December Challenge - Me vs. The Binge
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Replies
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Me: 5
The Binge: 7
Someone on my list messaged me commenting on the days I went over my calories... I just opened my diary last night.
Yeah, I don't think he gets binges. He was telling me he noticed a lot of days where I was over, and I need to be more accountable for my logging...doesn't mean starvation... but he lost weight being aware of his calories, I guess he thought I was accidentally eating freakin 2,000 - 3,000 + over (and I haven't managed to honestly log the full binge most days) and NOT realizing it until I logged it.... like I don't know how much calories are in my food... .
Anyhow. I weighed myself yesterday, I'm back to my starting weight.
Weighed myself this morning ; 5 lbs lighter. BUT I feel dehydrated.
Time to drink up today... and weigh myself again in the morning. I'm just experimenting, gonna be going binge free...and I want to see if the gain was true gain or if some of it was water weight. PLUS, I don't feel that guilty right now weighing... I am aware I have had a lot of binges and gained weight.. Weighing myself every morning might help me not binge.... who knows, i know it can also be a trigger.0 -
Me: 5
The Binge: 7
Someone on my list messaged me commenting on the days I went over my calories... I just opened my diary last night.
Yeah, I don't think he gets binges. He was telling me he noticed a lot of days where I was over, and I need to be more accountable for my logging...doesn't mean starvation... but he lost weight being aware of his calories, I guess he thought I was accidentally eating freakin 2,000 - 3,000 + over (and I haven't managed to honestly log the full binge most days) and NOT realizing it until I logged it.... like I don't know how much calories are in my food... .
Anyhow. I weighed myself yesterday, I'm back to my starting weight.
Weighed myself this morning ; 5 lbs lighter. BUT I feel dehydrated.
Time to drink up today... and weigh myself again in the morning. I'm just experimenting, gonna be going binge free...and I want to see if the gain was true gain or if some of it was water weight. PLUS, I don't feel that guilty right now weighing... I am aware I have had a lot of binges and gained weight.. Weighing myself every morning might help me not binge.... who knows, i know it can also be a trigger.
I would delete that friend!!! hang in there!! I hope you have a good day.0 -
:flowerforyou:Me: 5
The Binge: 7
Someone on my list messaged me commenting on the days I went over my calories... I just opened my diary last night.
Yeah, I don't think he gets binges. He was telling me he noticed a lot of days where I was over, and I need to be more accountable for my logging...doesn't mean starvation... but he lost weight being aware of his calories, I guess he thought I was accidentally eating freakin 2,000 - 3,000 + over (and I haven't managed to honestly log the full binge most days) and NOT realizing it until I logged it.... like I don't know how much calories are in my food... .
Anyhow. I weighed myself yesterday, I'm back to my starting weight.
Weighed myself this morning ; 5 lbs lighter. BUT I feel dehydrated.
Time to drink up today... and weigh myself again in the morning. I'm just experimenting, gonna be going binge free...and I want to see if the gain was true gain or if some of it was water weight. PLUS, I don't feel that guilty right now weighing... I am aware I have had a lot of binges and gained weight.. Weighing myself every morning might help me not binge.... who knows, i know it can also be a trigger.
I would delete that friend!!! hang in there!! I hope you have a good day.
Agreed^^. You don't need anybody who doesn't understand what you're going through to be judging your diary. Stay strong! :flowerforyou:0 -
I just had the same experience and I was very pissed too but people don't get it. I did not delete him. He deleted me which was fine because my FIRST reaction was to delete him because I would not have felt comfortable leaving my diary open with the comments that he made and especially since I KNOW I have been doing very good with my eating and binges. I binged yesterday and was not sure if because of celbration or his critique. Either way I am over it but it really causes us to 2nd guess ourselves when others who don't understand go there (not their fault I guess) and it is the reason I don't feed my diary to my feed.:flowerforyou:Me: 5
The Binge: 7
Someone on my list messaged me commenting on the days I went over my calories... I just opened my diary last night.
Yeah, I don't think he gets binges. He was telling me he noticed a lot of days where I was over, and I need to be more accountable for my logging...doesn't mean starvation... but he lost weight being aware of his calories, I guess he thought I was accidentally eating freakin 2,000 - 3,000 + over (and I haven't managed to honestly log the full binge most days) and NOT realizing it until I logged it.... like I don't know how much calories are in my food... .
Anyhow. I weighed myself yesterday, I'm back to my starting weight.
Weighed myself this morning ; 5 lbs lighter. BUT I feel dehydrated.
Time to drink up today... and weigh myself again in the morning. I'm just experimenting, gonna be going binge free...and I want to see if the gain was true gain or if some of it was water weight. PLUS, I don't feel that guilty right now weighing... I am aware I have had a lot of binges and gained weight.. Weighing myself every morning might help me not binge.... who knows, i know it can also be a trigger.
I would delete that friend!!! hang in there!! I hope you have a good day.
Agreed^^. You don't need anybody who doesn't understand what you're going through to be judging your diary. Stay strong! :flowerforyou:
I could right a book myself on calories in and out and even when I binge these days it is very rare I exceed 4000 calories because i log it all and that helps keep it contained I think. I am no expert and I guess that is what trips me out. Even the experts don't really know if you know what I mean. They go back and forth on so many things that I believe they continue to study stuff themselves.
In the old days I was at 10000 calories easily!!! Thanks for sharing because I did share it with one friend not thinking others would have this issue too. And next time I will delete the friend. I probably would have ended up doing it anyways because I like leaving my diary open so I am more less to binge if that make sense.
Happy Hump day everyone and keep up the good work!0 -
With the thoughts up above ^^ I couldn't agree with you more. It is awfully challenging for people to understand, and I don't blame them! I don't understand my behaviors either. BUT, this website is my only place where I am honest to the best of my ability and need to be surrounded by positive people. Even though we have setbacks. all of my friends get back up the next day and start working hard at it again. I definitely have un-friended people that didn't portray a healthy image to me (re: too low calorie counts, constantly self-hate talk, a consistent negative attitude or putting other friends down). My friends often ask for advice or seek comfort in a tough time (both food wise and life wise), which is very different than not striving for improvement. You're a product of who you surround yourself with, make sure you like who they are!!
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December 2012
Diane - 7
The Binge - 4
I love that this challenge reminds me I consistently have more good days than bad.0 -
You're a product of who you surround yourself with, make sure you like who they are!!
So true!!!
Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm not going to let anyones messages make me have a bad day - I'm determined to beat the binge today.0 -
me too!I love that this challenge reminds me I consistently have more good days than bad.0 -
Like!! Thanks!You're a product of who you surround yourself with, make sure you like who they are!!0 -
Catching up since my last post...
Jul158: Have fun with the pole dancing.
Graelwyn75: I hope this means (cycling) you are finally starting to feel better!
Icey: Lately I have really been trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I'm thinking the guy who commented on your diary must have been trying to help/encourage you in the best way he knew how. Totally LOL, though, at someone ignoring the fact that since you've been logging your intake, you are now well acquainted with calorie values and what you're eating. I want to giggle and roll my eyes simultaneously at the assumption that you don't know what you're doing.
But you're right; people who haven't experienced or learned about binging have a hard time understanding the struggle...and they don't know they don't understand. If it were as easy as staying within our calorie numbers and staying active, we would all be super-healthy, because we know that already! I'm glad, though, that you're letting the comments roll off your back. Just assume his heart was in the right place (unless proven otherwise), and continue to focus on your choices today.
BTW, I do understand that unsolicited comments about your diary could be challenge to overlook, to put it politely, so I'm so glad you are posting about it and recognize that you don't want this to derail you today. I closed my diary after my free-for-all last month because I didn't want anyone to judge me, and I needed some time to worry just about me and not what others might think. I know I shouldn't care, and I hope to get back to that place where I don't, but...I do feel so free this month! (Ironically, there is nothing in my diary "judgement-worthy" now.) I love what Jul says: "You're a product of who you surround yourself with, make sure you like who they are!!" So...do what you need to do friend-wise to stay on track. 0 -
With the thoughts up above ^^ I couldn't agree with you more. It is awfully challenging for people to understand, and I don't blame them! I don't understand my behaviors either. BUT, this website is my only place where I am honest to the best of my ability and need to be surrounded by positive people. Even though we have setbacks. all of my friends get back up the next day and start working hard at it again. I definitely have un-friended people that didn't portray a healthy image to me (re: too low calorie counts, constantly self-hate talk, a consistent negative attitude or putting other friends down). My friends often ask for advice or seek comfort in a tough time (both food wise and life wise), which is very different than not striving for improvement. You're a product of who you surround yourself with, make sure you like who they are!!
I
this. 0 -
**Just to add to my previous statement. I'm glad to be surrounded by all of you. Your positivity, determination and honesty has helped me in more ways than I can count! I feel so lucky that I get to celebrate our accomplishments and work through out challenges together 0
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**Just to add to my previous statement. I'm glad to be surrounded by all of you. Your positivity, determination and honesty has helped me in more ways than I can count! I feel so lucky that I get to celebrate our accomplishments and work through out challenges together
Awwww. I could say the same thing - I completely agree! Everyone here has helped me.
@ Beatrix I know, I didn't get mad at him...I really think his heart was in the right place. He thought he was helping me 0 -
I totally agree with this statement too, that is why after I calmed down I decided not to delete him.@ Beatrix I know, I didn't get mad at him...I really think his heart was in the right place. He thought he was helping me0 -
Amen!**Just to add to my previous statement. I'm glad to be surrounded by all of you. Your positivity, determination and honesty has helped me in more ways than I can count! I feel so lucky that I get to celebrate our accomplishments and work through out challenges together0 -
Dec 1-11
beatrixia: 11
The Binge: 0
I've been trying to think about why this month is so different from last, and this is what I've come up with so far:
1. Well, last month I was on a binge roll with the highest number of binge days since I started MFP, and I just did not want to repeat that again.
2. Icey posted a blog called "Reasons NOT to Binge" that got me thinking about specific reasons I don't want to binge. (Well, I related to Icey's list so well that I basically appropriated it!)
3. Wilma called us binge slayers...so now I think of myself with a superhero name: Beatrixia the Binge Slayer. (Seriously, this helps me!)
4. Greeky posted a blog listing her December goals that inspired me to list my own. I came up with five goals to make it manageable, and my number one goal is to have a binge-free month by making each day binge free, one day at a time. I read my list almost every day.
5. This one may be hard to explain. One day I was thinking about how much I wanted to binge on bingefoodX, and I realized that I may have that urge or desire to binge for a long time. I may have to consciously turn away from it for the rest of my life. I don't know. But until my default coping strategies are replaced with healthy ones...as a default...I have to be aware that the _desire_ to binge may just pop up in my brain, sometimes unexpectedly. And then I realized that if I am to be binge free, I need to find ways to say "no" to a binge even when in the moment I really _want_ to binge...and I will need to do this for the rest of my life. (I had thought recovery means that the urge to binge would eventually be completely quelled, but I now I think it may or may not go away.) So, I have to remember that the reasons I don't want to binge anymore are more important to me than wanting to binge in a moment. I thought about alcoholics, and how some say they never lose the desire to drink alcohol, but they find ways to stay sober nonetheless. And if they can do it, there is a way for me to do it-- to stay sober from binges--, too. I guess this represented a shift in my thinking, where I owned that I may have to work on "sobriety"...always. And that my long-term goals really are more important to my heart than the binge urges that come and go. (I'm in a better place mentally than several weeks ago, so I will put this theory to the test when I'm in a real whirlpool of struggle. That's when it matters!)
6. I closed my diary, which helps me be free from the worry of condemnation from others (not from you guys, but from nameless strangers that I will never see nor meet nor know in any way, lol). I may re-open it next year.
So, to sum up (tl;dr version):
1. I was tired of fighting last month's binge-cycle.
2. I started a journal and wrote down reasons not to binge and my goals for December.
3. I learned from friends here and implemented some of their coping ideas.
4. I realized that recovery for me means that the I want to binge feeling may not completely go away. I envisioned the rest of my life and realized I truly do want to be binge-free long term. To do that, I will need to focus on all the small choices (one eating experience at a time) that will help me live my goal.
5. I closed my diary.
That's all. (LOL)
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I am always learning from you all, so thank you for being so open and honest. 0 -
Well put Bea!! They do not understand and we all battle with public or private diaries because all of our friend are not bingers. I use to have a lock on mines, keep private and now friends only. I go back and forth depending on what is best for ME at the time. So if private diary is helping you I say by all means DO IT.Totally LOL, though, at someone ignoring the fact that since you've been logging your intake, you are now well acquainted with calorie values and what you're eating. I want to giggle and roll my eyes simultaneously at the assumption that you don't know what you're doing.
But you're right; people who haven't experienced or learned about binging have a hard time understanding the struggle...and they don't know they don't understand. If it were as easy as staying within our calorie numbers and staying active, we would all be super-healthy, because we know that already! I'm glad, though, that you're letting the comments roll off your back. Just assume his heart was in the right place (unless proven otherwise), and continue to focus on your choices today.
BTW, I do understand that unsolicited comments about your diary could be challenge to overlook, to put it politely, so I'm so glad you are posting about it and recognize that you don't want this to derail you today. I closed my diary after my free-for-all last month because I didn't want anyone to judge me, and I needed some time to worry just about me and not what others might think. I know I shouldn't care, and I hope to get back to that place where I don't, but...I do feel so free this month! (Ironically, there is nothing in my diary "judgement-worthy" now.) I love what Jul says: "You're a product of who you surround yourself with, make sure you like who they are!!" So...do what you need to do friend-wise to stay on track.
For me right now as long as I don't feel myself lying to myself because others may peek, I am fine with public.
Keep up the good work!!0 -
Dec 1-11
beatrixia: 11
The Binge: 0
I've been trying to think about why this month is so different from last, and this is what I've come up with so far:
1. Well, last month I was on a binge roll with the highest number of binge days since I started MFP, and I just did not want to repeat that again.
2. Icey posted a blog called "Reasons NOT to Binge" that got me thinking about specific reasons I don't want to binge. (Well, I related to Icey's list so well that I basically appropriated it!)
3. Wilma called us binge slayers...so now I think of myself with a superhero name: Beatrixia the Binge Slayer. (Seriously, this helps me!)
4. Greeky posted a blog listing her December goals that inspired me to list my own. I came up with five goals to make it manageable, and my number one goal is to have a binge-free month by making each day binge free, one day at a time. I read my list almost every day.
5. This one may be hard to explain. One day I was thinking about how much I wanted to binge on bingefoodX, and I realized that I may have that urge or desire to binge for a long time. I may have to consciously turn away from it for the rest of my life. I don't know. But until my default coping strategies are replaced with healthy ones...as a default...I have to be aware that the _desire_ to binge may just pop up in my brain, sometimes unexpectedly. And then I realized that if I am to be binge free, I need to find ways to say "no" to a binge even when in the moment I really _want_ to binge...and I will need to do this for the rest of my life. (I had thought recovery means that the urge to binge would eventually be completely quelled, but I now I think it may or may not go away.) So, I have to remember that the reasons I don't want to binge anymore are more important to me than wanting to binge in a moment. I thought about alcoholics, and how some say they never lose the desire to drink alcohol, but they find ways to stay sober nonetheless. And if they can do it, there is a way for me to do it-- to stay sober from binges--, too. I guess this represented a shift in my thinking, where I owned that I may have to work on "sobriety"...always. And that my long-term goals really are more important to my heart than the binge urges that come and go. (I'm in a better place mentally than several weeks ago, so I will put this theory to the test when I'm in a real whirlpool of struggle. That's when it matters!)
6. I closed my diary, which helps me be free from the worry of condemnation from others (not from you guys, but from nameless strangers that I will never see nor meet nor know in any way, lol). I may re-open it next year.
So, to sum up (tl;dr version):
1. I was tired of fighting last month's binge-cycle.
2. I started a journal and wrote down reasons not to binge and my goals for December.
3. I learned from friends here and implemented some of their coping ideas.
4. I realized that recovery for me means that the I want to binge feeling may not completely go away. I envisioned the rest of my life and realized I truly do want to be binge-free long term. To do that, I will need to focus on all the small choices (one eating experience at a time) that will help me live my goal.
5. I closed my diary.
That's all. (LOL)
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I am always learning from you all, so thank you for being so open and honest.
3 -- I love your name. It's so awesome
5 -- I never thought of that. I think I keep telling myself I shouldn't have the urges anymore once I get over it... and when I have an urge, I tell myself it's too hard and I can get rid of them later...so I binge. I hope the binge desires slowly diminish with time, but maybe they won't . Either way, we have to fight them because they're doing nothing positive to us and in the long run they solve nothing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!0 -
12/12
Natalie: 6
Binge: 6
It's really, really bad. I don't know how to break the cycle. I don't know where to reach out for help. I tried calling some special facility today, but they told me that I have to have a paper from my 'normal' doctor. I argue with my boyfriend. I lie to him, tell him that he can go home and after he leaves, I run to the shops. My head hurts, my stomach hurts. I don't know how to stop. I can't sleep.
I'm proud of you. You are all doing very well.
And I sometimes even feel like I don't care about fighting that monster.
I had to write this. Sorry.0 -
I 100% agree with you on # 4. Because I think once you resolve in your heart you may not 100% recover you can move forward wtih what I like to term Binge Management. Thanks again for sharing with us!!4. I realized that recovery for me means that the I want to binge feeling may not completely go away. I envisioned the rest of my life and realized I truly do want to be binge-free long term. To do that, I will need to focus on all the small choices (one eating experience at a time) that will help me live my goal.
That's all. (LOL)
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I am always learning from you all, so thank you for being so open and honest.0
