What it feels like for a girl.
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No I wouldn't say that has anything to do with "a guys" interest... just mine. Actually for awhile I was paying if I wasn't interested in the girl just because I felt bad
FWIW some things I use to gauge a guy's interest level:
if he spends the entire evening with that goofy smile
if he pays for the date
if he keeps suggesting more things to do in order to extend the date
if he schedules the next date before we're done for the night
notice what's NOT on this list:
I don't judge his interest by what a great time we had (I have fun with people I don't even like all the time; so do men)
I don't judge his interest by him saying "I'll call you" or "we need to hang out next weekend" (because if he doesn't cement that with action he will likely poof or use me as a back up)
I don't judge his interest by him trying to get physical (guys get physical whether they like you or not).
I think I'm lucky.... I must be a good people reader, I can tell if their interested or not right away.
Well, I think women are easier to read. Men are pretty good at masking their non verbal communication. Whereas women prance around wagging their tails if they fancy a guy!!! :laugh:0 -
My thoughts in bold
FWIW some things I use to gauge a guy's interest level:
if he spends the entire evening with that goofy smile agreed
if he pays for the date as per poncho, not necessarily!
if he keeps suggesting more things to do in order to extend the date agreed
if he schedules the next date before we're done for the night agreed
notice what's NOT on this list:
I don't judge his interest by what a great time we had (I have fun with people I don't even like all the time; so do men) agreed, Ive had some GREAT one nighters with no romantic interest from either side
I don't judge his interest by him saying "I'll call you" or "we need to hang out next weekend" (because if he doesn't cement that with action he will likely poof or use me as a back up) hmmm 50/50 on this one - he might call, he might not!
I don't judge his interest by him trying to get physical (guys get physical whether they like you or not). hmmm, this is a tough one. I don think a lot of guys (no idea of the percentage) would go in for intimacy if they didn't like you, or at least find you a bit attractive. I guess it depends how desperate they are (sorry Jax!)0 -
My thoughts in bold
FWIW some things I use to gauge a guy's interest level:
if he spends the entire evening with that goofy smile agreed
if he pays for the date as per poncho, not necessarily!
if he keeps suggesting more things to do in order to extend the date agreed
if he schedules the next date before we're done for the night agreed
notice what's NOT on this list:
I don't judge his interest by what a great time we had (I have fun with people I don't even like all the time; so do men) agreed, Ive had some GREAT one nighters with no romantic interest from either side
I don't judge his interest by him saying "I'll call you" or "we need to hang out next weekend" (because if he doesn't cement that with action he will likely poof or use me as a back up) hmmm 50/50 on this one - he might call, he might not!
I don't judge his interest by him trying to get physical (guys get physical whether they like you or not). hmmm, this is a tough one. I don think a lot of guys (no idea of the percentage) would go in for intimacy if they didn't like you, or at least find you a bit attractive. I guess it depends how desperate they are (sorry Jax!)
If typing in all CAPS is yelling is typing in bold close talking??0 -
My thoughts in bold
FWIW some things I use to gauge a guy's interest level:
if he spends the entire evening with that goofy smile agreed
if he pays for the date as per poncho, not necessarily!
if he keeps suggesting more things to do in order to extend the date agreed
if he schedules the next date before we're done for the night agreed
notice what's NOT on this list:
I don't judge his interest by what a great time we had (I have fun with people I don't even like all the time; so do men) agreed, Ive had some GREAT one nighters with no romantic interest from either side
I don't judge his interest by him saying "I'll call you" or "we need to hang out next weekend" (because if he doesn't cement that with action he will likely poof or use me as a back up) hmmm 50/50 on this one - he might call, he might not!
I don't judge his interest by him trying to get physical (guys get physical whether they like you or not). hmmm, this is a tough one. I don think a lot of guys (no idea of the percentage) would go in for intimacy if they didn't like you, or at least find you a bit attractive. I guess it depends how desperate they are (sorry Jax!)
If typing in all CAPS is yelling is typing in bold close talking??
what does 'close talking' mean? :huh: whispering??
But all it means is that I couldnt be bothered to quote and answer every single line individually, so I got bold about it!! :bigsmile:0 -
No flames at all,really all I am saying is that if a lady is using it as a measure of whether she should like him rather then if he likes her then most likely that lady is not someone I think will care about who I am but what I can do for her.I usually make up my mind on paying during the date though, if it is a worthy date and I'm interested in more, I'll pay no problem. If I'm bored out of my mind or not interested then a split.
You see, if a guy didnt offer to buy the first drink, I would immediately think he's not interested. So, by what you're saying, that would be a correct assumption. Would you say, the more he offers to pay, the more interested he is?? I know Carl is going to flame me, but that is the unspoken deal between a man and a woman, right? Or wrong?
I would always offer to buy the second drink, if he bought the first. If he insists I let it go. I dont want to offend a guy who is interested, has money, and doesnt mind either.
But there has been occasion where I always offer to buy the FIRST drink, and then, if he accepts, I think he doesnt like me
But then, I know that Florian would gladly accept and like the girl even more!! *facepalm!!
It's confusing sometimes :ohwell:
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I'd also like to point out that when this guy paying was established, people didn't date as much as they do today. I think my dad dated about 3 girls in his lifetime. My grandpa even less. I've been on about 30 dates in my lifetime, you say at a low end a date cost $30.00, I've spent around $900 and I'm still single. On top of that woman didn't work like they do today (not all).
I hear what you're saying, and I agree. Certainly in this day and age of more dates and women earning, women should be (at least offering) to go dutch. The ONLY problem is the reading of the direct signal of interest?0 -
that lady is not someone I think will care about who I am but what I can do for her.
hehe0 -
After having some escapades in the dating world over the past couple of months, I realize that girls must have it pretty darn easy when it comes to dating. Example, I dated two girls pretty seriously over the past 6 months. Both were younger than me (5 and 6 years) and everytime we went out, I was always the one who was wining and dining them. I was always in the position where I felt like I had to sell myself and win them over each time we went out. I took them to nice restaurants, movies, and a lot of other fun (and expensive) stuff. Needless to say, both flaked out on me over time. I was pretty crushed.
Then two weeks ago, I met Alexandria. She's very cute (Spanish gal), successful, and has a rockin body... (here's the kicker) she's 17 years older than me. We went out on 4 dates and she's paid for every single one of them. I feel like she's constantly trying to sell herself to me and I just get to be myself on each of our dates. *For once, it feels like someone is trying to win me over.* This is definitely uncharted territory for me and it feels pretty damn good. We are going out to a nice restaurant tonight on Miami Beach, which should be fun. I have a feeling she'll want to pay, however, I think I'll pick up the tab.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like a women during this whole courting process with Alexandria. And after the past couple of heartbreaks, it's pretty nice for a change. Is dating always this easy for women?
I am there with you on most of what you said. I think my issue is I go for woman who either A) will never be with me seriously or
have other issues that make them unavailable to me. I always pay when I go on a date that I initiated. If they invited me, it might be different.. I don't hurt over letting a woman buy me food or bring me lunch though. It's not the 1950s but I am financially stable in a world full of people barely making it so I don't mind having a great conversation out a date. Beats eating alone! 0 -
I had a guy stop seeing me because I wanted to pay. He paid for lunch, but I took care of entry to the aquarium and bought ice cream.
Me too. This has happened twice. Now, a) I don't offer unless I don't like the guy or b) I think he's friend zoned me and I'm trying to convey that (even if I kinda like him) I'm ok with being friendzoned.
This is a good idea to me - it sets a tone of "we're just friends."But there has been occasion where I always offer to buy the FIRST drink, and then, if he accepts, I think he doesnt like me But then, I know that Florian would gladly accept and like the girl even more!! *facepalm!!
It's confusing sometimes
I know, it feels like you never win sometimes.
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Now, a) I don't offer unless I don't like the guy or b) I think he's friend zoned me and I'm trying to convey that (even if I kinda like him) I'm ok with being friendzoned.
This is a good idea to me - it sets a tone of "we're just friends."
It does get confusing though when you have some guy friends that don't like to let the ladies pay. You wonder if it's their upbringing or if they are into you. I've made the mistake of thinking someone who always paid was totally into me but he couldn't stand the thought of a relationship with me. He was just being friendly.0 -
Another note: Dating is expensive..however, just be yourself. Also, there's plenty of things you can do on a first date that doesn't require money. Hiking, picnic, walks, exercising, etc.
exactly!0 -
anymore updates OP? :bigsmile:0
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anymore updates OP? :bigsmile:
Oh boy, this thread just won't die
OK, update on the spanish cougar. I called her last week and told her we should just be friends. When we hung out 2 weekends ago, things started to get a little serious and she asked me if I wanted to hang out with her brother and some friends. Then, it all hit me like a brick wall, I wouldn't feel comfortable being introduced as Alex's love interest. I mean, it's clear that I would just be her "boy toy". I told her we shouldn't date and we should just be friends. I could tell she was pretty hurt when I told her that, I felt REALLY bad. But it was something I had to do. We made tenative plans to hang out last weekend, but it never happened.
I've learned a very valuable life lesson from Alex. If I can't see something serious with someone, I'm not going to pursue it at all. A lot of times, I would casually date women who I know weren't right for me. At the time, it's fun and kind of taboo, though in the end someone always ends up getting hurt. I could tell I really hurt Alex's feelings when I told her I didn't want to date her anymore. It's something that's no fun at all.0 -
I've learned a very valuable life lesson from Alex. If I can't see something serious with someone, I'm not going to pursue it at all. A lot of times, I would casually date women who I know weren't right for me. At the time, it's fun and kind of taboo, though in the end someone always ends up getting hurt. I could tell I really hurt Alex's feelings when I told her I didn't want to date her anymore. It's something that's no fun at all.
Really well said. And applicable to my life, as well.
--P0 -
aww thats too bad. but yes, a lot of ppl thing i'm too picky or too judgemental because if I cant see a future I won't go past date 1 or 2. but hey i dont want to waste anyone's time, and i certainly dont want to waste my own time, so if u don't see it going anywhere its best u nip it in the butt.
wat i would really like to know is if its really something that was wrong between u two or did she intimidate u by picking up the check, selling herself to you, making plans with her friends/family, etc?
in other words did she scare u away or was it genuinely a reason for not working out?
just curious, then i will let this die hahaha0 -
aww thats too bad. but yes, a lot of ppl thing i'm too picky or too judgemental because if I cant see a future I won't go past date 1 or 2. but hey i dont want to waste anyone's time, and i certainly dont want to waste my own time, so if u don't see it going anywhere its best u nip it in the butt.
wat i would really like to know is if its really something that was wrong between u two or did she intimidate u by picking up the check, selling herself to you, making plans with her friends/family, etc?
in other words did she scare u away or was it genuinely a reason for not working out?
just curious, then i will let this die hahaha
I really thought she was perfect in every way. She was pretty, had a very good job, very pleasant, enjoyed trying new food, and an overall very good person. I can honestly say that the almost 20 year age difference is what really broke me.
And I had no problem going out in public with her or anything. I think someone gave us weird looks the one time, but I didn't care a bit But I know I'd feel uncomfortable if and when I met her family or when she met mine.0 -
aww thats too bad. but yes, a lot of ppl thing i'm too picky or too judgemental because if I cant see a future I won't go past date 1 or 2. but hey i dont want to waste anyone's time, and i certainly dont want to waste my own time, so if u don't see it going anywhere its best u nip it in the butt.
wat i would really like to know is if its really something that was wrong between u two or did she intimidate u by picking up the check, selling herself to you, making plans with her friends/family, etc?
in other words did she scare u away or was it genuinely a reason for not working out?
just curious, then i will let this die hahaha
I really thought she was perfect in every way. She was pretty, had a very good job, very pleasant, enjoyed trying new food, and an overall very good person. I can honestly say that the almost 20 year age difference is what really broke me.
And I had no problem going out in public with her or anything. I think someone gave us weird looks the one time, but I didn't care a bit But I know I'd feel uncomfortable if and when I met her family or when she met mine.
hmm, i gotta say if everything ehlse was ok then u shudnt worry about what people think. you're a big boy, you should make ur own decisions. now if it was a deal breaker like she can no longer have kids and u want kids then thats another thing but if ur just worried about what ppl think that sucks. i'm going thru something similar right now. met a guy who's perfect on paper and meets everything i want. but physically he's not exactly my type. but i'm trying to get past that and not think about what ppl wud think or say. i have decided to keep seeing him and decide if I am happy, then decide if i wanna introduce him to my friends or family. remember they do want the best for u, but they can also be very critical of anyone and everyone who comes around.
it can be the perfect person and they will still say something like - wait if they are so perfect why are they single? whats wrong with them? haha.
gotta love ur family lol.0 -
hmm, i gotta say if everything ehlse was ok then u shudnt worry about what people think. you're a big boy, you should make ur own decisions. now if it was a deal breaker like she can no longer have kids and u want kids then thats another thing but if ur just worried about what ppl think that sucks. i'm going thru something similar right now. met a guy who's perfect on paper and meets everything i want. but physically he's not exactly my type. but i'm trying to get past that and not think about what ppl wud think or say. i have decided to keep seeing him and decide if I am happy, then decide if i wanna introduce him to my friends or family. remember they do want the best for u, but they can also be very critical of anyone and everyone who comes around.
it can be the perfect person and they will still say something like - wait if they are so perfect why are they single? whats wrong with them? haha.
gotta love ur family lol.
My only advice is that if you don't really see a future with him, don't let it progress any further.
I received a scathing e-mail from Alex the other day saying how hurt she was, etc etc. Because things did progress pretty quickly and then I had to give her the "lets just be friends" talk. For the first time in a while, I felt like a total *kitten* for letting things go so far and knowing in the back of my mind that it was never going to work out.0
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