Your preferred date night...?
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This thread is mainly about scheduling, so I am resuscitating it because I have a scheduling issue.
So I met someone on Tuesday night. Yesterday, a text exchange indicated something that didn't sit well with me. She didn't agree to my suggestion of a Wednesday night get together (a 4 day advance notice) and said it would have to wait a week or two. I interpreted that as a clear lack of interest. If someone wants you, they schedule you. There's no huge lag time. I also find that if I agree to dates with big lag times, the dates don't go well. So I deleted her number.
I'm wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with big lag times and how they deal with the situation.
i wouldnt necessarily assume that it's lack of interest. now if she would have been busy in 2 weeks then definitely it would have been time to delete her number , but now this early i think it's best to give people the benefit of the doubt since you dont know their schedule
Also remember this is a holiday week which most people have things booked weeks in advance.0 -
Really because of the perception that Friday and Saturday are prime social hours, particularly for those who don't have kids. It is not good for a man to give his best hours to an unproven person, plus the woman will know that if he's booking her Fri/Sat night, his other prospects probably are not red hot. Women like a little competition in the early going, keeps them on edge. When they're on edge, there's interested. Interested is way better than complete apathy.
You have an odd view on what women think. Maybe I'm the weird one, I don't know. If a guy led me to think that he had other "red hot prospects" that would be placed above me, that would really turn me off. I don't want to compete with other women, or be on edge. I think that making a woman think she isn't good enough to rate a Friday/Saturday night date would backfire. It's turned me off before, making me think "I'm good enough for a Wednesday but not for a Friday?" It predicts future behavior, I think, by making someone think that they're not worth sacrificing a precious weekend night.
Again, maybe it's just me.
It is the scarcity mentality. Why is gold worth more than barley? Gold is scarcer and has higher inherent value than barley. Being perceived like gold is better than being perceived like barley. Someone with scarce traits is going to be perceived higher. Scarcity in time is a good thing (to a degree). If someone or something is too available, their value is lower.
Women-what happened the last time that you dealt with a needy guy who was too available? Likely, he was kicked to the curb. The guy was who was harder to get, you likely put more effort in and probably wasn't kicked to the curb as fast.0 -
Really because of the perception that Friday and Saturday are prime social hours, particularly for those who don't have kids. It is not good for a man to give his best hours to an unproven person, plus the woman will know that if he's booking her Fri/Sat night, his other prospects probably are not red hot. Women like a little competition in the early going, keeps them on edge. When they're on edge, there's interested. Interested is way better than complete apathy.
You have an odd view on what women think. Maybe I'm the weird one, I don't know. If a guy led me to think that he had other "red hot prospects" that would be placed above me, that would really turn me off. I don't want to compete with other women, or be on edge. I think that making a woman think she isn't good enough to rate a Friday/Saturday night date would backfire. It's turned me off before, making me think "I'm good enough for a Wednesday but not for a Friday?" It predicts future behavior, I think, by making someone think that they're not worth sacrificing a precious weekend night.
Again, maybe it's just me.
It is the scarcity mentality. Why is gold worth more than barley? Gold is scarcer and has higher inherent value than barley. Being perceived like gold is better than being perceived like barley. Someone with scarce traits is going to be perceived as having higher value, which is what someone looks for in a mate. Scarcity in time is a good thing (to a degree). If someone or something is too available, their value is lower.
Women-what happened the last time that you dealt with a needy guy who was too available? Likely, he was kicked to the curb. The guy was who was harder to get, you likely put more effort in and probably wasn't kicked to the curb as fast.0 -
Really because of the perception that Friday and Saturday are prime social hours, particularly for those who don't have kids. It is not good for a man to give his best hours to an unproven person, plus the woman will know that if he's booking her Fri/Sat night, his other prospects probably are not red hot. Women like a little competition in the early going, keeps them on edge. When they're on edge, there's interested. Interested is way better than complete apathy.
You have an odd view on what women think. Maybe I'm the weird one, I don't know. If a guy led me to think that he had other "red hot prospects" that would be placed above me, that would really turn me off. I don't want to compete with other women, or be on edge. I think that making a woman think she isn't good enough to rate a Friday/Saturday night date would backfire. It's turned me off before, making me think "I'm good enough for a Wednesday but not for a Friday?" It predicts future behavior, I think, by making someone think that they're not worth sacrificing a precious weekend night.
Again, maybe it's just me.
It is the scarcity mentality. Why is gold worth more than barley? Gold is scarcer and has higher inherent value than barley. Being perceived like gold is better than being perceived like barley. Someone with scarce traits is going to be perceived as having higher value, which is what someone looks for in a mate. Scarcity in time is a good thing (to a degree). If someone or something is too available, their value is lower.
Women-what happened the last time that you dealt with a needy guy who was too available? Likely, he was kicked to the curb. The guy was who was harder to get, you likely put more effort in and probably wasn't kicked to the curb as fast.
Personally, I think if you stopped w/ all the guidelines and regulations/rules and what not, and just enjoyed life for what it is, you'd be happy. If you find someone you'd like to date, interest is there, then go for it. Who cares if it's a Friday.
I promise, your social life will not falter from one Friday night date. And you might meet someone who you find a connection with and can spend some more time with in the future.
Stop living life by a set of rules/guidelines. You miss out on a lot of the fun you could have with someone of the opposite sex.0 -
Really because of the perception that Friday and Saturday are prime social hours, particularly for those who don't have kids. It is not good for a man to give his best hours to an unproven person, plus the woman will know that if he's booking her Fri/Sat night, his other prospects probably are not red hot. Women like a little competition in the early going, keeps them on edge. When they're on edge, there's interested. Interested is way better than complete apathy.
You have an odd view on what women think. Maybe I'm the weird one, I don't know. If a guy led me to think that he had other "red hot prospects" that would be placed above me, that would really turn me off. I don't want to compete with other women, or be on edge. I think that making a woman think she isn't good enough to rate a Friday/Saturday night date would backfire. It's turned me off before, making me think "I'm good enough for a Wednesday but not for a Friday?" It predicts future behavior, I think, by making someone think that they're not worth sacrificing a precious weekend night.
Again, maybe it's just me.
It is the scarcity mentality. Why is gold worth more than barley? Gold is scarcer and has higher inherent value than barley. Being perceived like gold is better than being perceived like barley. Someone with scarce traits is going to be perceived as having higher value, which is what someone looks for in a mate. Scarcity in time is a good thing (to a degree). If someone or something is too available, their value is lower.
Women-what happened the last time that you dealt with a needy guy who was too available? Likely, he was kicked to the curb. The guy was who was harder to get, you likely put more effort in and probably wasn't kicked to the curb as fast.
Yeah but DM, she's just made herself scarce and you've deleted her number!!! :laugh: So, I still dont get your mentality at all :noway: . There is a big difference between being needy and being available!! The two aren't inter dependable. You can be available on a Saturday night and not needy at all.......or you can pretend you're not free next wednesday and be the neediest person on earth.........just that you're hiding it......
As I said, I dont play by these rules or guidelines or whatever you guys want to call it. If I like someone, I like them and want to see them. If I dont like the, I dont date them. As I'm not a needy person by any stretch of the imagination, your judgement would be totally misplaced. Both if you thought I wasnt interested cos I couldnt make this Weds, and if I said I was available on Saturday.............so.....I dunno........carry on doing whatever you do.............and perhaps think about changing if it's not working for you :flowerforyou:0 -
There have been many times I have disagreed with DM on things he feels,guessing he probably doesn`t really care
but for me a big thing is consistency...do I have the same opinion on an issue regardless of who is posting it.
Am I perfect in that and putting aside all bias...no,I am human and perfection was lost in Eden with the fall in my religious view but I do try.
If I think a guy is being a jerk I will say so and why,if a lady is being unreasonable or hypocritical then I will do the same.
What I see as discouraging is that almost every lady here has said to DM that he did it wrong but am quite sure if the gender role was reversed and it was a lady saying that a guy was being standoffish all or almost all would tell her to move on "he is just not that into you" to quote a vapid book.
I think everyone here really does want to some day have a happy and satisfying relationship with someone but am not sure that will ever happen if a person,male or female,regards the same behavior differently based on gender.
Oh well,have probably irritated everyone enough for the weekend with my soapbox musings,need to get sweet corn planted in the garden.0 -
What woman wants to be compared to barley instead of gold in a potential man's eyes? That's just shooting yourself in the foot.0
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What I see as discouraging is that almost every lady here has said to DM that he did it wrong but am quite sure if the gender role was reversed and it was a lady saying that a guy was being standoffish all or almost all would tell her to move on "he is just not that into you" to quote a vapid book.
Thank you Carl. I think your words have a lot of meaning.
What woman wants to be compared to barley instead of gold in a potential man's eyes? That's just shooting yourself in the foot.
I feel that you took the gold-barley analogy out of context. Being scarce for a man is good (to a point) in terms of building the attraction. A lot of men throw themselves at women. The one who shows more restraint has higher value. I was writing the analogy more for how a woman perceives a man, not how a man perceives a woman.
And can you go out on a Friday or Saturday night with someone the first time? Sure, any of us could. Maybe the only time that two people are going to have a match on their schedules is then. And also maybe they first met in person and got along exceptionally well. But these are rare circumstances. The “rules” that I talk work best in the majority of situations, but there’s flexibility. But too much flexibility can lead to negative outcomes. There's a science and an art to it all.0 -
What woman wants to be compared to barley instead of gold in a potential man's eyes? That's just shooting yourself in the foot.
I feel that you took the gold-barley analogy out of context. Being scarce for a man is good (to a point) in terms of building the attraction. A lot of men throw themselves at women. The one who shows more restraint has higher value. I was writing the analogy more for how a woman perceives a man, not how a man perceives a woman.
Am I the only one sensing a tremendous double standard here? It's okay for a man to make himself appear "scarce" and "valuable" by lying about his availability ("I can't date you on a Friday because then you'll think I don't have anything else going on."), but God forbid a woman is too busy to go out for a week or two. That just makes her difficult and uninterested, not "scarce," not "valuable." That's one of the most sexist things I've ever heard. And I don't want to hear "men and women are different." We're all human beings who deserve to be treated with respect.
And while we're on the subject of the nature of men and women, I think you've got it totally backward. Men are the hunters, women the hunted. What is scare is precious, and what is precious will be highly sought-after and highly valued. A scarce, precious, highly prized woman will never be caught by a man who pretends to be too busy and too important for her. She will be caught by the man who says "I want you, and whatever I have to do to make you mine, I'll do it."And can you go out on a Friday or Saturday night with someone the first time? Sure, any of us could. Maybe the only time that two people are going to have a match on their schedules is then. And also maybe they first met in person and got along exceptionally well. But these are rare circumstances. The “rules” that I talk work best in the majority of situations, but there’s flexibility. But too much flexibility can lead to negative outcomes. There's a science and an art to it all.
I completely disagree. It's not a science or an art; there's real, and there's fake. You meet someone, you like her, you ask her out, and you move whatever you have to move to fit into HER schedule (you invited her out, remember?). If you don't like her enough to be flexible for HER, don't ask her out. Don't take her phone number. Don't pretend YOU'RE interested in HER if your reaction to waiting a week or two to see her is "She can't be interested, so I'll just delete her phone number."0 -
What I see as discouraging is that almost every lady here has said to DM that he did it wrong but am quite sure if the gender role was reversed and it was a lady saying that a guy was being standoffish all or almost all would tell her to move on "he is just not that into you" to quote a vapid book.
Thank you Carl. I think your words have a lot of meaning.What woman wants to be compared to barley instead of gold in a potential man's eyes? That's just shooting yourself in the foot.
I feel that you took the gold-barley analogy out of context. Being scarce for a man is good (to a point) in terms of building the attraction. A lot of men throw themselves at women. The one who shows more restraint has higher value. I was writing the analogy more for how a woman perceives a man, not how a man perceives a woman.
And can you go out on a Friday or Saturday night with someone the first time? Sure, any of us could. Maybe the only time that two people are going to have a match on their schedules is then. And also maybe they first met in person and got along exceptionally well. But these are rare circumstances. The “rules” that I talk work best in the majority of situations, but there’s flexibility. But too much flexibility can lead to negative outcomes. There's a science and an art to it all.
Building the attraction huh, let me just ask one simple question...
How's that working out for you?0 -
Building the attraction huh, let me just ask one simple question...
How's that working out for you?
In some ways, well. I cut through the garbage better than most.
How is whatever you are doing working out for you? Seems like if things were working real well for you, you'd have less time to snicker at me.0 -
Am I the only one sensing a tremendous double standard here? It's okay for a man to make himself appear "scarce" and "valuable" by lying about his availability ("I can't date you on a Friday because then you'll think I don't have anything else going on."), but God forbid a woman is too busy to go out for a week or two. That just makes her difficult and uninterested, not "scarce," not "valuable." That's one of the most sexist things I've ever heard. And I don't want to hear "men and women are different." We're all human beings who deserve to be treated with respect.
And while we're on the subject of the nature of men and women, I think you've got it totally backward. Men are the hunters, women the hunted. What is scare is precious, and what is precious will be highly sought-after and highly valued. A scarce, precious, highly prized woman will never be caught by a man who pretends to be too busy and too important for her. She will be caught by the man who says "I want you, and whatever I have to do to make you mine, I'll do it."
How would you feel if a man told you that he couldn't see you for 1-2 weeks before your first date? You'd drop him like a drop potato under the majority of circumstances. He wouldn't be doing what it takes to get you. Yet I'm being raked over the coals for doing the same thing.
I'm not sure hunting is the best analogy. Let's say we are talking about hunting ducks. Ducks do not make agreements with the duck hunter to be shot. Men pick, women determine who is worthy of her time. Seems like more of the pro sports free agency, though that's not entirely a perfect analogy either. But money can be a relevant consideration in both.:laugh:0 -
Let me see if I can state this more clearly ... What I want is to know that a man is interested in me. If he refuses to go out with me when I want to see him, which may very well be a Friday or Saturday, I don't take it as a sign that he's busy and important. I take it as a sign that I don't matter enough for him to care about MY schedule and MY preferences.
Amen!0 -
Really because of the perception that Friday and Saturday are prime social hours, particularly for those who don't have kids. It is not good for a man to give his best hours to an unproven person, plus the woman will know that if he's booking her Fri/Sat night, his other prospects probably are not red hot. Women like a little competition in the early going, keeps them on edge. When they're on edge, there's interested. Interested is way better than complete apathy.
You have an odd view on what women think. Maybe I'm the weird one, I don't know. If a guy led me to think that he had other "red hot prospects" that would be placed above me, that would really turn me off. I don't want to compete with other women, or be on edge. I think that making a woman think she isn't good enough to rate a Friday/Saturday night date would backfire. It's turned me off before, making me think "I'm good enough for a Wednesday but not for a Friday?" It predicts future behavior, I think, by making someone think that they're not worth sacrificing a precious weekend night.
Again, maybe it's just me.
It is the scarcity mentality. Why is gold worth more than barley? Gold is scarcer and has higher inherent value than barley. Being perceived like gold is better than being perceived like barley. Someone with scarce traits is going to be perceived as having higher value, which is what someone looks for in a mate. Scarcity in time is a good thing (to a degree). If someone or something is too available, their value is lower.
Women-what happened the last time that you dealt with a needy guy who was too available? Likely, he was kicked to the curb. The guy was who was harder to get, you likely put more effort in and probably wasn't kicked to the curb as fast.
Personally, I think if you stopped w/ all the guidelines and regulations/rules and what not, and just enjoyed life for what it is, you'd be happy. If you find someone you'd like to date, interest is there, then go for it. Who cares if it's a Friday.
I promise, your social life will not falter from one Friday night date. And you might meet someone who you find a connection with and can spend some more time with in the future.
Stop living life by a set of rules/guidelines. You miss out on a lot of the fun you could have with someone of the opposite sex.
Seriously, DM...just stop analyzing everything. If you meet someone tomorrow and you think she might be "barley" and not "gold", you are really selling yourself AND her short.
I don't see what is so scientific about it. If that's all it was, NONE OF US WOULD BE IN THIS FORUM RIGHT NOW!0 -
What woman wants to be compared to barley instead of gold in a potential man's eyes? That's just shooting yourself in the foot.
I feel that you took the gold-barley analogy out of context. Being scarce for a man is good (to a point) in terms of building the attraction. A lot of men throw themselves at women. The one who shows more restraint has higher value. I was writing the analogy more for how a woman perceives a man, not how a man perceives a woman.
Am I the only one sensing a tremendous double standard here? It's okay for a man to make himself appear "scarce" and "valuable" by lying about his availability ("I can't date you on a Friday because then you'll think I don't have anything else going on."), but God forbid a woman is too busy to go out for a week or two. That just makes her difficult and uninterested, not "scarce," not "valuable." That's one of the most sexist things I've ever heard. And I don't want to hear "men and women are different." We're all human beings who deserve to be treated with respect.
And while we're on the subject of the nature of men and women, I think you've got it totally backward. Men are the hunters, women the hunted. What is scare is precious, and what is precious will be highly sought-after and highly valued. A scarce, precious, highly prized woman will never be caught by a man who pretends to be too busy and too important for her. She will be caught by the man who says "I want you, and whatever I have to do to make you mine, I'll do it."And can you go out on a Friday or Saturday night with someone the first time? Sure, any of us could. Maybe the only time that two people are going to have a match on their schedules is then. And also maybe they first met in person and got along exceptionally well. But these are rare circumstances. The “rules” that I talk work best in the majority of situations, but there’s flexibility. But too much flexibility can lead to negative outcomes. There's a science and an art to it all.
I completely disagree. It's not a science or an art; there's real, and there's fake. You meet someone, you like her, you ask her out, and you move whatever you have to move to fit into HER schedule (you invited her out, remember?). If you don't like her enough to be flexible for HER, don't ask her out. Don't take her phone number. Don't pretend YOU'RE interested in HER if your reaction to waiting a week or two to see her is "She can't be interested, so I'll just delete her phone number."
Words from a woman...very good advice. 0 -
Oh please... We're talking about the first few dates here. Only stupid people think they are more important than everyone else in the life of someone they haven't met yet.
Amen!Let me see if I can state this more clearly ... What I want is to know that a man is interested in me. If he refuses to go out with me when I want to see him, which may very well be a Friday or Saturday, I don't take it as a sign that he's busy and important. I take it as a sign that I don't matter enough for him to care about MY schedule and MY preferences.
But it's not like you care about HIS schedules and HIS preferences, right?
So the right answer is: you find a date you BOTH agree on. If the man can't do the Sat/Sun because he is busy, and the girl can only do Sat/Sun then well... tough luck or you guys are ready to wait for 2 weeks.
True. Double standards.Am I the only one sensing a tremendous double standard here? It's okay for a man to make himself appear "scarce" and "valuable" by lying about his availability ("I can't date you on a Friday because then you'll think I don't have anything else going on."), but God forbid a woman is too busy to go out for a week or two. That just makes her difficult and uninterested, not "scarce," not "valuable." That's one of the most sexist things I've ever heard. And I don't want to hear "men and women are different." We're all human beings who deserve to be treated with respect.
I understand why though, there is a difference between being available only next week (busy) or only next month (not interested). I guess for DM, 2 weeks is too much wait and he assumes someone SHOULD be able to have a slot for him in this time frame (matches his own availability/activity levels).
To be honest though, it doesn't matter too much how long you think is right or not, as you should meet someone who has compatible activity levels. If one is always out, the other one is always at home, it creates imbalance and problems.
Right :noway:And while we're on the subject of the nature of men and women, I think you've got it totally backward. Men are the hunters, women the hunted. What is scare is precious, and what is precious will be highly sought-after and highly valued. A scarce, precious, highly prized woman will never be caught by a man who pretends to be too busy and too important for her. She will be caught by the man who says "I want you, and whatever I have to do to make you mine, I'll do it."
I think you need to get real here: if you let the highly prized man go because you didn't have the "women balls" to call him or pursue him, then you'll set yourself for disappointment.
Here is a little secret: valuable men are scarce too, so you can bet they will have a horde of women revolving around them and it might be a little bit hard to notice you in the background.
Anyway, FYI some women "hunt" as much as men do, and they're very successful. Although they, admittedly, rarely make the first step, you (as a man) "weirdly" bump into these women a lot more than statistics should normally allow.
Source: my own experience.
Your paragraph looks like it could have been written by my 12 years old sister after she just watched Titanic though. Cute.
Looks like this woman doesn't like the man much, though, given her inflexibility.I completely disagree. It's not a science or an art; there's real, and there's fake. You meet someone, you like her, you ask her out, and you move whatever you have to move to fit into HER schedule (you invited her out, remember?). If you don't like her enough to be flexible for HER, don't ask her out.
Double standards anyone?
We men like a bit of flexibility too, it's a sign for greater pleasures down the line!0 -
Really because of the perception that Friday and Saturday are prime social hours, particularly for those who don't have kids. It is not good for a man to give his best hours to an unproven person, plus the woman will know that if he's booking her Fri/Sat night, his other prospects probably are not red hot. Women like a little competition in the early going, keeps them on edge. When they're on edge, there's interested. Interested is way better than complete apathy.
You have an odd view on what women think. Maybe I'm the weird one, I don't know. If a guy led me to think that he had other "red hot prospects" that would be placed above me, that would really turn me off. I don't want to compete with other women, or be on edge. I think that making a woman think she isn't good enough to rate a Friday/Saturday night date would backfire. It's turned me off before, making me think "I'm good enough for a Wednesday but not for a Friday?" It predicts future behavior, I think, by making someone think that they're not worth sacrificing a precious weekend night.
Again, maybe it's just me.
It is the scarcity mentality. Why is gold worth more than barley? Gold is scarcer and has higher inherent value than barley. Being perceived like gold is better than being perceived like barley. Someone with scarce traits is going to be perceived higher. Scarcity in time is a good thing (to a degree). If someone or something is too available, their value is lower.
Women-what happened the last time that you dealt with a needy guy who was too available? Likely, he was kicked to the curb. The guy was who was harder to get, you likely put more effort in and probably wasn't kicked to the curb as fast.
Your analogy is pretty much incorrect. The UNIT value of gold is higher than the UNIT value of barley. However, the total economic surplus of barley is magnitudes greater than the total economic surplus of gold. Put another way, there is a whole lot of barley out there (or men or women), so the amount you are willing to pay for any particular UNIT is much lower. You can easily find an alternative if the price is too high.0 -
And while we're on the subject of the nature of men and women, I think you've got it totally backward. Men are the hunters, women the hunted. What is scare is precious, and what is precious will be highly sought-after and highly valued. A scarce, precious, highly prized woman will never be caught by a man who pretends to be too busy and too important for her. She will be caught by the man who says "I want you, and whatever I have to do to make you mine, I'll do it."
This is just ridiculous. So the guy needs to man up to ask the woman out and then do all the work to accomodate the woman and go into complete *kitten*-kissing mode to do whatever he has to do to make her his woman while the girl just sits by and decides if he is worthy or not? Did you ever think that this kind of BS is why guys won't wait more than a few dates to get laid or that they bail soon afterwards? It doesn't take long to get resentful and sometimes vindictive for being made to feel like a dog begging for its owners attention.0 -
Yeah... No time for this either, so normally after a few dates of having my existence/individuality/personality "ignored" by the woman for her sole benefit, she can pretty much get the f*** off.This is just ridiculous. So the guy needs to man up to ask the woman out and then do all the work to accomodate the woman and go into complete *kitten*-kissing mode to do whatever he has to do to make her his woman while the girl just sits by and decides if he is worthy or not? Did you ever think that this kind of BS is why guys won't wait more than a few dates to get laid or that they bail soon afterwards? It doesn't take long to get resentful and sometimes vindictive for being made to feel like a dog begging for its owners attention.
There are plenty of high maintenance/annoying girls out there, who want to be treated as princesses and don't want to have sex (no scarcity on that front trust me!), and want to have a man as their b*tch - so these girls are definitely barley for me. I can find another one quickly if I want to.
The girl that will not be too annoying (and also the girl who accept to have sex, funnily enough) will be gold to me. So I'll actually keep initiating contact with her and they've got much better chance of having a real relationship. Funny, eh?0 -
This is just ridiculous. So the guy needs to man up to ask the woman out and then do all the work to accomodate the woman and go into complete *kitten*-kissing mode to do whatever he has to do to make her his woman while the girl just sits by and decides if he is worthy or not? Did you ever think that this kind of BS is why guys won't wait more than a few dates to get laid or that they bail soon afterwards? It doesn't take long to get resentful and sometimes vindictive for being made to feel like a dog begging for its owners attention.
Many men can identify with what you described here. Good point you brought to light.0
