Doom, Despair, and Agony on Me! (aka a whine thread)
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AlexandraFindsHerself1971 wrote: »@tempe987: I really recommend the ASO ankle braces. These are what the NBA uses instead of ankle taping these days, and I use them whenever I'm going to be on my feet a lot. They're soft, they fit in a casual shoe easily, and they stop you from falling off your ankles and spraining one again. I have loose joints like many people on the spectrum, and I've sprained both ankles numerous times. These things are wonderful.
https://smile.amazon.com/Med-Spec-ASO-Ankle-Stabilizer/dp/B00XP3YB6I/ref=smi_www_rco2_go_smi_y4368549507?_encoding=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0&ie=UTF8
I have one similar to this and I also use a compression sleeve for lighter duty support. I found that while the compression sleeves do not do as much the fact that I can put them on fast helps. I do the same thing with my knees. If I am going to walk a short distance on a fairly flat surface I throw on the compression sleeves. If I am going to walk multiple miles or walk on more inclines I put the ones on with the stabilizers.1 -
@AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Thanks! I will look into those. I've never actually sprained my ankle. It is usually the first thing to stop hurting. I just roll them a lot. Ironically flat surfaces are the worst culprit.
@novusdies I will look into those too. I think I had something like that when I was playing tennis in HS, I seem to remember they helped.1 -
Well, I had life get in the way of my calories today in the biggest way since I started this journey.
My mom and grandma were going to come by so I could show them my vegetable garden. I'm still limiting the amount of people I see because my partner is an essential worker so I haven't seen my grandma in months. (We're really close and I'd usually see her twice a week since I like to bake and dye her hair for her. She's the only person I've deeply missed while isolating.)
My mom wanted to bring a backyard lunch over so I'd planned a manageable meal that would put me in a decent place calorically to still enjoy dinner. When she got here, she'd upped all of the sizes and added on an extra side. It's a weird feeling considering she spent most of my childhood taking away half of my normal-sized portions and giving me low-calorie meal replacement supplements out of fear that I'd gain more weight. (Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, she was doing what she thought would be best at the time and didn't realize the ramifications stuff like that would have mentally on me and my siblings. She's learned a lot since the 90s.)
Anyways. I saw my grandma, it made me feel super emotional, so I cleaned my plate. It wasn't quite the calorie count I had planned on but I guess I'll add some extra activity and chalk it up to a learning experience. I'll still have an under, I just know it's not a true one with the inflated exercise calories. It's just one day and it's good to know that I still have some work to do in social situations. I know stuff like this is bound to happen more and more as I start seeing people again.
On the plus side, my garden is really going for it, I got my first watermelon, and my grandma is still my favorite person!5 -
One of the things I've discovered is that what will fill me up just doesn't look like all that much from the outside. Yes, I really am full on four ounces of meat and four ounces of rice. (A little overfull right now, but I wanted that third crab rangoon!) I went to using a luncheon size plate all the time so what I'm eating fills the plate and doesn't look lonely.1
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emmyjaykay wrote: »Well, I had life get in the way of my calories today in the biggest way since I started this journey.
My mom and grandma were going to come by so I could show them my vegetable garden. I'm still limiting the amount of people I see because my partner is an essential worker so I haven't seen my grandma in months. (We're really close and I'd usually see her twice a week since I like to bake and dye her hair for her. She's the only person I've deeply missed while isolating.)
My mom wanted to bring a backyard lunch over so I'd planned a manageable meal that would put me in a decent place calorically to still enjoy dinner. When she got here, she'd upped all of the sizes and added on an extra side. It's a weird feeling considering she spent most of my childhood taking away half of my normal-sized portions and giving me low-calorie meal replacement supplements out of fear that I'd gain more weight. (Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, she was doing what she thought would be best at the time and didn't realize the ramifications stuff like that would have mentally on me and my siblings. She's learned a lot since the 90s.)
Anyways. I saw my grandma, it made me feel super emotional, so I cleaned my plate. It wasn't quite the calorie count I had planned on but I guess I'll add some extra activity and chalk it up to a learning experience. I'll still have an under, I just know it's not a true one with the inflated exercise calories. It's just one day and it's good to know that I still have some work to do in social situations. I know stuff like this is bound to happen more and more as I start seeing people again.
On the plus side, my garden is really going for it, I got my first watermelon, and my grandma is still my favorite person!
I don't see that as life getting in the way as much as it just being normal life. I am not even sure I see anything there I would try to fix. If it were something that happened often or if every social situation were sure to make you eat more than you planned then perhaps it is worth addressing but not if it is isolated.
When you imagine your future self will she always live a controlled food life or will she have some higher food days followed by some deficit corrections as needed? The latter is how I see the future me so that is how I have lived during weight loss. I think if I tried to be controlled all the time I would develop a negative relationship with food. I can't say that for certain but that is my instinct. It would not be true of everyone.2 -
TheLastMrBig wrote: »Rough night of sleep but it's been on my mental for probably past month at least
I'm living with two other adults 40 plus who has quit on life
One is a m.s patient and has mentally regressed from a Real Ninja Baby Boy to teenager
Who believes he's one pill or shot treatment away from walking again . He's been wheelchair bound for 6 years now , prior to that he's had it since 2005 but after 2 years was able to walk again .
He doesn't like getting out of bed, he's extremely draining with his mouth and antics and has negative impact on ppl he live with particular mother physical health
The 2nd individual is 57 160 but has the worst of it all . She's broke, entitled, conniving and treacherous. Unfortunately she doesn't want to work ever again and she lives off her son's disability check and other son work check
Outside of stealing and scary addiction of lying just because . She's depressed, miserable, bitter and is suffering physically
I'll say once a year since she's been taking care of older son . She's average one serious hospital visit. Idk specific health problems outside of iron low, high blood pressure and if I was to take a wild guess DIABETES (Unconfirmed)
As much as I don't like or Respect her ... It hurts me so much to see the demise of my mother and first love. As former mamas boy of 18 years she could do know wrong . Sadly my relationship with her turned for worst past 12 years ... Physically , mental and verbal arguments .
I want to think she purposely not taking care of herself for attention or because she wants something bad to happen to her because she hates life
She hates taking care of my brother ...
She only showers twice a month if that .
I've seen this woman with my vary eyes
Do absolutely nothing and cough her lungs out and constantly eat and drink worst foods .
I've opened up door to witness her slumped over ...in a non pleasant sleeping position
Yes I've told my 4 other siblings and yes I've tried my best to talk her into going to clinic at very least
This morning I threaten her ... Either she go to hospital by choice or force her ... She's been coughing and throwing up all through night and morning
I'm not asking for no prayers ...I'm asking y'all what would you do if you nwas in my shoes
A. Leave them two to their own demise
B. Force her go to hospital
C. Bribe her with money to go to hospital
D. Do nothing, stay and continue to learn lesson on what happens when you quit on life
I'm emotionally and mentally drained ... I'm fighting my own war for my own physical health and life for that matter. I truly believe she's very sick and ill .
She has regressed until child or teenager state of mind .
These are facts not emotional opinion
But I digress ... I haven't even factured in she might have covid19 either way she's stubborn and ignorant an clearly afraid of hospital and raw reality check that will come from it
She's not mentally stable nor physically fit to babysit nor take care of another adult
Live above the situation. Do not get dragged down into it. Be as non-judgmental as you can be. Extend to them the grace you hope others will extend to you. Set the best example you can. Be willing to help but do not consider it your direct responsibility. It is heartbreaking to watch those that we care about self-destruct but they are adults and free to choose what they do as long as they are considered in proper mental health.
If she becomes so ill that she can't really fight treatment call an ambulance. In the meantime call a social worker and have them evaluate the situation. Chances are they will be very slow to act and do nothing but perhaps not. As long as she can refuse treatment there is nothing you can do but the state can declare her incompetent and force care on her. The only other route is to get an attorney and for you I am guessing that would need to be pro bono which I am not sure is available to you and may take too long.
ETA: To sum this up: Your responsibility is to make an earnest effort to help. You are not responsible for the outcome.
You will get my prayers anyway.
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@TheLastMrBig: There is a book that I think would help you; my boyfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder, and it talks about how to deal with people who have traits and depend on others to manage their emotions. It is called, "Stop Walking On Eggshells" and there is a workbook as well. It's not to fix them; it's to help us learn new responses to them so that we don't get shredded and hurt by the pain they feel. It's available on Amazon, and I think you may find it helpful.
(I'm autistic with ADHD, anxiety, and PTSD. Boyfriend has DID and one alter has BPD, along with major depressive disorder and anxiety; Girlfriend is rapid cycling bipolar with PTSD, and she's transitioning, so she is enjoying all the effects of estrogen on mood. We have a sign up that says, "Relax, we're all crazy, you don't have to prove anything.")3 -
TheLastMrBig wrote: »
This is reminder and just another lesson to learn for me .
She is still mad at me so I'm fine with that. Life is humbling and she will have to prove to herself and God that she values her life
I pray to God that she's resparked in life .
The moment where each of us stop and turn things around happens at different places. When I was much younger and just a little overweight I would see much larger people and judge them for not taking control of their lives and I assumed I would never get that big. I was wrong to judge and I was wrong in my assumption. For many, too many, years I have been the largest person in the room and I probably got heavier than anyone I criticized.
I have no idea how far down the destructive health path I am actually capable of going. Perhaps I could go to the very end and die. I don't know. The path doesn't have to involve food or obesity obviously. I have a family member who is going down it with alcohol and cigarettes. I don't judge him either. I could be him just like I could be just like your mother.
I have reversed course now but I know now that it doesn't make me any better than the person who hasn't yet. I went down that path once. I am capable of doing it again.
The reason it is hardest to help family members in these types of situations is that we are too close, too heartbroken, and too angry over the person that is either lost to us or becoming lost to us. Your mother is alive but you are still grieving her because her spiral has made her a different person to you. Your ability to help her is even less because to her you are the kid and she resents you trying to be an authority person in her life.
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OK, so July is done ... and between the gains and losses, I basically stayed the same. JHRC!!! So, I've been kicking the dirt all around my July goals and have tweaked them for August. Hoping for a better month!2
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@cesse47: I'm sure you will have a better month in August. July's just been a hard month for everyone, I think.2
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I lost my first 80 lbs doing no extra exercise....I could barely do regular things in the house....rode In a cart when shopping for groceries....you eat less to lose weight, you do exercise to tone up and get in shape...first you have to control what you eat and the amount of calories...hang in there!2
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I agree with @conniewilkins56 . I lost my first 75-80 pounds doing no exercise. I added exercise just to try and gain some functional fitness for everyday life, not to help with weight loss. The weight loss comes from eating at a calorie deficit. Like Connie said, maybe just focus on logging your food and keeping to a modest deficit. Exercise can come later if that makes it easier for you right now. Good luck!2
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I really find that controlling my portions is an act of love towards myself. I want to be strong and agile and able to handle what life sends my way, and I can't do that if I eat too much.2
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Not sure why but I am so mentally drained today....the shoulder hurting is not helping my mood get any better either....my husband is in so much pain that I feel guilty complaining about my arm!...if anything falls or drops, I hurry to see if John is ok or if he has fallen...I hated being 69 on my birthday last week....I need my windows washed....I have an area rug I need professionally cleaned....the screen room needs hosed and swept....on and on.....our daughter and family live with us but when they try to help, it sometimes makes a worse mess than I started with lol....I would love to get in the car and run away today but my arm hurts too bad....the only good thing is that I have no appetite which is strange for me when I am down...things will be better tomorrow....just a poor me day!5
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Connie
Nothing wrong with having a "poor me day". You know though that tomorrow will bring a new day with new struggles but also with new opportunities. Hope your shoulder feels better-try an anti-inflammatory if you can and some heat.3 -
conniewilkins56 wrote: »Not sure why but I am so mentally drained today....the shoulder hurting is not helping my mood get any better either....my husband is in so much pain that I feel guilty complaining about my arm!...if anything falls or drops, I hurry to see if John is ok or if he has fallen...I hated being 69 on my birthday last week....I need my windows washed....I have an area rug I need professionally cleaned....the screen room needs hosed and swept....on and on.....our daughter and family live with us but when they try to help, it sometimes makes a worse mess than I started with lol....I would love to get in the car and run away today but my arm hurts too bad....the only good thing is that I have no appetite which is strange for me when I am down...things will be better tomorrow....just a poor me day!
Does your husband being in pain alleviate the pain in your arm? Nope. STOP FEELING GUILTY!
Why does everything on the to-do list seem critically important when we do not feel our best? That just piles on. Hopefully today you will have more sunshine.1 -
Boyfriend is having a tough mental health day, kicked off by my mentioning the boys are coming down to help us hang the mirror today. I told him that on Thursday when I arranged it. I told him that on Friday when I nailed down the time of day. I told him that Saturday when we went out to get the hardware and a new stud finder, and I told him yesterday, when I said that I wanted to get the new a/c in and get some boxes unpacked so the boys can get the old a/c and the mini fridge out of the sewing room, when they're here to help us with the mirror.
Apparently he forgot. Because it came as an unpleasant surprise and that knocked him off his balance, and now he's stressing about doing it "right". (sigh) And apparently he has the mental bandwidth to either handle this or to apply for work, so we're doing this today and job-hunting tomorrow. So okay. I can handle it. It's just really really annoying because if he's not hearing me, why am I telling him stuff? (I know it's the DID. Still frustrating, though.)6 -
conniewilkins56 wrote: »Not sure why but I am so mentally drained today....the shoulder hurting is not helping my mood get any better either....my husband is in so much pain that I feel guilty complaining about my arm!...if anything falls or drops, I hurry to see if John is ok or if he has fallen...I hated being 69 on my birthday last week....I need my windows washed....I have an area rug I need professionally cleaned....the screen room needs hosed and swept....on and on.....our daughter and family live with us but when they try to help, it sometimes makes a worse mess than I started with lol....I would love to get in the car and run away today but my arm hurts too bad....the only good thing is that I have no appetite which is strange for me when I am down...things will be better tomorrow....just a poor me day!
Does your husband being in pain alleviate the pain in your arm? Nope. STOP FEELING GUILTY!
Why does everything on the to-do list seem critically important when we do not feel our best? That just piles on. Hopefully today you will have more sunshine.
My grandson is such a good kid...when he got up he offered to vacuum and mop so we let him!...then he took a shower chair in the backyard and washed it up with some cleaner and hosed it down...my husband told him he did a great job....johnnathan has Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome but his heart beat is being controlled with meds and he is doing fine...he will be going to high school this year virtually because of his compromised immune system... he is doing dual enrollment and taking college courses and two languages...
Yes, I do feel guilty!....I wish I could do anything to help my husband....8 days until the next procedure to try and help his back...this morning he had nose bleeds because the RA doctor increased his prednisone meds to try and give him some relief...
My husband still has his sarcastic sense of humor so at least we laugh a lot...you get to the point where you either laugh or you cry...we both prefer laughing!3 -
I had a really terrible weekend.
I was set up to dog sit for my friend. He dropped the keys at 8:30am on Friday and I was dropped off at his place at 1pm when I was finished with work. I knew something was up with the dog right away and FaceTimed my friend to let him know. We kept talking and I sat next to the dog and my friend made a vet appointment for the early evening but it was too late to do anything. I sat next to his dog for two hours and told him he was a good boy while he slowly passed and it's something I'm having a really hard time getting over. His sister came and we took the dog to the vet to make sure but I've just kind of been in shock and empty since. Yoga has been feeling good but that's about the only thing that is right now.
I've still been logging and weighing and staying within my calories. I've just not been caring about the nutritional value of what I eat and opting for smaller portions of foods I find comforting. The scale is still going down but it doesn't feel like any kind of accomplishment. I know it's probably just because the volume in my stomach is less than usual.
How have you guys managed this journey paired with unexpected grief?5 -
emmyjaykay wrote: »I had a really terrible weekend.
I was set up to dog sit for my friend. He dropped the keys at 8:30am on Friday and I was dropped off at his place at 1pm when I was finished with work. I knew something was up with the dog right away and FaceTimed my friend to let him know. We kept talking and I sat next to the dog and my friend made a vet appointment for the early evening but it was too late to do anything. I sat next to his dog for two hours and told him he was a good boy while he slowly passed and it's something I'm having a really hard time getting over. His sister came and we took the dog to the vet to make sure but I've just kind of been in shock and empty since. Yoga has been feeling good but that's about the only thing that is right now.
I've still been logging and weighing and staying within my calories. I've just not been caring about the nutritional value of what I eat and opting for smaller portions of foods I find comforting. The scale is still going down but it doesn't feel like any kind of accomplishment. I know it's probably just because the volume in my stomach is less than usual.
How have you guys managed this journey paired with unexpected grief?
@emmyjaykay
I'm sorry; that is rough! All I can offer is my sympathy, I'm afraid
I haven't had to deal with something like that yet, but its coming - my oldest cat is 18 and he's my child, so when he goes, and I know it can be any time just from age, its going to be rough!
I've been having him boarded when I go on vacations; I'd hate for something to happen to him while having someone else watching the cats.
@conniewilkins56
my dad doesn't have RA, but he broke his back in 2012 and his health just fell apart after that - in the last 8 years, he's had to have a pace maker put in, both hips replaced within 6 months of each other, and has been dealing with chest pain and severe migraines that no one can find an answer for. The last few months seems to have lessened up somewhat for him but I think that's because he's been doing a ton of reading (which is really strange to see my dad reading hours at a time; he never did that before!) which in turn is getting him to rest some and quit straining to do more than he's able. BUt its never easy to watch when those headaches hit and see him laying on the bed groaning and having nothing that can kick the pain. And this weekend, he came down with kidney stones.....
But pain is pain and there isn't comparing them!
Your grandson sounds awesome, though! Great kid!1 -
its a blah day for me - I'm actually having coffee in the afternoon which I only allow very rarely when I just can't stay awake at all. I got my walk in this morning before the rain set in, at least, but I've been tired ever since. TOM is almost over and I'm trying to eat more calories and trying for more sleep but so far, I'm still just feeling wore out.
I'm skipping jiu-jitsu tonight - all that yard work in the weeds has me with spotty poison ivy, I have a blister on a toe, and I guess I strained my wrists yesterday trying to put the cover back on my new mattress and I just don't feel up to it. And breaking in that new mattress will take a couple of nights - it was nice not having the "trough" in the middle but it's still hard, even with the 4" foam topper I have on top. I also switched out my clocks - the new one I bought is blue in display and has a dimmer, but doesn't dim enough and it was bothering me, so I finally just got the one out of the spare bedroom with its red digital display - I'm used to the red and it doesn't often bother me like that blue was doing.
I'm not planning on doing anything else today, so I'm trying to carefully budget my calories. I need to cut out the fabric to cover the cushions for my camper, so I'm going to aim to do that and see if I can get them made today; the rain keeps me inside, anyway!
I wore my Easter dress to church this last Sunday - the pink one with the black polka dots? - but its getting a little too big. If I pinned the front it helped, but I probably won't get much more wear out of it. And that was only the 2nd time I had worn it!
I commented about it to my mom who didn't think it looked too bad. AT some point she asked me how much more I was planning to lose and when I told her at least 50 pounds, her comment was "that will make you skin and bones!" And yet 50 lbs still won't have me out of the overweight range......
But that's my mom. When my dad's brother-in-law was diagnosed as borderline diabetes or diabetes itself, my aunt put him on a strict diet and he lost a lot of weight. My mom's comment? He'd lost too much and looked sickly. And I know that if I manage to get down to Onederland, that will be her comments behind my back as well. But oh well - its not going to stop me from trying!2 -
emmyjaykay wrote: »I had a really terrible weekend.
I was set up to dog sit for my friend. He dropped the keys at 8:30am on Friday and I was dropped off at his place at 1pm when I was finished with work. I knew something was up with the dog right away and FaceTimed my friend to let him know. We kept talking and I sat next to the dog and my friend made a vet appointment for the early evening but it was too late to do anything. I sat next to his dog for two hours and told him he was a good boy while he slowly passed and it's something I'm having a really hard time getting over. His sister came and we took the dog to the vet to make sure but I've just kind of been in shock and empty since. Yoga has been feeling good but that's about the only thing that is right now.
I've still been logging and weighing and staying within my calories. I've just not been caring about the nutritional value of what I eat and opting for smaller portions of foods I find comforting. The scale is still going down but it doesn't feel like any kind of accomplishment. I know it's probably just because the volume in my stomach is less than usual.
How have you guys managed this journey paired with unexpected grief?
That situation had to be really tough.
For me it was a struggle to get enough calories to stay fueled enough to help my family. I am an emotional non-eater you might say. I had some frozen pizza which was calorie dense so that was my calorie supplement each day for 5 or 6 days. I didn't enjoy any of it I just forced it down.
Nutrition can take a back seat as long as it does not stay back there too long. We are well adapted to survive periods of time on minimal nutrition so don't give it a second thought.
By the next week I was eating more normally again but my grip was loosening. The whole situation created some diet fatigue in me. Eventually we went away for a long weekend. I took a break that was not restricted to maintenance. The whole thing cost me about a half a pound regain but it was worth it. I came back feeling in charge again and ready to tackle more.
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