Doom, Despair, and Agony on Me! (aka a whine thread)
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Sometimes I feel bipolar in regards to my self perception. I go from feeling like a huge cant move around fat *kitten*, to thinking I am in high school and can run a sub 7 minute mile still. I have a hard time with actual reality, I am way better than I was, but still no where near I want to be, and my brain has a hard time processing that. Trying to keep the momentum moving forward, or down, on the evil little devil scale. That's my little whine/rant for today lol.
I have felt that way for most of my loss. You feel better because you have lost weight and it pumps you up. Then you run back into reality of something you can't do and it is, at times, depressing. Add to all that you have fat brain and you sometimes think you can't do something you can do. It is a mind kitten for sure.
I don't have any advice for you. It sucks. It is worth going through but it sucks.1 -
@jjlewey I feel that way too. For example, last night I was riding high because of a new low on the scale, so I decided to try on a bunch of not-quite-fitting-yet shirts. I figured something would probably fit now that I had dropped another 5 lbs or so since I tried last. Nope. Then I felt like a blob for the rest of the evening.1
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@maiomaio71 I definitely can relate. I have days where I just can't seem to get full despite eating on plan with meals and snacks that normally fill me up. On these days, I give myself permission to eat more healthy foods. The real trick is figuring out if you are legitimately hungry or if you just really want something. It's a struggle that I have quite a bit. If I find that I am legitimately hungry, I eat. If I determine that I just want to eat something, I try to find something to do to distract myself from fixating on wanting to eat X. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but the main point is that I keep trying and be more aware of the difference. Generally if it happens right before bed, I just go to sleep. I have more issues when it hits during the day.2
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Last night on my final dog walk my dog and I went a little over 2 miles which has become normal for us. I remember thinking that it was getting easier and easier to walk longer distances at a fast pace without even really feeling it.
This morning we went for our normal 1 mile walk and I struggled from the half mile mark on.
That'll teach me to think something is easy.2 -
Ooof. I just realized that I'm within 5 lbs of my wife's weight now. It's going to be uncomfortable when I pass her, or at least when she realizes it. Sigh.
She was already upset enough recently that she wasn't making progress while I was. This will be worse.4 -
@merph518 I have been there where your wife has been -- when my husband and I first started out, gosh he lost so quickly. I got jealous, but I had to turn that jealousy into something constructive. Ultimately, don't lose sight of all the hard work (you look awesome, btw!) you've done! I do hope that your wife can find a way to make it a constructive moment, but if not, all the hugs, man. That's rough.3
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Thanks, I hope so too. The timing isn't great with this landing around the holidays. I'm determined to stay within my budget but I have a feeling she'll let herself enjoy the holiday meals without logging.
That's fine by me -- I hardly require her to lose, I'm happy with her how she is (though obviously we all want our loved ones to be happy/healthy) -- but I have a feeling it'll hit her harder when I pass her by and she might be seeing an uptick at the same time. I hate to see her frustrated.4 -
Since the surgery (2 months ago) my weight has been fluctuating up and down by 5-7 pounds every 3 days. Last Thursday I was at a number that was just below my wife. The next 3 days was a gain of 6.4 pounds. Then I lost 7 and yesterday I lost another 2.4 so today I am a little over 5 pounds less than my wife. I haven't said anything.
This part is unpleasant. Not just with my wife but with a lot of people in my life that I care about that are also trying (at times) to lose weight. I was always the him in the "At least I am not as big as him." Although no one ever said it I imagine it to be true. But I was always the biggest person in the room and by far the least fit.
I think the other problem here is that I have made it seem easy. It has not been but unless you live it you can't fully appreciate it. The one thing to learn here at LL is that we all have struggles in common but our paths are not all the same. No one will hopefully face the exact same skin situation I did but I have no clue what it is like to battle regular binge urges and some of the other things I see others fighting through. The rewards are worth it but they come at a higher price than just not eating all you want and being forced to move more.6 -
I know that "biggest person in the room" feeling all too well. I take some comfort knowing that isn't true a lot of the time now, but I also feel guilty thinking that way.1
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I know that "biggest person in the room" feeling all too well. I take some comfort knowing that isn't true a lot of the time now, but I also feel guilty thinking that way.
If you had ever come to my house you wouldn't have been the biggest.
I try not to feel guilty about random thoughts. There is a lot of conflicting crap going on between my ears right now so I feel like I am doing okay as long as I remain somewhat sane (my wife would disagree that I am still sane or that I ever was).
I am not trying to find the new biggest person in the room though. When I think that I am really just appreciating that I am not so large that I stand out as much anymore. It is kind of like going to a "regular" person store to buy clothes now. I don't feel like I am superior in any way to my friends and family that still shop in the plus sizes. I am just happy to finally not be in that situation anymore. I ldid realize this last weekend though that even though I am in the regular store I am just barely there. I have to buy the biggest size on the rack. Good enough for now.
I have no idea if that makes sense.5 -
Both of you are very inspiring and you both motivate me to keep on track....some days are just more difficult than others...I am having a really rough time this afternoon....I struggle with binging....sometimes I wish I could purge but I only do that if I can’t stuff anymore in and it has to come out on its own....excuse the visual graphics but I know what will happen if I let myself off the leash today...and that’s how I feel...like I am being physically restrained from my comfort foods...I am literally watching the clock hands moving so I can go to sleep...this is horrible...hopefully after dinner I will be in a better frame of mind...I know my trigger today is my granddaughter...she is home “ sick” and literally driving me out of my mind....mommie will be here in a few...thank God!...sorry for my rant...writing this down and re reading it, I feel a little stupid but I do feel a little better!2
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It's really sad that you can't enjoy this moment because you're worrying about someone else's feelings. I think that speaks volumes about the person that you are...that you put someone else ahead of yourself. We are all celebrating for you and we know how hard you've worked because we're working hard too. Hopefully your wife will be inspired and motivated too.2
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conniewilkins56 wrote: »Both of you are very inspiring and you both motivate me to keep on track....some days are just more difficult than others...I am having a really rough time this afternoon....I struggle with binging....sometimes I wish I could purge but I only do that if I can’t stuff anymore in and it has to come out on its own....excuse the visual graphics but I know what will happen if I let myself off the leash today...and that’s how I feel...like I am being physically restrained from my comfort foods...I am literally watching the clock hands moving so I can go to sleep...this is horrible...hopefully after dinner I will be in a better frame of mind...I know my trigger today is my granddaughter...she is home “ sick” and literally driving me out of my mind....mommie will be here in a few...thank God!...sorry for my rant...writing this down and re reading it, I feel a little stupid but I do feel a little better!
You can do it!!
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@maiomaio71 I can celebrate internally and on here / other places where I have supportive friends (not that she's not supportive, they just don't have any issues tied up with my weight afaik) without flaunting it at home and hurting her feelings. Over time she'll come to terms with it, I'm sure.5
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I got thru the day in one piece and my calories only went a little over....this is a big deal for me not to have binged!5
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conniewilkins56 wrote: »I got thru the day in one piece and my calories only went a little over....this is a big deal for me not to have binged!
Yay!!1 -
@merph518 and @NovusDies — you are both sweet husbands! I have been on both sides. A couple years ago, my husband and I were both trying to lose weight. I did everything right and lost a few pounds. He gave up pop and lost 50 pounds in a week. Ok, maybe it wasn’t quite that drastic, but it was very noticeable, very quickly... and EVERYBODY commented on his weight loss, both to him and to me. And of course I just looked fatter next to him. It was pretty discouraging. Unfortunately, we both fell off the wagon and put the weight back on.
This time around, I’m doing it on my own. Not that he’s unsupportive, but like you mentioned, I’m getting my support here rather than seeking it from him. I don’t think he has any idea how much I weigh. I certainly haven’t announced my numbers along the way, and he’s too smart to ask, lol. It’s interesting to me that you both know your wives’ numbers. That’s just not how I work.
Anyway, my point is that even though it may be difficult at times for your wives, I’m sure they are happy and proud of you. It’s just complicated. You can’t make them want to lose their weight. When and if they’re ready to make changes, I’m sure you’ll be supportive! But for now, I think you are right to be respectful of their struggle without pushing. I finally came to the place where I was ready to make permanent changes (as you both were too!), but it wasn’t because of anything my husband did or didn’t do.2 -
...[snip]... The one thing to learn here at LL is that we all have struggles in common but our paths are not all the same. No one will hopefully face the exact same skin situation I did but I have no clue what it is like to battle regular binge urges and some of the other things I see others fighting through. The rewards are worth it but they come at a higher price than just not eating all you want and being forced to move more.
This resonates: we all have different struggles, we all experience the world differently, but it is nice that we can also learn from what others went through. Even if it is not exactly like what we (collective) are going through right now. Even if what I struggle with isn't something that someone else can get behind, it is helpful to know that you aren't struggling alone. Others are out there, in the mire, working through it. You can call out, get a reply, and know that the path may be empty ahead, but you are not alone in the dark.
Anyway, nothing really of substance to add, but that it resonates.3 -
@merph518 sorry I didn't mean to come across as disrespectful towards your wife or you. I just meant that you are an amazing guy for thinking of someone else's feelings ahead of your own. We walk a tricky path with this every day don't we. I feel like a hypocrite when talking to my boys about nutrition. They're professional athletes and I often chat about some of the woo stuff they get told. But here I am, obese, and I think I'm a terrible role model.4
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I didn't take it that way, no worries!2
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I suppose it was small favors that having been divorced, I got to relish getting below my ex-wife's weight. She started losing weight about a year ago because her work charges less for insurance when people aren't obese, or if they're obese and provide documentation of weight loss steps. She's only recently got to about the same weight as me though she's been stalling, and I take a small, petty solace from her lower height and muscle means weighing the same as me is very different.1
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I mentioned in my intro post last month that I was working with a personal trainer as a reward for getting under the 200-pound mark, and I know intellectually that building muscle is good for me and my weight loss journey in the long term and it's a huge privilege to be able to have a trainer at all, but man, it's annoying to have the movement of the numbers on the scale slow down drastically because of it. Darn you, physiology!6
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Despair. It was easy to stick to my rule of no soda or candy until my Blood Sugar was in the normal range. My last lab results showed my blood sugar in the normal range. I can reasonable add a few things back if I can fit them into my daily calories. My biggest worry is that once these treats are back I won't be able to stop... ack!2
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In my efforts to get off my cholesterol medication I am requiring myself to complete 30 minutes of cardio level exercise each day. I use an Apple watch so my goal is to close my exercise ring.
I am so freaking childish about some things. Since my water weight gain the elliptical has been extra murder-y so this morning I decided to go for a brisk walk... something I really like doing... but knowing that I have that requirement made it suck just like it does every other morning on the elliptical.
Yesterday I got over 90 minutes of exercise and while I enjoyed the 60 minutes I hated the first 30. That is so dumb and so childish.
Whatever... the important thing is that I get up early and get it done so I don't have it hanging over my head which is another thing with which my quirky personality does not deal well.3 -
ugh! scale has been uncooperative for another 1.5 weeks, then last night I stayed up late watching a movie with friends, did some snacking and drinking, so *of course* I get a new low this morning. what's up with that!2
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ugh! scale has been uncooperative for another 1.5 weeks, then last night I stayed up late watching a movie with friends, did some snacking and drinking, so *of course* I get a new low this morning. what's up with that!
The ways our bodies work is so frustrating...I was up 2 lbs this morning and I ate the same all week!....every time I eat in a restaurant my weight goes up a little for a couple of days...it has to be the amount of sodium they use to prepare the food...hope your weight stays down!
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ugh! scale has been uncooperative for another 1.5 weeks, then last night I stayed up late watching a movie with friends, did some snacking and drinking, so *of course* I get a new low this morning. what's up with that!
Obviously the movie made you lose weight. A new internet diet fad is born!! I think it should be called Thinema.
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Sign me up!1
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LOL - no really, LOL! "Thinema" I can't stop giggling!
Thanks @NovusDies (wipes tears from eyes and continues to chortle, giggle, laugh and applaud).2
