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Not to be a pity party but nobody asks me out. Just saying. I would if I could. I've never had a guy ask for my number, let alone five.
I think it was Einstein who said The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting the results to change. Why not ask your so-called slutty friend what she is doing to get guys to approach her? You don't have to bang them like she does but she is obviously doing something to get them to notice her that you are not doing.
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them...the majority of the guys she has had sex with are friends. She is very flirty and outgoing though, which I try to be, but compared to my friends I am not as good looking so all the guys like her. I don't go out with her all the time, but when we do, guys like her.0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them...the majority of the guys she has had sex with are friends. She is very flirty and outgoing though, which I try to be, but compared to my friends I am not as good looking so all the guys like her. I don't go out with her all the time, but when we do, guys like her.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date. If I could build one I'd make millions...
Secondly, there are a lot of guys who are actually willing to put in the time and effort getting to know an interesting girl before going to bed. Maybe even the majority of guys. We're not all just looking for sex, even in our 20's (going from memory here)...
Lastly, your profile pic is quite nice. Really, I'm not just saying that. You are attractive. I don't know what your friend looks like, so relatively, perhaps you "are not as good looking," as you claim. Still, I find it quite hard to believe guys are never interested in you when she is around.
Actually, one more point: You come across as intelligent and articulate. Lots of guys appreciate that. You are attractive. You need to be in situations where guys can get to know you casually, without pressure of possibly dating. Play volleyball with friends, join a jogging club, whatever. Be around guys who share some of your interests, but in low pressure situations (not bars, for example, where you're expected to hook up). There is just no way you won't have interest from some of them. I realize this is dating 101, but for some reason I feel it needs to be said... Let's get out there and kiss a boy! Let's call it a mini-goal, on your way to dating mastery. ;-)
Good luck.0 -
In response to the original post: I would have gone out with him and tried to be open, but he would have an uphill battle. I would probably have judged him in a subconscious level.I'm 22 for the record lol. And I don't really know how you find a date. Everyone here is like "go date!" but how the hell do you find a date? I put myself in situations to be asked out but nothing ever comes of it.
For example, I really liked the guy I mentioned above but of course he has a girlfriend. If I could meet a single him, I'd be set.
I was in the same position after college and it took me years to start dating again. I hope it doesn't take you that long. You should try online dating. I met a great guy there. I was upfront about my lack of experience and virginity. He has been really supportive and understands that I need to be in love before I have sex with somebody. And for the record, I don't think that there is something wrong with you. Inexperience can be a confidence killer. Just remember: baby steps and practice.0 -
I really don't understand why everyone is getting riled up.
As someone who never dated even before getting married, and had to learn how to date all over again (and for the first time in my LIFE getting male attention at 34 years old weighing less than I did even in college) I see nothing seriously abnormal with Christine's reactions to men and confusion about dating in general.
What I see is a woman who has never had any real attention suddenly lose weight and now trying to learn what most of you learned in high school (or junior high).
It's no different from when I was first dating. I may not have run away from a kiss, but being overcome with that ball of emotion definitely caused me to behave in weird ways (that ran some guys off) until I learned how to experience the thrill of being pursued w/o freaking out.
Practice makes perfect, Christine. Granted, if you ask the guys out they probably won't "stick" ;-) but they'll probably take you out at least once and you can practice getting comfortable around guys who appreciate your hard work taking care of your body.0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date.
I'm gonna have to call "foul" on this one. When I go out -even with the guys from church- men around us always gravitate to the girls who are obviously easy. Any woman who even hints that she will require some sort of relationship/effort first seems to be at a disadvantage in those scenes.
I'm not saying to ditch your morals, just be aware of the consequences and decide what's important enough to you that you are willing to limit potential dates because of it. I don't ask for guys numbers either- never have, and yes, that's important to me because it's an indicator of other behaviors I am seeking in a partner. I'm not willing to put out either, and that *absolutely* limits potential dates, but I decided that's worth it.0 -
I should say give him a chance. Just because he is a friend of somebody you dislike doesn't mean he'll end up like him. Although they say that tell me who your friends are & I will tell you who you are maybe true in some ways but we cannot simply judge a person just because of somebody else's fault. After all you haven't met this guy yet so who knows.
You can always walk out if things don't go well.0 -
Give it a chance, absolutely! Who cares if it doesn't work out? Just hang out in the group or suggest something you like to do. That way, if it doesn't work out, you're just friends, you did something you like doing anyways. Stuff's only awkward if you make it awkward, ha ha 0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date.
I'm gonna have to call "foul" on this one. When I go out -even with the guys from church- men around us always gravitate to the girls who are obviously easy. Any woman who even hints that she will require some sort of relationship/effort first seems to be at a disadvantage in those scenes.
I'm not saying to ditch your morals, just be aware of the consequences and decide what's important enough to you that you are willing to limit potential dates because of it. I don't ask for guys numbers either- never have, and yes, that's important to me because it's an indicator of other behaviors I am seeking in a partner. I'm not willing to put out either, and that *absolutely* limits potential dates, but I decided that's worth it.
Interesting topic. I had a chat with some guys recently about this. And I think the overall consensus is that guys are attracted to women that are 'sexual'. That doesn't in anyway mean a woman that will have sex with them!! As P said, there isn't a guage for that! It just means that women who are open and not afraid/ashamed of their 'sexuality'. That would include being smiley, tactile, approachable, flirty............etc
On the other hand, of course, there are women that put out within an hour of meeting a guy. Those women are the one's that would grab his crotch and make no bones about it! (A woman did that to my b/f once! :grumble: )
So, I guess, for Christine's sake, the fact that you've never had sex, does that mean you can't be sexual? (attractive, approachable, flirty)
Please don't take the word 'sexual' to mean sex per se!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date.
I'm gonna have to call "foul" on this one. When I go out -even with the guys from church- men around us always gravitate to the girls who are obviously easy. Any woman who even hints that she will require some sort of relationship/effort first seems to be at a disadvantage in those scenes.
I don't think your observation holds water. My experience is that women who "even hint" that it will require some sort of effort to have sex with her usually have a big stick up there *kitten* and it is going to be more than "a little effort." That is unless, you consider climbing Mt. Everest, running a 100-mile race in the Sahara desert and then getting a note from your mom that you have her permission to use your penis every other Tuesday as a "little effort." As has been stated before sex is as important to men as an emotional connection is to women. Of course you will gravitate towards the women who seem more sexual. That does not mean that sex is the sole purpose of pursuing those women.
Suppose you meet identical twin brothers. You find them attractive. When you talked to them you judged brother A to be very emotionally engaging and brother B to be reserved. It would obviously take a little effort to get brother B to engage you emotionally. Which brother would you be more likely to flirt with and pursue? I suspect it is brother A.
I think Anna summed it up very well.Interesting topic. I had a chat with some guys recently about this. And I think the overall consensus is that guys are attracted to women that are 'sexual'. That doesn't in anyway mean a woman that will have sex with them!! As P said, there isn't a guage for that! It just means that women who are open and not afraid/ashamed of their 'sexuality'. That would include being smiley, tactile, approachable, flirty............etc0 -
Short answer is guys know that she'll have sex with them.
Something is wrong here.
Firstly, we guys don't have a "sex gauge," which allows us to determine by sight which girls put out on the first date.
If guys have a "sex gauge" mine is seriously broken or missing and God and I are going to have to have a serious talk where I remind him my name is not Job.0 -
I don't think your observation holds water. My experience is that women who "even hint" that it will require some sort of effort to have sex with her usually have a big **** and it is going to be more than "a little effort."
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As has been stated before sex is as important to men as an emotional connection is to women. Of course you will gravitate towards the women who seem more sexual. That does not mean that sex is the sole purpose of pursuing those women.
I see no contradiction in what we wrote...seems to me you've just explained why I observe that guys go for the girls who look easy. I didn't say these guys all went home with them, but that's who they spend time with and buy drinks for.
And to answer your other question, I would look at easygoing flirty engaging Brother A as the type who would just flirt with me for now and then find someone else next hour, so I would be the person who would probably spend more time trying to draw Brother B out of his shell.0 -
My point of disagreement is your contention that men will gravitate towards women who are obviously easy. I don't know too many women who are obviously easy and wouldn't know how to spot them if they were out there (with rare exception but I avoid the drunk girls doing a strip tease on the bar counter). I also believe you've posted before complaining about a double standard where men won't consider you for a relationship if you're too easy but want sex. I'd venture that most men want companionship and more than meaningless sex (at least most of the time). I don't see how it is that you're observing all these mens gravitating towards the slutty women. I think it is noticeable either because a) it is a man bites dog type of thing so it gets noticed or b) the types of men you hang out with are more sex-fiends than most men, or c) you are hanging out with predominantly a group of guys who consideer you one of the guys but you don't fully understand the male dynamics and posturing that takes place within the group, or d) it confirms your suspicions about men so you notice it as a means to reinforce your belief system.
What I do think men will do is gravitate towards women who are approachable. Approachable may be defined by you as obviously easy - I don't know. I think that most women who are sexually reserved portray that with their interactions with men. They don't trust the motives of men who approach them and suspect it is for sex and sex alone. As a result those women will seem stand offish and little more cold. Given the choice of a flirty, smiley, engaging woman and one who is reserved and less engaging I think it is an easy decision.0 -
I don't think your observation holds water. My experience is that women who "even hint" that it will require some sort of effort to have sex with her usually have a big stick up there *kitten* and it is going to be more than "a little effort." That is unless, you consider climbing Mt. Everest, running a 100-mile race in the Sahara desert and then getting a note from your mom that you have her permission to use your penis every other Tuesday as a "little effort."
Really, really hope I'm misunderstanding this... So, any woman who regards sex as part of a relationship, rather than something casual, and is even faintly upfront about that, is uptight, hysterical, demanding and 'high maintenance'...?!?!?!:noway:
If that's really what you're saying, and that's representative of the views of most men, is it any wonder that those of us who aren't comfortable with sex outside a relationship feel marginalised, and quite frankly, scared that adhering to what makes us comfortable, whether for emotional, moral or religious reasons, is going to be the thing that keeps us single? Is it any wonder Christine, and others, including, to an extent, myself, view potential 'dates' with some skepticism and caution, aware that our sexual reticence (comparatively speaking) is an automatic 'black mark' and cause for rejection/lack of interest.As has been stated before sex is as important to men as an emotional connection is to women. Of course you will gravitate towards the women who seem more sexual. That does not mean that sex is the sole purpose of pursuing those women.
Yet, judging from the first part of your post, 'sexual' essentially has to mean that sex is on the table from the word 'go' - or at least, the woman in question should allow any man to think that it is...
To Christine, I have only this to say: make the most of the opportunities you have now. As you get older, being inexperienced only becomes more of a problem, not less. You're still quite young, and although you (as I) feel that the teenage learning years passed you by, there will be a lot more people in the same boat than you think, ergo not so surprising for the person you're with. Later on, it really does start to feel like a major issue and barrier, so try to overcome your hesitations and insecurities sooner rather than later.:flowerforyou:0 -
I don't think your observation holds water. My experience is that women who "even hint" that it will require some sort of effort to have sex with her usually have a big **** and it is going to be more than "a little effort."
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As has been stated before sex is as important to men as an emotional connection is to women. Of course you will gravitate towards the women who seem more sexual. That does not mean that sex is the sole purpose of pursuing those women.
I see no contradiction in what we wrote...seems to me you've just explained why I observe that guys go for the girls who look easy. I didn't say these guys all went home with them, but that's who they spend time with and buy drinks for.
And to answer your other question, I would look at easygoing flirty engaging Brother A as the type who would just flirt with me for now and then find someone else next hour, so I would be the person who would probably spend more time trying to draw Brother B out of his shell.
I think the point of contention is here,that phrase implies a woman acting like a *kitten* rather then just being outgoing.0 -
My cousin married a serious creep. A friend of hers and mine is married to the creep's now former best friend who is a truly awesome man. I say meet him before judging.Is it bad to not give a potential date a chance because of who he hangs out with?
My old best friend and I basically had our relationship stall and crash in 2009 because of her boyfriend, who I greatly dislike for a number of reasons. I let her know about it and told her he's bad news and that I didn't support them.
Ever since I've moved back from college, we have been talking a little bit more and we hung out last week. She told me about her boyfriend's friend she knows and hinted that she wanted to set us up. I kind of laughed it off because my dad was right there and I don't talk about this kinda stuff with my family.
She texted me today and asked me to hang out, and I declined because I had to work until eight. She answered back that "it's fine, i'm going to have a bonfire tonight and it's just going to be me and the guy I was telling you about last week. He's really funny and nice and he just graduated college. my boyfriend won't be there until later because he's working."
I am in no position to turn down a possible set-up. But I am hesitating because although he sounds like a great guy, I truly dislike my friend's boyfriend, and if this guy is his friend, to me it speaks of his character that he hangs out with a loser like my friend's boyfriend. Is that wrong? Or should I give it a chance?0 -
Re: Castadiva:
You are absolutely misunderstanding it. The context was a sex guage that men supposedly possess. I don't know many (if any) men who have such a guage - especially in a first meeting or by seeing a woman across the room. After a brief conversation, it may be clear that sex is going to take effort, but in all reality the only way that would become clear is if the woman brought it up as part of the intiial conversation or the guy was a total clueless *kitten* that said something like "you're hot, wanna ****?" I was operating under the assumption that it wasn't *kitten* guy. Under the other alternative, what kind of woman brings up sex and commitment on a first encounter? It is someone who has a lot of hang ups about sex and it is going to take a whole lot more than a little effort to have sex with her and even after you do there is likely to be a whole lot of other BS to deal with that make it wise to move on.0 -
You are absolutely misunderstanding it. The context was a sex guage that men supposedly possess. I don't know many (if any) men who have such a guage - especially in a first meeting or by seeing a woman across the room. After a brief conversation, it may be clear that sex is going to take effort, but in all reality the only way that would become clear is if the woman brought it up as part of the intiial conversation or the guy was a total clueless *kitten* that said something like "you're hot, wanna ****?" I was operating under the assumption that it wasn't *kitten* guy. Under the other alternative, what kind of woman brings up sex and commitment on a first encounter? It is someone who has a lot of hang ups about sex and it is going to take a whole lot more than a little effort to have sex with her and even after you do there is likely to be a whole lot of other BS to deal with that make it wise to move on.
Phew! Seems we read the same conversation and understood it entirely differently. It would never occur to me to bring up sex/commitment the first time I met someone (not how we do things in Britain - the 'National Reserve'!), but read the conversation in such a way that it seemed that was what was being discussed/would be expected in a US situation (you guys seem to be a LOT more upfront about things than we are - in fact, the whole 'dating' scene as discussed here seems to be something quite foreign to the average Brit!). Thanks for explaining!0 -
I don't think your observation holds water. My experience is that women who "even hint" that it will require some sort of effort to have sex with her usually have a big **** and it is going to be more than "a little effort."
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As has been stated before sex is as important to men as an emotional connection is to women. Of course you will gravitate towards the women who seem more sexual. That does not mean that sex is the sole purpose of pursuing those women.
I see no contradiction in what we wrote...seems to me you've just explained why I observe that guys go for the girls who look easy. I didn't say these guys all went home with them, but that's who they spend time with and buy drinks for.
And to answer your other question, I would look at easygoing flirty engaging Brother A as the type who would just flirt with me for now and then find someone else next hour, so I would be the person who would probably spend more time trying to draw Brother B out of his shell.
I think the point of contention is here,that phrase implies a woman acting like a *kitten* rather then just being outgoing.
Agreed!!
'Easy' could mean 'easy to approach' or 'easy to get into bed'!
My meaning of sexual, was the former! There is no man on this earth that is going to approach a woman wearing a sackcloth, cowering in the middle of her group of friends with her arms folded and looking the other way if a man looks at her, or running away if a man talks to her :flowerforyou:
As I said, sexual, does NOT mean sex!0 -
BTW as for the earlier comment about not talking to your parents about dating or sex... Yeah your wrong. I have frank discussions with my father about the men in my life. Also all my guys talk to their parent regarding the dating /sex life.. Remember your a grown up and so are they. Plus its also part of your safety...The cops always ask your parents what they know about your dating life ....
To the "east comment" Being aproachable doesnt not mean slutty.... Its about confidence and knowing your own worth. Remember every person in here is worth as much as they value themselves at. Your only going to draw the guys you feel you can rope... sorry couldn't think of a nicer way to phraze it.
I would have totally gone and met the guy BTW0 -
I think probably what you're looking for is some practical advice on getting guys to ask you out, right?
Ok, here goes:
Bar guy: What you said when he asked how you were doing was "good!" Most likely, you then looked immediately away and/or giggled nervously, at which point, guy thinks conversation is over and wanders off. What you should have said is something more along these lines:
"Hey! I'm having a fantastic evening, especially since a good looking guy just bought me a drink! How are you?"
This makes you approachable, a little bit flirty without being slutty, and the guy knows you're at least *somewhat* interested. Plus, you asked him a question, which gives him something to reply to. Most guys do not want to have to work at a conversation in a bar, especially since as far as he's concerned, he's already put the effort in by buying you a drink.
Pretty much every conversation with a guy can be started with a simple question, a compliment, and the absolutely dazzling smile that I already know you have. Hope this helps.0
