Share Your Day

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Replies

  • Yoolypr
    Yoolypr Posts: 1,034 Member
    Laurie what a day you’re having! It’s going to be a big adjustment for you and son’s family. The important thing is you’ve raised a good responsible adult who is doing what he thinks is best for his family.
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 2,893 Member
    You have all my hugs and support, Laurie. I'm in Indiana and my eldest son has said that he wants to move to the northeast (Vermont, to be exact). I'm sure I will also be sad when he leaves.

    I thought I had the right summer curtains out, but clearly not once I hung them up. (GRRR) so now I have to refold those and get into the attic and find the right ones. Bleah. Probably should get out the summer carpet while I'm at it.
  • Yoolypr
    Yoolypr Posts: 1,034 Member
    Hubby and I were the ones who moved far from family and became military gypsies. Both our siblings, parents, extended family remained in Ohio. We traveled far and wide and never returned permanently.
    We made the effort to stay in close contact, traveled back “home” at least once a year. And family was always welcome to visit us anytime. It hasn’t alway been easy but it was the right choice for us.
    There are so many ways to stay in contact now and plane travel is available. ❣️
  • Janatki
    Janatki Posts: 728 Member
    edited May 9
    @Lauriekallis - feel for you - my boys both flown the nest & I miss them (though not their messiness!), though both are within an easy commute - relative to your situation - sending hugs 💕
    @Bella_Figuria - we’re in a similar situation, but in reverse; in hilly West Yorks, but would love to move down South - the flat landscape would be a nice change?😉, but we have my MIL & FIL who are becoming more & more dependant! MIL with dementia & the FIL with cardiac problems…..just had the maddest Sunday with them so far 😟😖🙃….. maybe we could home swap for a while??!!!!😁
  • Bella_Figura
    Bella_Figura Posts: 2,981 Member
    Atki if it wasn’t for MIL I’d be swapping like a shot!
  • Yoolypr
    Yoolypr Posts: 1,034 Member
    edited May 9
    Over the years of being a caregiver to my mom, I began a notebook as she aged. In it I wrote down the things I found particularly annoying, exasperating and challenging in caring for her. I did this as a reminder to myself as I got older and dependent so that I would not inflict the same pain on son or other caregivers.

    Often as we age (I’ll be 75 soon) we get wrapped up in our own selves. We don’t remember what it’s like to be younger, healthier, have demands of work, and the desire to live our lives independently. Trying hard not to be burdensome, a source of guilt and generally unpleasant company. My favorite mug when I was caregiving!

    wagu48t2o8n6.jpeg
  • Janatki
    Janatki Posts: 728 Member
    I looked after both my parents near the end, in my home with hubby & 2 kids & a job … & even though hard - with my mum particularly, I would do it again, like we are doing!
    And the MIL is such a lovely lady & a great mum / grandmother to OH & my lads…..
    However, Yoolypr it is hard & OH finds it partcularly hard ……though we both agree, this is not as hard as it was with my mum as she never stopped grieving for my dad, was in a poor state mobility wise and a total misery most of the time….
    Nearly broke me and my brothers were hopeless & never helped out! 🙄 But hey ho! circle of life eh?
  • Yoolypr
    Yoolypr Posts: 1,034 Member
    I’ve known several people who were a joy into their 90s. Then there are those who start “aging” badly at 50. Disapproval, disappointment, complaints on every possible topic. People who try to crawl into the past rather than go forward.

    Caregivers have a hard time but do so with a loving heart. ❣️ Often a broken heart is also part of the process when it comes to siblings who are happy to let you do the heavy lifting.

    I just want to be remembered as a joy rather than an old complaining self-involved Crankypants!
  • lauriekallis
    lauriekallis Posts: 2,760 Member
    Oh my, I hadn't thought of it from that angle. I'm still in my fifties and have been playing a support role re childcare, home renovations, yard work etc (until my shoulder injury). I'd be kinda pissed off if that thought had crossed their mind already....lol...I'm still at the "my life has revolved around being supportive for the past decade - a conversation would be nice" stage...I may cool off and come delete this post later... :)
  • Bella_Figura
    Bella_Figura Posts: 2,981 Member
    Laurie, I didn't mean to suggest that your son thinks you're in your dotage already! But, as Yooly so insightfully points out above, some folks are old waaaayyyy before their time. And you're clearly NOT one of them. In a clumsy way I was trying to pay you a compliment!

    I think it's natural and understandable that you're feeling that a conversation would've been nice before the bombshell was dropped!

    On the subject of crabby old folks, though, my mom was adamant she would be independent, no trouble, a veritable saint if she lived to old age...but sadly she wasn't! She remained fiercely mentally independent to the very end, but her body let her down and she was very infirm and frail by the time she died. Being physically dependent soured her already very challenging temperament, and in her misery and humiliation she spared none of us her carping bitterness.

    In her last 6 months we siblings had to constantly rally each other's spirits and our constant refrain to each other was: "We'll have to force ourselves to forget all this when she's gone and focus on the good memories."

    I've told my husband he has my permission to fake an unfortunate fatal accident by throwing a plugged-in hairdryer in my bath water if I follow in my mother's footsteps!

    We none of us think that WE will be the ones that end up crabby and life-souring for our nearest and dearest...but clearly it happens to lots of people and why should we be immune?

    On the other hand, I too have met some 90y/o folk who were absolute gems...my dad was one, luckily!
  • Yoolypr
    Yoolypr Posts: 1,034 Member
    Good heavens Laurie! You’re no where near dotage. Your son probably put off telling you about the move because like most men he puts off the bad news until the last minute. Trying to avoid hurting or upsetting you and then dealing with the aftermath.
    It will all work out. You have a lovely trip to Rome soon. And many days ahead filled with new adventures.
    Now we need to work on PAV who is inclined to mention his advancing age a bit too often. He’s barely out of short pants!
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 10,712 Member
    If I'm not already at me dotage, at this rate I will be before the week is done!!!!

    Should i really have to explain why it is a bad idea to be looking at swivel recliners (even if they're cheap) if you're likely to push with both hands against one arm in order to get up?🤬🤯🤷🏻‍♂️

    Unfortunately the result of the physical demonstration of the stupidity of looking at prices exclusive of function has resulted in a carpet burn knee boo-boo 😹😹😹

    Picture to follow!!!!🤣🐹🙀
  • Bella_Figura
    Bella_Figura Posts: 2,981 Member
    Bit saddle sore this evening after a 70km off-road ride on our MTBs mainly on forest trails and singletrack. Good fun, but my arthritic thumbs know they've had a good workout today. They're still throbbing, four hours post-ride.
  • lauriekallis
    lauriekallis Posts: 2,760 Member
    Holy schmoley, Bella! You are a crazy girl!
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 10,712 Member
    OOOOO---kay---doUGH-kay..... am I grokking this @Bella_Figura ?

    I am sitting here with my non hurting carpet burned knee because I demonstrated to someone who ought to know better what is likely to happen to him when he pushes with both hands against the one side of a swivel chair in order to get up!

    And, YOU, you are, *VOLUNTARILY*, like--really?--without anyone pointing a gun at you or anything? You are voluntarily going to get on a two wheeled contraption that will CEASE CONTACT with the *kitten* earth while you spin around in the air doing an imitation of a splatted garfield trying to go splat on concrete?

    MY MIND
    iZ
    BOGGLED.

    Boggled.

    Like, please leave some garfield pieces intact so that she can visit Canada and spend some tourist dollars here -- it's one of my missions in life!!!! :smiley:
  • lauriekallis
    lauriekallis Posts: 2,760 Member
    Good going, Athijade. Anxiety is such a whirlwind. Tries to paralyze you just when you most need to move.
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 10,712 Member
    Hello quiet ones.

    @Yoolypr I hope the vacation is going good and that you will regale us with stories that are good!
    @Athijade that's an awesome move. Brings to mind that I need to keep in mind that walking around while agitated (which I started back in 2014) is GOOD in my case. Reverting to/restarting chewing while marchine around... not according to the new deal!
    @splatty_bella_figura_garfield_cat... are you still, err, all pieces intact and in their normal locations?!?!?!?! :neutral:
    @Janatki how goes soccer veganism?!?!?!!? Good bunnies, right?!?!?
    @AlexandraFindsHerself1971 here's hoping you're keeping it all together in the multi-dimensional household!
    @lauriekallis You posted some awesome paintings a while back... are you in the process of painting something else?