some joy, soak up some sunshine and sip some good wine.
We all deserve it.0 -
So glad you are feeling better JulieGo and your attitude is wonderful. So sorry that the elliptical machine is not going to be in your future. :devil: Satan is not happy. LOL
It's great that you are getting off of some of your meds. Sometimes they can be as bad as what ails you.
You're doing great. Keep it up and have a great weekend! :flowerforyou:0 -
Glad to hear that the doctor in on board with your exercise and medication Juliego! That's good that you keep him in the loop.
I went to a party tonight for an organization I'm involved in. Had a little wine and enjoyed the evening. Went on a train ride (they have a miniature train that circles their property) and visited with friends. I told myself when I entered the buffet line that I wasn't going to fill my plate high, which is what I would usually do. I cut the cornbread in half, no fried potatoes and lots of salad and fruit and BBQ Salmon. I probably had 1 too many glasses of wine, but considering what I did last year at the same summer party, I did so much better.
Heading to another friends summer cabin tomorrow to spend the day. Enjoying the nice weather. It finally cooled down some.
Everyone enjoy your weekend!
Susan0 -
Good for you Susan!!!! It's all about little victories and I'd say you had a pretty big one last night! You still ate plenty, enjoyed yourself, but didn't over indulge in the really bad stuff. kudos go out to you! :flowerforyou:
Have fun at the cabin today. Cabin makes me think woods and hiking. Going to do any of that?
I have my 5K this morning. I don't think it is going to rain, so I'm happy about that. Will let you all know how I do.
Have a great weekend everyone!0 -
Good luck on the race Quilter! You can do it . . . .
When my friends invited me up to the cabin they did say they wanted to go hiking around the trails. I kind of panicked as I'm scared to get out somewhere and not be able to get back. I will do my best and try and get out there. It's all about the surveying and in this case, I can't, so I will do a little more than I would normally which is very much a small victory for me. You are very right. I have very much enjoyed small victories with not eating this or not doing that. It the stair steps in the journey without my best friend! He would have loved hiking around ..... I will be thinking about him!0 -
Susan,
I'm sure he would be proud of you for working on taking care of yourself. He's right there with you...in your heart. You can do these hikes. Just don't go too far...and if you have to, sit down for a little while and start again.
My race went well. I came in 3rd in my division, at least that is what they said, and had my personal best time. So, I'm excited about that. I guess running the hills did help.0 -
Susan and Quilter - you are such good girls! Congrats on the race. Your best personal time. That's saying something.
And Susan - I hope you got some hiking in. Even a short one. Better than I did over the weekend.
I made lovely grilled chicken salads with grilled beets and organic greens. We had a couple glasses of reisling and then went to the play. It was amazing! I have a feeling we'll be doing more of that in the future. Community theater is so much fun!
Sunday I had a completely relaxed and lazy day. Something I desperately needed. The only productive thing I did was pick some banana wax peppers off my bush on the patio and pickle them. I guess you could say I picked a peck of pickled peppers.
... if you're inclined to say such things.
Happy Monday all!!!0 -
Evening Ladies,
JulieGo - I did get a short hike in. It was really great being out in the woods. I made plans for the month of September. I am hoping to take my RV up and park it for the month. I will go up on the weekends and try some more hiking. There is a book that has lots of hikes in it that are around the area and are graded for easy, moderate, hard etc. Looking forward to getting out a bit. I'll do the easy ones for now!
One more day and it's the weekend!0 -
That hiking sounds wonderful. Parking an RV in the woods for a month sounds even more wonderful. I'm not sure how much hiking I would do, but I'd love to just be in the woods, have a good book and completely unplug. That sounds like something I should plan! First ... get an RV.
I hope all had a fine weekend. Mine was fun. Shopping and out to dinner on Saturday. My friend and I made up some homemade vanilla. Which is nothing more than putting vanilla beans into cute little bottles and adding vodka. Nature takes care of the rest by extracting the flavor over a few months.
Sunday was another lazy day. Seems I covet those days. Although my dog is getting restless and needs some exercise. I'll walk her this week.
Back to the gym tonight to test my weigh-training skills. I'm just starting, but hope to get more proficient at it. Wish me luck.
So ... happy Monday ladies. Have a healthy, happy week!
Julie0 -
Susan, Glad you got in some hiking and enjoyed it so much. Hope your plan for Sept works out for you.
JulieGo, Good luck with the weight training. I need to do some of that. Today, I did do some sit-ups and push-ups after I ran.
Hope you all are doing well.0 -
Friends,
So, I went to the gym last night and had to try to figure out the weight training stuff on my own (without the trainer, Satan); and I didn't do very well. Not that I can't do the exercises, but because I forgot how the set-up goes on some of the arm extension pieces on the big honkin' machine thing.
So I muddled through, still got a good workout, and on my way out, asked Satan if he could give me a refresher course on Wednesday. He begrudgingly agreed (as only Satan can), so I'll re-learn how it all works. I got a big intimidated by the big, burly men who had a gazillion pounds on their weight pulls and there I am changing it to ... 20 or 30. But whatever, I'm trying.
Worked hard enough to break a good sweat last night and be sore today. So I walked Mali a couple of miles and now I think I deserve a gold medal.
Susan - have some fun in Oregon. Quilter - good going on the sit-ups and push-ups. Please tell me you do girl push-ups :-)
Have a good Tuesday!
Julie0 -
I'm back from vacation. Very nice seeing family (my step son from Eugene OR came over to the coast for the day also), but it wasn't very relaxing. More stressful then I would have liked. I did all of the driving and considering my husband used to drive with the RV attached, it made for a bit of an uneasy feeling. I can drive a trailer fine, it just going over the passes and truck stuff that I had to again take on alone. We made it OK, but I couldn't help but remember the many trips we took together and the horrible fact that I had to do this time alone. How I miss him so much! Funny how everything had a memory attached, so I'm not sure how relaxing it was. We went out on the boat and did some crabbing, which was good, but I saw how my father-in-law struggled with things and I can't help but think if my husband was alive he would have taken the 'guy' heavy load from him like he always did. My son was there, but he wasn't as experienced with boating and the ocean as my husband was. My son did good, but just not the same.
My eating was ok, considering. I did have desert a few times and didn't drink enough water, which I can tell now. Swollen ankles and fingers, Back on the game again now . . .
Julie - I love hearing about your gym stories. Very encouraging and funny if I can say! Thanks for that!
Until next time,
Susan0
