Welcome Paula and an Award to you for reading the entire thread - wow! I have to rush out to get to the in-laws and help re-install MIL at home. Will try to reply more politely later

jumanajane wrote: »

I too am surprised they discharged her before finding somewhere....

There's worse. They're doing her discharge as we speak and someone is going to *follow them home* to check that the house is kitted out for safety. WTF???????????? I have no other words.

Hi Everyone Just home after what seems a long and draining day. MIL is home and, as predicted, FIL is now declaring long and loud that he can care for her by himself. This time I predicted this and divorced myself of any emotional response one way or the other. David *has* looked into care facilities and has found one close to their own home so Albert could stay in the house, which is definitely best for him now, and even moreso when he gets to be alone again IYKWIM. Enid has never been a shrinking violet and is *adamant* that she doesn’t need to go into care, that Albert can cope with her and that care facilities are worse than jails, and she’s seen them (implying they’re all the same). So David may try to get his Dad to view the one near their home ‘for the future’ or ‘if needed one day’ just to get him there. But, as they’ve been doing for the past 5 horrible years of severely declining health, they again insist they don’t need help, nor should they move anywhere. So on their heads be it in 2 days/weeks/months’ time when they are forced to believe the truth. They can’t expect an immediate vacancy at a moment’s notice, but my way to sanity is to tell myself I don’t care. We have Silver Chain home nursing, but they just race in, give injections/dress wounds etc and are off again. Enid is having someone come 3 days a week to shower her – grudgingly – and that’s only been for the past few weeks. They could get shopping or cleaning done but staunchly deny their need for either.

For those who don’t know, she has alzheimers, unstable heart rate, postural HBP, chronic kidney disease and insulin-dependent type 2 diabetes. She collapses in a heap regularly, hurts herself as she falls, and the past 2 times has been unconscious for a couple of minutes after the fall. I wouldn’t be able to care for her and I’m a strong 58 year old, 30 years younger than Albert.

Onto happier things… @Jane Yes, Coyotee’s partner is fine now thank you. They put her on a drip of anti-biotics and that seems to have done the trick. It was ‘just’ a UTI but she was doubled over with pain in her stomach and back, but still waited 5 hours in emergency to be seen. They’re going away down south for a few days’ holidays tomorrow so I’m really relieved she’s better now. My other son and family go down south next Thursday for 4 or 5 days and we go on 20th. All of us arranged our holidays with no clue the others were doing the same. I’m longing for the honeymoon time with my hunk and get away from all the daily nonsense.

As to visiting mothers, when I first found out the word narcissist, it explained so much about my mother’s behaviour that I started a list of events that were now unravelled for me. Bearing in mind that quite a few of the things on the list were done repeatedly, but only count as one item, my list is over 100 items long. As I wrote the list, the lights came on for me and the pain, shame and guilt associated with them all fell away. It’s been over a year since I had a visit with, or from, my mother unless a third person is there to keep her in check and I find myself doubting that she’s really as nasty as I think she is. Then I remember my list, knowing I was of full faculties during the 2 years it took me to put it together, and I know to keep my resolve and never see her alone ever again. And yes, injustice and bullying are the things of this world that get me most riled up. It’s obvious why. There is a website with the very long name of daughtersofnarcissisticmothers I belonged there for about 6 months and it helped me, but the general mentality is that of a pity party rather than working through it to wellness, and I wanted wellness so I took what I wanted and left.

There *are* imports of food to Australia but I hate to think of the hoops the companies go through, and the costs of inspections etc. I haven’t watched Border Patrol but yes, Aussie Customs are all that you would have read about and more besides. When overseas we never buy anything made with any animal or plant product because it will almost be guaranteed to be seized. Even some things made here and taken out of the country can’t be brought back in! We can’t even bring food into Western Australia from other states of Australia.

What a shame about your pool, and the unused one teasing you, just out of reach!

As to the heart flutters, I’m finding that a teaspoonful of ACV each morning and the half dose of rhodiola/ashwagandha/ginseng etc each evening is keeping those at bay. I had it a little during last night but otherwise it’s been well over a week since I felt my heart at all – which is awesome in this case! Addition of magnesium, potassium or excessive salt all made that worse a while ago so I daren’t take the first 2 at all, and keep the salt ‘on the line’ to prevent cramps, but no higher. So pleased you are back to your usual chirpy, positive self again. Avoiding in-laws sounds like a brilliant move!!!

@Janice I wish they had admitted Enid straight to a care home, but apparently she kept telling the doctors she wanted to go home and that Albert has been caring for her for years and was still well capable. It’s so frustrating! We know that you are right as to the care that she would receive, but there’s nothing we can do with Albert as her next of kin. Enid is such a strong character that the only one who can ‘win’ with her is David’s sister, Wendy. I’m glad that your Baba enjoyed her time with so many friends and such good care!

@Cindy I’m very happy to hear that your water retention issues are fixed, that’s fantastic news.

@Paula Thank you for giving your details in full, it’s so lovely to get to know our girls here. We call steak and shrimp (prawns to us) a ‘Surf ‘n Turf’ meal. Have you found that keto has helped the binge eating and cravings? As I read your post I felt that you have a ‘danger point’ when you lose weight that you don’t feel it’s safe to be any slimmer or weigh any lighter. I have this myself a little and haven’t yet unravelled what’s so dangerous about it, except perhaps a fear of being noticed – in my case because my mother would make sure I suffered if I had any attention that could have been for her. So long ago, yet so persistent still. Your life sounds very full and interesting. Thank goodness for your husband’s knowledge and skill to have kept you alive, wow!

@Faith I hope you can find more interesting food. I tend to get in a rut if I’m not careful. 800 calories really isn’t ‘enough’, though I don’t think it hurts once in a while if that’s all you truly want. Find a fat that you enjoy – something spread thickly with butter, or crispy cooked bacon or… Use oily fish if you can and slap butter on top.

@Kathie Oh wow, so we’re not alone with the stupidity then? I’m so sorry you had to endure this too. My in-laws already have a bar next to the toilet, but that’s all. Our toilets are in tiny rooms, impossible for a second person to stand beside it to help. Albert can stand in front of Enid as she sits, but if the floor is slippery they’ll both end up in a heap. It seems the agency is going to put a hand rail in the shower stall tomorrow. She sits on a safety stool to be showered.

On a funny note, we had lunch in a cafe. I eat really slowly and as the guy cleared David's plate away and I was only half way through mine he said "It's OK, we're open all week!" David and I both laughed and I fear I will be hearing that again from David for a while.