the BEST message i have ever gotten :-)
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DM- Several women here are telling you that they don't like romantic first dates and yet you think it's a mindset issue? Perhaps it's a gender issue and you are being so headstrong that your way is right that you could be alienating your own dates. Just some food for thought.
Oh and we all know you prefer off-line meeting and dates. In theory I think we all would, but that isn't always realistic in modern times...so please don't be the grandpa on the stoop yelling at us kids that things were different 'back in the olden days". Embrace technology or be it's roadkill.
And as far as the dating with kids thing, I think we can all agree that we are all allowed to have a preference. But don't forget that everyone on this board has a different lifestyle and you sometimes come across (I assume unintentionally) as insulting by saying that they are no longer relevant because they have kids, etc., etc.
The direction this thread took disturbs me a bit, I'm not trying to start a fight. Plus, I know DM can handle the heat
I think we have different ideas on what is considered "romantic". A romantic 1st date would be somewhere with nice mood lighting, somewhere quiet, and just a place where two people can talk and not have to worry about a bunch of screaming sports fan. I don't do dinner on a first date (never have, never will), so a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant with a bottle of wine and a flower on the table is out of the question.
I've found that I have to lead with my romantic foot or else I get put in the friend-zone. I've had good success setting the tone that I'm interested in something romantic and not just friendship.
People just have to do what works for them.0 -
I think there's a lot of dissatisfaction with the online dating sites. I think something you said sums it up. "In theory I think we all would (prefer an offline meeting)". If there's a preference for an offline meeting, doesn't an offline meeting put someone in the best position to succeed based on that logic?
I don't disagree that online dating can suck. The problem I have, and I assume others do also, is that I work and have a life... when am I supposed to meet these imaginary single men that are supposedly all around me? Should I just be roaming grocery store aisles or sit in Starbucks or a bar for hours on end hoping and wishing that someone I'm compatible with might walk in on that particular day? This is what I mean by "in theory" because IF that magically happened one day, then great, but otherwise I'm not holding my breath. DM- I'm all ears if you'd like to share your experiences about meeting women out and about. You're always preaching it, but we need realistic tips!
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I think there's a lot of dissatisfaction with the online dating sites. I think something you said sums it up. "In theory I think we all would (prefer an offline meeting)". If there's a preference for an offline meeting, doesn't an offline meeting put someone in the best position to succeed based on that logic?
I don't disagree that online dating can suck. The problem I have, and I assume others do also, is that I work and have a life... when am I supposed to meet these imaginary single men that are supposedly all around me? Should I just be roaming grocery store aisles or sit in Starbucks or a bar for hours on end hoping and wishing that someone I'm compatible with might walk in on that particular day? This is what I mean by "in theory" because IF that magically happened one day, then great, but otherwise I'm not holding my breath. DM- I'm all ears if you'd like to share your experiences about meeting women out and about. You're always preaching it, but we need realistic tips!
First off, think about the man you want to be with. Where would he hang out? Do you have common day to day activities with him? Take a close look at your day to day activities. Do they put you in contact with the men who you want? I'm not saying to have activities that are just for the purpose of meeting someone. The male equivalent of this is going to the typical meet market bar (loud and poor male-female ratio) vs. an exercise or a cooking class (much more female centric).
Men also work and have lives. Our time is just as scarce as yours.
The first thing I would do (and it is possible that you have done this already) is talk to all my friends in relationships. I'm sure you have female friends in relationships. Tell them that you are single and looking to date. Ask if they know any single men who would be a good fit for you. This task is so much easier for women than men. A single man with other male friends has to curry favor with his male friends' girlfriends to accomplish this.
Wherever you go, have open body language and smile. Watch men's body language. If a man smiles at you, smile back. That's an opener. I smile at every woman I find attractive and if she smiles back, I talk to her.0 -
ladies, if you all want to know what these men REALLY think about dating, just go read the relationship help forum at bodybuilding.com you'll probably never want to date again after hearing what men REALLY think!
mainly they're all about the sex. who will give it, how they will get it, and how fast and how often and how many women they need lined up to make sure they get it as often as they want. what they will SAY in order to get it, so forth and so on.
for ME, it does not matter in the least what the venue is. if someone grabs my hand at a sports bar it will mean just as much as if they grab my hand at starbucks or a 5 star restaurant with candles and everything....... it's the act and action, not the location or money spent. money means almost NOTHING to me. i would feel HIGHLY uncomfortable going to an expensive restaurant with someone i just met. and i'm the girl that was raised by nannies, in country clubs, driving a jag to high school.........
i can't say i enjoy online dating. because i don't. BUT, in my situation, i have zero chances of meeting someone in public. my town has very few single men, and NONE of my friends "know" anyone. i smile at people, i will talk to just about anyone :-) but, like i said, i usually have my kids and kids do not scream " hello, i'm single, ask for my phone number" ;-)
oh, and i never involve my kids if i start dating someone. i make sure we see each other as often as he'd like. there is plenty of time for " just grown ups." i might not be able to do SPUR of the moment, like as in " in one hour i want to pick you up and take you away for the weekend...." but i have dogs too, and they would be a bigger hassle to find pet care for than my kids would be!!!!!!!! so, the kids thing is kinda a moot point really. in your situation, you shouldn't date anyone that has ANYTHING they need to provide care for. i mean, i am kid free every other weekend, but i can't do sleep overs NOT because of my KIDS, but because of my dogs!!!!!!!!0 -
DM, you always act like offline dating and online dating are mutually exclusive. Just because someone has a profile on OkCupid and they browse at work for fifteen minutes doesn't mean they aren't still going out and doing this. What's wrong with having several baited lines at the same time? Yes, meeting in person is preferable for a lot of reasons but that doesn't mean we should just discount online dating entirely. Why the hell not do both, it's efficient. When I was on the lookout I met people both online and offline. PJ has a point too - you're always talking about how superior offline dating is and despite several people asking several times you have yet to actually share a success story - and there are at least people on this very forum that are currently coupled up, thanks to online dating. Instead you give some tips on how to make it happen, that's not the information that was requested so it really just looks an awful lot like deflection.
Mike, you hit the nail on the head, but not entirely meaning to. People do have differing opinions of romantic. Some people get that special flutter when they have a walk by the beach, and some people gain attraction through good natured sports centric trash talk. Everyone likes different things. I myself prefer more relaxed atmospheres. I have actually stopped dating people because they kept taking me to "romantic" places because I just ended up very uncomfortable the whole time and couldn't enjoy myself. So you should totally go for the type of date that makes you feel comfortable. Don't go to sports bars if that's not what you want. But some people will. They're just different, not wrong.0 -
THIS always THIS!!!
different does NOT mean WRONG!They're just different, not wrong.0 -
ladies, if you all want to know what these men REALLY think about dating, just go read the relationship help forum at bodybuilding.com you'll probably never want to date again after hearing what men REALLY think!
mainly they're all about the sex. who will give it, how they will get it, and how fast and how often and how many women they need lined up to make sure they get it as often as they want. what they will SAY in order to get it, so forth and so on.
I'm so glad someone else said it. I developed my opinion of what men want from reading men's sites, talking to my mostly-male coworkers, and talking to the guys who asked me out but things didn't work out.
Obviously all guys aren't like this (or I wouldn't have a boyfriend) but many (at least in the USA) seem to be.0 -
I think after-work drinks at a nice pub or lounge is the ideal first date. Somewhere that doesn't have so much visual stimuli (TV screens everywhere, scantly dressed waitress, etc) so you can focus on the conversation and build that romantic vibe.
Mike, it's not often that I agree with you but I do today! Very good point. One place I went on a first date was a smoothie shop. No TVs, very tiny, cozy corners.
Your date doesn't have to be candles and roses. But it shouldn't be in a loud bar either.0 -
just read this on a thread that is LONG and started about a year ago
"I had to wait 2 months til I got to **** my ex , Was frustrating but in the end worth it.. If your in a relationship with her be glad she didnt give it up after two nights.
If shes easy she wont be worth it
if shes worth it she wont be easy"
i guess this is a good way to weed out the guys just looking for sex, right? ;-)ladies, if you all want to know what these men REALLY think about dating, just go read the relationship help forum at bodybuilding.com you'll probably never want to date again after hearing what men REALLY think!
mainly they're all about the sex. who will give it, how they will get it, and how fast and how often and how many women they need lined up to make sure they get it as often as they want. what they will SAY in order to get it, so forth and so on.
I'm so glad someone else said it. I developed my opinion of what men want from reading men's sites, talking to my mostly-male coworkers, and talking to the guys who asked me out but things didn't work out.
Obviously all guys aren't like this (or I wouldn't have a boyfriend) but many (at least in the USA) seem to be.0 -
I think there's a lot of dissatisfaction with the online dating sites. I think something you said sums it up. "In theory I think we all would (prefer an offline meeting)". If there's a preference for an offline meeting, doesn't an offline meeting put someone in the best position to succeed based on that logic?
I don't disagree that online dating can suck. The problem I have, and I assume others do also, is that I work and have a life... when am I supposed to meet these imaginary single men that are supposedly all around me? Should I just be roaming grocery store aisles or sit in Starbucks or a bar for hours on end hoping and wishing that someone I'm compatible with might walk in on that particular day? This is what I mean by "in theory" because IF that magically happened one day, then great, but otherwise I'm not holding my breath. DM- I'm all ears if you'd like to share your experiences about meeting women out and about. You're always preaching it, but we need realistic tips!
First off, think about the man you want to be with. Where would he hang out? Do you have common day to day activities with him? Take a close look at your day to day activities. Do they put you in contact with the men who you want? I'm not saying to have activities that are just for the purpose of meeting someone. The male equivalent of this is going to the typical meet market bar (loud and poor male-female ratio) vs. an exercise or a cooking class (much more female centric).
Men also work and have lives. Our time is just as scarce as yours.
The first thing I would do (and it is possible that you have done this already) is talk to all my friends in relationships. I'm sure you have female friends in relationships. Tell them that you are single and looking to date. Ask if they know any single men who would be a good fit for you. This task is so much easier for women than men. A single man with other male friends has to curry favor with his male friends' girlfriends to accomplish this.
Wherever you go, have open body language and smile. Watch men's body language. If a man smiles at you, smile back. That's an opener. I smile at every woman I find attractive and if she smiles back, I talk to her.
DM, I do appreciate your attempt to answer the question, but I have to agree with Kit. This answer seems like a red herring. Of course, I understand men have lives too, I hear about the best places to meet guys and yes, everyone I know already knows I'm single and looking. Still nothing.
Other than school/work, I don't know of any recent couples that met simply because they 'ran into' one another in a public place. In fact, it's quite the opposite mostly because of technology...where can you go these days where anyone who is alone is not glued to their phone? No one even looks up enough to make eye contact anyway!
Again, I'm not a huge fan of online dating, but I find it to be a better platform because as stated in another thread (inspired by this one I think) at least everyone on a dating site is (or claims to be) single and dating, removing one big obstacle.0 -
Other than school/work, I don't know of any recent couples that met simply because they 'ran into' one another in a public place. In fact, it's quite the opposite mostly because of technology...where can you go these days where anyone who is alone is not glued to their phone? No one even looks up enough to make eye contact anyway!
Very true.
The couples that I know/knew met through friends. Not because they saw each other in public.
Truth is...in real life, people generally meet and become friends because they share friends OR because they share frequent proximity (school, work, etc). It is rare, in my opinion, to meet a completely random person and become friends. It might happen, but it's rare.0 -
just read this on a thread that is LONG and started about a year ago
"I had to wait 2 months til I got to **** my ex , Was frustrating but in the end worth it.. If your in a relationship with her be glad she didnt give it up after two nights.
If shes easy she wont be worth it
if shes worth it she wont be easy"
i guess this is a good way to weed out the guys just looking for sex, right? ;-)
How now, easy girls can be a catch too 0 -
ladies, if you all want to know what these men REALLY think about dating, just go read the relationship help forum at bodybuilding.com you'll probably never want to date again after hearing what men REALLY think!
mainly they're all about the sex. who will give it, how they will get it, and how fast and how often and how many women they need lined up to make sure they get it as often as they want. what they will SAY in order to get it, so forth and so on.
I'm so glad someone else said it. I developed my opinion of what men want from reading men's sites, talking to my mostly-male coworkers, and talking to the guys who asked me out but things didn't work out.
Obviously all guys aren't like this (or I wouldn't have a boyfriend) but many (at least in the USA) seem to be.
I've been checking out Bodybuilding.com for ages and the relationship section is pretty interesting. The relationship section is very popular and it's mostly males that post on there. If you hang out on there, you will get an accurate idea on what men think about dating and relationships. From what I've seen, MyFitnessPal forums are generally dominated by females. Hence, you get a predominately female point of view on dating and relationships.
I'd prefer to read MFP forums to gain some insight to the opposite sex. I already know what men think, therefore reading Bodybuilding.com forums are pretty much a waste for me anymore. All in all, I think both forums are the polar opposites of each other and the truth lies somewhere in between.0 -
i've spent the morning reading there and honestly, it fascinating!!
i was beginning to take offense/ get discouraged that no one one line seems all that interested in me. now i'm guessing that's because i don't really send any kind of " willing to have sex with you" vibe! my pics are very G and no full body shots, so no boobs. my profiles are NOT all that informative. and it definitely explains why 99% of the guys are just interested in taking things to the "dirty pics" or sex level IMMEDIATELY. it just all makes sooooo much sense now.
it appears that on occasion a guy will meet someone they want to get to know, but that is the exception, not the rule.
so, i am going to delete my accounts. i paid for one month of match, and i'll cancel when that is up. i don't see much point in being on a site where there might be 1% of the male population who is actually looking for a relationship :-)
I've been checking out Bodybuilding.com for ages and the relationship section is pretty interesting. The relationship section is very popular and it's mostly males that post on there. If you hang out on there, you will get an accurate idea on what men think about dating and relationships. From what I've seen, MyFitnessPal forums are generally dominated by females. Hence, you get a predominately female point of view on dating and relationships.
I'd prefer to read MFP forums to gain some insight to the opposite sex. I already know what men think, therefore reading Bodybuilding.com forums are pretty much a waste for me anymore. All in all, I think both forums are the polar opposites of each other and the truth lies somewhere in between.0 -
i've spent the morning reading there and honestly, it fascinating!!
i was beginning to take offense/ get discouraged that no one one line seems all that interested in me. now i'm guessing that's because i don't really send any kind of " willing to have sex with you" vibe! my pics are very G and no full body shots, so no boobs. my profiles are NOT all that informative. and it definitely explains why 99% of the guys are just interested in taking things to the "dirty pics" or sex level IMMEDIATELY. it just all makes sooooo much sense now.
it appears that on occasion a guy will meet someone they want to get to know, but that is the exception, not the rule.
so, i am going to delete my accounts. i paid for one month of match, and i'll cancel when that is up. i don't see much point in being on a site where there might be 1% of the male population who is actually looking for a relationship :-)
Men talk about sex, Shocking. I have 3 brothers, work in a male dominated workforce and have many male friends. Guess what? Men do have another side to them. They are just like you and I. They crave a relationship, they crave intimacy and shared moments together. They may not articulate it in the same way and they may not need it as often as us. However, that need is there. Just as we women will talk about sex when we are together, men will talk about sex when they are together. Doesn't mean you need to cancel your online profile....
I've been online on and off for a few years and have tried different sites with good results. My pictures are always G rated and I've had good results. Yes, you are going to get the men that jump straight to dirty talk. Delete their messages. If they continue to bother you, block them.
The key to getting good results is putting yourself out there. I would say that 90% of the quality men that email me start their emails saying that they appreciate the time I've put into my profile. In a clear, tactful way, layout what you're looking for in a man and in a relationship. Tell them what you are like as a person and what you like to do. Let your personality ring through the profile, don't make it all business. I also left full body pictures out before, but have had better results when it's included. It doesn't have to be something that focuses on your boobs, as you stated, but a full length shot so the man knows who he's talking to.
Anyway.....just my .020 -
They crave a relationship, they crave intimacy
Do we really?
Some men want a relationship IF it's with the right person. I wouldn't go so far and say that men really *crave* a relationship though. I would say we crave sex from most decent looking woman though.
Intimacy is a tough one. Myself and a lot of men I know how have intimacy issues. We really don't want to develop that closeness in fearing that we will lose our independence.
Men and women are very, very different. I give 4thmoney credit for checking out bodybuilding.com and I'd recommend others do the same, as you will certainly get the male POV on that forum. I'm sure if we took a bunch of Bodybuilding.com regulars and have them check out this forum, they will be in complete shock. :laugh:0 -
I might be in the minority...but I liked online dating. I had a great time writing a profile which was open and informative, but most of all fun! What seemed to weed out the idiots was the length. I know, me write tooooo much?!?!?
I always threw in stuff about grammar...and it was most enjoyable getting funny responses back from the intelligent or well-written men trying to impress or make some joke about that.
I like online dating because I prefer the pre-screening. I can meet someone attractive out and about, but you have to engage in conversation to find out if he is a moron or not. With online dating, you already have key info about someone to work with! The way someone writes, what they choose to share, the tone...all of these indicators are valuable things to read. In person, I get distracted by looks.
I did meet my boyfriend in real life at a work event (on Halloween)... but I would definitely date online again if necessary.0 -
Men do have another side to them BUT its not usually the side running the program. My boys and I talk about it all the time. We have also pretty much decided that easy is a relative term. Again it has to do with a girls confidence level. If you sleep with a guy own it afterwards. Most girls seem to get the easy/slutty title because they act embarresed the next day , become ackward with the guy or (the kiss of death) act like they went to vegas and got married by jumping into bed with a guy. Example one of my few female friends is bi-sexual and was always very "open" relationship wise. She would sleep with whoever took her fancy as long as they were interested. With all the drunken nights hanging with my boys and our extended group of friends no one ever referred to her as a slut (even if she wasnt there). Also she recently got married and I know her number is in the triple digits(ha to the rules). But she was never ashamed of herself or her sex life.
Of course we already know my view is slightly slanted to a more male perspective.
Oh and I meet guys all the time. I had an online profile and really never used it. I met guys at the bars, concerts, shows, house parties, bookstores and malls. Remeber make eye contact, smile, look away and look back let him catch you looking --its hot0 -
ladies, if you all want to know what these men REALLY think about dating, just go read the relationship help forum at bodybuilding.com you'll probably never want to date again after hearing what men REALLY think!
mainly they're all about the sex. who will give it, how they will get it, and how fast and how often and how many women they need lined up to make sure they get it as often as they want. what they will SAY in order to get it, so forth and so on.
I'm so glad someone else said it. I developed my opinion of what men want from reading men's sites, talking to my mostly-male coworkers, and talking to the guys who asked me out but things didn't work out.
Obviously all guys aren't like this (or I wouldn't have a boyfriend) but many (at least in the USA) seem to be.
I've been checking out Bodybuilding.com for ages and the relationship section is pretty interesting. The relationship section is very popular and it's mostly males that post on there. If you hang out on there, you will get an accurate idea on what men think about dating and relationships. From what I've seen, MyFitnessPal forums are generally dominated by females. Hence, you get a predominately female point of view on dating and relationships.
I'd prefer to read MFP forums to gain some insight to the opposite sex. I already know what men think, therefore reading Bodybuilding.com forums are pretty much a waste for me anymore. All in all, I think both forums are the polar opposites of each other and the truth lies somewhere in between.
LOL Mike this is why getting drunk with a bunch of guys is informative...0 -
ladies, if you all want to know what these men REALLY think about dating, just go read the relationship help forum at bodybuilding.com you'll probably never want to date again after hearing what men REALLY think!
mainly they're all about the sex. who will give it, how they will get it, and how fast and how often and how many women they need lined up to make sure they get it as often as they want. what they will SAY in order to get it, so forth and so on.
I'm so glad someone else said it. I developed my opinion of what men want from reading men's sites, talking to my mostly-male coworkers, and talking to the guys who asked me out but things didn't work out.
Obviously all guys aren't like this (or I wouldn't have a boyfriend) but many (at least in the USA) seem to be.
I've been checking out Bodybuilding.com for ages and the relationship section is pretty interesting. The relationship section is very popular and it's mostly males that post on there. If you hang out on there, you will get an accurate idea on what men think about dating and relationships. From what I've seen, MyFitnessPal forums are generally dominated by females. Hence, you get a predominately female point of view on dating and relationships.
I'd prefer to read MFP forums to gain some insight to the opposite sex. I already know what men think, therefore reading Bodybuilding.com forums are pretty much a waste for me anymore. All in all, I think both forums are the polar opposites of each other and the truth lies somewhere in between.
LOL Mike this is why getting drunk with a bunch of guys is informative...
I think this is why you have such good insight into the inner workings of the male mind and know all of our secrets :grumble:0
