the BEST message i have ever gotten :-)
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have you read over there?
it's not that they TALK about sex. no shocker, but it's the thought processes they go through with dating. NOT ALL women are relationship material to them. in fact i'm going to guess that 1 out of 10 to 15 MIGHT be considered worth more than just sex or a FWB set up.
it's pretty interesting actually!!! they don't look at someone as relationship material in the way women do. some appear to think maybe before the first date, but still intend of doing whatever they can to get laid. others, seem to know in the first one or two dates if she's worth a relationship, then they will wait or continue to be in contact. to some it's all just a game, and they are pretty clear about that.
i don't think any of these guys are actually LOOKING for a relationship, they are kinda just falling into them if they happen across the right girl............ at least that's how this is all reading to me. i think they crave sex. it's just like evan marc katz says!!!! men going looking for sex, and find love......... here are pages upon pages supporting that!!!!! they don't go looking for love. they look for sex and FIND love! HUGE difference. women, we go looking for love, and find sex.
OH, and the main reason i'm deleting profiles is because the opinion of women on online dating sites seems to be "easy", " sluts", " ugly", and "whales." i have zero desire to get grouped into any of those categories ;-)
i am really enjoying reading over there. i mean all of the forums are informative ;-) but the relationship help one might be the most helpful yet! LOL!!!!i've spent the morning reading there and honestly, it fascinating!!
i was beginning to take offense/ get discouraged that no one one line seems all that interested in me. now i'm guessing that's because i don't really send any kind of " willing to have sex with you" vibe! my pics are very G and no full body shots, so no boobs. my profiles are NOT all that informative. and it definitely explains why 99% of the guys are just interested in taking things to the "dirty pics" or sex level IMMEDIATELY. it just all makes sooooo much sense now.
it appears that on occasion a guy will meet someone they want to get to know, but that is the exception, not the rule.
so, i am going to delete my accounts. i paid for one month of match, and i'll cancel when that is up. i don't see much point in being on a site where there might be 1% of the male population who is actually looking for a relationship :-)
Men talk about sex, Shocking. I have 3 brothers, work in a male dominated workforce and have many male friends. Guess what? Men do have another side to them. They are just like you and I. They crave a relationship, they crave intimacy and shared moments together. They may not articulate it in the same way and they may not need it as often as us. However, that need is there. Just as we women will talk about sex when we are together, men will talk about sex when they are together. Doesn't mean you need to cancel your online profile....
I've been online on and off for a few years and have tried different sites with good results. My pictures are always G rated and I've had good results. Yes, you are going to get the men that jump straight to dirty talk. Delete their messages. If they continue to bother you, block them.
The key to getting good results is putting yourself out there. I would say that 90% of the quality men that email me start their emails saying that they appreciate the time I've put into my profile. In a clear, tactful way, layout what you're looking for in a man and in a relationship. Tell them what you are like as a person and what you like to do. Let your personality ring through the profile, don't make it all business. I also left full body pictures out before, but have had better results when it's included. It doesn't have to be something that focuses on your boobs, as you stated, but a full length shot so the man knows who he's talking to.
Anyway.....just my .020 -
just read this on a thread that is LONG and started about a year ago
"I had to wait 2 months til I got to **** my ex , Was frustrating but in the end worth it.. If your in a relationship with her be glad she didnt give it up after two nights.
If shes easy she wont be worth it
if shes worth it she wont be easy"
i guess this is a good way to weed out the guys just looking for sex, right? ;-)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias
In other words, if you are trying to demonstrate that all men are evil, there is plenty of evidence.
I don't think online dating is great though... see below why.
You can definitely meet men/women on your day to day activities. There is roughly an equal proportion of single men and women - clearly they are not all good matches for each other though!Other than school/work, I don't know of any recent couples that met simply because they 'ran into' one another in a public place. In fact, it's quite the opposite mostly because of technology...where can you go these days where anyone who is alone is not glued to their phone? No one even looks up enough to make eye contact anyway!
Again, I'm not a huge fan of online dating, but I find it to be a better platform because as stated in another thread (inspired by this one I think) at least everyone on a dating site is (or claims to be) single and dating, removing one big obstacle.
Most people who are alone and glued to their phone are probably either bored or talking to their friends, so it's not like they would mind a social interaction.
I agree with your pro of online dating, the big con for me of online dating though is that it is seen as unimportant, almost a side activity, casual by most of its users (because it is easy to forget that people are real people with feelings - or not - on these websites) which leads to a lot of disrespect and rudeness, poofing, etc.
Meeting people IRL raises the level of involvement by a considerable margin.
The secret is probably creating opportunities when you go out (i.e. dedicate some of your precious time to meeting people), and being bold and efficient about it. In other words, if you spend the night with a group of 10 friends at a dinner table you won't meet anyone. If after dinner you go to a pub, on the other hand, and the group splits in multiple subgroups of 2-3 and there is a bit of dancing involved then you are more likely to meet someone (if you are bold).
Also by going out, as pointed out, in places where you are more likely to meet the man you are interested in, then you are more likely to have a "positive" outcome (this gap is filled online by specialists websites, but I would imagine most of them are scams).
All in all, it's not that difficult: go out to make friends - most people are generally happy to be talked to, and you can immediately judge the vibe you get from them if you want to upgrade them from the friendzone them or not.
Worst come to worst, you've got more people to go out with next time, you've got new people to be introduced to if of all the people you met this evening you didn't meet "The One".0 -
I'm not discounting anything anyone is saying about the forum on Bodybuilding.com (especially since haven't read it myself). However, given that it's primarily a 'muscle' site, do you think perhaps you're only getting the vantage point of one type of guy? Again, I'm not saying that what they write is untrue, just that it's a big leap to assume that they speak for ALL men.0
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I'm not discounting anything anyone is saying about the forum on Bodybuilding.com (especially since haven't read it myself). However, given that it's primarily a 'muscle' site, do you think perhaps you're only getting the vantage point of one type of guy? Again, I'm not saying that what they write is untrue, just that it's a big leap to assume that they speak for ALL men.
No one ever said that Bodybuilding.com speaks for *ALL* men. I just said that it's mostly men who post on that site, though there are a small number of female posters as well. It's mostly "locker room" type of talk, but does give a lot of insight into the male mind.
And Bodybuilding.com is a fitness site, they review supplements, give weight loss tips, exercise advice, etc etc. It's different than MFP (being that you can't log calories), but there are a lot of similarities between the two. Even if it is a "muscle" site, most guys who are looking to bulk up don't have the identical views on dating and relationships. That's like saying women who are trying to lose weight are all the same type of women. That's just not true.0 -
I'm not discounting anything anyone is saying about the forum on Bodybuilding.com (especially since haven't read it myself). However, given that it's primarily a 'muscle' site, do you think perhaps you're only getting the vantage point of one type of guy? Again, I'm not saying that what they write is untrue, just that it's a big leap to assume that they speak for ALL men.
Thank you! That's my thoughts exactly. You are reading information from one type of man on that site. (And, no I haven't read anything on that site because I have plenty of men in my life that will be upfront and honest with me)
I work with men in the army; have friends at the gym; friends at church; friends from school; friends I've just met along the way (even some I've met from online dating). Not all men are after sex. Yes Mike, generally speaking, younger men want sex. However, in general as men grow older, and more mature, they want more than sex. This isn't something I learned from reading guys bull****ting with each other online. It's from conversations with close friends and family members.0 -
I find it hilarous how they all refer to each other as "brah" on the bodybuilding.com forums. It seems so corny. I also find it fascinating to read over there, but to be fair, there are a fair share of broken hearts over there, too.0
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I'm not discounting anything anyone is saying about the forum on Bodybuilding.com (especially since haven't read it myself). However, given that it's primarily a 'muscle' site, do you think perhaps you're only getting the vantage point of one type of guy? Again, I'm not saying that what they write is untrue, just that it's a big leap to assume that they speak for ALL men.
No one ever said that Bodybuilding.com speaks for *ALL* men. I just said that it's mostly men who post on that site, though there are a small number of female posters as well. It's mostly "locker room" type of talk, but does give a lot of insight into the male mind.
And Bodybuilding.com is a fitness site, they review supplements, give weight loss tips, exercise advice, etc etc. It's different than MFP (being that you can't log calories), but there are a lot of similarities between the two. Even if it is a "muscle" site, most guys who are looking to bulk up don't have the identical views on dating and relationships. That's like saying women who are trying to lose weight are all the same type of women. That's just not true.
Mike, I was mostly pointing that out because 4themoney seems to have fallen pretty hard for their advice... she stated that she deleted her online dating profile specifically because of the forum on Bodybuilding.com. Despite what you may think, I really am a 'live and let live' type of person, so everyone should have a profile if you want one, don't have one if you don't... but please don't let "locker talk" sway your entire outlook is all I meant.0 -
I find it hilarous how they all refer to each other as "brah" on the bodybuilding.com forums. It seems so corny. I also find it fascinating to read over there, but to be fair, there are a fair share of broken hearts over there, too.
Who would have thunk it, brah? :laugh:
Men have feelings too. But, you can't have too many feelings or else you'll like an emo beta wussy. But, you have to have some feelings or else you'll look like a heartless jerk. Being able to navigate that fine line is extremely important.0 -
if it was just those guys or those types of guys i would be more likely to dismiss, but evan marc katz says the exact same thing, and he is NOT the body building type ;-) i doubt you'd find him on there.
and i'm not say ALL guys, but i would rather going into it with my eyes WIDE open and know what is more than likely going through their heads. because thinking that they are actually LOOKING for a relationship is SOOOOOOOOOOO not working. and hasn't for the past year that i've tried dating.I'm not discounting anything anyone is saying about the forum on Bodybuilding.com (especially since haven't read it myself). However, given that it's primarily a 'muscle' site, do you think perhaps you're only getting the vantage point of one type of guy? Again, I'm not saying that what they write is untrue, just that it's a big leap to assume that they speak for ALL men.0 -
I'm not discounting anything anyone is saying about the forum on Bodybuilding.com (especially since haven't read it myself). However, given that it's primarily a 'muscle' site, do you think perhaps you're only getting the vantage point of one type of guy? Again, I'm not saying that what they write is untrue, just that it's a big leap to assume that they speak for ALL men.
No one ever said that Bodybuilding.com speaks for *ALL* men. I just said that it's mostly men who post on that site, though there are a small number of female posters as well. It's mostly "locker room" type of talk, but does give a lot of insight into the male mind.
And Bodybuilding.com is a fitness site, they review supplements, give weight loss tips, exercise advice, etc etc. It's different than MFP (being that you can't log calories), but there are a lot of similarities between the two. Even if it is a "muscle" site, most guys who are looking to bulk up don't have the identical views on dating and relationships. That's like saying women who are trying to lose weight are all the same type of women. That's just not true.
Mike, I was mostly pointing that out because 4themoney seems to have fallen pretty hard for their advice... she stated that she deleted her online dating profile specifically because of the forum on Bodybuilding.com. Despite what you may think, I really am a 'live and let live' type of person, so everyone should have a profile if you want one, don't have one if you don't... but please don't let "locker talk" sway your entire outlook is all I meant.
I was only giving you a hard time in a friendly way. :flowerforyou:
Yes, it's important take advice on the internet with a grain of salt. Remember, every jerk with an internet connection can post whatever he/she wants to on the internet.
Maybe there should be some form of government regulation on the internet. Similar to how all amateur radio operators need to pass an FCC test and obtain a license? (I'm being sarcastic here.. just food for thought)0 -
:laugh: We agree, we agree! Maybe we should throw a party! :drinker:I was only giving you a hard time in a friendly way. :flowerforyou:
Yes, it's important take advice on the internet with a grain of salt. Remember, every jerk with an internet connection can post whatever he/she wants to on the internet.
Maybe there should be some form of government regulation on the internet. Similar to how all amateur radio operators need to pass an FCC test and obtain a license? (I'm being sarcastic here.. just food for thought)
I don't even know who Marc Katz is so that means nothing to me... but yeah, Mike is actually right that anyone with an internet connection can post whatever they want. If it their info helps you make an informed decision about your life then great. I'm just urging you not to fall head-over-heels with one or two sites (which frankly is how you sounded) and assume everything there is accurate. Hope that makes sense. :flowerforyou:if it was just those guys or those types of guys i would be more likely to dismiss, but evan marc katz says the exact same thing, and he is NOT the body building type ;-) i doubt you'd find him on there.
and i'm not say ALL guys, but i would rather going into it with my eyes WIDE open and know what is more than likely going through their heads. because thinking that they are actually LOOKING for a relationship is SOOOOOOOOOOO not working. and hasn't for the past year that i've tried dating.0 -
well, from the guys i know all i get is " i have no clue what you're doing wrong or what you're not doing." etc. every guys i meet assumes i date a million men, that i'm taken, or that i must be NEWLY single. it's almost always the first question. " you're so pretty, you must get a million dates." or " you're so hot, how long have you been single?" and yet, i haven't met anyone that says i am WORTH being in a relationship with.
nope, its the opposite. i put it out there that i'm not gonna sleep with them or send nudes or what not and poof. off they run. and mind you, most of the guys i'm going on dates with are OLDER than me!!!!! most are in their 40s!!!!!!!! i was supposed to have a date last week with a guy in his 40s, he cancelled because i said " i'm not that easy ;-)" that was it. cancelled the date. i've spoken to one guy who is late 30s, he pretty much stopped talking to me when i didn't react the right way to his comment about wanting to have sex with a stranger. last night another guy starts with how he can't wait to give me a huge kiss. we've never met, never spoken on the phone. in the spring there was a guy that was like 44 yrs old and we were supposed to meet for lunch. i told him i was going to grab a shower and he told me to take pictures of my boobs and send them to him before we meet. needless to say, we didn't meet, LOL!!!!
THIS is my reality. and i am not into ANYTHING casual, at all!!!!! i don't have a sexy profile or sexy pics or any kind of indicator that i'm interested in that. i don't flirt via text. or too much on the phone. some guys like the guy last week that cancelled on me, seemed to actually get excited that i have 5 kids!!!! that's about where our convo went south and he cancelled. he was all excited and made a comment about how i would probably enjoy his size, because i have 5 kids. and i replied that i wasn't that easy ;-) and that was that...........
so, in my 3 yrs being single, i've had literally a handful of dates ( those are the ones that didn't ask for boobs shots, or nudes, or talk about sex before we've ever met) and two of them i dated for more than 2-4 dates. but not one of them saw me as actual relationship material........ not ONE!
Thank you! That's my thoughts exactly. You are reading information from one type of man on that site. (And, no I haven't read anything on that site because I have plenty of men in my life that will be upfront and honest with me)
I work with men in the army; have friends at the gym; friends at church; friends from school; friends I've just met along the way (even some I've met from online dating). Not all men are after sex. Yes Mike, generally speaking, younger men want sex. However, in general as men grow older, and more mature, they want more than sex. This isn't something I learned from reading guys bull****ting with each other online. It's from conversations with close friends and family members.0 -
well, from the guys i know all i get is " i have no clue what you're doing wrong or what you're not doing." etc. every guys i meet assumes i date a million men, that i'm taken, or that i must be NEWLY single. it's almost always the first question. " you're so pretty, you must get a million dates." or " you're so hot, how long have you been single?" and yet, i haven't met anyone that says i am WORTH being in a relationship with.
nope, its the opposite. i put it out there that i'm not gonna sleep with them or send nudes or what not and poof. off they run. and mind you, most of the guys i'm going on dates with are OLDER than me!!!!! most are in their 40s!!!!!!!! i was supposed to have a date last week with a guy in his 40s, he cancelled because i said " i'm not that easy ;-)" that was it. cancelled the date. i've spoken to one guy who is late 30s, he pretty much stopped talking to me when i didn't react the right way to his comment about wanting to have sex with a stranger. last night another guy starts with how he can't wait to give me a huge kiss. we've never met, never spoken on the phone. in the spring there was a guy that was like 44 yrs old and we were supposed to meet for lunch. i told him i was going to grab a shower and he told me to take pictures of my boobs and send them to him before we meet. needless to say, we didn't meet, LOL!!!!
THIS is my reality. and i am not into ANYTHING casual, at all!!!!! i don't have a sexy profile or sexy pics or any kind of indicator that i'm interested in that. i don't flirt via text. or too much on the phone. some guys like the guy last week that cancelled on me, seemed to actually get excited that i have 5 kids!!!! that's about where our convo went south and he cancelled. he was all excited and made a comment about how i would probably enjoy his size, because i have 5 kids. and i replied that i wasn't that easy ;-) and that was that...........
so, in my 3 yrs being single, i've had literally a handful of dates ( those are the ones that didn't ask for boobs shots, or nudes, or talk about sex before we've ever met) and two of them i dated for more than 2-4 dates. but not one of them saw me as actual relationship material........ not ONE!
Thank you! That's my thoughts exactly. You are reading information from one type of man on that site. (And, no I haven't read anything on that site because I have plenty of men in my life that will be upfront and honest with me)
I work with men in the army; have friends at the gym; friends at church; friends from school; friends I've just met along the way (even some I've met from online dating). Not all men are after sex. Yes Mike, generally speaking, younger men want sex. However, in general as men grow older, and more mature, they want more than sex. This isn't something I learned from reading guys bull****ting with each other online. It's from conversations with close friends and family members.
Come vacation in Miami I have a multitude of single male friends lol0 -
thanks ;-)
what i really need to do, is move. i live in a town of like 9000 and every one here is married with kids. and all of their friends, are married with kids. and all of the people at church and school, and the gym, are married with kids, LOL!!!!
i wanna go back to destin, FL and find me a cute flyboy ;-)
Come vacation in Miami I have a multitude of single male friends lol0 -
nope, its the opposite. i put it out there that i'm not gonna sleep with them or send nudes or what not and poof. off they run. and mind you, most of the guys i'm going on dates with are OLDER than me!!!!! most are in their 40s!!!!!!!! i was supposed to have a date last week with a guy in his 40s, he cancelled because i said " i'm not that easy ;-)" that was it. cancelled the date. i've spoken to one guy who is late 30s, he pretty much stopped talking to me when i didn't react the right way to his comment about wanting to have sex with a stranger. last night another guy starts with how he can't wait to give me a huge kiss. we've never met, never spoken on the phone. in the spring there was a guy that was like 44 yrs old and we were supposed to meet for lunch. i told him i was going to grab a shower and he told me to take pictures of my boobs and send them to him before we meet. needless to say, we didn't meet, LOL!!!!
You and I are close in age, and I've had a similar experience over the past several years. The majority of men just seem to want sex. Many are downright shocked that you won't sleep with them or give them a BJ or HJ on the first date. I've heard the "but I bought you a beer" or "I bought you dinner" types of comments -- as if I owe them something because they bought me a $3 Miller Lite draft? As if. I wish women as a whole would agree to not cater to this nonsense. If no one did it, men wouldn't expect it. Obviously acting like that is getting results at times or the men wouldn't keep doing it. I literally about keeled over in shock when my current boyfriend didn't try to bang me on the first date. He at least had the courtesy to wait until date 3.
I do feel like it is worse with men in their late 30s and 40s, even though you might think maturity would make it better. These guys are oftentimes divorced or newly out of long term relationships, so they only want to sow their wild oats and play the field. Or, they haven't been married because they are the pick up artist, player types who are not interested in having a relationship period. I think it is so much harder to find a quality guy now than it was when I was in my 20s -- especially considering how sexualized our society has become. If you want to take it slower (and I'm not talking months or anything here!) forget it.
While smartphones, digital pictures, and texting didn't exist when I was dating in my 20s, so the entire dating landscape has changed (I remember the days of Yahoo personals where you couldn't even post a picture!), I feel like men in their mid 20s were more driven to find a relationship so they could get married, have a family, etc., so were more willing to wait a little longer for sex to see things play out. At least I don't remember being blown off so quickly if I wouldn't sleep with a guy on the first date. Also, the younger guys were much less cynical and jaded about women and relationships in general. Even over at the bodybuilding forums you can see this play out on the ages of the posters and their attitudes toward women and dating. The true pick up artist types are usually hitting their late 20s and 30s. The older guys tend to be the worst.0 -
Some say younger men are more likely to be players, others say older men are more likely to be players. I think it's safe to say that age has very little to do with it.
For me personally, I feel the older I get, the more of a player I want to become. I think I've just had my fill of drama and headaches from relationships.0 -
Some say younger men are more likely to be players, others say older men are more likely to be players. I think it's safe to say that age has very little to do with it.
For me personally, I feel the older I get, the more of a player I want to become. I think I've just had my fill of drama and headaches from relationships.
Lol, if you think you get too much drama and headaches from relationships, just wait until you try being a "player"0 -
Some say younger men are more likely to be players, others say older men are more likely to be players. I think it's safe to say that age has very little to do with it.
For me personally, I feel the older I get, the more of a player I want to become. I think I've just had my fill of drama and headaches from relationships.
Lol, if you think you get too much drama and headaches from relationships, just wait until you try being a "player"
I always found playing easy lol....0 -
Some say younger men are more likely to be players, others say older men are more likely to be players. I think it's safe to say that age has very little to do with it.
For me personally, I feel the older I get, the more of a player I want to become. I think I've just had my fill of drama and headaches from relationships.
Lol, if you think you get too much drama and headaches from relationships, just wait until you try being a "player"
I always found playing easy lol....
Ditto. :smokin:0 -
Some say younger men are more likely to be players, others say older men are more likely to be players. I think it's safe to say that age has very little to do with it.
For me personally, I feel the older I get, the more of a player I want to become. I think I've just had my fill of drama and headaches from relationships.
Lol, if you think you get too much drama and headaches from relationships, just wait until you try being a "player"
I always found playing easy lol....
Ditto. :smokin:
I always found it a lot of work. There was always the ones that ended up butthurt for all kinds of dumb reasons.0
