Morning!

I'm only on my first coffee so lord knows how well this post will turn out lol..

Nothing new at my end.. except i braved the scale this morning and im suprised i didn't crawl back under the covers and pull them up over my head I have been stress eating a lot lately .. well emotional eating i guess.. i seem to be going thru another phase of anger at all the ignorant, selfish morons who won't wear masks and care nothing about the greater good just themselves and their "dont wanna" whine.. and are holding me hostage inside because of their arrogance and complete disregard for humanity..

They even made it a bylaw in my community that masks are mandatory in all indoor public spaces - which includes elevators and all businesses, but i spend half my day hopping off the elevator in my building every time someone gets on without one.. everyone refusing to wear one in public is blatantly saying "f u" to everyone... and i admit i have to control my desire to just punch em out lol. and realizing its been 6 months now of pretty much isolating 22 hrs a day, and I still wont be able to see my family this year as where they live is the only place smart enough in our country to require a 2 week quarantine for anyone entering the province... Which is why they've had so few cases there throughout this whole pandemic... but its obviously getting cooler now too and i think in the back of my mind im already dreading being holed up again thru winter.. so my head is telling my mouth to eat a bag of chips to calm down!! So i know i absolutely need to focus on not giving in to emotional eating - to recognize me stuffing those chips or cookies in is not going to help .. so that's my goal for the upcoming week!

Vail - are you doing like a VON home visit to people?? I don't blame you at all for being nervous or anxious over that.. .because while you know what YOU are doing is right.. you can't know if the people you go to visit are following protocols or not. Maybe if you double up on the PPE when you go; i.e. a mask plus a face shield and double glove it will help relieve the anxiety a bit? i don't know if that's feasible for what you have to do but do whatever you can or have to to keep yourself safe and comfortable enough with the PPE to relieve some of the anxiety...

I LOVE THE idea of an outdoor gym.... and huge congrats on moving your step up to the next notch!! i hated the step in my fitness classes and admit it was always at the lowest notch so im very impressed you moved up one!! Well done you! and i totally agree.. extra bonus points just on the walk to get there lol.. and if you're sore today then you were moving some parts for sure even if it may not have felt like it at the time. Good job Vail... good job!!

Suzy.... before i forget how's the foot doing?? I can imagine yesterday was exhausting and i hope you got a good sleep last nite afterwards! Your poor cat.. i feel for him; and it's great he will have a "safe" space to hang out in the man cave!

Total kudos to you for coming up with some dinner plans... and honestly think its a great idea to focus on just portion control, not what may or may not be considered "healthy"... its going to be a little stressful for all of you over the coming weeks.. even tho we love our family when our routines and structures are disrupted for any reason it can make us anxious, and there are 6 of you (well 9 if you count your cat and the 2 dogs) who's routines are all being challenged.. so cut yourelf a little slack without adding in stressors about food... but that said i think deciding ahead of time that your focus will be on portion control no matter what the meal is a a GREAT idea.. because it will give you some control in a situation where you may not feel you can eat what you want, but rather have to prepare food for everyone's tastes and styles.. so knowing you can control what you eat will help big time im sure.. really great idea you have IMO...

OKAY Im going to post this now before i hit something and lose it all.. i'll probably remember somethign else i want to ramble on about later.. but need more coffee first ... lol

And its good to know we have a safe place ourselves to come and vent to keep us sane lol.. and yes its important to focus on the gratitudes that the people we love are safe and we all have roofs over our heads and food on the table...but because we are grateful and recognize that.. its ok to need to vent about whats making us crazy now and then lol... less calories to vent here than to eat chips or drink wine ha...

Vail - i'm sending you a virtual socially distant hug because i cannot even IMAGINE the stress you're under from your work requirements.. omg! I can only think how i'd feel and the fact you're put in situations that you have no control over (people without masks, and as you said assuming in their homes THEY are fine, but what about you?? omg.. all i can say is i hope you go completely overboard with any precautions you can take for yourself.. the worst part was reading about the "patients" who don't wear masks when you are there.. WTF??? I don't care if someone has been living under a rock all this time or what their own personal feelings are about masks - EVERYONE knows that a mask only protects others from YOU.. so people not wearing a mask when you are there out of plain old respect for the fact you're putting yourself at risk to be there?? That's horrendous and so WRONG!! AND please keep us updated how you're doing... no frigging wonder youre having some woe is me moments btw... I am too and have nowhere near the reasons you do!!

The only thing i CAN relate to is the anxiety about meeting with friends who you know haven't been practising the SD'ing etc.. I find many of my friends have extended their 10 hug circle bit by bit to the point where now it seems like they have completely forgotten the 3 rules.. our numbers here have jumped as well, to the point where our province has drastically reduced the indoor/outdoor numbers and increased fines up to $10,000 because so many people are just having backyard parties and getting together in restaurants and bars as if things were perfectly normal.. and the increase is also due to people who think it's "safe" if they are with their friends... and ignore the rules. The only person I feel "safe" around right now is my pickleball partner to be honest... and by safe i mean because we have both been maintaining full protocols all summer.. never within 6 feet of each other, never touch each others equipment.. we are so used to moving around each other to maintain the 6 feet that its become automatic and i don't have to constantly "think" move away.. we just do it.. but at a recent get together with 2 friends in their backyard, i found it too stressful because they were moving like normal around each other whereas i kept backing away anytime someone got to close to me. Like you, EVERYONE is stranger danger to me so im not used at all to having anyone close to me, so its automatic to move away from everyone - but when you are with people even if its just 2... its stressful to always be thinking about are they too close.. and it can be awkward.. i feel almost guilty for moving away from them even tho they don't make me feel that way.. but you can kinda "feel" the look anyway in your own head...

i did have a nice visit with one of my good friends in her backyard on friday.. i went to drop off some disinfectant wipes i'd finally found in the store and she said would you like to stay for a coffee in the backyard.. i've been there once before and she knows how i am about SD so she had the chairs all set up far, far away and when she brought out the coffee, i went over to the garden area while she set it on the table beside my chair and went back to heor own chair 10 feet away... then i went and sat down. so that was a very enjoyable hour for me because i didn't have to worry the whole time about staying apart.. altho there ws a moment where she went to show me something on her phone and i was like stop pls.. too close... again as you said because they aren't used to SD with their own families who live in the house.. so i can totally understand your reluctance to get together with friends too.. and i KNOW i've been emotionally eating because of it... the scales prove it... i think im the highest i've been since the start of the pandemic... i do worry about becoming too isolated because of it.. expecially because when winter comes it will pretty much be impossible for me to see anyone, but its hard to find the right balance for sure. Sending you big hugs... is your son living with you btw now???

p.s. has anyone else noticed the little white box to the right side of each of the posts? I've never noticed it before... i put a tick in one to see what happened and this little message came up saying "you have chosen one reply to this discussion - take action or cancel" .... ?????? yikes lol.. i hit cancel cause i didn't know what would happen if i chose take action lol!

Maybe they've been there all along and i never noticed them before?

Vail - i didn't realize your highest anxiety is your friends not recognizing your need for them to take precautions - I had to take a bus this morning to go get my car; i couldn't handle another 10m walk but i was terrified.. waited for an empty one and an express so no stops and only 2 other people on the whole bus. But i STILL told my pickleball partner this morning that i had had to take a city bus so she was aware, because she's the only other human i have any contact with, and even tho we always follow all the protocols with each other and always have, she deserves to know i had taken a city bus... it must be so frustrating for you and just adds to the self isolation. Two of my good friends have blown their bubble up so much its crazy... but since they are both at their cottages all summer and plan to stay there im not at risk from them... but I can feel the isolation some days worse than others for sure so I feel for you... I saw this post on FB the other day and thought... yup.... this descibes my friends!!