What it feels like for a girl.

MikeM53082

After having some escapades in the dating world over the past couple of months, I realize that girls must have it pretty darn easy when it comes to dating. Example, I dated two girls pretty seriously over the past 6 months. Both were younger than me (5 and 6 years) and everytime we went out, I was always the one who was wining and dining them. I was always in the position where I felt like I had to sell myself and win them over each time we went out. I took them to nice restaurants, movies, and a lot of other fun (and expensive) stuff. Needless to say, both flaked out on me over time. I was pretty crushed.

Then two weeks ago, I met Alexandria. She's very cute (Spanish gal), successful, and has a rockin body... (here's the kicker) she's 17 years older than me. We went out on 4 dates and she's paid for every single one of them. I feel like she's constantly trying to sell herself to me and I just get to be myself on each of our dates. *For once, it feels like someone is trying to win me over.* This is definitely uncharted territory for me and it feels pretty damn good. We are going out to a nice restaurant tonight on Miami Beach, which should be fun. I have a feeling she'll want to pay, however, I think I'll pick up the tab.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like a women during this whole courting process with Alexandria. And after the past couple of heartbreaks, it's pretty nice for a change. Is dating always this easy for women?

MaraDiaz

Not at all. I remember going out with a guy and offering to pay my half, even though I was a poor working college student and he made good money (probably upward of 80k a year). His eyes lit up. So then he goes and buys dessert. Well, I had enough to cover my meal, but not enough to split that dessert. He didn't say anything, but he didn't look too pleased, either.

I'll never forget it. I usually pay half anyway, or offer to, because last I checked, it ain't 1950 anymore, and I never assume a man is happy to pay and pursue, although I do know a lot of men enjoy the courting dance and the chase. I think a lot of other women know that, too, and play up to it.

kerrymh

Lol lets qualify that that's what dating feels like for a HOT YOUNG GIRL.

For a woman who isn't a perfect 10..dating is not fun.

Plus I don't feel that bad for you considering you were seeing 2 women at the same time..if I were one of those girls I wouldn't have taken a man too seriously who couldn't commit to me after 2 to 3 months. I'd take him for a ride financially too if he was cocky enough to date someone else at the same time.

Anyway I've never had a man pay my way for more than one date..heck the men that ask me out hardly even pay for the coffee I order on the first meeting. I don't want to date someone who can't be himself around me. Doesn't mean you fart and burp on the first date..it just means don't try to impress me with what you can buy me...which seems to be what you were doing with the younger ladies..so of course that became all the expected of you.

MikeM53082

Lol lets qualify that that's what dating feels like for a HOT YOUNG GIRL.

For a woman who isn't a perfect 10..dating is not fun.

Plus I don't feel that bad for you considering you were seeing 2 women at the same time..if I were one of those girls I wouldn't have taken a man too seriously who couldn't commit to me after 2 to 3 months. I'd take him for a ride financially too if he was cocky enough to date someone else at the same time.

Anyway I've never had a man pay my way for more than one date..heck the men that ask me out hardly even pay for the coffee I order on the first meeting. I don't want to date someone who can't be himself around me. Doesn't mean you fart and burp on the first date..it just means don't try to impress me with what you can buy me...which seems to be what you were doing with the younger ladies..so of course that became all the expected of you.

Little clarification.. these two girls were definitely not perfect 10's. They were just average girls who I matched well with. Nothing out of the ordinary. Actually, as far as looks goes, I'd say Alexandria is probably the best looking.

I guess it made it sound like I dated both of them at the same time, but they were one after another.

Would you seriously take someone for a ride financially if they were dating someone else right in the beginning? I don't even think I could do that with good moral conscience. If I found out that the current girl I was dating was also dating someone else on the side, I'd probably just break it off. I don't think I'd hit her up for more free meals and drinks.

kerrymh

Lol lets qualify that that's what dating feels like for a HOT YOUNG GIRL.

For a woman who isn't a perfect 10..dating is not fun.

Plus I don't feel that bad for you considering you were seeing 2 women at the same time..if I were one of those girls I wouldn't have taken a man too seriously who couldn't commit to me after 2 to 3 months. I'd take him for a ride financially too if he was cocky enough to date someone else at the same time.

Anyway I've never had a man pay my way for more than one date..heck the men that ask me out hardly even pay for the coffee I order on the first meeting. I don't want to date someone who can't be himself around me. Doesn't mean you fart and burp on the first date..it just means don't try to impress me with what you can buy me...which seems to be what you were doing with the younger ladies..so of course that became all the expected of you.

Little clarification.. these two girls were definitely not perfect 10's. They were just average girls who I matched well with. Nothing out of the ordinary. Actually, as far as looks goes, I'd say Alexandria is probably the best looking.

I guess it made it sound like I dated both of them at the same time, but they were one after another.

Would you seriously take someone for a ride financially if they were dating someone else right in the beginning? I don't even think I could do that with good moral conscience. If I found out that the current girl I was dating was also dating someone else on the side, I'd probably just break it off. I don't think I'd hit her up for more free meals and drinks.

In all honesty I wouldn't "take them for a ride" personally but I know many girls who do..I have a "friend" who used to do that all the time..until she met her fiance..and then she never attempted to take advantage of him weird I guess it was a mutual respect thing. (strangely enough she's not supper hot either..lol just seemed to know how to get guys to want to buy things for her). I always felt bad for the guys because I knew she wasn't interested, but she kept dating them. If I'm not into someone I just don't continue.

I guess then I do know some girls who had a fairly easy dating life...but I also know many like me..and others with their own troubles. I don't think you can say you have any clue what its like to feel like a girl any more than I have a clue what it's like to be a man in the dating world.

Anyway I do think though that if you start off by trying to impress a woman with money she will just assume that its what you do..and that you enjoy it and she will take what she sees as being freely offered..(this is your experience with the 1st 2 girls you mentioned)

If you do not like to do that DON"T DO IT...start off relationships how you want to continue financially, emotionally ,and mentally. If you asked the lady out pay for the first thing..then go dutch unless you want to treat her. Special occasions make them special.

I'd rather be spoiled with time and thoughtfulness than money any day....neither has happened to me yet..so I can say that right now you are feeling more like a "girl" than I do haha by your definition with your current lady friend.

Diary_Queen

I've never been wined and dined.... it's always been me coming up with the ideas, me making the plans, me setting the tone for the date and me paying for everything. Wouldn't know but I am seriously sick of it.

r1ghtpath

see, you're generalizing. not all women are like that. regardless of age or looks.

i'm 35 and not even close to a 10. maybe a 4, LOL. and i am more than willing to pay or initiate, especially if we are equally into one another and seeing a lot of one another. i don't need or want to be taken care of. i'm a big girl, i can take care of myself.

are you going 50/50 with her? or are you letting her take care of you???? there is a BIIIGGGG difference between!!!

MikeM53082

see, you're generalizing. not all women are like that. regardless of age or looks.

i'm 35 and not even close to a 10. maybe a 4, LOL. and i am more than willing to pay or initiate, especially if we are equally into one another and seeing a lot of one another. i don't need or want to be taken care of. i'm a big girl, i can take care of myself.

are you going 50/50 with her? or are you letting her take care of you???? there is a BIIIGGGG difference between!!!

I think I'm generalizing a bit, but it seems that every single girl I've dated or met throughout my life, I've been the one planning, taking the initiative, and paying for each and every date. Pretty much most of my friends have experienced the same thing. I'd be perfectly fine splitting everything 50/50 with her, but whenever the check comes to the table, she always manages to beat me too it. Tonight will definitely be different though, I'm dead set on picking up the tab.

I think this goes way beyond money, I just think I like it when a confident women with experience takes the control. It's definitely a bit of a turn-on.

AnnaPixie

I've never been winded and dined either! I pay my way. It's all round simpler that way......

DMZ_1

Is dating easy for women? The answer is more yes than no from this vantage point.

Women often get taken out to places for free. This even applies to average looking women. That's a good thing. There have been a few early stages dates that I have been on where the woman covered all the costs and I greatly appreciated it. A nice change of pace!

The better looking and younger you are as a woman, the better the your choices in a man are going to be.

Mike-It seems like cost has been an issue for you. Perhaps you need to work on keeping your costs down on dates. There are free and low cost dates possible. But even if you're good at planning free and low cost dates, effectiveness matters too.

Look at it this way. A guy could have 5 first dates in a month's time and have kept each date to around $20. If all 5 first dates fail to materialize into something more than that, he's out $100 and in the exact same spot. Not a great feeling, even with good approach to keeping costs down.

I like the idea of taking the cost issue out of early dates and having two people getting to know each other for who they are, rather than their material possessions.

Jeneba

Sorry to be so cynical but...... this is sounding like a commercial transaction.... And GOSH - "girls???" Maybe the most important takeaway here is that you are now dating a WOMAN....?????

r1ghtpath

you do realize there are women who NEED to be in control, right!! like at all times, in all places, of all things. there are women that are like alpha males. they are strong and powerful, and don't want to be told what to do, or how to do it.

some of it could be a little sugar mama-- she wants to take care of you. some of it could be trying to show you how much she's into you. but some of it could be that she needs to be the dominant one in the relationship. the one that wears the proverbial pants!

one of my closest friends is like that. she's the dominant, he's the submissive. for them, it works. he gives her the money and she gives him an allowance. she decides on vacations, dinners out, furniture, etc. he wanted a motorcycle, so she said if she got her outdoor kitchen first then he could have the motorcycle. and i'm talking outdoor kitchen with granite counters and a full on fridge, cook top, etc. she wears the pants. he doesn't make a move without her permission. it has ALWAYS been that way for them.

not all men can be ok with a set up like that. ;-)

toriaenator

hell no! i hate feeling powerless and i hate when the guy wants to pay and do everything. it makes me angry lol also youre aways wondering if the guy is only into you for your body.

almostatgoalweight

I've never felt the need to "win over" a woman. If she's half interested, then eventually I'll give up. Usually it'll take less than a month. I've had too many women keen to see me to be bothered with flakey women.

almostatgoalweight

Finding a date is easier for a woman but finding a relationship once you've got that date is easier for a man. I often read about women who date men who "won't commit to a relationship".

flimflamfloz

Yes, girls have it easier than men.

That said, I came to the conclusion that if a man is willing to give his money "freely" to pay for a woman's night out (because he feels empowered or because he feels like he can impress the girl this way or for whatever reason), then it's just his call.
What is ridiculous is so many men seem to complain about this situation afterwards, I find this unfair for the women: nobody asked you to pay for their meal.
When I date a girl, if she doesn't want to pay her half, she can just eff' off... Her loss, I've got more to offer than my money.

flimflamfloz

Finding a date is easier for a woman but finding a relationship once you've got that date is easier for a man. I often read about women who date men who "won't commit to a relationship".

This is true, actually.

I think the supply of "sex" is run by women (i.e. women have got the edge and are the ones to hold off with sex, men are more needy in this area), however the "relationship/emotional" supply is run by men, which mechanically makes that men have got the edge for LTR, whereas women will have the edge for one night stands.

Nerdy_Rose

#Reasons-I-don't-date. I'm not ever trying to buy a person, or to sell myself.

almostatgoalweight

#Reasons-I-don't-date. I'm not ever trying to buy a person, or to sell myself.

I've never sold myself, or bought something when it comes to dating. Think of it as making a good impression. I think the "cost" of getting into a relationship with a woman has never gone above $50 or so (I'm middle aged so I've dated a bit over the years).

Nerdy_Rose

#Reasons-I-don't-date. I'm not ever trying to buy a person, or to sell myself.

I've never sold myself, or bought something when it comes to dating. Think of it as making a good impression. I think the "cost" of getting into a relationship with a woman has never gone above $50 or so (I'm middle aged so I've dated a bit over the years).

I prefer to live my life and do things I love... like rock climbing, where I meet tons of people (potential friends, etc.). The more stuff I do that makes me happy, the more people I meet that share my interests hence why I don't date, I live! And then if we become friends and our personalities match up as more and mutual attraction develops... wellll... OK then. No one ever worries about who pays when two friends go out to shoot pool or play air hockey or rock climb then eat cheeseburgers.

christine24t

I have a lot of thoughts about this but I'm on my iPhone and I hate typing long things on it do I'll keep it short.

- Women do not use men and use dates to get free food. If anyone thinks that it is absurd.
- I don't expect a man to woo me and I just sit there. It's an equal thing and if you're dating a woman who does that, it is not the fault of the dating game. It's her fault and she probably isn't a good partner.
- Maybe it sucks but history dictates that the man pays for dates in the beginning. I'm sorry how it is but a lot of women will not go out with you again if you don't pay. And after a couple of dates she should offer to pay for something - and it is up to you whether you accept or not. If you can't afford to pay for multiple dates I'd take DMs advice and take the women on free dates.

almostatgoalweight

I know of one woman who went on dates just to go to a restaurant but I don't think it's very common. She did steal toilet paper from various places so I think that the two are related somehow.

SouthernSweetie74

Finding a date is easier for a woman but finding a relationship once you've got that date is easier for a man. I often read about women who date men who "won't commit to a relationship".

This is true, actually.

I think the supply of "sex" is run by women (i.e. women have got the edge and are the ones to hold off with sex, men are more needy in this area), however the "relationship/emotional" supply is run by men, which mechanically makes that men have got the edge for LTR, whereas women will have the edge for one night stands.

Maybe this is true in general. But more often than not, I am the one that has to slow things down and/or stop the relationship. I've had guys, after the first few dates, tell me they love me, talk about planning a future, etc.

On the other hand, I have a friend who goes on a lot of dates per se, but she is more like you described. She wants a relationship but can't find a guy to commit.

So, my question is... is there a type of woman that attracts the long term relationship guys versus the noncommittal ones? I have my own thoughts, but will wait to share.

SouthernSweetie74

I've never been wined and dined either. Yes, in the beginning the man generally pays for the dates, and if he WANTS to continue paying for things, I allow him. But I NEVER expect it. Also, it's a give and take situation for me. Say, he takes me out one night. I might cook for him another night. Or if we're in a relationship for a while, I'll cook for him MOST nights. And if I'm cooking for him, buying the groceries, etc... heck no, I don't mind him taking me out and spending money on me every once in a while.

Carl01

This has come up more then once and by far the vast majority of women have stated that if a guy does not pay at least through the first 3 dates they have no use for him.
No amount of back tracking will change that unless there is a whole new bunch that feel differently.

Along with that most ladies here have made it clear they expect to take a very passive role in date planning as well with almost all saying they will not initiate.

I have said it before,it seems that to a great degree ladies view early on dating as their thing,a guy has to make them feel a certain way or they are not satisfied with limited or no concern for reciprocation.
The last part is what annoys a guy,I think most of us are more then willing to give but also do want to feel like we matter too.

Sorry to be blunt,not trying to start a war but what I have observed here and in life so just stating it as such.

flimflamfloz

This has come up more then once and by far the vast majority of women have stated that if a guy does not pay at least through the first 3 dates they have no use for him.
No amount of back tracking will change that unless there is a whole new bunch that feel differently.

Along with that most ladies here have made it clear they expect to take a very passive role in date planning as well with almost all saying they will not initiate.

I have said it before,it seems that to a great degree ladies view early on dating as their thing,a guy has to make them feel a certain way or they are not satisfied with limited or no concern for reciprocation.
The last part is what annoys a guy,I think most of us are more then willing to give but also do want to feel like we matter too.

Sorry to be blunt,not trying to start a war but what I have observed here and in life so just stating it as such.

So... Is it a problem if you are trying to find someone you are compatible with?
If you're fine with that, then fine. If you're unhappy with that, then it's a deal breaker so you should break on this.

I'm looking for independent, active (as opposed to passive) women, who don't put all the pressure on the man's shoulder (because I don't want to handle that pressure).
I'll just date according to some principles that these "passive" women won't like, so we will quickly stop dating.

From my experience also (in my age bracket, and probably socio-professional circles: i.e. middle class) women don't mind whether a guy is paying or not - some might, but really the majority are neutral towards this. They are actually happy to "prove" they earn their own.

If a girl doesn't reciprocate, then my perception of things is that she has nothing to offer, so I move on.

Remember that you are not coming to a date, and "asking for love" (i.e. you have to do everything and in the end, the girl decides whether she accepts or not your résumé), you are (as much as the girl) on offer for a relationship. So both parties are required to make a reasonable effort for things to go smoothly and to convince the other person that they are suitable.
Empower yourself, have standards, measure the girl against your standards. If the girl doesn't live up to your expectations, just move on to the next one.
If the girl doesn't reciprocate in a satisfying manner, then do yourself a favour and move on.

kerrymh

This has come up more then once and by far the vast majority of women have stated that if a guy does not pay at least through the first 3 dates they have no use for him.
No amount of back tracking will change that unless there is a whole new bunch that feel differently.

Along with that most ladies here have made it clear they expect to take a very passive role in date planning as well with almost all saying they will not initiate.

I have said it before,it seems that to a great degree ladies view early on dating as their thing,a guy has to make them feel a certain way or they are not satisfied with limited or no concern for reciprocation.
The last part is what annoys a guy,I think most of us are more then willing to give but also do want to feel like we matter too.

Sorry to be blunt,not trying to start a war but what I have observed here and in life so just stating it as such.

So... Is it a problem if you are trying to find someone you are compatible with?
If you're fine with that, then fine. If you're unhappy with that, then it's a deal breaker so you should break on this.

I'm looking for independent, active (as opposed to passive) women, who don't put all the pressure on the man's shoulder (because I don't want to handle that pressure).
I'll just date according to some principles that these "passive" women won't like, so we will quickly stop dating.

From my experience also (in my age bracket, and probably socio-professional circles: i.e. middle class) women don't mind whether a guy is paying or not - some might, but really the majority are neutral towards this. They are actually happy to "prove" they earn their own.

If a girl doesn't reciprocate, then my perception of things is that she has nothing to offer, so I move on.

Remember that you are not coming to a date, and "asking for love" (i.e. you have to do everything and in the end, the girl decides whether she accepts or not your résumé), you are (as much as the girl) on offer for a relationship. So both parties are required to make a reasonable effort for things to go smoothly and to convince the other person that they are suitable.
Empower yourself, have standards, measure the girl against your standards. If the girl doesn't live up to your expectations, just move on to the next one.
If the girl doesn't reciprocate in a satisfying manner, then do yourself a favour and move on.

Amen. I totally agree with this philosophy. I want to feel special to someone in a relationship but I also in turn want him to feel special and cared for as well. This does not take money. It takes thoughtfulness, planning, communication, and heart..and maybe the occasional $50 here or there lol. But it has to be equal. I do think its nice if the person who asks the other person out should pay for that first outing..I've asked someone out before and paid...lol once. And I certainly don't expect a man to entertain me while I sit there contributing nothing.

I also tend to agree with the posters that say...women probably do have it slightly easier dating (in general as this is still not my person experience) But men have the corner stone on commitment for sure.

christine24t

This months Cosmo makes a good point.

In the realm of evolutionary psychology, men are compelled to be the leading man who protects and provides for those he cares about. Women are drawn to men who can protect and provide for her and her future babies.

I think that explains a lot about how men paying for dates started.

And edited to add - I think dating sucks no matter if you're a man or a woman. I think women might have it a little easier but as the above poster states that is not my experience. Men can choose who they want and ask her out. Women are not so lucky - maybe things are becoming more socially acceptable so that women can ask men out.

Carl01

I was just saying what has been the norm here and honestly it has been kind of eye opening.
Have never been reluctant to pay for a dinner,just seemed to be a nice thing to do but when it has been viewed as a must or else issue then suddenly in a ladies eyes it is not a thing to be appreciated but a test to pass and that surprised me.
I guess I am a bit idealistic in thinking that both parties should be equally looking to impress the other.

Carl01

This months Cosmo makes a good point.

In the realm of evolutionary psychology, men are compelled to be the leading man who protects and provides for those he cares about. Women are drawn to men who can protect and provide for her and her future babies.

I think that explains a lot about how men paying for dates started.

Then welcome back to 1953.

Oh wait...no woman wants that,only the easy part of it. :laugh:

Daisy_Cutter

Hey Mike... I think it's great this woman is giving you another perspective on dating. It does feel good, huh? When I was in my 20s the guys I went out with always paid in the beginning. After we became a "couple" then we'd both pay... whatever we could afford at the time. I was married most of my 30s and always the breadwinner. In the last few months as I've dated here and there I've definitely picked up the tab a couple times and there have been times when the man has. I appreciate it always.

I'm glad to see you so happy - you definitely deserve it and I hope she rocks your world and you hers! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :devil: :smokin: