Job Snob
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Free dates are sometimes the most fun! I'd rather meet someone in a park or museum or at the lake any day over going to an expensive restaurant! My ex and I never actually had our real "first date" until we'd already been seeing each other for several months. We went to the state park, went fishing with the kids, went to the river... watched movies cuddling on the couch long before we ever went to a restaurant.
When cost is taken out of the equation for the most, it makes it easier to see the person for who they are really are. There's a lot of pretentious behavior in dating. I want someone to be in to me for me and I want to be into her for who she is.0 -
So I've been reading the comments on here trying to decide if I should share how I feel. I worried how it would come across and might open Pandora's box. But here's my reality...
I make good money... probably twice the national average honestly. It makes dating weird. I don't think it should but realistically it has. I've had just as much fun getting a slice of pizza for $3 on a date as I have with someone buying an expensive dinner, so it's not about what someone can spend.
However, I've run into two issues. Many men struggle with the idea that I make twice what they do. It left one man trying to pay for everything to prove he could, and then another man who thought I should pay for everything and wanted to take advantage. I even watched the same issue for my mother and men she dated 20+ years ago at my age and single. The idea of a man needing to be the breadwinner is not uncommon and is still a challenge in dating today, regardless of the economy, more because of pride than anything.
Secondly, the acitivites I like to participate in and the lifestyle I have cost money. I'm always willing to pay or split the bill but honestly, it seems to lead to our interests being different more due to financial decisions than actual interest. It's led to me not having a ton in common with the guy who worked at McDonalds who asked me out. It's not that I wouldn't be willing, but if I can't hold a conversation or find something we share in common, money isn't the issue anyway.
So I share all that because I don't consider myself a Job Snob, and I agree with the "Drive" snob idea. BUT in reality, when I see a guy making under $40-50K, I won't lie... he's not in the same place as I am. It makes me read an online profile more in depth to look for connection points. In real life, it's not something I look for or would even ask, but finding out that the guy works at Waffle House, would make me dig further for WHY....Trust me, it only makes dating harder since half of all employed men would fall into that boat.
My two cents... Flame Away!0 -
@NC you make perfect sense.
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So its not the job its more the lack of drive that turns you off. Someone who is content with minimum wage must not want much in life and i can see why you wouldnt want to date...did i get it or did i slap you this time lol
I second this. even if they are not rich or at the best job, i would like to see some ambition to move forward and have goals they are working towards, etc.
I also agree with NC. its hard for a woman to date when you have a high salary and men get intimidated or u have different interests, different activities u like to do or can afford to do etc.0 -
I've had just as much fun getting a slice of pizza for $3 on a date as I have with someone buying an expensive dinner, so it's not about what someone can spend.
Yep. Seems there's no middle ground on this one. A handful of times I've gone out with a man who makes more than me, but those kind of guys generally aren't trying to date your typical career woman, so they're few and far in between.However, I've run into two issues. Many men struggle with the idea that I make twice what they do. It left one man trying to pay for everything to prove he could, and then another man who thought I should pay for everything and wanted to take advantage. I even watched the same issue for my mother and men she dated 20+ years ago at my age and single. The idea of a man needing to be the breadwinner is not uncommon and is still a challenge in dating today, regardless of the economy, more because of pride than anything.
Exactly!Secondly, the acitivites I like to participate in and the lifestyle I have cost money. I'm always willing to pay or split the bill but honestly, it seems to lead to our interests being different more due to financial decisions than actual interest. It's led to me not having a ton in common with the guy who worked at McDonalds who asked me out. It's not that I wouldn't be willing, but if I can't hold a conversation or find something we share in common, money isn't the issue anyway.0 -
I think I agree with most people, but I haven't read the whole thread and there were some lengthy responses.
But they must have some sort of ambition. I dated a girl for a while who basically cut hair out of her house a couple times a day. I don't know how she made enough to pay her bills, actually I don't think she did and got bailed out by her family. And she had no ambition, she wasn't trying to get a job, she wasn't going to school, she really didn't do anything. One time her car died and I had to drive an hour to pick her up, she never once offered to pay for dinner but always seemed to have some opinion on where to go. I seem to do best with professionals like myself, where neither of us really need to worry about money and it doesn't become an issue.
I have no problem supporting someone to achieve their goals, but if I meet someone near my age and they are still lost career wise then that's kind of a red flag. If they are just laid off that is okay too. I've had to work my *kitten* off for everything I have, so I can't really picture being with someone who just skates through life and doesn't try.0 -
I'm a huge judgemental snob.But it has little to do with how much money they make but with how much I respect their chosen profession. For example I despise half of the financial industry with a passion and see stock broker as a job as no better than asking "would you like fries with that." It basically comes down to what they contribute to society and if it's a positive contribution.
Although, if you're still working at a job I applied to in high school for part time work, I probably won't be leaping out of my chair in pursuit either.
Unemployed could go either way, depending on the situation.0 -
I am absolutely a job snob. However, just like others have said, it is based on motivation and ambition. My son's father was a metric motorcycle mechanic and he really enjoyed it for the most part. He was also in the Army Reserves and applying to be a cop. His job paid the bills and he enjoyed it. However, until the AR and cop thing, I was a little concerned with his ambition. That unfortunately was one of those jobs that would be stagnant.
I have worked very hard in school for my B.S. and in pursuing my MS Ed and I would prefer to date someone with similar education experiences. However, finding that has been difficult. In reality, I mostly date military guys. Not because it is my preference but because I live in the biggest military installation area in the world. Most of these guys are enlisted with little college but they have ambition to gain rank and do better.
The money is not what is important to me. What's important is being with someone who always wants to learn more, do more, and be more. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am single. lol0 -
I work hard, I do construction/welding. I love what I do, I'm good at what I do. And I make a decent living doing what I do. If someone looks down on me for my type of work then they are someone that I wouldn't enjoy getting to know anyway. I honestly have no problems with anyone doing whatever they have to do for a living. It doesn't make the slightest bit off difference to me if you have a college education or you don't. (btw I personally know a lot of people with their degrees that make less than I do and have a mountain of student loans to pay off) so just because someone got their education doesn't mean they are better than someone who didn't.0
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The reason I stated wanting someone educationally equal is because both my last LTR belittled me about it. I never once thought I was better than either one for having more education but they were really insecure about it. That was very hurtful and I have tried not to go through it again.0
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I'm sorry to hear that. As far as jobs and careers go for me, it always been do whatever makes you happy, and do it well. Type of thing. If you love to cook and you do it great then by all means do it for a living. If you love helping people and saving lives, and you good at it, then be a doctor.The reason I stated wanting someone educationally equal is because both my last LTR belittled me about it. I never once thought I was better than either one for having more education but they were really insecure about it. That was very hurtful and I have tried not to go through it again. people spend a good 20% of their life at work. I personally would feel so depressed if I know that 20% of my short time on this planet was wasted doing something I hated. Lol. 0 -
I'm sorry to hear that. As far as jobs and careers go for me, it always been do whatever makes you happy, and do it well. Type of thing. If you love to cook and you do it great then by all means do it for a living. If you love helping people and saving lives, and you good at it, then be a doctor.The reason I stated wanting someone educationally equal is because both my last LTR belittled me about it. I never once thought I was better than either one for having more education but they were really insecure about it. That was very hurtful and I have tried not to go through it again. people spend a good 20% of their life at work. I personally would feel so depressed if I know that 20% of my short time on this planet was wasted doing something I hated. Lol.
No kidding. I am a program director for a transitional housing program for homeless women and children. I work for a nonprofit and do not make the big bucks. lol That is why money is not a deciding factor for me. My son will probably inherit my student loans but I am meant to do what I do.0 -
I'm a huge judgemental snob.But it has little to do with how much money they make but with how much I respect their chosen profession. For example I despise half of the financial industry with a passion and see stock broker as a job as no better than asking "would you like fries with that." It basically comes down to what they contribute to society and if it's a positive contribution.
Although, if you're still working at a job I applied to in high school for part time work, I probably won't be leaping out of my chair in pursuit either.
Unemployed could go either way, depending on the situation.
So you are saying you have no respect for me since I work in the financial industry and have for the past 12 years. I have surived lay offs and down sizing due to hard work and drive but if you don't respect that and think it is as easy as "would you like fries with that" you might want to think again.0 -
I'm a huge judgemental snob.But it has little to do with how much money they make but with how much I respect their chosen profession. For example I despise half of the financial industry with a passion and see stock broker as a job as no better than asking "would you like fries with that." It basically comes down to what they contribute to society and if it's a positive contribution.
Although, if you're still working at a job I applied to in high school for part time work, I probably won't be leaping out of my chair in pursuit either.
Unemployed could go either way, depending on the situation.
So you are saying you have no respect for me since I work in the financial industry and have for the past 12 years. I have surived lay offs and down sizing due to hard work and drive but if you don't respect that and think it is as easy as "would you like fries with that" you might want to think again.
I never said the entire financial industry, there is a good part which is great. There is a good part which I absolutely hate. I have no idea what you do within the financial field. I also mentioned respecting the industry they are in, the person itself. And I also never said ti was as easy as working at McDonald's.
But at the end of the day I can be friends with anyone no matter what their job is, but I just couldn't see it working out if I was with someone and when i ask how their day at work went, not caring because I didn't care for what they do.
And for what it's worth, I was in a job for 2 years that I felt the same way about. Residential development. Every time someone threw a survey down on my desk and told me to design a development that required clearing 200 acres of trees, I could feel my skin crawl while doing it.0 -
So I've been reading the comments on here trying to decide if I should share how I feel. I worried how it would come across and might open Pandora's box. But here's my reality...
I make good money... probably twice the national average honestly. It makes dating weird. I don't think it should but realistically it has. I've had just as much fun getting a slice of pizza for $3 on a date as I have with someone buying an expensive dinner, so it's not about what someone can spend.
However, I've run into two issues. Many men struggle with the idea that I make twice what they do. It left one man trying to pay for everything to prove he could, and then another man who thought I should pay for everything and wanted to take advantage. I even watched the same issue for my mother and men she dated 20+ years ago at my age and single. The idea of a man needing to be the breadwinner is not uncommon and is still a challenge in dating today, regardless of the economy, more because of pride than anything.
Secondly, the acitivites I like to participate in and the lifestyle I have cost money. I'm always willing to pay or split the bill but honestly, it seems to lead to our interests being different more due to financial decisions than actual interest. It's led to me not having a ton in common with the guy who worked at McDonalds who asked me out. It's not that I wouldn't be willing, but if I can't hold a conversation or find something we share in common, money isn't the issue anyway.
So I share all that because I don't consider myself a Job Snob, and I agree with the "Drive" snob idea. BUT in reality, when I see a guy making under $40-50K, I won't lie... he's not in the same place as I am. It makes me read an online profile more in depth to look for connection points. In real life, it's not something I look for or would even ask, but finding out that the guy works at Waffle House, would make me dig further for WHY....Trust me, it only makes dating harder since half of all employed men would fall into that boat.
My two cents... Flame Away!
Ive dated some women who make over 100k a year and they say the same thing as you. They were so humble and nice. WIth that said, back where I used to live, hostess, hairdressers, and receptionist were so snobby and mean. It was soooo common, I dont get it, where does the im better than you attitude come from. I found it was easier to date doctors and other career women cause they were nicer and easier to get along with. I dont know if it was the area I lived in or is this everywhere, I know my buddy says its like that where I live now, idk. Im not judging but it was that way in Nashville.
Apparently men do have a hard time with women who make more than them. Ive always made great money but im humble and secure, it never matters if she makes more of less. Its all about how i was treated and respect. I think its nice and respectful when both offer to pay. Its nice when two people want to do something nice for someone. You seem nice and humble, Thats a good thing. I wish more were like that.0 -
Yeah, you should have. People are broke and struggling these days. So many women are worried about dinners and being wined at a time when so many are losing their jobs, houses, and cars. I like how David handles things. He meets women at a park, coffee shop, meetup, or museum instead of dropping a 100 bucks just to have fun with a woman. He is like they either want to get to know me or not and once they do get to know him, he will spoil her. Spoiling strangers is stupid, its different if you are actually dating them.
Free dates are sometimes the most fun! I'd rather meet someone in a park or museum or at the lake any day over going to an expensive restaurant! My ex and I never actually had our real "first date" until we'd already been seeing each other for several months. We went to the state park, went fishing with the kids, went to the river... watched movies cuddling on the couch long before we ever went to a restaurant.
I so agree, they are sometimes better but the problem is many women will not like or go out with a guy if he doesnt spoil her on the first date. You are so different than many and its awesome. You seem like an amazing catch. I hope your man knows what he has.0 -
@ arewethereyet: I don't mind hijacking!
That's how some great conversations are started. You say one thing which makes you think of something else which leads to something different and so forth...
Whew, I worried there for a moment. I do LOVE your threads BTW. Convo IRL doesn't stay on topic, but segways all different ways. Imagine an entire evening discussing the penny you found.
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Yeah, you should have. People are broke and struggling these days. So many women are worried about dinners and being wined at a time when so many are losing their jobs, houses, and cars. I like how David handles things. He meets women at a park, coffee shop, meetup, or museum instead of dropping a 100 bucks just to have fun with a woman. He is like they either want to get to know me or not and once they do get to know him, he will spoil her. Spoiling strangers is stupid, its different if you are actually dating them.
Actually my experience (and that of my friends) is that once the bar is established low, it stays there. That is, the dates start free/cheap and never progress. Most guys typically go "all out" on the first couple of dates and then taper from there, so if you start out meeting at the park, you're likely never gonna get the "wining and dining." Not knocking the museum or coffee shop (have done that myself at times). But if you're the kind of person who enjoys going to a nice dinner or enjoys going to events that cost money, and that's the lifestyle you've been able to provide for yourself, then I see nothing wrong with expecting that your future mate will at least be able to participate in that kind of lifestyle.
And FWIW, I don't think I've ever cost a date $100 (friends, maybe, lol if you include the gas cost of them driving me on trips) but dates? I don't drink alcohol and always choose a cheaper menu item. It doesn't take money to impress a girl, but sometimes money *is* important.0 -
I am in a unique position here, as I have not dated in almost 30 years. When I dated last I was in my 20s and very very picky. My husband was handsome and hard worker (not to be mistaken for a go getter as he would never take chances) He was a good provider once we were married. Before that I paid for a lot because I was making bank in the service industry, and split rent with my mother who was disabled and couldn't live alone.
My point? Der-I don't know.
I am sure that this time around I want to have a lot in common with my partner, and that would likely include payscale. If I make double what he does, then as the poster stated above, it is likely will will have less in common. I would def date a mechanic, construction worker or such.
Of course I have really cut down my odds of a relationship with a 50+ man as I won't ride a motorcycle, shoot a gun, camp or go fishing.:laugh: I have seen so many dudes on m/c or standing my their Ferrari's on dating sites, it makes me LOL just thinking about it.0 -
So I've been reading the comments on here trying to decide if I should share how I feel. I worried how it would come across and might open Pandora's box. But here's my reality...
I make good money... probably twice the national average honestly. It makes dating weird. I don't think it should but realistically it has. I've had just as much fun getting a slice of pizza for $3 on a date as I have with someone buying an expensive dinner, so it's not about what someone can spend.
However, I've run into two issues. Many men struggle with the idea that I make twice what they do. It left one man trying to pay for everything to prove he could, and then another man who thought I should pay for everything and wanted to take advantage. I even watched the same issue for my mother and men she dated 20+ years ago at my age and single. The idea of a man needing to be the breadwinner is not uncommon and is still a challenge in dating today, regardless of the economy, more because of pride than anything.
Secondly, the acitivites I like to participate in and the lifestyle I have cost money. I'm always willing to pay or split the bill but honestly, it seems to lead to our interests being different more due to financial decisions than actual interest. It's led to me not having a ton in common with the guy who worked at McDonalds who asked me out. It's not that I wouldn't be willing, but if I can't hold a conversation or find something we share in common, money isn't the issue anyway.
So I share all that because I don't consider myself a Job Snob, and I agree with the "Drive" snob idea. BUT in reality, when I see a guy making under $40-50K, I won't lie... he's not in the same place as I am. It makes me read an online profile more in depth to look for connection points. In real life, it's not something I look for or would even ask, but finding out that the guy works at Waffle House, would make me dig further for WHY....Trust me, it only makes dating harder since half of all employed men would fall into that boat.
My two cents... Flame Away!
Ive dated some women who make over 100k a year and they say the same thing as you. They were so humble and nice. WIth that said, back where I used to live, hostess, hairdressers, and receptionist were so snobby and mean. It was soooo common, I dont get it, where does the im better than you attitude come from. I found it was easier to date doctors and other career women cause they were nicer and easier to get along with. I dont know if it was the area I lived in or is this everywhere, I know my buddy says its like that where I live now, idk. Im not judging but it was that way in Nashville.
Apparently men do have a hard time with women who make more than them. Ive always made great money but im humble and secure, it never matters if she makes more of less. Its all about how i was treated and respect. I think its nice and respectful when both offer to pay. Its nice when two people want to do something nice for someone. You seem nice and humble, Thats a good thing. I wish more were like that.
i feel like successful women usually intimidate most men and when you tell them what u do and where u live. they almost run in the opposite direction lol .
kinda sucks that men are this insecure but hey if a man cant handle ur success u shudnt have to handle him.
i'm not saying we need to be a door mat but we have to be careful not to give off any snobby vibes and be approachable.0
