Me Vs the Binge -- December 2016 Challenge
Replies
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December 6
Me: 4
Binge: 1
Streak: 2
@daniellethesheep I pray you are feeling better. And @knitormiss great writings about what we all feel at times in life.
Today after 78 days and 21 lbs. and using these boards I'm very happy to report that I saw what is classified as a normal BMI on the scale this morning. And this 60 year old who has fought many of the same battles you guys have over the years will visit the Doctors office in 2 days for a yearly checkup and ask him to remove Obese off my medical record.
This BINGE can be beat but it is mainly a psychological battle we fight. I wish you all well.
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Dec 5
Me: 5
Binge: 0
DBF: 51 -
Dec 5
Me: 4
binge: 1
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KnitOrMiss wrote: »daniellethesheep wrote: »Me: 0
Binge: 3
DBF: 0
Ugh I want to die
@daniellethesheep - Danielle...I just want to send you some hugs.
I often get overwhelmed in my daily life. And once I hit that point of feeling overwhelmed, the reality of my situation creeps further and further away. I get caught up in the drama of what is happening to myself and get to the point of screaming in my head, "I hate my life, I hate myself, why am I even alive or here?!?!?!?" Etc. and on and on.
Luckily, in my ripe old age (I'm 40, but most days it feels more like 80), I've started to see the process, and even when I can't stop it, I just kind of ride the wave, watching my inner 3 year old throwing a tantrum, and my inner teen self acting a fool, and I laugh, just like it is reality TV or a comedy program.
Admittedly, it took me a long @$$ time to get to this point, and when I look back on the insecure, stressed out, overly anxious person I was in my 20's, I just want to be able to go back in time and show myself that every single thing that 20-something me is convinced is the absolute end of the universe and the only thing that matters - that 95% of those things are events/decisions/difficulties/problems/etc. that I honestly don't even remember why they mattered to me so much back then.
I am not meaning this to minimize your pain, your struggle, your self-loathing or anything. I wanted to give you some perspective of where I come from myself.
That being said, getting to the point where you hate yourself and feel like such a perpetual abject failure and are just full on miserable tells me that your binging likely isn't just about that lack of control and such - but that you likely have something else that's bothering you.
Do you journal? Do you attend counseling? Do you have close friends? Are you close to family?
Also, if I remember, I think you said you are in university. Have you taken advantage of any of the programs available on campus?
The main reason I ask is because of worry and concern. Getting so overwhelmed and stressed out to the point where you say, for ANY reason, that you want to die, that isn't a normal reaction. Please check into the options of getting some help, even if it is just an ear to listen while you vent. You don't have to carry this struggle alone. (HUGS)
@daniellethesheep
I just wanted to see how you're doing, hon. Please check in with us!!! No matter how far you've fallen, we're still here for you, and many of us have been in your shoes in some form or fashion somewhere along the way...
And I wanted to amend something I said above... It isn't that feeling so horrible that you want to die isn't normal (what IS normal anyway, right?), it's that it isn't something that any of us should ever really have to endure feeling, and it's not something that any of us on this planet should have to endure alone.
Remember, Depression Lies, The Binge Lies, and The Scale Lies... Sometimes focusing on the real truth instead of the distortion our pain causes seems darned near impossible. I just want you to know we're here and we care about you.
(HUGS)3 -
Dec 6
Me 6
Binge 0
DBF 61 -
Me: 6
Binge: 0
Binge-free: 13
@gr33nslime maybe some manageable workout goals? 20 mins a day or even just 3-4x /week. (I was working out 5 to 6 days a week throughout the summer and then I hurt my back October 7th. The only thing I've been doing since then his yoga once a week.) I need to slowly build my routine back up. Would something like that interest you?
1 -
Me: 1
Binge: 5
Streak: 0
thanks for the support guys.
@KnitOrMiss I do journal sometimes but it turns into just self loathing, I don't have any friends and barely have aquaintences, I'm not close with my family. I stayed back last year, so most of the classmates I had last year don't see me/talk to me anymore. I'm just being dramatic but my life kind of sucks rn and having my body look like this certainly isn't helping. I'm in a program for a healthcare profession, so seeing a psychologist on campus may jeopardize my eligibility to participate in my internship (as I may be deemed "psychologically incompetent" to make medical decisions for my patients. I'm just done with it all.1 -
December 7
Me: 5
Binge: 1
Streak: 3
@daniellethesheep Not sure what to say. You seem to be fighting other demons than the BINGE. Best to you in that journey.
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Dec 6
Me: 6
Binge: 0
DBF: 60 -
Dec 5
Me 4
Binge 10 -
Dec 6
Me 5
Binge 10 -
Dec. 6
Me: 5
binge: 1
DBF: 10 -
@daniellethesheep I'm a medical social worker, getting my clinical license. I think the BEST thing we can do in a helping or medical profession is to take care of our minds and hearts (the body will follow once we get the other two in a good place). Therapy is a beautiful thing. In fact, I think going to a therapist is the responsible thing to do in this work. I usually work in hospice, but currently I am working with homeless Veterans. Both are heavy endeavors and require showing up as my best, healthiest self. It's ok to take care of yourself -- it is more than ok, it is beautiful and necessary. Please do!!! YOU are important and you can help others best when you help yourself first. Sending hugs and loving, healing energy your way.2
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daniellethesheep wrote: »Me: 1
Binge: 5
Streak: 0
thanks for the support guys.
@KnitOrMiss I do journal sometimes but it turns into just self loathing, I don't have any friends and barely have aquaintences, I'm not close with my family. I stayed back last year, so most of the classmates I had last year don't see me/talk to me anymore. I'm just being dramatic but my life kind of sucks rn and having my body look like this certainly isn't helping. I'm in a program for a healthcare profession, so seeing a psychologist on campus may jeopardize my eligibility to participate in my internship (as I may be deemed "psychologically incompetent" to make medical decisions for my patients. I'm just done with it all.
@daniellethesheep
Rather than continuing to clog up the check in thread, I'm starting a new one to continue this discussion. I'll add the link when it's posted...
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Dec 7
Me 7
Binge 0
DBF 70 -
Dec. 7
me: 6
the B: 1
DBF: 20 -
Me: 7
Binge: 0
Binge-free: 141 -
Dec 7
Me: 7
Binge: 0
DBF: 73 -
December 8
Me: 6
Binge: 1
Streak: 4
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Dec 7
Me 5
Binge 2
1 -
Sorry, I've been AWOL. I was sick with a bad cold again. I just had one the first week in November, and this one was worse. I lost count so will restart my streak later today.
Hope everyone is doing well.1 -
Dec 8
Me 7
Binge 1
DBF 01 -
Me: 8
Binge: 0
Binge-free: 153 -
Dec 8
Me: 8
Binge: 0
DBF: 83 -
Dec 8
Me: 7
B: 1
DBF: 32 -
Hope you're feeling better, IamIam.2
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12/09/2016
Me: 7
Binge: 1
Streak: 5
@lamlam2013 glad to have you back. Here's to being better for the Holidays!3 -
Dec 8
Me 6
Binge 21 -
Dec 9
Me: 9
Binge: 0
DBF: 93
This discussion has been closed.