What it feels like for a girl.
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UPDATE PLEASE : so how was the date? did u pay?
I ended up paying on Sunday when Alex and I went out. We've talked a little bit over the past week, but I really don't feel like it's going to go anywhere. The more and more I got to know her, I just can't see us being serious together.
I actually have another date planned for tonight with another older woman. First date for us, so it's going to be pretty low key and we're just meeting up for a drink after work today. This girl is half Chinese and half Jamaican.. VERY exotic looking. I'm actually surprised she's giving me the time of day.
I'll keep you posted as to who picks up the tab.
Have fun tonight and keep us posted!
Had a date last night with Ann Marie (the 1/2 Asian 1/2 Jamaican girl). We had drinks at a nice bar for about 2.5 hours and had an amazing time. Turns out she teaches boot camp and is really into fitness. This was pretty intimidating because she's in phenomenal shape. She was flirty, fun, and just a really nice girl. We made tentative plans to hang out this weekend and we held hands I walked her back to her car. All in all, it went really well.
Ann Marie was considerably older than me too. However, I picked up the bar tab and was totally fine with it. I could tell she wasn't as established as the last girl I dated (Alex).
Let me know your opinion on this. Halfway through our date, I mention that I regularly get Jamaican food for lunch. I told her I couldn't think of the name of the place, but I was 'friends' with the business on Facebook. She said "oh you have Facebook", then whips out her iPhone, opens Facebook, and sends me a friend request. I thought it was pretty cute. Now I get to be creepy and look at her pictures all the time. lol
I'm really looking forward to our second date.
what do i think of that? sounds like she's nice and fun and all. me personally, i'm kind of uptight so i dont like to add any tom **** and harry to my fb. i usually like to wait until we know each other better lol. maybe i'm just paranoid. sounds like fun.
u still havent told us what was the problem with shuga momma?0 -
now on paying sorry guys i have to agree, i rather the guy pay early on, it cud be for something as cheap as just coffee, doesnt matter the price but something about a guy wanting to pick up the check makes women feel safe/stable/secure.
do i pick up the check some x? yes - when we are in a relationship and i know he would appreciate it and not just mooching off of me lol.
I think the term for this is "irony".:laugh:
wait why is this ironic? lol.
You basically said I want a guy to pay for dates because how it makes me feel and will once in a while eventually as long as it doesn`t seem like he is getting something for nothing.
Pretty much what you want out of it though.0 -
now on paying sorry guys i have to agree, i rather the guy pay early on, it cud be for something as cheap as just coffee, doesnt matter the price but something about a guy wanting to pick up the check makes women feel safe/stable/secure.
do i pick up the check some x? yes - when we are in a relationship and i know he would appreciate it and not just mooching off of me lol.
I think the term for this is "irony".:laugh:
wait why is this ironic? lol.
You basically said I want a guy to pay for dates because how it makes me feel and will once in a while eventually as long as it doesn`t seem like he is getting something for nothing.
Pretty much what you want out of it though.
nope. i said i would as long as we are in a relationship. most guys i've dated wont let me pick up the check or would get offended (feel less masculine) if i did.
its not even about the money, he can cook me dinner or take me on a picnic for our first date and iw ill be happy that he's taking the lead and he's showing that he wants to take care of me
don't try to twist my words carl!:grumble: not all girls are like the ones u've met!0 -
now on paying sorry guys i have to agree, i rather the guy pay early on, it cud be for something as cheap as just coffee, doesnt matter the price but something about a guy wanting to pick up the check makes women feel safe/stable/secure.
do i pick up the check some x? yes - when we are in a relationship and i know he would appreciate it and not just mooching off of me lol.
I think the term for this is "irony".:laugh:
wait why is this ironic? lol.
You basically said I want a guy to pay for dates because how it makes me feel and will once in a while eventually as long as it doesn`t seem like he is getting something for nothing.
Pretty much what you want out of it though.
nope. i said i would as long as we are in a relationship. most guys i've dated wont let me pick up the check or would get offended (feel less masculine) if i did.
its not even about the money, he can cook me dinner or take me on a picnic for our first date and iw ill be happy that he's taking the lead and he's showing that he wants to take care of me
don't try to twist my words carl!:grumble: not all girls are like the ones u've met!
I am not twisting words,quoted what you said about considering him mooching,that was all.
I also repeat it is not about money to me but essentially a lady (when they say if a guy doesn`t pay they won`t see him again) demanding an action to qualify for acceptance to her.
No lady would tolerate that sort of thing from a guy.
You know the odd thing is that 5 months ago would have been happy to always pay but only after seeing so many make it a condition that now it does not seem to be a decent thing but a somewhat unappreciated requirement.
It leads a guy to wonder how much a relationship may or may not be measured in a ladies eyes not for who the guy is but how much he is financially willing to sacrifice or how nice the outing is.
I know everyone will say it doesn`t matter but then when they say (you have not that I know of) that they won`t see him again it is a contradiction.
Keep in mind the "feeling" you are getting may be having exactly the opposite affect on a guy.0 -
If paying is the deal breaker to a lady why should or would a guy not be suspicious that her main intent is to find someone that is willing to be a sugar daddy rather then find a life partner?
Paying isn't a dealbreaker. It's an indicator
I've never had a guy who was really into me NOT pay. So if a guy on the first date doesn't pay, then calls me up 2 weeks later for a date, I know (usually) it's not that he's into me, but that he's lonely and nothing better is biting.
I still stand by this, and I heartily encourage the guys in this thread to continue paying for at least the first couple dates (depnending on the local culture, I guess). Paying is one of the ways a man expresses interest.0 -
If paying is the deal breaker to a lady why should or would a guy not be suspicious that her main intent is to find someone that is willing to be a sugar daddy rather then find a life partner?
Paying isn't a dealbreaker. It's an indicator
I've never had a guy who was really into me NOT pay. So if a guy on the first date doesn't pay, then calls me up 2 weeks later for a date, I know (usually) it's not that he's into me, but that he's lonely and nothing better is biting.
I still stand by this, and I heartily encourage the guys in this thread to continue paying for at least the first couple dates (depnending on the local culture, I guess). Paying is one of the ways a man expresses interest.
agreed!0 -
If paying is the deal breaker to a lady why should or would a guy not be suspicious that her main intent is to find someone that is willing to be a sugar daddy rather then find a life partner?
Paying isn't a dealbreaker. It's an indicator
I've never had a guy who was really into me NOT pay. So if a guy on the first date doesn't pay, then calls me up 2 weeks later for a date, I know (usually) it's not that he's into me, but that he's lonely and nothing better is biting.
I still stand by this, and I heartily encourage the guys in this thread to continue paying for at least the first couple dates (depnending on the local culture, I guess). Paying is one of the ways a man expresses interest.
I hope then it is genuinely appreciated and not a test,that would suck and all I am saying.
On edit...
And not an indicator that a lady is more interested in a fat wallet then getting to know a person for who he is.
I am curious what the opinion is if a guy arranged 3 fantastic dates that cost nothing...walks along a beach,a trip to a park,maybe a free craft fair.
Good times and feelings developing but now at the point mosts say oh sure I would pay now.
What is a ladys desire at that point?0 -
If paying is the deal breaker to a lady why should or would a guy not be suspicious that her main intent is to find someone that is willing to be a sugar daddy rather then find a life partner?
Paying isn't a dealbreaker. It's an indicator
I've never had a guy who was really into me NOT pay. So if a guy on the first date doesn't pay, then calls me up 2 weeks later for a date, I know (usually) it's not that he's into me, but that he's lonely and nothing better is biting.
I still stand by this, and I heartily encourage the guys in this thread to continue paying for at least the first couple dates (depnending on the local culture, I guess). Paying is one of the ways a man expresses interest.
I used to pay for all the early dates... then I tried online dating and it's such a 50/50 gamble if you will want another date with the person. After spending/wasting a few hundred bucks, I decided I will only pay the full bill on dates 2 and 3.0 -
I used to pay for all the early dates... then I tried online dating and it's such a 50/50 gamble if you will want another date with the person. After spending/wasting a few hundred bucks, I decided I will only pay the full bill on dates 2 and 3.
Dates 1-3 are a total crapshoot. Date 1 is the ultimate crapshoot, and it is even worse online. So I get this reasoning 100%.
There has to be mutual interest for a second date to occur. It is not easy to get two strangers to agree to get together for a 2nd time.0 -
I used to pay for all the early dates... then I tried online dating and it's such a 50/50 gamble if you will want another date with the person. After spending/wasting a few hundred bucks, I decided I will only pay the full bill on dates 2 and 3.
I can certainly understand not wanting to waste money, especially on a woman you'll never want to see again.... but what does "online" have to do with it? How is that any different from someone you ask out at the gas station or the grocery store? Sure, you already know what they look like (and a lot of online dates post outdated pictures) but you have little idea about their personality. You meet this beautiful girl, ask her out, and then find out she's psycho at dinner. That happens both IRL just as much as online.
There have been a couple times when I insisted on paying my way on a date- those were times where I absolutely knew I wasn't going to see a guy again. If a guy was sure he wasn't going to see me again, then I would have no problem with him only paying his part. By doing so, he is sending me a clear signal without actually having to come out and be "the bad guy" who says it directly. Kinda like the girl having a good time but refusing a quick goodnight kiss.
I dunno, whatever works for you works for you then. I guess there are plenty of women where you live that don't view not paying as lack of interest.0 -
Every date I have been on in the last month I have offered to pay or help pay! No one will let me! And now I have a special someone and he still won't let me pay for anything!0
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I used to pay for all the early dates... then I tried online dating and it's such a 50/50 gamble if you will want another date with the person. After spending/wasting a few hundred bucks, I decided I will only pay the full bill on dates 2 and 3.
I can certainly understand not wanting to waste money, especially on a woman you'll never want to see again.... but what does "online" have to do with it? How is that any different from someone you ask out at the gas station or the grocery store? Sure, you already know what they look like (and a lot of online dates post outdated pictures) but you have little idea about their personality. You meet this beautiful girl, ask her out, and then find out she's psycho at dinner. That happens both IRL just as much as online.
There have been a couple times when I insisted on paying my way on a date- those were times where I absolutely knew I wasn't going to see a guy again. If a guy was sure he wasn't going to see me again, then I would have no problem with him only paying his part. By doing so, he is sending me a clear signal without actually having to come out and be "the bad guy" who says it directly. Kinda like the girl having a good time but refusing a quick goodnight kiss.
I dunno, whatever works for you works for you then. I guess there are plenty of women where you live that don't view not paying as lack of interest.
Well every online date is basically a blind date, you don't know what your getting into. There isn't much diff. from the grocery store or gas station except that you probably had a convo of some form that might have sparked an in person interest. I guess there is no good way to explain it, but people can come across diff. online or texting than in person. Almost every girl I've dated that I met in person has made it a week or two, only one girl from online has made it past date one with me. Another would have but apparently 6' is too short for her. I usually make up my mind on paying during the date though, if it is a worthy date and I'm interested in more, I'll pay no problem. If I'm bored out of my mind or not interested then a split.
I'd also like to point out that when this guy paying was established, people didn't date as much as they do today. I think my dad dated about 3 girls in his lifetime. My grandpa even less. I've been on about 30 dates in my lifetime, you say at a low end a date cost $30.00, I've spent around $900 and I'm still single. On top of that woman didn't work like they do today (not all).0 -
I'd also like to point out that when this guy paying was established, people didn't date as much as they do today. I think my dad dated about 3 girls in his lifetime. My grandpa even less. I've been on about 30 dates in my lifetime, you say at a low end a date cost $30.00, I've spent around $900 and I'm still single. On top of that woman didn't work like they do today (not all).
So true. My uncle has been with same woman since high school, and he is in his 60's.
Before 1980, almost all of us would have been unfathomable. Parterning off by 25 was the norm.
Also, women in their 20s who are childless and live in urban areas often make more money than their peer group males.0 -
6'
droooool.... I'm sorry, were you saying something??0 -
see, you're generalizing. not all women are like that. regardless of age or looks.
i'm 35 and not even close to a 10. maybe a 4, LOL. and i am more than willing to pay or initiate, especially if we are equally into one another and seeing a lot of one another. i don't need or want to be taken care of. i'm a big girl, i can take care of myself.
are you going 50/50 with her? or are you letting her take care of you???? there is a BIIIGGGG difference between!!!
I think I'm generalizing a bit, but it seems that every single girl I've dated or met throughout my life, I've been the one planning, taking the initiative, and paying for each and every date. Pretty much most of my friends have experienced the same thing. I'd be perfectly fine splitting everything 50/50 with her, but whenever the check comes to the table, she always manages to beat me too it. Tonight will definitely be different though, I'm dead set on picking up the tab.
I think this goes way beyond money, I just think I like it when a confident women with experience takes the control. It's definitely a bit of a turn-on.
Hey Bro! Let us know hwo your date goes tonight? Let us know if you picked up the tab. Also, is this some one you want to date exclusively?
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I had a guy stop seeing me because I wanted to pay. He paid for lunch, but I took care of entry to the aquarium and bought ice cream... I was a little irritated at his irritation. With my last boyfriend, I hated that he always felt the need to pay for stuff, but when I paid for stuff, he'd always have to comment on it.
I feel like relationships and dating are the same in that you take a little and you give a lot no matter your sex.0 -
Another note: Dating is expensive..however, just be yourself. Also, there's plenty of things you can do on a first date that doesn't require money. Hiking, picnic, walks, exercising, etc.0
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I'd also like to point out that when this guy paying was established, people didn't date as much as they do today. I think my dad dated about 3 girls in his lifetime. My grandpa even less. I've been on about 30 dates in my lifetime, you say at a low end a date cost $30.00, I've spent around $900 and I'm still single. On top of that woman didn't work like they do today (not all).
^^ This is an excellent point!
I've said this before, but I always offer to pay for at least my share because I consider it the POLITE thing to do. If a guy refuses, then I will simply say thank you because I don't want to emasculate anyone either.0 -
I had a guy stop seeing me because I wanted to pay. He paid for lunch, but I took care of entry to the aquarium and bought ice cream.
Me too. This has happened twice. Now, a) I don't offer unless I don't like the guy or b) I think he's friend zoned me and I'm trying to convey that (even if I kinda like him) I'm ok with being friendzoned.0 -
Another note: Dating is expensive..however, just be yourself. Also, there's plenty of things you can do on a first date that doesn't require money. Hiking, picnic, walks, exercising, etc.
This, too.
I enjoy an afternoon spent on the beach more than dinner at an expensive restaurant. Actually, I'm totally uncomfortable in expensive places and totally at home at the beach or hiking or whatever.
Maybe you can pack a picnic, call her and tell her you have a surprise for her, and her purse has to stay at home.
I know I would totally dig that.0 -
" I realize that girls must have it pretty darn easy when it comes to dating."
I want to slap you. You obviously havent read any other thread in this group.
ETA: Im sorry.0 -
I had a guy stop seeing me because I wanted to pay. He paid for lunch, but I took care of entry to the aquarium and bought ice cream.
Me too. This has happened twice. Now, a) I don't offer unless I don't like the guy or b) I think he's friend zoned me and I'm trying to convey that (even if I kinda like him) I'm ok with being friendzoned.
Sorry, but this sounds like you're playing games with men when you are mentally picking and choosing who to allow to pay and who not to.0 -
I had a guy stop seeing me because I wanted to pay. He paid for lunch, but I took care of entry to the aquarium and bought ice cream.
Me too. This has happened twice. Now, a) I don't offer unless I don't like the guy or b) I think he's friend zoned me and I'm trying to convey that (even if I kinda like him) I'm ok with being friendzoned.
Sorry, but this sounds like you're playing games with men when you are mentally picking and choosing who to allow to pay and who not to.
Huh? I think it's incredibly rude to allow a man to spend money on me when that's usually what he does for a woman he's romantically interested in, if I already know *I'm* no longer interested.
And like I said elsewhere, many of my guy platonic friends still pay when we go out, but I always come prepared to pay and offer to do so because it's not a 'romantic' venture.0 -
I had a guy stop seeing me because I wanted to pay. He paid for lunch, but I took care of entry to the aquarium and bought ice cream.
Me too. This has happened twice. Now, a) I don't offer unless I don't like the guy or b) I think he's friend zoned me and I'm trying to convey that (even if I kinda like him) I'm ok with being friendzoned.
Sorry, but this sounds like you're playing games with men when you are mentally picking and choosing who to allow to pay and who not to.
Huh? I think it's incredibly rude to allow a man to spend money on me when that's usually what he does for a woman he's romantically interested in, if I already know *I'm* no longer interested.
And like I said elsewhere, many of my guy platonic friends still pay when we go out, but I always come prepared to pay and offer to do so because it's not a 'romantic' venture.
I understand what you are saying and agree I wouldn't want someone who is not interested to spend money on me. However, there is something about sitting at dinner for example and consciously deciding to pay or not that seems a little unusual to me I guess.0 -
I usually make up my mind on paying during the date though, if it is a worthy date and I'm interested in more, I'll pay no problem. If I'm bored out of my mind or not interested then a split.
You see, if a guy didnt offer to buy the first drink, I would immediately think he's not interested. So, by what you're saying, that would be a correct assumption. Would you say, the more he offers to pay, the more interested he is?? I know Carl is going to flame me, but that is the unspoken deal between a man and a woman, right? Or wrong?
I would always offer to buy the second drink, if he bought the first. If he insists I let it go. I dont want to offend a guy who is interested, has money, and doesnt mind either.
But there has been occasion where I always offer to buy the FIRST drink, and then, if he accepts, I think he doesnt like me
But then, I know that Florian would gladly accept and like the girl even more!! *facepalm!!
It's confusing sometimes :ohwell:
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I'd also like to point out that when this guy paying was established, people didn't date as much as they do today. I think my dad dated about 3 girls in his lifetime. My grandpa even less. I've been on about 30 dates in my lifetime, you say at a low end a date cost $30.00, I've spent around $900 and I'm still single. On top of that woman didn't work like they do today (not all).
I hear what you're saying, and I agree. Certainly in this day and age of more dates and women earning, women should be (at least offering) to go dutch. The ONLY problem is the reading of the direct signal of interest?0 -
I usually make up my mind on paying during the date though, if it is a worthy date and I'm interested in more, I'll pay no problem. If I'm bored out of my mind or not interested then a split.
You see, if a guy didnt offer to buy the first drink, I would immediately think he's not interested. So, by what you're saying, that would be a correct assumption. Would you say, the more he offers to pay, the more interested he is?? I know Carl is going to flame me, but that is the unspoken deal between a man and a woman, right? Or wrong?
I would always offer to buy the second drink. If he insists I let it go. I dont want to offend a guy who is interested, has money, and doesnt mind either
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I'd also like to point out that when this guy paying was established, people didn't date as much as they do today. I think my dad dated about 3 girls in his lifetime. My grandpa even less. I've been on about 30 dates in my lifetime, you say at a low end a date cost $30.00, I've spent around $900 and I'm still single. On top of that woman didn't work like they do today (not all).
I hear what you're saying, and I agree. Certainly in this day and age of more dates and women earning, women should be (at least offering) to go dutch. The ONLY problem is the reading of the direct signal of interest?
No I wouldn't say that has anything to do with "a guys" interest... just mine. Actually for awhile I was paying if I wasn't interested in the girl just because I felt bad :noway:0 -
I usually make up my mind on paying during the date though, if it is a worthy date and I'm interested in more, I'll pay no problem. If I'm bored out of my mind or not interested then a split.
You see, if a guy didnt offer to buy the first drink, I would immediately think he's not interested. So, by what you're saying, that would be a correct assumption. Would you say, the more he offers to pay, the more interested he is?? I know Carl is going to flame me, but that is the unspoken deal between a man and a woman, right? Or wrong?
I would always offer to buy the second drink. If he insists I let it go. I dont want to offend a guy who is interested, has money, and doesnt mind either
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I'd also like to point out that when this guy paying was established, people didn't date as much as they do today. I think my dad dated about 3 girls in his lifetime. My grandpa even less. I've been on about 30 dates in my lifetime, you say at a low end a date cost $30.00, I've spent around $900 and I'm still single. On top of that woman didn't work like they do today (not all).
I hear what you're saying, and I agree. Certainly in this day and age of more dates and women earning, women should be (at least offering) to go dutch. The ONLY problem is the reading of the direct signal of interest?
No I wouldn't say that has anything to do with "a guys" interest... just mine. Actually for awhile I was paying if I wasn't interested in the girl just because I felt bad :noway:
Oh Lord, so not a clear signal AT ALL!!! :laugh:0 -
No I wouldn't say that has anything to do with "a guys" interest... just mine. Actually for awhile I was paying if I wasn't interested in the girl just because I felt bad
FWIW some things I use to gauge a guy's interest level:
if he spends the entire evening with that goofy smile
if he pays for the date
if he keeps suggesting more things to do in order to extend the date
if he schedules the next date before we're done for the night
notice what's NOT on this list:
I don't judge his interest by what a great time we had (I have fun with people I don't even like all the time; so do men)
I don't judge his interest by him saying "I'll call you" or "we need to hang out next weekend" (because if he doesn't cement that with action he will likely poof or use me as a back up)
I don't judge his interest by him trying to get physical (guys get physical whether they like you or not).0 -
PS: That's nice of you to pay if you don't feel interested, but if it leaves you feeling taken advantage of (and YES there are women who date just to get a free meal, though I don't know too many of those) I can certainly understand not paying if you're not interested.0
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No I wouldn't say that has anything to do with "a guys" interest... just mine. Actually for awhile I was paying if I wasn't interested in the girl just because I felt bad
FWIW some things I use to gauge a guy's interest level:
if he spends the entire evening with that goofy smile
if he pays for the date
if he keeps suggesting more things to do in order to extend the date
if he schedules the next date before we're done for the night
notice what's NOT on this list:
I don't judge his interest by what a great time we had (I have fun with people I don't even like all the time; so do men)
I don't judge his interest by him saying "I'll call you" or "we need to hang out next weekend" (because if he doesn't cement that with action he will likely poof or use me as a back up)
I don't judge his interest by him trying to get physical (guys get physical whether they like you or not).
I think I'm lucky.... I must be a good people reader, I can tell if their interested or not right away.0
This discussion has been closed.