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What Day Is It?
National Bagel and Lox Day. Boiled bread dough with fish bacon, onion, and white cheese butter. Read in the Bathtub Day. This is best done naked, in warm water (hot bubbled if you are a woman), using a book made of paper pages with printed words connected into a story...unless you're drunk. Then you are fully clothed…
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What Day Is It?
National Kite Flying Day. Don't fall flat on your butt on the ice while running to get it up. I can't think of anything more fun than standing in snow in 10 degree weather and staring up at a stupid kite. Fat Thursday. Or every Thursday in America. National Molasses Bar Day. Ah yes, sugar free, gluten free, fat free, lite…
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What Day Is It?
National Fettuccine Alfredo Day. Is Fettuccine Al at the bottom of that lake with Fredo? e Day. Huh? This only comes once a year. So celebrate wisely. Perhaps pay your bills with Euros, that silly European attempt at superiority over us. Ballet Day. Can you think of any form of dancing that looks sillier? Women wearing…
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What Day Is It?
National Frozen Yogurt Day. Free at TCBY, if you can find one, and if you don't mind looking like the mooch you are. National Lame Duck Day . They are pretty much OK on dry land, but please keep them out of the water. Wheel chairs don't float. Safer Internet Day. It's nice that the internet named a day to show respect for…
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What Day Is It?
This week is: Dump Your Significant Jerk Week. Last chance to get out of Valantine's Day gifts, happenings, and stuff. International Networking Week. A week devoted to bad bar pick up lines, hook ups and one nighters. National Patient Recognition Week. Celebrated in China by making knock offs with badly translated…
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What Day Is It?
This is: An Affair to Remember Month. Bill Clinton's favorite month. Beat The Heat Month. Who the hell was the genius who decided to celebrate this in the middle of the coldest stretch of the year? Spunky Old Broads Month. Is this even allowed any more? Jobs in Golf Month. Apprentice Broken Tee Repairman needed at Pebble…
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yaD drawkcaB lanoitaN That's enough of that. Wear your clothes backward. Have dinner for breakfast. National Brandy Alexander Day Add saturated fat to your booze today. National Gorilla Suit Day. It's been hanging in your closet all year. Today is the day. Put it on. Comb it. Wear it proudly like the weirdo you are. Eat…
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What Day Is It?
National Inane Answering Message Day. How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you... National Croissant Day. Any man who pronounces croissant correctly will forfeit his guy card. Yodel For Your Neighbors Day Just do it. Everyone appreciates inane caterwauling. So yodel to bagpipe music.…
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What Day Is It?
This week is: Meat Week. What can make meat taste better? Bacon. Bacon makes everything taste better...except liver. Liver was never meant to be eaten by humans. There are rumors that researchers have fossils of uneaten liver. US Nationals Snow Sculpting Days. This year in Chicago we will be judging mini sculptures. Bring…
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What Day Is It?
Dental Drill Appreciation Day 143 years of whirring noisy pain waiting for those famous words, "OK, spit". International Customs Day. People who love fondling the underwear packed neatly in your luggage. National Spouse's Day This is it. Both spouses finally get what they each want in life. Nah. National Peanut Brittle Day…
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What Day Is It?
National Opposite Day Don't mean what you say. Say what you don't mean. Huh? National Irish Coffee Day The breakfast beverage that makes you energetically hyper mellow. A Room Of One’s Own Day The safest place in prison. Women's Healthy Weight Day Never, ever discuss this with a woman if you value your sanity...unless you…
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What Day Is It?
National Peanut Butter Day Warning: May contain peanuts or artificial peanuts. May be manufactured on equipment that processes products containing peanuts. If you cannot breathe after ingesting this product, do not drive or operate heavy machinery. Eskimo Pie Day Shouldn't this have been celebrated yesterday with all the…
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What Day Is It?
National Handwriting Day Or, just write it in cursive to prevent the Millennials from knowing. National Pie Day Why is it Key Lime Pie? It looks like green Cheesecake, which isn't a cake...or a pie. National Measure Your Feet Day If a man's left foot is 9 inches long, his shoe size is 5, but a woman's is size 6. If a man's…
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What Day Is It?
This week is: International Snowmobile Safety and Awareness Week Be careful out there you Carolinian and Floridians. Those aint dune buggies. Hunt For Happiness Week If you have to hunt for it, good luck with that one, Elmer Fudd. National Activity Professionals Week Those annoying people who absolutely hate to see anyone…
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What Day Is It?
International Fetish Day Wear your favorite purple sack cloth suit or leatherette dress and please, don't forget your riding crop this year. National Zea Mays Everta Day Without Felix de Azara's trip to Paraguay, could movie theaters exist? Brew a Potion Day I tried. It didn't work, and it tasted like dirty feet smell.…
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What Day Is It?
National Peking Duck Day If it's made in China, it may be frozen, it may not be gluten free, it may not be organic, it may be chicken, it may contain peanuts, it may contain lactose, it may contain artificial flavors, it may contain rat feces, it may be delicious. National Thesaurus Day Peter led a truly boring life…
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What Day Is It?
Judgment Day Repent! Sorry, too late. They're renting ice skates by the Styx. Your express elevator only goes down. Your highway is eight left lanes loaded with mini vans, Subaru's and Volvo's. National Bootlegger's Day Ancestors of your friendly neighborhood drug dealer. Blessing of the Animals at the Cathedral Day If you…
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What Day Is It?
National Fig Newton Day They have fruit. Therefore, they are healthy and non-fattening. International Hot and Spicy Foods Day Breakfast-Mexican Lunch-Thai Dinner-Indian Cocktails-Naga Chilli vodka Rid the World of Fad Diet and Gimmicks Day The Cotton Ball Diet has been proven to bring about substantial weight loss while…
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What Day Is It?
This is: No Name Calling Week He'll never make past this morning. Healthy Weight Week For most Americans, this is next week. Sugar Awareness Week For most Americans, one of those words is spelled incorrectly. 1414141414141414145141414 Today is: Blue Monday This is it. You've made it. Hold you head low. Slouch. Shuffle your…
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What Day Is It?
Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day I'll be available all day. National Marzipan Day Go ahead. It's not fattening. Almonds are a healthy snack. Work Harder Day Every employer's favorite holiday. International Kiss a Ginger Day Excuse me while I search for Nicole Kidman. National Curried Chicken Day The aroma permeates…
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What Day Is It?
International Thank You Day Thanks a lot! Now go a way and don't let door hit you on your way out. You're welcome. National Hot Toddy Day What the hell is a toddy and why aren't there tepid ones? International Parity at Work Day Give everyone the same work load. Open the executive washrooms. Take down the men's and women's…
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What Day Is It?
National Oysters Rockefeller Day He hated them. National Bittersweet Chocolate Day Let's be honest for a change. It's either bitter OR sweet. Sturdy Flat-Heeled Shoes Appreciation Day For most guys, this is every day. Peculiar People Day We all know one, usually a family member we want to hide or hide from. National Cut…
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What Day Is It?
This week is Home Office Safety and Security Week Before you sit down at your computer, don your latex gloves, goggles, clean scrubs, shoe covers, hair net and baseball cap. If those are not readily available, put a fresh condom on the keyboard, Dating & Life Coaches Recognition Week The question is should your coaches…
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What Day Is It?
National Word Nerd Day Does it bother you that farther is now further? International Choreographers Day The first choreographer was a cold caveman with a full bladder waiting for fire to warm the cave. National Static Electricity Day This was so much more fun when carpets were wool. National Cassoulet Day I hate it when we…
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What Day Is It?
National Bird Day That jerk in the Volvo Wagon doing the speed limit in the left lane? Flip one to him as you finally get room to pass. National Whipped Cream Day Safety Warning: May contain milk or milk bi-products . May be made in a factory used by vegan cows who eat gluten free peanuts while inhaling nitrous oxide.…
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What Day Is It?
World Braille Day Why do drive up ATMs have braille? http://lmgtfy.com/ I AM a Mentor Day If I AM your mentor, your attitude WILL change, but will it be good or bad? Free Flower Basket Day Of course they're free today. The flowers will die in 7 seconds with this weather. National Trivia Day 7 out of 15? I'm not as good at…
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What Day Is It?
Festival of Sleep Day If you celebrate this day, you will miss it. National Fruitcake Toss Day I have a theory. There have only been about a thousand ever baked and they are re-gifted every Christmas making it seem as if there are millions out there. National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day Beachwoman! Why does it seem they…
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What Day Is It?
This is National Lose Weight/Feel Great Week Now that you're sick of all the cream puffs and buffets... Someday We'll Laugh About This Week Don't we all have friends we've said this to? Have you laughed yet? Silent Record Week. Who knew? 201820182018201820182017201820182018 Today is National Cream Puff Day Why is an extra…
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What Year Is It?
This year is: Either 11 or 39. The Year Of The Bird Flip one to that jacked up 4 wheeler you just cut off. The Year Of The Deal Wealthy? Rich? Middle Class? Eking by? You all just got a pay raise. The Year Of The Dog https://youtu.be/dkT5g1n8Tv8 <><>:<><><><><><><><><> January Is: Manuary 31 Days of: No nagging. No honey…
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What Day Is It?
National Chocolate Day Even bacon doesn't get 2 days in a row. National Pepper Pot Day MMM, cow stomach soup! Who wouldn't love that? The line starts right here. Tick Tock Day Every year, every month, every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second, tick tock, tick tock you are getting old and have one…
