What's on your mind today?
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I miss thrift store shopping to celebrate my weightloss journey and leisure time finding treasures. When this covid closures end Im have bags to donate to make room for new finds for my new size. 6s are way too big now...4
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@Hollis100 - I totally agree with you. I have tried to have the conversation and it just hurts her feelings. The problem is she’s an incredible cook. 100% Sicilian. I didn’t know spaghetti came in a box until I ate at me boyfriends one night. It’s not real if you’re not rolling in out on the table and drying it on racks made out of coat hangers. Mmmmmm. How on earth am I supposed to have self control?5
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@readyornot1234 Again, I sympathize with you. I have no answers and wish I did. Looking back, there were many things my mother wanted me to do that were objectively good things -- and were her goals and wants and wishes, not mine.
I don't know if you can have The Conversation again, but try sometime, and if you have health problems, use that, and maybe quote a doctor. Good luck, and may we all forgive ourselves and our mothers.3 -
It has been almost four years since my mom died. There were so many lessons she taught me. I am so thankful she instilled in me everything she thought she was not. She always told me how much she loved me and I was beautiful, strong, and smart. She raised me to be an independent woman. Many of the lessons I was taught took me quite some time to to fully comprehend and instill in to my understanding of the world.
Being raised as a very strong person, and by personality highly opinionated, she would tell me, "Suzi, you must remember there are shades of grey, not everything is black and white.". This is one of the constants that runs through my head when people act in questionable ways to me. The snarky person in line in front of you may have just lost a parent, the person who is always smiling and joking may be depressed, the person who sits quietly may actually have something important to say but is not comfortable speaking out loud, and between the black and the white many times that is where the truth stands.
I miss my mom. TG when I am quiet I can still hear her voice telling me she loves me.
Our mother's expressions of love should never be taken for granted. For those who struggle with the feeders we can always plan for those visits. Walk an extra mile, eat a light meal beforehand so we plan for the calories, or take the leftovers and pass them on to next homeless person you see on the street or an elderly neighbor.
@readyornot1234 - If my mom was making me homemade pasta I would drink water all day until I visited! LOL. I did not even know pasta existed until invited to a friend's house for dinner at the age of 12. My friend's mother served (now this is gross), Ragu out of the jar and spaghetti from a box! I had died and gone to heaven. These days I do have to limit my love of pasta but do plan for it every now and then.2 -
Ahhh, my mom. She is one of the most important people in my life and has given so much to me and all my siblings and many others. She is a retired nurse. @SuziQ113 - she raised my sister and me to be extremely strong, outspoken, confident women and my brothers to be respectful of women (and how to vacuum, cook, do laundry, etc). These were traits she acquired on her own because as a first generation she was raised to be subservient to men and meet their every need with a smile. She was the first in her family to go to college. On my dad’s side of the family, it was me and my siblings to be the first. So my parents figured all of this out on their own and provided every opportunity to us foregoing any of their wants. Please do not misunderstand me, I love my parents, I am grateful they are my parents, and I do whatever I am able for them. I miss them. We are driving down this afternoon to sit in their yard, at a social distance, and eat sandwiches we are bringing for ourselves, for Mother’s Day. It’s not perfect but who knows how many more of these days and any day we each have.
@Hollis100 - I’m with you. I wish I had the answers. My parents passed overweight many years ago. They each have some health problems. It’s hard to watch them overeat and lose more mobility. They seem happy so is it me having a hard time watching them get older? Is that my fear? My mom grew up in a very critical and sometimes abusive household. When I try to discuss things with her she gets defensive and hurt. That’s from her childhood. I try to be conscious of where she is coming from and my need to want control and perfection.
You’re both right, life and relationships are so complicated. Most of life is grey.3 -
@Hollis100 I hope that you are feeling better.I made an appointment to get a virus test tomorrow morning. I have a few symptoms, extreme fatigue and shortness of breath when I exercise, which might be from wearing a mask for 8 hours and doing a mindblowing amount of exercise at work -- I'm probably okay, but want to be cautious.
The medical center told me I have to self-quarantine until I know the test results, which should be available in 2-3 days.
I bought extra fruit, veggies, and tons of cat food today in case I am actually sick and have to stay at home for two weeks or more. Again, I'm probably okay, just want to be careful.
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@Chinkiri Add me too! Glad you are feeling better!Thank you for all the hugs! I feel a lot better this morning, having slept quite a lot, with lots of waking up, but still...
So, that's the first thing I am grateful for.
- I also am grateful that yesterday's horrible headache has gone
- I am grateful that my partner gave me a hand clearing weeds off the terrace. It's something he can still do for me. He has Alzheimer's, so there are not so many other things he can help me with.
- I am grateful for the beautiful weather. I don't need any shopping today, so I can use my full hour for a walk, which I am also grateful for.
- I am grateful for the light at the end of the tunnel. From Monday we can go out when we want, for however long, much further and without a document. I'm planning bike rides...
Have a good day everyone or make the best of whatever rotten day you're having!
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My mom lives about 45 minutes away, but I haven’t seen her since early February, because she’s high risk. She is an amazing lady! We talk on the phone several times a week.
I’ve heard from half of my kids. The two I didn’t hear from ? Not surprised. One doesn’t know what day it even is half the time and the other disowned me for being mad that he wouldn’t wear his mask at work, or anywhere, for that matter. 🤷♀️
Still painting like a fiend. I’m hoping we can finish before the floors come in.5 -
It's Mother's day and the start of birthday week. Shrimp cake dinner.....all this for under 450 calories!
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Wonderful afternoon with my parents. We social distanced on the back deck. We brought sandwiches but my mom made a whole thing. It was a bit cold and windy but lovely.4
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I can't go see my mom either (both because her building is keeping her safe and non-workers away AND I do not even go to wave from the parking lot because I am an at-risk person too) but we talk on the phone every day.
The Entertainment Director sent out an appeal through the various main contacts last week (which got forwarded to me) asking that a photo and message be sent to her, to be pre-printed and handed out at a special Mother's Day tea this afternoon.
Mom was THRILLED when she opened her scroll and realized what it was, and how a way had been found for her to see me after all.
And I had a wonderful Google Meet-up video chat with my one-and-only son. He lives downtown and we live out in the "deep-south suburbs" and he has been staying away for my safety. If he walked from there to here, it would be about a 4 hour trek. But there were some snow-skiffs happening ~8:00 this morning when the cat got him up .... so we talked on the phone, and then he set up the video meet for early afternoon.6 -
Monday 11th May
Some days I am not even grateful that I have woken up9 -
Monday 11th May
Some days I am not even grateful that I have woken up
Do you have access to someone via Tele-health to speak to? I was spiraling badly two weeks ago when I signed up for a web-ex on stress control during this period of time in history. They talked about the four stages of mental health on a day to day type of scenario.
I hope you are able to see the graphic. I was hard yellow sinking into low orange at that point, as were many of us on the call. The social worker leading the discussion recommended that we all reach out for help. When I got home that night I called my therapist’s office, and they were taking FaceTime appointments, so I was booked for the following Thursday, with a follow up last Thursday. It really has made all the difference in the world! I downloaded both “10% Happier” and “Head Space” apps, and they have been really wonderful for going to sleep and mini meditation sessions, no longer than 3 or so minutes.
For me, it’s a total loss of control. I am a control freak and tend to overthink things, as it is, but since all the lockdowns and stay at home orders, plus carrying the weight of my staff on my shoulders, I had to just stop and really “get” that people actually in control of things are few and far between. We have all lost a big portion of control in our lives, and for me? That was a hard pill to swallow.
It isn’t all sunshine and glittery unicorn farts for me all the time, as I still hit bumps in the road, but I will say the good is now outweighing the bad, instead of the opposite.
I hope you are feeling better by the time you read this. If you ever need a shoulder or just want to vent, you can always hit me up via private message. ((((((Hugs))))) to you, @Chinkiri ❣️❣️❣️
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@Chinkiri - Hugs to you!!4
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12th May
Coping. Thank you for your support7 -
@Chinkiri as I lay in bed with insomnia last night I thought back to your posts and focused on all that I was grateful for. The first one was you reminding me to refocus. These are some strange and hard times, sending you hugs. Following silently along with the Mom posts also and yes, she lived to feed us, sheesh, it was hard at times, as it was just an ingrained Italian thing......."eat!" Have a good day all, being signed on to this challenge has def kept me wanting to stay within my goals.
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@Chinkiri - I’ve been thinking about you. I have never had an issue with depression and I can honestly say that this pandemic and loss of control has sent me spiraling. I am depressed one day to the point I don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone. Some days I am paralyzed with fear. Sometimes I can’t breathe due to an anxiety attack. Some days I’m okay. I finally reached out to a friend who is a therapist and she hooked me up with someone. Please know you are not alone and you don’t need to do this alone.4
