Share Your Day
Replies
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Laurie what a day you’re having! It’s going to be a big adjustment for you and son’s family. The important thing is you’ve raised a good responsible adult who is doing what he thinks is best for his family.3
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Oh Laurie, what a blow!
Only words of comfort I can give are that it shows that your son clearly sees you as physically and emotionally robust enough to thrive without him living nearby. That's no small thing.
We'd absolutely love to up-sticks and move to a more hilly, rugged part of the UK so that we could enjoy more mountain-biking and hiking on our doorstep, but we don't feel able to leave MIL. In 2020 we moved from being 3 minutes by car/ 50 minutes on foot away from her to being 35 minutes by car away from her, and you'd think we'd moved to Mars. She feels isolated and lonely, has sunk into self-pity and misery and her dependency is a real headache.
It's a compliment, in a way, that your son clearly doesn't feel any such qualms about leaving you unsupported because you're clearly not burdensome.7 -
You have all my hugs and support, Laurie. I'm in Indiana and my eldest son has said that he wants to move to the northeast (Vermont, to be exact). I'm sure I will also be sad when he leaves.
I thought I had the right summer curtains out, but clearly not once I hung them up. (GRRR) so now I have to refold those and get into the attic and find the right ones. Bleah. Probably should get out the summer carpet while I'm at it.4 -
Hubby and I were the ones who moved far from family and became military gypsies. Both our siblings, parents, extended family remained in Ohio. We traveled far and wide and never returned permanently.
We made the effort to stay in close contact, traveled back “home” at least once a year. And family was always welcome to visit us anytime. It hasn’t alway been easy but it was the right choice for us.
There are so many ways to stay in contact now and plane travel is available. ❣️
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@Lauriekallis - feel for you - my boys both flown the nest & I miss them (though not their messiness!), though both are within an easy commute - relative to your situation - sending hugs 💕
@Bella_Figuria - we’re in a similar situation, but in reverse; in hilly West Yorks, but would love to move down South - the flat landscape would be a nice change?😉, but we have my MIL & FIL who are becoming more & more dependant! MIL with dementia & the FIL with cardiac problems…..just had the maddest Sunday with them so far 😟😖🙃….. maybe we could home swap for a while??!!!!😁2 -
Atki if it wasn’t for MIL I’d be swapping like a shot!1
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Over the years of being a caregiver to my mom, I began a notebook as she aged. In it I wrote down the things I found particularly annoying, exasperating and challenging in caring for her. I did this as a reminder to myself as I got older and dependent so that I would not inflict the same pain on son or other caregivers.
Often as we age (I’ll be 75 soon) we get wrapped up in our own selves. We don’t remember what it’s like to be younger, healthier, have demands of work, and the desire to live our lives independently. Trying hard not to be burdensome, a source of guilt and generally unpleasant company. My favorite mug when I was caregiving!
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I looked after both my parents near the end, in my home with hubby & 2 kids & a job … & even though hard - with my mum particularly, I would do it again, like we are doing!
And the MIL is such a lovely lady & a great mum / grandmother to OH & my lads…..
However, Yoolypr it is hard & OH finds it partcularly hard ……though we both agree, this is not as hard as it was with my mum as she never stopped grieving for my dad, was in a poor state mobility wise and a total misery most of the time….
Nearly broke me and my brothers were hopeless & never helped out! 🙄 But hey ho! circle of life eh?2 -
I’ve known several people who were a joy into their 90s. Then there are those who start “aging” badly at 50. Disapproval, disappointment, complaints on every possible topic. People who try to crawl into the past rather than go forward.
Caregivers have a hard time but do so with a loving heart. ❣️ Often a broken heart is also part of the process when it comes to siblings who are happy to let you do the heavy lifting.
I just want to be remembered as a joy rather than an old complaining self-involved Crankypants!2 -
Oh my, I hadn't thought of it from that angle. I'm still in my fifties and have been playing a support role re childcare, home renovations, yard work etc (until my shoulder injury). I'd be kinda pissed off if that thought had crossed their mind already....lol...I'm still at the "my life has revolved around being supportive for the past decade - a conversation would be nice" stage...I may cool off and come delete this post later...
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Laurie, I didn't mean to suggest that your son thinks you're in your dotage already! But, as Yooly so insightfully points out above, some folks are old waaaayyyy before their time. And you're clearly NOT one of them. In a clumsy way I was trying to pay you a compliment!
I think it's natural and understandable that you're feeling that a conversation would've been nice before the bombshell was dropped!
On the subject of crabby old folks, though, my mom was adamant she would be independent, no trouble, a veritable saint if she lived to old age...but sadly she wasn't! She remained fiercely mentally independent to the very end, but her body let her down and she was very infirm and frail by the time she died. Being physically dependent soured her already very challenging temperament, and in her misery and humiliation she spared none of us her carping bitterness.
In her last 6 months we siblings had to constantly rally each other's spirits and our constant refrain to each other was: "We'll have to force ourselves to forget all this when she's gone and focus on the good memories."
I've told my husband he has my permission to fake an unfortunate fatal accident by throwing a plugged-in hairdryer in my bath water if I follow in my mother's footsteps!
We none of us think that WE will be the ones that end up crabby and life-souring for our nearest and dearest...but clearly it happens to lots of people and why should we be immune?
On the other hand, I too have met some 90y/o folk who were absolute gems...my dad was one, luckily!
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Good heavens Laurie! You’re no where near dotage. Your son probably put off telling you about the move because like most men he puts off the bad news until the last minute. Trying to avoid hurting or upsetting you and then dealing with the aftermath.
It will all work out. You have a lovely trip to Rome soon. And many days ahead filled with new adventures.
Now we need to work on PAV who is inclined to mention his advancing age a bit too often. He’s barely out of short pants!3 -
If I'm not already at me dotage, at this rate I will be before the week is done!!!!
Should i really have to explain why it is a bad idea to be looking at swivel recliners (even if they're cheap) if you're likely to push with both hands against one arm in order to get up?🤬🤯🤷🏻♂️
Unfortunately the result of the physical demonstration of the stupidity of looking at prices exclusive of function has resulted in a carpet burn knee boo-boo 😹😹😹
Picture to follow!!!!🤣🐹🙀4 -
It's our wedding anniversary next Monday and I've just splurged and booked us an exclusive session at a mountain biking skills park. We get the entire park to ourselves for 3 whole hours to practise our jumps, drop offs, berms etc without fear of being hustled off the track by testosterone-fuelled groups of lads all trying to out-compete each other in daredevilry and idiocy.
Whoop whoop - can't wait! And think how many calories I'll burn...and then be free to eat back!5 -
Bit saddle sore this evening after a 70km off-road ride on our MTBs mainly on forest trails and singletrack. Good fun, but my arthritic thumbs know they've had a good workout today. They're still throbbing, four hours post-ride.4
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Holy schmoley, Bella! You are a crazy girl!2
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OOOOO---kay---doUGH-kay..... am I grokking this @Bella_Figura ?
I am sitting here with my non hurting carpet burned knee because I demonstrated to someone who ought to know better what is likely to happen to him when he pushes with both hands against the one side of a swivel chair in order to get up!
And, YOU, you are, *VOLUNTARILY*, like--really?--without anyone pointing a gun at you or anything? You are voluntarily going to get on a two wheeled contraption that will CEASE CONTACT with the *kitten* earth while you spin around in the air doing an imitation of a splatted garfield trying to go splat on concrete?
MY MIND
iZ
BOGGLED.
Boggled.
Like, please leave some garfield pieces intact so that she can visit Canada and spend some tourist dollars here -- it's one of my missions in life!!!!
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Been pretty motivated the last few days when it comes to moving my body. It has mostly been walking, but also did some seated dance cardio. And I 100% feel better for it. It has been helping my anxiety a lot because I am using the extra panic energy in a productive way. Super happy with it.7
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Good going, Athijade. Anxiety is such a whirlwind. Tries to paralyze you just when you most need to move.3
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Hello quiet ones.
@Yoolypr I hope the vacation is going good and that you will regale us with stories that are good!
@Athijade that's an awesome move. Brings to mind that I need to keep in mind that walking around while agitated (which I started back in 2014) is GOOD in my case. Reverting to/restarting chewing while marchine around... not according to the new deal!
@splatty_bella_figura_garfield_cat... are you still, err, all pieces intact and in their normal locations?!?!?!?!
@Janatki how goes soccer veganism?!?!?!!? Good bunnies, right?!?!?
@AlexandraFindsHerself1971 here's hoping you're keeping it all together in the multi-dimensional household!
@lauriekallis You posted some awesome paintings a while back... are you in the process of painting something else?2 -
Still waiting for shoulder to be able to hold my arm in the air for extended periods of time....almost there!!!!!
I love this update request post, PAV. You are so good for us.2 -
Yep, all intact so far....but of course all that could change with our bike park adventure on Monday! Yay, it does you good to inject a little daredevilry once in a while!
I'm a bit saddlesore though...knotched up lots of kms in the past few days and my sit bones aren't happy at the use and abuse! And my arthritic thumbs are still complaining too.
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Hello quiet ones.
@Yoolypr I hope the vacation is going good and that you will regale us with stories that are good!
@Athijade that's an awesome move. Brings to mind that I need to keep in mind that walking around while agitated (which I started back in 2014) is GOOD in my case. Reverting to/restarting chewing while marchine around... not according to the new deal!
@splatty_bella_figura_garfield_cat... are you still, err, all pieces intact and in their normal locations?!?!?!?!
@Janatki how goes soccer veganism?!?!?!!? Good bunnies, right?!?!?
@AlexandraFindsHerself1971 here's hoping you're keeping it all together in the multi-dimensional household!
@lauriekallis You posted some awesome paintings a while back... are you in the process of painting something else?
You missed out @conniewilkins56 - yoo hoo Connie - where are you?!?!3 -
It has suddenly gotten HOT and I am not coping with that very well.
Also the root of one of my molars has decided that things are wrong. (sigh) We don't have the cash for the dentist right now so I will tough it out.5 -
Vacation going well. Really just visiting siblings and family we haven’t seen in nearly three years. Trying to navigate the eating at restaurants and home cooking extravaganzas. Mostly I’m not getting too much hassle. I’ve been logging but obviously not weighing myself daily. Curious to see where I’ll be when we get home next week. 😱5
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@conniewilkins56 you tried to sneak under the radar didn't you!2
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Yooly - have you had fun flaunting your lean physique???2
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I will be 71 and I can be cranky if I want to be!….lol…..
Ok….I have been really off the rails eating paint chips if they are near….
Saw heart doctor today….finally!
I will post tomorrow…I-pad is giving me problems….1 -
lauriekallis wrote: »Yooly - have you had fun flaunting your lean physique???
Well I had hoped that the last 25 pounds would be gone by now but .... so far hubby’s side of the family has been polite and cautious. Hopefully my sisters will give me the “holy s**t, you look great!” A little affirmation goes a long way in motivating.3 -
I am still dealing with some anxiety over my health issues but I saw a cardiologist yesterday…I do have some sort of blockage on the right side of my heart and I need more extensive tests done in the next few weeks…my weight has zoomed right up but I am starting with a clean slate this morning….no guilt, shame, or baggage, just doing it…going to jump right in!….I have to limit my sodium and watch the cholesterol a little more than I have been…
We have a cabin rented in S. Carolina in June….johns oldest brother will be 80 and they are having a huge family reunion and party…
Laurie, moving where your family is going isn’t a bad idea if it is what makes all of you comfortable…our family’s living arrangement arent for everyone but it works for us…grands grow up so fast and you enjoy that little guy so much….
Bella you continue to amaze us with your athletic skills!
Yooly enjoy your vacation!
Everyone else keep up the great work!
PAV….I am back!5
