Your preferred date night...?
Options
Replies
-
Comparing a girlfriend to a horse, or a car. Hmm.
Luckily, my lady will tell me exactly what she wants, and I know she's being truthful. There are no games with us, neither of us understands the benefits of playing a game.
All human interactions involve games. There's what you want, what you'll accept, what you have to give up to get it, etc. I suspect that it's a new relationship since a few weeks ago you were talking about banging an engaged chick on the weekend. I imagine at some point, there will be something you do that she doesn't like that you don't want to change. At that point you'll have to decide how much it means to her, what the likely outcomes of your choices are and which choice is best for you. Asking her what she'll do if you choose A may yield an accurate response but it may not. She may completely believe that the answer she gives is the truth and still not follow through. What people say they are okay or not okay with is not perfectly correlated with their actual feelings or responses when it actually happens.
I think you just have an odd definition of what games are. What you just described sounds like compromise - and whether to make it or now
0 -
Comparing a girlfriend to a horse, or a car. Hmm.
Luckily, my lady will tell me exactly what she wants, and I know she's being truthful. There are no games with us, neither of us understands the benefits of playing a game.
All human interactions involve games. There's what you want, what you'll accept, what you have to give up to get it, etc. I suspect that it's a new relationship since a few weeks ago you were talking about banging an engaged chick on the weekend. I imagine at some point, there will be something you do that she doesn't like that you don't want to change. At that point you'll have to decide how much it means to her, what the likely outcomes of your choices are and which choice is best for you. Asking her what she'll do if you choose A may yield an accurate response but it may not. She may completely believe that the answer she gives is the truth and still not follow through. What people say they are okay or not okay with is not perfectly correlated with their actual feelings or responses when it actually happens.
I'm sure, but that's not games. Like above, that's compromise. That's a relationship, that's not what I would define as games. Games I'd define as not wanting to go out on a Friday night b/c it's a 1st date, and you want her to think you're some social stud, when in reality, most people aren't. Some yes. Most, no.
Those are games.0 -
This thread is mainly about scheduling, so I am resuscitating it because I have a scheduling issue.
So I met someone on Tuesday night. Yesterday, a text exchange indicated something that didn't sit well with me. She didn't agree to my suggestion of a Wednesday night get together (a 4 day advance notice) and said it would have to wait a week or two. I interpreted that as a clear lack of interest. If someone wants you, they schedule you. There's no huge lag time. I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well. So I deleted her number.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with big lag times and how they deal with the situation.0 -
This thread is mainly about scheduling, so I am resuscitating it because I have a scheduling issue.
So I met someone on Tuesday night. Yesterday, a text exchange indicated something that didn't sit well with me. She didn't agree to my suggestion of a Wednesday night get together (a 4 day advance notice) and said it would have to wait a week or two. I interpreted that as a clear lack of interest. If someone wants you, they schedule you. There's no huge lag time. I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well. So I deleted her number.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with big lag times and how they deal with the situation.
I dont necessarily agree that it's lack of interest. People can just have busy schedules. She might go to the gym on a Weds night and she doesnt want to miss out, or may have booked to go to the movies with her friend......etc.......she may even be playing by the 'rules' and not want to come across as too keen?? There could be a number of reasons she isnt free in 4 days time on a Weds........
Did you suggest another night?? Tues, or Thurs, or (God forbid!) a Saturday?? :laugh:
I dated one guy once and the next available time was about 3 weeks later!! He had to be Amsterdam, then Scotland, then.......can't even remember :noway: I decided not to pursue him, as his availability was just too hectic for what I'm looking for. But I know he was interested in me.
So, my suggestion is not to write someone off. Go with it and see if it grows. By the second or third date you'll be able to gauge that, rather than "oh she isnt chomping at the bit to see me tomorrow therefore she has little interest" In the beginning, it's all about seeing how you fit together. If she's agreed to another date then she IS interested. I would not agree to see someone again if I didnt want to give it a chance. It maybe not be to the level that you would like her to be, but there is definitely interest there??
:flowerforyou:0 -
This thread is mainly about scheduling, so I am resuscitating it because I have a scheduling issue.
So I met someone on Tuesday night. Yesterday, a text exchange indicated something that didn't sit well with me. She didn't agree to my suggestion of a Wednesday night get together (a 4 day advance notice) and said it would have to wait a week or two. I interpreted that as a clear lack of interest. If someone wants you, they schedule you. There's no huge lag time. I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well. So I deleted her number.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with big lag times and how they deal with the situation.
It would depend,if a reasonable explanation of the delay was given and supported by what you know to be true of her life then it was a bit of a rash decision to end contact.
If there was no or virtually no explanation then she either is not interested much or is playing a hard to get game to see how much control she may have over you so probably best to walk away.
Need more details.0 -
Hey Anna,
She claimed her whole week was booked and suggested a 1-2 week wait. Even if I saw her next weekend, that's still almost 2 weeks to get on someone's schedule for just a first date. I just find that to be a long lag. And if that takes that long to get a first date, how could I possibly expect to get integrated into her life? So that's why I interpreted lack of interest. I was going to call her out on her little game, but instead decided to go with the delete button.
Also, I suspect that she is older than I am too, and I'm more interested in younger women.0 -
This thread is mainly about scheduling, so I am resuscitating it because I have a scheduling issue.
So I met someone on Tuesday night. Yesterday, a text exchange indicated something that didn't sit well with me. She didn't agree to my suggestion of a Wednesday night get together (a 4 day advance notice) and said it would have to wait a week or two. I interpreted that as a clear lack of interest. If someone wants you, they schedule you. There's no huge lag time. I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well. So I deleted her number.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with big lag times and how they deal with the situation.
It would depend,if a reasonable explanation of the delay was given and supported by what you know to be true of her life then it was a bit of a rash decision to end contact.
If there was no or virtually no explanation then she either is not interested much or is playing a hard to get game to see how much control she may have over you so probably best to walk away.
Need more details.
Hey Carl-appreciate the insight. She does not work a high travel, high stress kind of job. I gave pretty much all the details that I had. There was no or virtually no explanation. As I said to Anna, I was going to call her out on what I perceive as a little game, but the silent walk away through the delete button is what I chose.0 -
Couldn't it be argued that if you're not willing to wait a week, you're not that interested in her either?
I'm not saying you're wrong about her, but the entire month of May has been that way for me. It may truly be lack of time rather than lack of interest. If I don't want to see a guy, I'm not going to say "let's try again in a week or two."0 -
This thread is mainly about scheduling, so I am resuscitating it because I have a scheduling issue.
So I met someone on Tuesday night. Yesterday, a text exchange indicated something that didn't sit well with me. She didn't agree to my suggestion of a Wednesday night get together (a 4 day advance notice) and said it would have to wait a week or two. I interpreted that as a clear lack of interest. If someone wants you, they schedule you. There's no huge lag time. I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well. So I deleted her number.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with big lag times and how they deal with the situation.
It would depend,if a reasonable explanation of the delay was given and supported by what you know to be true of her life then it was a bit of a rash decision to end contact.
If there was no or virtually no explanation then she either is not interested much or is playing a hard to get game to see how much control she may have over you so probably best to walk away.
Need more details.
Hey Carl-appreciate the insight. She does not work a high travel, high stress kind of job. I gave pretty much all the details that I had. There was no or virtually no explanation. As I said to Anna, I was going to call her out on what I perceive as a little game, but the silent walk away through the delete button is what I chose.
My take then from personal experience is she wanted a buddy to talk to and maybe lean on,that can be okay when both parties are seeing eye to eye about it and agreeable to it.
Have just had a situation where a lady online was all excited to develop a friendship and talk of a meeting as well as being intimate.
When the opportunity for a real life get together was available she lost interest and did not have the courtesy to even be honest about the fact she was refusing to meet.
I will be polite to her but this person does not need to be much of a part of my life even though she now acts as if nothing happened.0 -
Couldn't it be argued that if you're not willing to wait a week, you're not that interested in her either?
I'm not saying you're wrong about her, but the entire month of May has been that way for me. It may truly be lack of time rather than lack of interest. If I don't want to see a guy, I'm not going to say "let's try again in a week or two."
It could be argued that. My own interest level is somewhat middling as well. I liked her, but I suspect she is older than I am, and my preference is to be with someone younger, which is a preference for most men looking for something over a longer period of time.
I think that you wait for someone when there is an established basis for waiting. To this point that I received the text msg, I didn't see a basis.
I have seen situations before where it took a long time to get together, and there's a momentum disruption for sure. There's a rhythm and a balance to scheduling. Too much exposure too soon is the not best scenario. Too little exposure, something doesn't develop.0 -
Couldn't it be argued that if you're not willing to wait a week, you're not that interested in her either?
I'm not saying you're wrong about her, but the entire month of May has been that way for me. It may truly be lack of time rather than lack of interest. If I don't want to see a guy, I'm not going to say "let's try again in a week or two."
It could be argued that. My own interest level is somewhat middling as well. I liked her, but I suspect she is older than I am, and my preference is to be with someone younger, which is a preference for most men looking for something over a longer period of time.
I think that you wait for someone when there is an established basis for waiting. To this point that I received the text msg, I didn't see a basis.
I have seen situations before where it took a long time to get together, and there's a momentum disruption for sure. There's a rhythm and a balance to scheduling. Too much exposure too soon is the not best scenario. Too little exposure, something doesn't develop.
Perhaps she was thinking "well, he's a bit too young for me but perhaps we will get along really well, no harm in a date when I'm next free" :bigsmile:0 -
Have just had a situation where a lady online was all excited to develop a friendship and talk of a meeting as well as being intimate.
When the opportunity for a real life get together was available she lost interest and did not have the courtesy to even be honest about the fact she was refusing to meet.
I will be polite to her but this person does not need to be much of a part of my life even though she now acts as if nothing happened.
I find a lot of people flirt when there's no real chance/threat of meeting. The internet can be a safety guard! I'm sorry that she wasn't a bit more up front about it. At least flirting from a distance and knowing you'll NEVER meet is a bit different to flirting when you might have that opportunity. :flowerforyou:0 -
This thread is mainly about scheduling, so I am resuscitating it because I have a scheduling issue.
So I met someone on Tuesday night. Yesterday, a text exchange indicated something that didn't sit well with me. She didn't agree to my suggestion of a Wednesday night get together (a 4 day advance notice) and said it would have to wait a week or two. I interpreted that as a clear lack of interest. If someone wants you, they schedule you. There's no huge lag time. I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well. So I deleted her number.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with big lag times and how they deal with the situation.
I cause lag times. Generally though I state why I am moving something out a week or two (ie work hours just started an hour early or I got bumped to night shift, or this week is booked, etc). I sometimes can't say I am going to be free two weeks from friday even though fridays are generally my day off becausewe end up working overtime more often than not and if something breaks that week I have to go in. It's not an "I'm not interested" thing, it's that I have/want to keep my job and this is the type of schedule it comes with. But like I said, I'm very up front about it. Also, because my schedule is how it is, I tend to believe the best when others give me a 'lag' time. People can easily get busy, it happens.0 -
I FINALLY had my first semi- date not long ago...last week.. I don't really consider it a date so I would prefer to have a REAL date one day first lol... Then I can determined how I would prefer a date on what days, etc. :laugh:0
-
This thread is mainly about scheduling, so I am resuscitating it because I have a scheduling issue.
So I met someone on Tuesday night. Yesterday, a text exchange indicated something that didn't sit well with me. She didn't agree to my suggestion of a Wednesday night get together (a 4 day advance notice) and said it would have to wait a week or two. I interpreted that as a clear lack of interest. If someone wants you, they schedule you. There's no huge lag time. I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well. So I deleted her number.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with big lag times and how they deal with the situation.
Maybe she's just trying to make you think she's a social butterfly and can't fit you in right away, you know, make you want her more?
Just like you do with your no fri/sat night date rule.0 -
Bah. I would have given her a chance. As some others have pointed out, she might be busy. Or might be in the process of dumping her current boyfriend or has personal problems. Or might have her period and be irritable.She claimed her whole week was booked and suggested a 1-2 week wait. Even if I saw her next weekend, that's still almost 2 weeks to get on someone's schedule for just a first date. I just find that to be a long lag. And if that takes that long to get a first date, how could I possibly expect to get integrated into her life? So that's why I interpreted lack of interest. I was going to call her out on her little game, but instead decided to go with the delete button.
Which by the way is technically not your problem, more hers.
I can hardly fit a girl/date in my current schedule, and was I to organise a date right now, it would have to happen in about a week from now at best (more likely for a week or two, as this girl).
This might be a red flag for some girls if they want total availability at short notice from me, which they can't have. But busy people understand this, as they are busy with their lives too, and are OK to see me more infrequently - when they can...
Don't call her on "her little game" as if she is not playing games, you'll make yourself look like a fool. :laugh:
About the "lack of interest": at the dating stage this is normal that she will fit people who she knows more before you. So it might not mean that she is not interested in you, simply that she has other "social priorities" (family, old friends). You can't come in someone life and expect to be high priority in their schedule from day 1 - after the first date, however, you should be gradually getting more and more interest.
As for this bit: "I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well." I agree 100%. I think that with dating/relationships there is an expiry date for the initial attraction or interest, so it is generally best to be able to schedule a date relatively quickly.
Here is what I would have a done: kept in touch with the girl, and date her in two weeks, as she suggested (and keep minimal contact in between, just to "keep the channel open", make sure she's still alive). If she is only busy for the few upcoming week, then she will be able to make some room in her schedule afterwards. If she is really busy in general, she might be looking for a FWB... someone who would offer her some "good time" when she is around.
That said, she would not have priority over a girl who can date more in my book. But that's only fair, I guess.0 -
This thread is mainly about scheduling, so I am resuscitating it because I have a scheduling issue.
So I met someone on Tuesday night. Yesterday, a text exchange indicated something that didn't sit well with me. She didn't agree to my suggestion of a Wednesday night get together (a 4 day advance notice) and said it would have to wait a week or two. I interpreted that as a clear lack of interest. If someone wants you, they schedule you. There's no huge lag time. I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well. So I deleted her number.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with big lag times and how they deal with the situation.
i wouldnt necessarily assume that it's lack of interest. now if she would have been busy in 2 weeks then definitely it would have been time to delete her number , but now this early i think it's best to give people the benefit of the doubt since you dont know their schedule0 -
Really because of the perception that Friday and Saturday are prime social hours, particularly for those who don't have kids. It is not good for a man to give his best hours to an unproven person, plus the woman will know that if he's booking her Fri/Sat night, his other prospects probably are not red hot. Women like a little competition in the early going, keeps them on edge. When they're on edge, there's interested. Interested is way better than complete apathy.
You have an odd view on what women think. Maybe I'm the weird one, I don't know. If a guy led me to think that he had other "red hot prospects" that would be placed above me, that would really turn me off. I don't want to compete with other women, or be on edge. I think that making a woman think she isn't good enough to rate a Friday/Saturday night date would backfire. It's turned me off before, making me think "I'm good enough for a Wednesday but not for a Friday?" It predicts future behavior, I think, by making someone think that they're not worth sacrificing a precious weekend night.
Again, maybe it's just me.0 -
Really because of the perception that Friday and Saturday are prime social hours, particularly for those who don't have kids. It is not good for a man to give his best hours to an unproven person, plus the woman will know that if he's booking her Fri/Sat night, his other prospects probably are not red hot. Women like a little competition in the early going, keeps them on edge. When they're on edge, there's interested. Interested is way better than complete apathy.
You have an odd view on what women think. Maybe I'm the weird one, I don't know. If a guy led me to think that he had other "red hot prospects" that would be placed above me, that would really turn me off. I don't want to compete with other women, or be on edge. I think that making a woman think she isn't good enough to rate a Friday/Saturday night date would backfire. It's turned me off before, making me think "I'm good enough for a Wednesday but not for a Friday?" It predicts future behavior, I think, by making someone think that they're not worth sacrificing a precious weekend night.
Again, maybe it's just me.
I highly doubt it's just you.0 -
Really because of the perception that Friday and Saturday are prime social hours, particularly for those who don't have kids. It is not good for a man to give his best hours to an unproven person, plus the woman will know that if he's booking her Fri/Sat night, his other prospects probably are not red hot. Women like a little competition in the early going, keeps them on edge. When they're on edge, there's interested. Interested is way better than complete apathy.
You have an odd view on what women think. Maybe I'm the weird one, I don't know. If a guy led me to think that he had other "red hot prospects" that would be placed above me, that would really turn me off. I don't want to compete with other women, or be on edge. I think that making a woman think she isn't good enough to rate a Friday/Saturday night date would backfire. It's turned me off before, making me think "I'm good enough for a Wednesday but not for a Friday?" It predicts future behavior, I think, by making someone think that they're not worth sacrificing a precious weekend night.
Again, maybe it's just me.
I highly doubt it's just you.
Correct, it's me too! ....... DM and Flamfloz are the weird ones!! ::laugh:
j/k
0
