Doom, Despair, and Agony on Me! (aka a whine thread)

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  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,344 Member
    amart4224 wrote: »
    I'm struggling to get back on track after a 10 day (yes, ten 🤦🏻‍♀️) binge, which culminated in cramming about 4500 calories down my throat on Monday and then spending the night tossing and turning, heart pounding from the overload of sugar. Yesterday and today I've managed deficits and I've removed the remainder of the binge food from the house via the dumpster. I'm so disappointed in myself because prior to those ten days, I was just 0.2 pounds from a new low, which I haven't seen in over FOUR MONTHS now. I thought stress was really my trigger, but now here I went off the deep end with no excuses whatsoever.

    So frustrating and I am right there with you….I can’t seem to get my crap together this week….diet 2 days and binge 3….
  • amart4224
    amart4224 Posts: 345 Member
    amart4224 wrote: »
    I'm struggling to get back on track after a 10 day (yes, ten 🤦🏻‍♀️) binge, which culminated in cramming about 4500 calories down my throat on Monday and then spending the night tossing and turning, heart pounding from the overload of sugar. Yesterday and today I've managed deficits and I've removed the remainder of the binge food from the house via the dumpster. I'm so disappointed in myself because prior to those ten days, I was just 0.2 pounds from a new low, which I haven't seen in over FOUR MONTHS now. I thought stress was really my trigger, but now here I went off the deep end with no excuses whatsoever.

    So frustrating and I am right there with you….I can’t seem to get my crap together this week….diet 2 days and binge 3….

    I guess what I've learned from the past 4 months is that if I diet 5 days a week and binge 2, then I'm actually just maintaining 🤦🏻‍♀️ I've got to find something more sustainable.
  • Dante_80
    Dante_80 Posts: 421 Member
    amart4224 wrote: »
    I guess what I've learned from the past 4 months is that if I diet 5 days a week and binge 2, then I'm actually just maintaining 🤦🏻‍♀️ I've got to find something more sustainable.

    That also means if you diet 6 days and allow one to cheat a little, you will be actually losing and it may be sustainable at this point in time!

  • lauriekallis
    lauriekallis Posts: 3,167 Member
    I've really been trying a more moderate approach - and the binge days seem to come no matter what.

    I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if it is because of how long I've been (trying to be) in a deficit - about 16 months? The amount of weight loss? How close I am to a normal BMI? The colour of the sky?

    But since eating in moderation - very close to or at maintenance - doesn't seem to make a difference on the out-of-the-blue binge attacks, I'm thinking maybe to get to goal will be more of a monthly cycle? 3 weeks high deficit / 1 week over maintenance (if I plan it its not a binge?) and at least then I will be going down?

    I seem to be able to manage both of those eating patterns well. B)

    If you can't beat them join them?

    Maybe a bad idea. We'll see.
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 11,134 Member
    Laurie what works does change over time and with the circumstances. TRYING and ADJUSTING is good. And there is nothing sacred about "a way". BUT, the fight is real with the over-eating episodes. And I am including me today and yesterday and the day before with lack of sleep.

    Especially if they're common. Deficit can bring them about. Other issues can bring them about (stress, sleep and all the rest of it). But they're definitely something we all ought to seek to minimize... cause... well... maintenance does involve maintaining and eating close to goal everyday which will break down quite spectacularly if two or three out of 7 days are out of control!

    It's one thing to have one day (well) over maintenance and another to be hitting two or three in a row. (and I am differentiating here between over-maintenance vs not achieving a deficit... the two are different in this context)

    If you plan it is it a binge? There is the technical definition of a binge. And there is our own definition. We don't all use the word the same way. And our hamsters often determine what is and what isn't--a +3000 Cal day for you may not be a binge and a +500 for me may be depending on how and why it happened.

    I suspect that your three down one up pattern is probably a case where the deficit triggers the overeating. But when eating at maintenance and having uncontrolled up days? That may require some hamster detective work as to why that is taking place! Unless it involved naan, or ice cream :wink:
  • lauriekallis
    lauriekallis Posts: 3,167 Member
    My hamsters are tired - they aren't fully processing tonight. Hot day - lots of walking.

    I don't know. I haven't had many full on "binges" - but there have been a few. Some foods seem to bring about a loss of control. Bread - naan! yes. I'm actually okay with ice cream around. Peanut butter and hummus have both become problematic. lol.

    If I just skip the grain-based stuff - and "fill up" with other food. Potatoes, beans, veggies, cottage cheese, eggs, yogurt, I seem to be okay and don't get too rattled.

    But then I think - nah - that is all in my head - surely it is okay to eat a moderate amount of grain-based food - and it all goes out the window.

    The answer seems obvious.

    Right now all is good...full belly, no binges, hi deficit, not hungry.

    I haven't had any "settled-mind" maintenance days in a long time - because jumping up those 12 or so pounds just pokes my hamsters constantly.

    I'm giving it a full out effort to re-lose those. Get to 165 (the closest round number - and about halfway to my new goal). And then figure out the next step. A proper go at maintenance for awhile - without the burden of carrying around regained pounds? Or if things are going well still - keep up the deficit - see if I can reach my final goal of 150?

    We shall see.

    Binge - in my mind, when there is just no stopping the consumption and any clear thinking goes out the window.
    I was thinking that if I eat over maintenance occasionally - it will almost serve as a binge to the hamster that are feeling deprived - yet I will have control?
  • lauriekallis
    lauriekallis Posts: 3,167 Member
    Lack of sleep. Or just plain old "not quite enough" sleep - plays a big role in my binge or binge-like eating. Part of me seems to think food will solve the "tired" issue. It doesn't usually. But sometimes, a good blast of chocolate or sugar perks the brain up in the final hours of extreme focus. But that isn't quite the same.
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 11,134 Member
    On the sleep thing I can guarantee you it's a major contributor speaking from personal experience. 500 to 1200 calories takes me from ready to sleep to dragging myself through another three or four hours awake. It's a calculus that more often than not does not make any logical sense... and yet the hamsters have continued to do it for years = decades. And the amount of times these calories gravitate towards chocolate, cookies, candy, energy bars, ice cream versus a nutritional full meal... are extremely well correlated with degree of tiredness.. and the healthy meal is *not* the clear winner.

    substitute food for sleep and flog the system for a few more sub par performance hours... guilty as charged; and that's not a net benefit!🤯🥺🤷
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,344 Member
    I am a Binge eater….what you consider a binge might not be what I think is one… when I binge it is like I am possessed….binging is not grazing all day or eating an extra helping of dessert…..one night this past week due to so many things going on I had a full blown out binge….binging is usually a few hours eating as fast as I can and it doesn’t matter what I consume….it can be up to or above 8 or 9 thousand calories….I gorge myself until I am physically sick and sometimes I cry while I eat….or I will hide my food or leave the house and eat in the car….last week I did all of this….I thought I was way past this in my journey but evidently not….I have been back to basics the past few days taking it one hour at a time….I hope you get yourself back at it…it’s just so not worth feeling like crap afterwards…..whatever it takes I will never go back the way I was two yrs ago…
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 11,134 Member
    The mental aspect of it Connie is what differentiates things even more so than the quantity of food. The out of control aspect and the guilt feelings too. I've had the out of control experience maybe a single handful of times in my life. The plain overeating one... too many times to count! :smirk:
  • lauriekallis
    lauriekallis Posts: 3,167 Member
    edited August 2021
    This morning I managed to get up early - ! - Like my goal for a few weeks, and headed out with Laine not longer after 7, before the heat hit.

    Beautiful morning, air was fresh and "green" smelling. You could tell it is going to be a scorcher, but not yet.

    But it was early on a Sunday morning, in a part of the city that has many troubled people. So there was much evidence of too much consumption last night.

    Had me thinking of how it all comes down to that one part of the brain that wants to be fed - with whatever happens to be your drug of choice. And how once it is let loose - even a little - it just can't stop until the body serving it is pushed beyond its limits and simply fails.

    Looking at the fellow, hunched over on a bench, a faded t-shirt draped over his bones and the remnants of his "binge" scattered around him. Thank goodness he was still breathing. It hurt to see him where he was, I can only imagine what his life must be like and part of me thought that there but for the grace of God goes I.

    Thank goodness my brain (the hamsters in my brain ? thank you for that perfect personification PAV) chose food and cigarettes to spin their wheels over. Alcohol is "fun" - but doesn't feed that part of me - neither does any drug I have encountered (but I'm cautious on that front too - just in case).

    So what does it mean? How do we keep those particular hamsters in their cages?

    I don't know.

    But am pretty that figuring that out is the my final key to maintaining a manageable body weight.

    I dream of lean, but understand that the best case scenario is that I'll eventually settle into a comfortably fit range that doesn't require most of my mental energy to maintain.
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,344 Member
    A psychiatrist once said to me, “ thank God you don’t drink or do drugs!”…..( I never have smoked)

    I guess he really knew me!
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 11,134 Member
    edited August 2021
    But Margaret that's great news❣️ take it easy, look at the trend... and keep going👍
  • lauriekallis
    lauriekallis Posts: 3,167 Member
    @MargaretYakoda

    Only way to deal with that kinda freak is to DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Woohoo.

    Congratulations.
  • MargaretYakoda
    MargaretYakoda Posts: 1,944 Member
    @MargaretYakoda

    Only way to deal with that kinda freak is to DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Woohoo.

    Congratulations.

    I have a balance disorder. I shall dance in my imagination. And maybe knit like a fiend for a few days. 🤓
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,633 Member
    Hey all. I haven’t dipped my toe into this group much. Just lurked.

    But I’m here with a whine.

    I’ve lost over 60 pounds in 7 months. I am 4 pounds from Onderland.

    And it’s freaking me out

    I just had to say that to someone.

    THATS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    i remember it felt like i was going to be stuck at 200 forever and never dip to 199.

    i was convinced my scale was broken.