Job Snob
Options
Replies
-
So I've been reading the comments on here trying to decide if I should share how I feel. I worried how it would come across and might open Pandora's box. But here's my reality...
I make good money... probably twice the national average honestly. It makes dating weird. I don't think it should but realistically it has. I've had just as much fun getting a slice of pizza for $3 on a date as I have with someone buying an expensive dinner, so it's not about what someone can spend.
However, I've run into two issues. Many men struggle with the idea that I make twice what they do. It left one man trying to pay for everything to prove he could, and then another man who thought I should pay for everything and wanted to take advantage. I even watched the same issue for my mother and men she dated 20+ years ago at my age and single. The idea of a man needing to be the breadwinner is not uncommon and is still a challenge in dating today, regardless of the economy, more because of pride than anything.
Secondly, the acitivites I like to participate in and the lifestyle I have cost money. I'm always willing to pay or split the bill but honestly, it seems to lead to our interests being different more due to financial decisions than actual interest. It's led to me not having a ton in common with the guy who worked at McDonalds who asked me out. It's not that I wouldn't be willing, but if I can't hold a conversation or find something we share in common, money isn't the issue anyway.
So I share all that because I don't consider myself a Job Snob, and I agree with the "Drive" snob idea. BUT in reality, when I see a guy making under $40-50K, I won't lie... he's not in the same place as I am. It makes me read an online profile more in depth to look for connection points. In real life, it's not something I look for or would even ask, but finding out that the guy works at Waffle House, would make me dig further for WHY....Trust me, it only makes dating harder since half of all employed men would fall into that boat.
My two cents... Flame Away!
Ive dated some women who make over 100k a year and they say the same thing as you. They were so humble and nice. WIth that said, back where I used to live, hostess, hairdressers, and receptionist were so snobby and mean. It was soooo common, I dont get it, where does the im better than you attitude come from. I found it was easier to date doctors and other career women cause they were nicer and easier to get along with. I dont know if it was the area I lived in or is this everywhere, I know my buddy says its like that where I live now, idk. Im not judging but it was that way in Nashville.
Apparently men do have a hard time with women who make more than them. Ive always made great money but im humble and secure, it never matters if she makes more of less. Its all about how i was treated and respect. I think its nice and respectful when both offer to pay. Its nice when two people want to do something nice for someone. You seem nice and humble, Thats a good thing. I wish more were like that.
i feel like successful women usually intimidate most men and when you tell them what u do and where u live. they almost run in the opposite direction lol .
kinda sucks that men are this insecure but hey if a man cant handle ur success u shudnt have to handle him.
i'm not saying we need to be a door mat but we have to be careful not to give off any snobby vibes and be approachable.
Not all men,I take everyone for who they are as they are and wish the same in return.0 -
I so agree, they are sometimes better but the problem is many women will not like or go out with a guy if he doesnt spoil her on the first date. You are so different than many and its awesome. You seem like an amazing catch. I hope your man knows what he has.
Hey, cutie pie. You keep saying this... and I don't have a man...hence, why I'm hangin out with the single peeps
But thank you. 
:flowerforyou: 0 -
Yeah, you should have. People are broke and struggling these days. So many women are worried about dinners and being wined at a time when so many are losing their jobs, houses, and cars. I like how David handles things. He meets women at a park, coffee shop, meetup, or museum instead of dropping a 100 bucks just to have fun with a woman. He is like they either want to get to know me or not and once they do get to know him, he will spoil her. Spoiling strangers is stupid, its different if you are actually dating them.
Free dates are sometimes the most fun! I'd rather meet someone in a park or museum or at the lake any day over going to an expensive restaurant! My ex and I never actually had our real "first date" until we'd already been seeing each other for several months. We went to the state park, went fishing with the kids, went to the river... watched movies cuddling on the couch long before we ever went to a restaurant.
I so agree, they are sometimes better but the problem is many women will not like or go out with a guy if he doesnt spoil her on the first date. You are so different than many and its awesome. You seem like an amazing catch. I hope your man knows what he has.
I may be wrong, but this may be another cultural difference between the UK and the US. My impression - no experience of my own to draw on :ohwell: - is that first dates in the UK tend to be casual - coffee, a drink after work, a walk in the park/round a gallery - and low-cost or free, rather than full meals at expensive restaurants. Anna? Lorro? Am I right? I can't imagine expecting someone I've just met to take me out for an expensive meal, not to mention that's a fairly high-pressure situation. If the conversation runs well, a coffee can last a long time, but if you run out of things to say before the main course, that's going to feel like an eternity of awkward silence/trying to make conversation...
On the OP - for me, it's not so much about the job itself (hell, I sit on a reception desk most of the time to pay the bills for my nascent opera career), as about the ambition, drive, intellect, passion for what someone does, or is planning to do (and supports with another, perhaps unglamorous, job!). And, to an extent, about how someone would fit into your world and you into theirs - maybe that's where an element of job snobbery comes in. My circle of friends are predominantly professionals in the traditional sense/entrepreneurs and performers, with a few military officers thrown in for good measure. If I can't see someone fitting in or adapting to that group and their rituals, or if I can't see myself fitting into their circle of acquaintance and preferred activities without needing to change fundamental aspects of who I am, chances are that potential relationship isn't going to be a winner.0 -
I so agree, they are sometimes better but the problem is many women will not like or go out with a guy if he doesnt spoil her on the first date. You are so different than many and its awesome. You seem like an amazing catch. I hope your man knows what he has.
I really don't think this is the case. Most women I know in their mid 20s - mid 30s don't need to be spoiled on the first date. I really think that is more men thinking they have to then women actually expecting it. Really if a guy spent more then $50 on a first date (not a meet and greet) I probably would feel uncomfortable with it even. But then I tend not to drink on first dates so usually the drink bill isn't as much then I am guessing some other peoples.0 -
Yes. Although I can imagine (with the distance in the US between some places) you don't want to drive for 2 hours and just drink a coffee and be done in 15 minutes. That said, cheap concerts, walk in the park, stuff like that can still be done and fill the downtime between two interesting bits of conversation (never spent more than £20 for a first date, and not more than £10 on a girl if she hasn't paid for some things as well).I may be wrong, but this may be another cultural difference between the UK and the US. My impression - no experience of my own to draw on :ohwell: - is that first dates in the UK tend to be casual - coffee, a drink after work, a walk in the park/round a gallery - and low-cost or free, rather than full meals at expensive restaurants.0 -
In my experience, it's not that I'm intimidated by a woman's success in the slightest. There might be a small part of me that sort of wants to be the provider, but I'd never not date anyone who was more educated or made more than me.i feel like successful women usually intimidate most men and when you tell them what u do and where u live. they almost run in the opposite direction lol .
kinda sucks that men are this insecure but hey if a man cant handle ur success u shudnt have to handle him.
i'm not saying we need to be a door mat but we have to be careful not to give off any snobby vibes and be approachable.
I might be a little worried she'd expect me to stay home with the kids, and that's something I don't think I could do. But that could always be discussed/negotiated later.
I did date someone who was more educated and had a much higher ambition than I did for like two years. She was always trying to get me to go back to school or to apply for jobs I didn't really want. It bothered her that I wasn't constantly trying to move up the corporate ladder and do something I hate just because it was a little bit more money. I like my job and I do pretty well financially, and I don't have kids so I don't see the point in landing a high stress job for only a little more money.
That's really what it came down to, money. She was the type of person that just wanted to make more money so she could afford her BMW, while I care less about material possessions and more about not working 80 hours a week.0 -
I may be wrong, but this may be another cultural difference between the UK and the US. My impression - no experience of my own to draw on :ohwell: - is that first dates in the UK tend to be casual - coffee, a drink after work, a walk in the park/round a gallery - and low-cost or free, rather than full meals at expensive restaurants. Anna? Lorro? Am I right? I can't imagine expecting someone I've just met to take me out for an expensive meal, not to mention that's a fairly high-pressure situation. If the conversation runs well, a coffee can last a long time, but if you run out of things to say before the main course, that's going to feel like an eternity of awkward silence/trying to make conversation...
On the OP - for me, it's not so much about the job itself (hell, I sit on a reception desk most of the time to pay the bills for my nascent opera career), as about the ambition, drive, intellect, passion for what someone does, or is planning to do (and supports with another, perhaps unglamorous, job!). And, to an extent, about how someone would fit into your world and you into theirs - maybe that's where an element of job snobbery comes in. My circle of friends are predominantly professionals in the traditional sense/entrepreneurs and performers, with a few military officers thrown in for good measure. If I can't see someone fitting in or adapting to that group and their rituals, or if I can't see myself fitting into their circle of acquaintance and preferred activities without needing to change fundamental aspects of who I am, chances are that potential relationship isn't going to be a winner.
Yeah, most of my 1st dates have been a drink in a pub. I have gone on to have dinner though, if the vibe was good and the conversation flowing. And/Or if we are hungry! :bigsmile:
I would always offer to pay my way though :flowerforyou:
I dont mind what a guy does for a living. As most people have said, it's about socioeconomic compatibility.0 -
This is a very interesting topic to me. I have been making a new group of friends lately, and this particular group includes the absolute happiest married couple I have ever seen in my life! They have been married for four years, so it's not that brand new honeymoon phase anymore. We were all sitting around talking about finances (I have just been offered a full-time position at my company -- unfortunately it's making less than I do as a temp) and he said something that I thought was incredible. He said that to him, time with his wife was far more important to him than having stuff, and that he really appreciated her because she feels the same way and doesn't fritter away the little money he does make while she is at home taking care of the house and upholding her end of the deal. He said that at one point he was actually supporting both of them at $8.50/hour. Neither of them went to college, but they are both incredibly intelligent and gifted people. Conversation is never an issue with them.
Now, I realize that most people can't live this way, but it really did get me thinking about my life and what I'm looking for in a potential partner. Do I really need all this stuff? Don't get me wrong, I make very little, and I live like I make even less, but I've always kind of had it in the back of my mind that it would be nice to be with someone who makes more than I do. I'm starting to realize that's a very selfish attitude. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be with a man who makes spending time with me a priority over a man who works crazy hours to get me stuff I don't need? That kind of man is one I would love absolutely and do everything in my power to support, to be perfectly honest.0 -
He said that to him, time with his wife was far more important to him than having stuff, and that he really appreciated her because she feels the same way and doesn't fritter away the little money he does make while she is at home taking care of the house and upholding her end of the deal.
To me, this concept is in the KEY to relationships. What are your spouse’s most important needs? And are you willing to meet those needs? For many men, having a woman who is available to them (intellectually, recreationally, sexually) is far more important than any income she might make or her professional accomplishments. Typical (not all) guy would rather a woman work less, and the family become more frugal, if it meant his wife wasn’t too tired to spend “quality time” with him each night.
OTOH, I know very happy couples who are both materialistic. One of my favorite couples the wife outranks her husband but they both make very good money. He tells me they both work as a team to accomplish the high-roller lifestyle they maintain, and they both like it. That’s not the lifestyle *I* want, but it works for THEM.
I don’t think there’s fault or blame in having any particular need. Some people need the security of their spouse having a solid income. Others need the attention of intense conversation. Others need sexual fulfillment. You will have people who need all of these things, but you will also have others who really don’t care about any given one.0 -
I'm a huge judgemental snob.But it has little to do with how much money they make but with how much I respect their chosen profession. For example I despise half of the financial industry with a passion and see stock broker as a job as no better than asking "would you like fries with that." It basically comes down to what they contribute to society and if it's a positive contribution.
Although, if you're still working at a job I applied to in high school for part time work, I probably won't be leaping out of my chair in pursuit either.
Unemployed could go either way, depending on the situation.
So you would date an impoverished social worker before you would date a rich stock broker? Oh I like this attitude! :happy: Shows some morals beyond what is usually considered when dating.0 -
what they do? yes. How much money they make? Please do NOT be a multimillionaire- I just cant deal with the side effects- but I dont care if you do what you love for free.0
-
Please do NOT be a multimillionaire- I just cant deal with the side effects.
What side effects?
I ask b/c I stopped seeing someone who was way too extravagant. It bothered me how wasteful he was with his mindset that he could always buy more. Somehow, I don't think that's what you're talking about, lol!0 -
No thats definitely part of it. Always either putting too much value on money, or not enough, or thinking of people's worth in terms of their monetary wealth. I despise money. I reject pay raises. I believe that the best things in life are free.
These traits make super rich people effing hate me so much that they just get cruel sometimes.0 -
ok since we're talking about who's paying, what kinda dates u going on etc....
how do u feel about someone who only wants to go to nice places and always picks up the check? i have to admit i am starting to feel weird cuz iwe've only been on 2 dates but they were super nice. he wants to go out again but i kinda just wanna do something chill.0 -
Saw this article today about how the gender gap is a myth. Figured the "Job Snob" thread was a good place for it, but this concept has been discussed in threads about paying for early dates, etc.
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-gender-wage-gap-is-a-myth-2012-07-26?pagenumber=2
Women do not earn less than men. It is the types of jobs that women have that create that false, commonly cited statistic that women earn 77 cents for every $1 men earn.
And this article isn't really that sophisticated of an analysis of the situation, as I have seen better analyses of men vs. women at work over time.0
