-
What Day Is It?
This week is: World Irish Dancing Week. Kaitlyn! National Protocol Officer's Week. Anal retentive people, this is it! Don't let us screw it up for you. National Cleaning Week. OK, guys, if you ever want a real, live GF ;you have seven six days to get this done. 2626262626232626262626 Today is: National Spinach Day. Does…
-
What Day Is It?
National Chip and Dip Day. Red neck holiday! Cow chip tossin and tobacky dippin. OK Day. The second most expressible word in America. National Melba Toast Day. She loved this stale, dry tiny toast so much that the chef named it in honor of Helen Porter Mitchell. National Puppy Day. This is the day parents spend $1000 for…
-
What Day Is It?
National Water Day. If you can't celebrate with at least one bottle of Beverly Hills 90H20 Luxy Collection Diamond Edition Water, don't even try to crash the party. National Goof Off Day. ...Or Thursday, for me. As Young as You Feel Day. It's a constant battle. My body says 97. My brain says 12. My brain will never…
-
What Day Is It?
Big Bang Day. For the 13.699.999.999th time, or so "THEY" say. National Kick Butts Day. Today is the day. Just do it. Either kick someone's butt or quit. National Common Courtesy Day. Forget it. Error 404 Page not found. Courtesy has been destroyed by the cell phone. National French Bread Day. Sorry, I don't lick bread.…
-
What Day Is It?
Snowman Burning Day. Apply a good water-proof sunscreen liberally and often...or don't because he'll melt anyhow. International Francophonie Day. Agitez vos drapeaux blancs, sissies! National Ravioli Day. Until I moved out of the house, I thought ravioli only came in Chef Boyardee cans. National Bock Beer Day. Just when…
-
What Day Is It?
This is: National Act Happy Week. It's only 7 days, Sad Sack. So cinch it up, breathe, grin and bare it, put on another act, let your hair down, stop being a pain in the a55 to the rest of the world, get back in the saddle, bite the bullet, get that chip off your shoulder, and most of all stop using those cliches. National…
-
What Day Is It?
Friday the 13th falls on the 16th this month. Everything You Do is Right Day. ...Unless you are a husband. Lips Appreciation Day. Is there any part of the human body appreciated as fully? National Artichoke Heart Day. I want to meet the person who first looked a thistle and decided that unopened flower would taste good…
-
What Day Is It?
EATAPETA Day. Is there any other reason the Lord gave us chickens, turkeys, cattle, or pigs? Ides of March. What the hell is ides? And why is it marching? True Confessions Day. Go ahead. Tell her/him. Then find your own place. National Peanut Lovers Day. May contain nuts. Companies That Care Day. Your bonus check is in the…
-
What Day Is It?
National Pi Day. Please, all of you math geeks, try to keep it sane this year. We don't need every traffic circle brought to a halt while you figure it's area. We don't need every Target logo measured. We don't want every plate in the buffet measured. A doughnut is just a doughnut. We don't care how much area it consumes.…
-
What Day Is It?
National Jewel Day. Don't leave home without your belly button bling bling, your nose navette, tongue topaz, ear emeralds and nipple nephrite. Smart & Sexy Day. Don't leave home with your belly button bling bling, your nose navette, tongue topaz, ear emeralds and nipple nephrite. National Ear Muffs Day. First, this would…
-
What Day Is It?
This is: International Brain Awareness Week. Have a few too many cocktails and in the morning you will be more than aware of your brain because you will feel every single one of your billion neurons trying to get out. Turkey Vultures Return to the Living Sign. No clean, shiny car within 100 miles of Canisteo is safe.…
-
What Day Is It?
Girls Write Now Day. It's not much of a challenge. It's only three letters. Nametag Day. If we all were to wear one every day everywhere, could the world be a friendlier happier place? No... but we would know who pissed us off. National Be Nasty Day. According to the dictionary: disgustingly filthy, physically repugnant,…
-
What Day Is It?
National Crown Roast of Pork Day. It's just wrong to ruin a bunch of perfectly good pork chops to make them pretty. Discover What Your Name Means Day. Jehovah has been gracious, from the place of the laurel leaves. Huh? National Be Heard Day. Write your mayor. Write your congress person. Write your senator. Write the…
-
What Day Is It?
National Oreo Day. Topped with bacon and mixed into Andy's Frozen Custard, it would make Oxycontin and heroine seem as addictive as aspirin. Unique Names Day. Shaniqua Harlyn Isa Tinley, this is your day. National White Chocolate Cheesecake Day. It's not chocolate and it's not cake. Now enjoy, because it is good. National…
-
What Day Is It?
This week is: Celebrate Your Name Week. Unless you are stuck with some of these monikers: Molly = depressed Portia = pig Gideon = having a stump for a hand National Procrastination Week. DC's biggest week of the year. National Words Matter Week. For all intensive purposes, I seam to stand with baited breath, but I really…
-
What Day Is It?
National Day of Unplugging. If you are reading this, it's too late. National Banana Cream Pie Day. If anyone plans to hit me with a pie, this is my face pie of choice. National Read Across America Day. Not widely enjoyed in the NBA or NFL. National Salesperson Day. The nicest people you love to hate. Holi. Thank you India.…
-
What Day Is It?
March is: Adopt A Rescued Guinea Pig Month. Too many have been cruelly trained for guinea pig fighting. International Listening Awareness Month. Men are exempt. National Ethics Awareness Month. Congress is exempt. National On-Hold Month. May I put you on hold while I finish picking my nose? Optimism Month. Do "they" really…
-
What Day Is It?
Car Keys and Small Change Day. The impenetrable separation between couch cushion and couch back is a magnet for those. National Public Sleeping Day. Please leave your clothes on this time. National Chocolate Souffle Day. Beachwoman! Be very quiet and gentle removing your chocolate bomb from the oven because legend says if…
-
What Day Is It?
World Spay Day. If you can't find your hamster, he knows. World NGO Day. This is another attempt by the UN to change the American Alphabet song from NOP. You're singing it now, aren't you? Read Five Pages in the Dictionary Day. Hand a dictionary to a millennial and he won't understand the plot. National Retro Day. Dig out…
-
What Day Is It?
This week is: The Animal Legal Defense Fund’s National Justice for Animals Week. If a stray dog, cat or Vietnamese pot belly pig can't afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for it. National Pasty Week. Perhaps Janet Jackson should have celebrated it. 262626262629262626262 International No Brainer Day. Does this really…
-
What Day Is It?
National Skip the Straw Day. Guys, you cannot look macho sucking on a straw. So skip it. International Dog Biscuit Day. They smell bad. They look bad. They are hard as rock. They are a low cal snack. Try one. You won't go back, but you won't be able to walk passed a pole, fire hydrant or mailbox without sniffing. National…
-
What Day Is It?
National Margarita Day. The agave is a plant. Ergo, it's good for you. Tequila is made from the agave. Ergo, margaritas are a health drink. World Thinking Day. No longer celebrated by the DNC, the RNC, or the NRA. National Wildlife Day. I thought this ended with the demise of Studio 54. National Chili Day. Neither Mexican…
-
What Day Is It?
National Sticky Bun Day. One of the reasons we have one tongue and ten fingers. International Mother Language Day. "You'll shoot your eye out." "Don't make me come over there." "Some day you will thank me for this. SMACK!!!" Card Reading Day. This is the one day a year guys might read what it says on the inside. Birthdays:…
-
What Day Is It?
Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day. You've been waiting all Winter for this. Don't blow it! At precisely high noon, be stationed outside, wave your arms in the air and, at the top of your vocal range, yell it. Yell Hoodie-Hoo! National Cherry Pie Day. Free cherry pies at participating House of Pies. National Handcuff Day.…
-
What Day Is It?
This week is: American Camp Week. It's February. There's dirty grey and black snow all over the place. Pitch your little pup tent. Start a roaring campfire. Wake up looking like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining". Through With The Chew Week. You and your dog. No more spit cup. No more earless pigs. Brotherhood / Sisterhood…
-
What Day Is It?
A day to reflect on and pray for the victims, students, families and friends of yesterday's massacre. Also a day to pray for safe schools for our children.
-
What Day Is It?
Innovation Day. This is now made in China, Bangladesh, Vietnam, India, South Korea, Afghanistan, Haiti, and Disneyland. National Tartar Sauce Day. Because mustard on fish is like ketchup on a hot dog. Susan B. Anthony Day. She ruined the dollar coin. Do a Grouch a Favor Day. Stub your toe, slam a door into your face, lose…
-
What Day Is It?
World Sound Healing Day. "If 144,000 people tone together for planetary peace and harmony, this number could have a significant effect in restoring balance upon the earth. Let’s join together using the www.TempleofSacredSound.org as a way of resonating together for Global Harmonization." I don't make up this BS. So at noon…
-
What Day Is It?
Get a Different Name Day. The FBI, IRS, CIA, SSA, ICE, TSA, State Police, Sheriffs, Local Police and Crossing Guards hate this day. Paczki Day. No. It's pronounced poonchkey, or jelly filled doughnut in the majority of America. National Tortellini Day. Why did someone in Emilia decide to make pasta look like an innie, and…
-
What Day Is It?
This week is: Love a Mensch Week. Isn't mensch the plural passed participle nounal verbiage of men? International Flirting Week. Go ahead. Your spouse won't mind. Everyone gets a hall pass this one week. Jell-O Week. Fill the bathtub. Get in. Enjoy. Make it jiggle. Feel it's warm caress. Good luck getting it to drain.…
