mae918 wrote: »

Me: 4
Binge: 0
Binge-free: 11

Even without regular binging, I still feel so unhealthy lately... I can't seem to get fully back on track. Does anyone want to work on some additional mini-goals to be mutually accountable for over the next few weeks?

KnitOrMiss wrote: »

daniellethesheep wrote: »

Me: 0
Binge: 3
DBF: 0

Ugh I want to die

@daniellethesheep - Danielle...I just want to send you some hugs.

I often get overwhelmed in my daily life. And once I hit that point of feeling overwhelmed, the reality of my situation creeps further and further away. I get caught up in the drama of what is happening to myself and get to the point of screaming in my head, "I hate my life, I hate myself, why am I even alive or here?!?!?!?" Etc. and on and on.

Luckily, in my ripe old age (I'm 40, but most days it feels more like 80), I've started to see the process, and even when I can't stop it, I just kind of ride the wave, watching my inner 3 year old throwing a tantrum, and my inner teen self acting a fool, and I laugh, just like it is reality TV or a comedy program.

Admittedly, it took me a long @$$ time to get to this point, and when I look back on the insecure, stressed out, overly anxious person I was in my 20's, I just want to be able to go back in time and show myself that every single thing that 20-something me is convinced is the absolute end of the universe and the only thing that matters - that 95% of those things are events/decisions/difficulties/problems/etc. that I honestly don't even remember why they mattered to me so much back then.

I am not meaning this to minimize your pain, your struggle, your self-loathing or anything. I wanted to give you some perspective of where I come from myself.

That being said, getting to the point where you hate yourself and feel like such a perpetual abject failure and are just full on miserable tells me that your binging likely isn't just about that lack of control and such - but that you likely have something else that's bothering you.

Do you journal? Do you attend counseling? Do you have close friends? Are you close to family?

Also, if I remember, I think you said you are in university. Have you taken advantage of any of the programs available on campus?

The main reason I ask is because of worry and concern. Getting so overwhelmed and stressed out to the point where you say, for ANY reason, that you want to die, that isn't a normal reaction. Please check into the options of getting some help, even if it is just an ear to listen while you vent. You don't have to carry this struggle alone. (HUGS)