What it feels like for a girl.
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I'm sorry, but whenever I see the title of this thread I just think of that Madonna song...
ding! ding! exactly.
For me, it's not so much a money thing as it is overall effort. Younger girls seem to take guys asking them out on dates for granted. Everytime I dated younger, I never got the feeling that the girl really was giving it her 100% to keep a conversation going, being interesting, or even looking all done up for our date. Whenever I date older, I find the women to be more engaging, they dress MUCH nicer, and actually seem into the date. Just my $0.02.
Might I suggest that you reexamine the quality and type of girl you take on a date? Any of my girlfriends would be extremely grateful to be a on date, and give it 100% and try and have fun. Maybe you're dating uptight girls? It is kind of a generalization to say "younger girls seem to take guys asking them out on dates for granted."
There are a ton of cool girls in their twenties and thirties that would love to go out on a date with someone like you! You seem very nice and genuine.0 -
Confused by this...asked why anyone should consider it any different then a guy demanding sex or get lost by a certain timeframe.
Because sex is a huge thing for a woman and it should be for a man. It's different because sex involves tons of emotions, whereas paying for a dinner does not.
That is your assumption and while of value to you it is meaningless beyond short of finding someone willing to feel the same.
To most it is a convenient excuse to say my wants are more important and special to yours.
If you can great but if not then accept what will be,have said it before but it still does not answer why anyone should not consider it a selfish "this is for me" wish.0 -
Might I suggest that you reexamine the quality and type of girl you take on a date? Any of my girlfriends would be extremely grateful to be a on date, and give it 100% and try and have fun. Maybe you're dating uptight girls? It is kind of a generalization to say "younger girls seem to take guys asking them out on dates for granted."
There are a ton of cool girls in their twenties and thirties that would love to go out on a date with someone like you! You seem very nice and genuine.
Well thank you. I'm sure I'm generalizing here a bit. I have a fairly extensive dating history and my experience has been fairly consistent with both older and younger gals.
OK this is going to sound pretty brutal, but here it goes. Women in their 20's have it absolutely made. Men in their 20's, 30's, 40's, and even 50's are competing for their attention. They have a wide selection to choose from. As women get older (late 30's, 40's), the number of guys competing for their attention is much smaller and smaller. This is due to less single men their own age and the fact that most men won't consider dating older (except me, of course). Therefore, I when an older women is asked out on a date, she puts in a lot more effort into it.
Again, this is a generalization, but it's pretty accurate in what I've seen in my life.0 -
OK this is going to sound pretty brutal, but here it goes. Women in their 20's have it absolutely made. Men in their 20's, 30's, 40's, and even 50's are competing for their attention. They have a wide selection to choose from. As women get older (late 30's, 40's), the number of guys competing for their attention is much smaller and smaller. This is due to less single men their own age and the fact that most men won't consider dating older (except me, of course). Therefore, I when an older women is asked out on a date, she puts in a lot more effort into it.
Again, this is a generalization, but it's pretty accurate in what I've seen in my life.
Maybe it is true somewhat for some girls, however, I know quite a few girls who have never been asked out on a proper date by a guy and would be thrilled at the chance to go out with a guy. I think the girls who have it made are the very, very attractive ones. The rest of us average Janes do struggle just like everyone else. I do not have a wide dating pool to choose from, and there are not people competing for my attention - in fact, I actually have only been on a couple of dates in my life, and both were in the last year.
However, I do agree with your point that as you get older, the dating pool lessens, and so women are more grateful to be asked out. But I am 22 and would be sooooo grateful if a guy asked me out, you know? I might not want to marry him, but I'd love to go out on a date.0 -
Maybe it is true somewhat for some girls, however, I know quite a few girls who have never been asked out on a proper date by a guy and would be thrilled at the chance to go out with a guy. I think the girls who have it made are the very, very attractive ones. The rest of us average Janes do struggle just like everyone else. I do not have a wide dating pool to choose from, and there are not people competing for my attention - in fact, I actually have only been on a couple of dates in my life, and both were in the last year.
However, I do agree with your point that as you get older, the dating pool lessens, and so women are more grateful to be asked out. But I am 22 and would be sooooo grateful if a guy asked me out, you know? I might not want to marry him, but I'd love to go out on a date.
I might have to disagree a little here. I've seen tons of average Janes get married over the years, they just have to be more open and have more realistic expecations of what kind of guy they can pull.
Same goes for men too. If I decided I'm only going to chase after 18 year old Miss Florida contestants, then I'm probably going to be a lonely guy for a long time. LOL. I'm not waiting around for the opportunity to ask out a perfect 10, I'd gladly and much prefer to date someone who I'm more compatable with.0 -
I get that you, as a guy, would like the woman to take more initiative (though myexperience has been that me taking the initiative in most relationshps has been the kiss of death, to each his own).
What I'm saying is, for every guy whining about how the hot girls expect them to do everything there are 2 other guys happy to do it. If you look at it from the girl's perspective, why would she think she should have to change that up? If it aint broke, don't fix it.
I get what you’re saying. You’re not incorrect in your 2nd paragraph. Maybe a woman might want to take some initiative because she likes the man a lot and wants to help him out. When a woman truly likes a man, she’s helpful. She gives him the right signs and he makes it happen. That is good, collaborative communication and relationship building. And if she’s caring about the process, that shows she’s not self absorbed.OK this is going to sound pretty brutal, but here it goes. Women in their 20's have it absolutely made. Men in their 20's, 30's, 40's, and even 50's are competing for their attention. They have a wide selection to choose from. As women get older (late 30's, 40's), the number of guys competing for their attention is much smaller and smaller. This is due to less single men their own age and the fact that most men won't consider dating older (except me, of course). Therefore, I when an older women is asked out on a date, she puts in a lot more effort into it.
Not brutal at all. It is the truth. Attractive women in their 20s have it made and should be able to pick the best option in a man before her 30th birthday.
Also, being childless helps a woman’s cause. A 30 year old woman with no kids is a better bet than a 21 year old with a kid.I might have to disagree a little here. I've seen tons of average Janes get married over the years, they just have to be more open and have more realistic expecations of what kind of guy they can pull.
Completely. An average Jane in her 20s will have enough options to make a good enough choice for a life long partner.0 -
Also, being childless helps a woman’s cause. A 30 year old woman with no kids is a better bet than a 21 year old with a kid.
Then a childless woman who's almost 40 should be ideal. We're much more mature and *ahem* experienced than a 21 or 30 year old.
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If paying is the deal breaker to a lady why should or would a guy not be suspicious that her main intent is to find someone that is willing to be a sugar daddy rather then find a life partner?
Paying isn't a dealbreaker. It's an indicator
I've never had a guy who was really into me NOT pay. So if a guy on the first date doesn't pay, then calls me up 2 weeks later for a date, I know (usually) it's not that he's into me, but that he's lonely and nothing better is biting.
If someone did as was suggested in another post, and "test" the woman by seeing if she'll pay their half on the first date, he could very well be sending a signal to the woman that he's "not that into you" and miss out on a great relationship.How is making this a must any different in any way then a guy saying if a lady doesn`t sexually put out by the third date they are moving on?
Funny, while there are lots of women here who agree with paying all or part of their way, especially as the relationship progresses, there are very few men on this site who disagree with the X date rule (whether it be 3 or 5, most guys here express the opinion that sex needs to happen pretty quick). Someone using your body like a blow up doll in no way compares to paying for dinner. Even many of my platonic guy friends pay for dinner though I offer over and over to pay. When I invite my girlfriends out and I know I've overstretched their budget I pay for dinner. Not at all the same thing.0 -
Someone using your body like a blow up doll in no way compares to paying for dinner. Even many of my platonic guy friends pay for dinner though I offer over and over to pay. When I invite my girlfriends out and I know I've overstretched their budget I pay for dinner. Not at all the same thing.
LOL
If a girl buys me dinner 3 times.... Gosh, I'd put out.0 -
I'm latina and have lived in the south for a while now...sorry but a guy who pumps my gas is a keeper in my eyes
its not about just money but a guy who opens doors, carries your groceries, pumps your gas, etc. i love that stuff!!!
This was that thin guy, the one I was surprised to feel "feminine" around... looking back on it, it's no wonder I felt feminine. He was a total gentleman- opened my doors, carried my boxes, complimented me on real stuff, tried to see discussions from my POV but wasn't afraid to render his opinion if we differed. Of course, there would be many more dates required to find out if he's a "good guy" but at least he knows how to get a woman's fires burning.
what happened to this guy?0 -
This was that thin guy, the one I was surprised to feel "feminine" around... looking back on it, it's no wonder I felt feminine. He was a total gentleman- opened my doors, carried my boxes, complimented me on real stuff, tried to see discussions from my POV but wasn't afraid to render his opinion if we differed. Of course, there would be many more dates required to find out if he's a "good guy" but at least he knows how to get a woman's fires burning.
what happened to this guy?
Nothing's happened yet...lol... we met, had a great time, and then I went on a business trip. So I'll see him when I get back home (if he's still around-I'm not holding my breath)0 -
Maybe if they had more input on this, they'd feel more invested in the outing and feel more at ease with the course of the date.
It is a nice change of pace when there's some initiative taken from a female in the early stages.
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I get that you, as a guy, would like the woman to take more initiative (though myexperience has been that me taking the initiative in most relationshps has been the kiss of death, to each his own).
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totally agree on this one! the times that i've actually planned out our date, looked for stuff he would like and try to be thoughtful and considerate, the guy was a complete jerk and ungrateful. so now i feel like why plan something that won't be appreciated?
now on paying sorry guys i have to agree, i rather the guy pay early on, it cud be for something as cheap as just coffee, doesnt matter the price but something about a guy wanting to pick up the check makes women feel safe/stable/secure.
do i pick up the check some x? yes - when we are in a relationship and i know he would appreciate it and not just mooching off of me lol.0 -
Someone using your body like a blow up doll in no way compares to paying for dinner. Even many of my platonic guy friends pay for dinner though I offer over and over to pay. When I invite my girlfriends out and I know I've overstretched their budget I pay for dinner. Not at all the same thing.
LOL
If a girl buys me dinner 3 times.... Gosh, I'd put out.
haahaha too funny!0 -
This was that thin guy, the one I was surprised to feel "feminine" around... looking back on it, it's no wonder I felt feminine. He was a total gentleman- opened my doors, carried my boxes, complimented me on real stuff, tried to see discussions from my POV but wasn't afraid to render his opinion if we differed. Of course, there would be many more dates required to find out if he's a "good guy" but at least he knows how to get a woman's fires burning.
what happened to this guy?
Nothing's happened yet...lol... we met, had a great time, and then I went on a business trip. So I'll see him when I get back home (if he's still around-I'm not holding my breath)
well he seems like a keeper, have u kept in touch?0 -
Nothing's happened yet...lol... we met, had a great time, and then I went on a business trip. So I'll see him when I get back home (if he's still around-I'm not holding my breath)
well he seems like a keeper, have u kept in touch?
We have indeed, and there's definitely chemistry. But I met someone else (Band Director) that actually seems like a keeper, who, himself left earlier for a business trip. We already planned a date for when we both return. Band Director actually has a lot more in common with me, even if that intense chemistry isn't there I suspect it will grow. So I want to get to know them both a little better. This has led to me (for the FIRST time in my life) actually having to turn down dates. Lol. How I WISH I could have been this popular back in college!0 -
Nothing's happened yet...lol... we met, had a great time, and then I went on a business trip. So I'll see him when I get back home (if he's still around-I'm not holding my breath)
well he seems like a keeper, have u kept in touch?
We have indeed, and there's definitely chemistry. But I met someone else (Band Director) that actually seems like a keeper, who, himself left earlier for a business trip. We already planned a date for when we both return. Band Director actually has a lot more in common with me, even if that intense chemistry isn't there I suspect it will grow. So I want to get to know them both a little better. This has led to me (for the FIRST time in my life) actually having to turn down dates. Lol. How I WISH I could have been this popular back in college!
hold up i have to jump in and say dont turn down any dates just yet. us women are so loyal that we rather see one guy at a time but unless u are exclusive guys will keep seeing other ppl and when it doesnt work out with one u are left with no other options lol. it sounds bad but its tru. i'[m not saying to be shady but sometimes we assume that the other person isnt seeing anyone else (as we aren't) and then BAM! slap in ur face lol. ( yes speaking from experience lol)0 -
hold up i have to jump in and say dont turn down any dates just yet. us women are so loyal that we rather see one guy at a time but unless u are exclusive guys will keep seeing other ppl and when it doesnt work out with one u are left with no other options lol. it sounds bad but its tru. i'[m not saying to be shady but sometimes we assume that the other person isnt seeing anyone else (as we aren't) and then BAM! slap in ur face lol. ( yes speaking from experience lol)
You are absolutely right!!
But it's not a matter of going exclusive. It's a matter of time. Between church, work, and my regular friends and another guy I'm getting to know (but doubt he's serious) I just don't have time for anyone else. If you had told me, 20 years ago, that I would be having this "problem" now, I'd have called you crazy. But I don't think it means I'm special or anything. It's like one of the guys said earlier... it's obvious to the guys I'll pretty much go out with whoever asks. I'm sure if I were in "relationship mode" and judging guys according to my "checklist" I'd have a hard time finding any to go out with. :laugh:0 -
Also, being childless helps a woman’s cause. A 30 year old woman with no kids is a better bet than a 21 year old with a kid.
Then a childless woman who's almost 40 should be ideal. We're much more mature and *ahem* experienced than a 21 or 30 year old.
There's a market for a childless woman who is 40. There are men in the 40s who have not had children and don't want them. Those men would have the potential to be interested in a childless woman who is about to turn 40.0 -
How is making this a must any different in any way then a guy saying if a lady doesn`t sexually put out by the third date they are moving on?
Carl, I'm not really sure why people are dismissing this question. To boil it down to basics, you are asking why is it any different for a woman to expect X (paying) from a date than a man to expect Y (sex) from a date.
I don't have the answer...personally I cannot even imagine EXPECTING anything from anyone that early on... It isn't that I wouldn't like romance or chivalry, but I'm also realistic about the world we live in and why conjure expectations from a stranger and be disappointed?
I've got a good job and a credit card, so how you doin'?Someone using your body like a blow up doll in no way compares to paying for dinner. Even many of my platonic guy friends pay for dinner though I offer over and over to pay. When I invite my girlfriends out and I know I've overstretched their budget I pay for dinner. Not at all the same thing.
LOL
If a girl buys me dinner 3 times.... Gosh, I'd put out. 0 -
UPDATE PLEASE : so how was the date? did u pay?0
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UPDATE PLEASE : so how was the date? did u pay?
I ended up paying on Sunday when Alex and I went out. We've talked a little bit over the past week, but I really don't feel like it's going to go anywhere. The more and more I got to know her, I just can't see us being serious together.
I actually have another date planned for tonight with another older woman. First date for us, so it's going to be pretty low key and we're just meeting up for a drink after work today. This girl is half Chinese and half Jamaican.. VERY exotic looking. I'm actually surprised she's giving me the time of day.
I'll keep you posted as to who picks up the tab.0 -
what was wrong with the shuga momma? what do u see gets in the way of a relationship?
I'm just being nosy since i obviously have nothing going on in my love life. lol. i'm living vicariously through you and all the single peeops on mfp :bigsmile:
i've never heard about jamaican and chinese mix this sounds interesting.0 -
what was wrong with the shuga momma? what do u see gets in the way of a relationship?
I'm just being nosy since i obviously have nothing going on in my love life. lol. i'm living vicariously through you and all the single peeops on mfp :bigsmile:
i've never heard about jamaican and chinese mix this sounds interesting.
Yeah, I wanna know too!! :bigsmile:0 -
I didn't read the whole thread just the original topic but I do enjoy being wined and dined. I like when a man opens the door, picks up the tab, pulls out my chair, etc. Sure, that part may be easy sometimes. But I do feel that I'm trying to sell myself as well. If I like the guy, what are the chances it will turn into more? Not very high.. Thats just dating. With the hulk, he would ask me if I was having fun, if he was doing good... Which I would reassure him that I was having a blast and liked him. Him needing reaasurance reassured me that he liked me and was trying to sell himself, just like I was.
So maybe the surface it seems easy but our minds are definitely overthinking across that table.0 -
UPDATE PLEASE : so how was the date? did u pay?
I ended up paying on Sunday when Alex and I went out. We've talked a little bit over the past week, but I really don't feel like it's going to go anywhere. The more and more I got to know her, I just can't see us being serious together.
I actually have another date planned for tonight with another older woman. First date for us, so it's going to be pretty low key and we're just meeting up for a drink after work today. This girl is half Chinese and half Jamaican.. VERY exotic looking. I'm actually surprised she's giving me the time of day.
I'll keep you posted as to who picks up the tab.
Have fun tonight and keep us posted!0 -
now on paying sorry guys i have to agree, i rather the guy pay early on, it cud be for something as cheap as just coffee, doesnt matter the price but something about a guy wanting to pick up the check makes women feel safe/stable/secure.
do i pick up the check some x? yes - when we are in a relationship and i know he would appreciate it and not just mooching off of me lol.
I think the term for this is "irony".:laugh:0 -
Also, being childless helps a woman’s cause. A 30 year old woman with no kids is a better bet than a 21 year old with a kid.
Then a childless woman who's almost 40 should be ideal. We're much more mature and *ahem* experienced than a 21 or 30 year old.
There's a market for a childless woman who is 40. There are men in the 40s who have not had children and don't want them. Those men would have the potential to be interested in a childless woman who is about to turn 40.
Then point me in the direction of that group!0 -
UPDATE PLEASE : so how was the date? did u pay?
I ended up paying on Sunday when Alex and I went out. We've talked a little bit over the past week, but I really don't feel like it's going to go anywhere. The more and more I got to know her, I just can't see us being serious together.
I actually have another date planned for tonight with another older woman. First date for us, so it's going to be pretty low key and we're just meeting up for a drink after work today. This girl is half Chinese and half Jamaican.. VERY exotic looking. I'm actually surprised she's giving me the time of day.
I'll keep you posted as to who picks up the tab.
Have fun tonight and keep us posted!
Had a date last night with Ann Marie (the 1/2 Asian 1/2 Jamaican girl). We had drinks at a nice bar for about 2.5 hours and had an amazing time. Turns out she teaches boot camp and is really into fitness. This was pretty intimidating because she's in phenomenal shape. She was flirty, fun, and just a really nice girl. We made tentative plans to hang out this weekend and we held hands I walked her back to her car. All in all, it went really well.
Ann Marie was considerably older than me too. However, I picked up the bar tab and was totally fine with it. I could tell she wasn't as established as the last girl I dated (Alex).
Let me know your opinion on this. Halfway through our date, I mention that I regularly get Jamaican food for lunch. I told her I couldn't think of the name of the place, but I was 'friends' with the business on Facebook. She said "oh you have Facebook", then whips out her iPhone, opens Facebook, and sends me a friend request. I thought it was pretty cute. Now I get to be creepy and look at her pictures all the time. lol
I'm really looking forward to our second date.0 -
UPDATE PLEASE : so how was the date? did u pay?
I ended up paying on Sunday when Alex and I went out. We've talked a little bit over the past week, but I really don't feel like it's going to go anywhere. The more and more I got to know her, I just can't see us being serious together.
I actually have another date planned for tonight with another older woman. First date for us, so it's going to be pretty low key and we're just meeting up for a drink after work today. This girl is half Chinese and half Jamaican.. VERY exotic looking. I'm actually surprised she's giving me the time of day.
I'll keep you posted as to who picks up the tab.
Have fun tonight and keep us posted!
Had a date last night with Ann Marie (the 1/2 Asian 1/2 Jamaican girl). We had drinks at a nice bar for about 2.5 hours and had an amazing time. Turns out she teaches boot camp and is really into fitness. This was pretty intimidating because she's in phenomenal shape. She was flirty, fun, and just a really nice girl. We made tentative plans to hang out this weekend and we held hands I walked her back to her car. All in all, it went really well.
Ann Marie was considerably older than me too. However, I picked up the bar tab and was totally fine with it. I could tell she wasn't as established as the last girl I dated (Alex).
Let me know your opinion on this. Halfway through our date, I mention that I regularly get Jamaican food for lunch. I told her I couldn't think of the name of the place, but I was 'friends' with the business on Facebook. She said "oh you have Facebook", then whips out her iPhone, opens Facebook, and sends me a friend request. I thought it was pretty cute. Now I get to be creepy and look at her pictures all the time. lol
I'm really looking forward to our second date.
That sounds very promising to me!! yay!0 -
now on paying sorry guys i have to agree, i rather the guy pay early on, it cud be for something as cheap as just coffee, doesnt matter the price but something about a guy wanting to pick up the check makes women feel safe/stable/secure.
do i pick up the check some x? yes - when we are in a relationship and i know he would appreciate it and not just mooching off of me lol.
I think the term for this is "irony".:laugh:
wait why is this ironic? lol.0
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