Ok a lot can happen in 4 days.
I'll start with training. Firstly i did my 1RM trial of deadlifting heavy. I maxed out at 75kg (165lb). While it was not the 80kg we predicted i was super stoked. At the start of the year i could barely tie my shoe laces without getting winded and now 7 months later i can left 69% of my weight. I got such a buzz out of doing that. I have a video and will see if i can post it here.

I have had a run through of my new program which is concentrating on resistance and strength training with elements of cardio and functional training as well. I love it. It's different to what I have been doing and catering more to my fitness interests. I did day one today properly and OMG i'm shattered it was leg and back day. My core got a massive workout as well. I'm already stiffening up and I reckon going to the toilet is going to be interesting tomorrow. I loved every minute of it though.

I have also been doing a couple of classes at the gym just to break things up and also get to know some of the others at the gym. By nature I am a very social person and need that contact. On thursday nights I do a Tabata class and on Saturday mornings I do a crossfit class. They are different every week and always interesting.

So all in all my training seems to be back in the green zone and i'm burning good calories.

This brings me to my nutrition. Since i posted on the 5th i have been on a massive binge. Chips, chocolate, sugar, salt, all the poorest choices I could make. I have been trying to analyse what made me go off the rails so bad (and I have been making poor choices for a few weeks now mainly involving chocolate) and I have come to 3 possibilities:
1) Lack of will power
2)PMS (especially this week)
3)I have been eating at too much of a deficit

1) Lack of will power: When I have my mind set to something I can't be swayed. Now this is good when im determined to eat clean but when it wanes i lose the plot completely. I need to find a way to still stay focused when the motivation is gone (thank you OCD)

2) PMS pretty self explanatory really. It happens I know it happens and has been happening every month for many many years and yet i still cave to it. Ergo read number 1

3)Eating at too much of a deficit: MFP has my calorie level at 1650 per day. For the last few months i have mostly been eating at 1000-1200. Clearly this is not enough fuel for my body especially when I have a BMR of 1623. I think my body went into starvation mode. I was fatigued, I was sore and felt like I was dragging myself everyday. I was putting it down to working night duty all the time. However now i have eating out house and home and fueled my body (albeit with poor choices), I have energy to burn and am doing PB's all over the place. So I am going to try and eat as close to 1650 each day as I can without going over it as see what that does to A) my ability to stay on track and make healthy choices, B)my weight loss C) my energy levels

I think half the reason I lost my mojo was because i wore myself out. I was fatigued and just lost the plot. Another interesting thing to note and @50extra picked it up. I did post a 500g (1.1lb) loss earlier in the week before I went on my big binge and after it where i spend 3 days eating anywhere between 2000-4000 calories I only made a 700g gain. I would have though I would have gained far more than that and I was expecting it. It says to me my body was screaming out for fuel.

So this is where I sit at the end of this week. Weary and sore but in a good way and looking forward to what next week and a shake up of the entire operation will bring........stay tuned.

P.S can't post the video

@WifiresGettingFit hey hon. No I went MIA for a bit. Totally lost the plot, decided I didn't want to do this anymore. I quit the gym and started eating all measure of garbage. This was 3 weeks ago. I had a massive case of health fatigue. I was so mentally tired from trying to be healthy that i just broke down. Being active and healthy is not something that comes naturally to me and it was taking a lot of effort to stay focused and healthy.

I've done a lot of soul searching in the last 3 weeks and i have realised that how I feel now is not how I want to feel for the rest of my life. I am missing the gym terribly. I want to get back to feeling good like I did when I was on the top of my game. So i'm just taking one day at a time. As i mentioned above I think I was eating at too much of a deficit and i was tired and hungry all the time. I'm going to be a bit more relaxed while still staying within my calorie and macro perameters.

My focus in doing all this has changed too. Im no longer focused on doing this for weight loss. I eat healthy to be healthy and I go to the gym because I love it. Losing weight will be a by product not the end goal.

Yesterday was a good day. I ate well and had a small walk. It's a start

@WifiresGettingFit thanks hon. it feels good to be here. And im feeling better for getting my nutrition back on track. Now just to get back in the gym