Share Your Day
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Oddly enough, at a certain point it's easier for me than short hair. I wash it once a week or so, and once it's dry.... I put it up in a top bun at night, take it down, brush through, and put in a low bun or a braid for the day. Repeat at night. It takes me maybe five minutes to do it in either way, so it's pretty easy for me.2
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Sounds like you’ve got the hair situation under control. It’s similar to your organization skills in the rest of the house. A plan and routine for everything!3
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I've discovered a new hobby...hula hooping! I haven't done it in almost 50 years...
On Sunday I bought a weighed hoop (2kg!)....it took me a few attempts to get the knack (bruising my ribs and imperilling my furniture in the process!) but I've now cracked it (the hooping, not the ribs!).
I can now hula continuously for 10 minutes (about 1,200 rotations of the hoop) and it definitely elevates the heart rate at little. It's just a pity that you can't spot-reduce fat, as I'd love to swap my spare tyre for an hourglass figure.5 -
Gyrating Garfield! 😹1
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So I need to be sure to be a better housekeeper in my new place as opposed to here. Seems I did not dust the upper shelves as much as I should have. Was pulling stuff down to pack and there was a lot of dust. Which has now flared my allergies and asthma. So I feel like crud today. Even took a sick day. May as well... I don't get paid out my sick time so don't want to lose it.
As such, I am sitting around the house today, coughing up a lung or two, and just feeling yucky. I may try to do a little bot of packing if I get some energy. If not I will focus on meal planning.6 -
Oh dear @Athijade I sympathise - housework isn't my favourite activity but I force myself to dust because otherwise my eyes stream constantly.
I have a lovely foot-long deep purple band of bruising around my ribcage just under my boobs...who knew weighted hula hoops could cause so much soft tissue damage?! All the bruising was caused on the first day when I was a tad over-vigorous in my initial pushes, but I'm not letting the residual pain put me off my new hobby - I love it!6 -
I had a bad pain day because I woke to a thunderstorm and front going through and my ankles and reconstructed foot spent the day loudly blaming the weather on me. Now that it's better I'm trying not to do everything and get it angry again, but the temptation is very much there.5
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I would like to claw into my head through my skull and pull out my brain. I had a trauma response and I felt embarrassed even though it wasn't shameful and it's so frustrating that I'll obsess over what I could've done differently for the next few months and I would like to prevent that.
There's still a lot of self-hate in me and part of it is because I'm so insecure so it's this vicious cycle of feeling insecure and hating myself for it, causing my confidence to plummet further. When it's just me I can recognise it for what it is and attempt to rewire my brain but when other people are around and see it they make me feel like I should be insecure, that I should feel bad about myself and that I deserve all the bad stuff. Even though they mean well, they make me feel worse.
I'm so tired of hating my brain but since I stopped hating my body there's nowhere else to redirect the hate and I never learnt how to let go of the hate.4 -
So sorry about the dust allergies Athijade.
During hubby’s military years we moved every 3 years or so. We were required to pass housing inspection before leaving. One could hire crews of cleaners that would come in - for a fee- and do all the heavy cleaning required for inspection.
Now that we don’t move house and we’re old, I’ve learned to save up for a once a year deep cleaning company. Yes it’s a bit expensive but soooo worth it. I do the routine cleaning, vacuuming, mopping, bathroom scrubbing, windows myself all year. But the high places, baseboards etc. are not easy anymore.
Maybe you could ask for a cleaning crew gift certificate for birthday or Christmas?2 -
bojaantje3822 wrote: »When it's just me I can recognise it for what it is and attempt to rewire my brain but when other people are around and see it they make me feel like I should be insecure, that I should feel bad about myself and that I deserve all the bad stuff.
I can only speak from my own experience but it’s held true over my nearly 75 years. Most people are compassionate, kind and forgiving. Most are not terribly judgmental at all because everyone is often insecure too. Even the most externally confident people. It’s really a rare nasty person that would be deliberately cruel. All of us are struggling to work through our individual complicated lives and recognize that struggle in others.4 -
@Yoolypr you're so right. Usually it's the nicest people that want to be supportive that say the wrong things. I try not to connect how they make me feel in that moment to how I feel about them when they're not being clumsy with their words so barring a few individuals who I don't like on their good days, I don't resent any of these people but it is hard not to internalise their words because they resemble my inner voice so much.1
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Yooly, this has been my experience too. I was having a conversation on this very topic with my 82 y/old MIL yesterday. We arrived to take her out for a pub lunch, and she was almost in tears because her arms were too wrinkly to wear the new sleeveless dress she'd bought. Kim and I tried hard to reassure her that her arms looked totally fine. Show them off with pride, we said. We pointed out that in our experience most people are either a) observant, but kind and non-judgemental, b) naturally unobservant, or c) self-obsessed - hence her worst critic is herself. Only a very small fraction of people look critically or contemptously at others, and only a fraction of that fraction would be rude enough to actually express their criticism aloud. We still couldn't convince her to wear the dress...
Trouble is, she herself is the most judgemental person I've ever met, and she truly believes that everyone else is equally unforgiving. She judges wholly on appearances, and is scathing and exacting in her standards. As an example, when we were sitting down for lunch, two women (clearly sisters) entered the bar and ordered drinks. They'd just moored outside (the pub is riverside) and were both dressed casually in shorts and identical spaghetti strap silky tops, which were cut away at the front to show some midriff. The elder sister was obese, the younger was slender. MIL raked them both from head to foot with her gimlet gaze and said in a loud stage whisper 'Ugh, look at the state of that!' It was mortifying. The elder sister flushed and tried to hide behind her sister, who turned and glared at us as if she's like nothing better than to come and throttle MIL....well, she'd need to stand in line behind me, because I was ready to throttle her too!
Ultimately, the best one can do is to grow a thick skin so that the barbs and arrows of others (whether well-meant or malicious) bounce off without causing harm. Thin skins can be thickened with practice, so it's our own personal responsibility to cultivate self-love and acceptance for our wonderful bodies, which do a wondrous and miraculous job. Once we truly accept and love ourselves, the criticisms of others lose their ability to sting. Next, give folks the benefit of the doubt and assume they mean well, unless you have clear evidence to the contrary. Seek the best in others, don't hunt for the worst, and be less quick to take offence. And, most importantly of all, always, always be kind...4 -
Bella - sorry about your MIL but doubt there’s anything to be done to cure her at 82. I was a victim of my own mother’s very judgmental and intolerant nature. I think much of it was based on her own insecurity and feeling of unworthiness coming from a very impoverished home. Criticizing others served to make her feel somewhat superior.
Unfortunately much of mom’s judgement fell on her own children. We were never quite enough and fell short. I, being the only overweight child, got the brunt and years of self loathing. It took years to repair the damaged relationships with my siblings caused by mom’s favoritism. And yet, I ended up being her caregiver despite my unworthiness.
Years of love and patience from hubby gave me a much healthier sense of my self worth. Took a lot of years though! ❣️3 -
Yooly, you're absolutely right that MIL's judgmentalism stems from deep insecurity. Her whole life has been a sad, exhausing and costly competition to have the best face, figure, wardrobe, car, home, possessions, garden, vacations etc. because she's constantly paranoid that she's being judged and found wanting.
Unlike my own mother - who felt it was her maternal duty to be 'cruel to be kind' to her daughters, unto the grave - I'm lucky that MIL has never verbally been anything but supportive towards me, even when I was at my largest. But the supportive comments she makes to my face are fatally undermined by the horrendously intolerant comments she makes towards other people who fall short of her standards for beauty, slenderness, fashion sense etc... I've tried to point out how potentially hurtful it is when she lambasts people for being an affront to the eyes who are clearly slimmer/prettier/more stylish than I am, but she simply doesn't understand why I find her comments offensive and her compliments towards me insincere and untrustworthy.
Luckily maturity has thickened my skin and I've learned to love and appreciate myself, warts and all. It was a hard journey, but a rewarding one.3 -
It doesn't seem like the onus should be on the person hurt. It's not my responsibility to thicken my skin (or your responsibility to thicken yours); surely it's the responsibility of the person saying hurtful things, whether on purpose or unknowingly, to stop? Being sensitive shouldn't be frowned upon or discouraged. Sure, most people have good intentions but as humans we live in communities so others' opinions are always going to matter. I don't want to close myself off just so I can feel less hurt by what others say. And while intentions matter, impact matters more imo.
I know internalising their negativity is not the way to go either but 'just grow thicker skin' is not the encouraging message you think it is, though I know your intentions were good. I still hear that it's my fault for feeling a certain way.
No need to further explain, I know you're a decent person and well-intentioned and I'm not gonna let this change my (positive!) view of you but yeah, yooly's words were less ambiguous? so they clicked better in my brain.1 -
New bike day! To find this bike, in this colour, in my size (49cm), in such pristine condition, with a 105 groupset, at an affordable price, feels almost miraculous. I feel very, very lucky! Hallelujah for eBay!
She’s a better bike all round than my road bike so it’s such a pity she’s destined to live her life on the trainer, but that was the whole reason for buying her. Between the two of us we ride about 400kms a week on the trainer so it makes sense to invest in a bike that’s optimised for the trainer (I.e. that has an 11 speed cassette) ; in contrast my current trainer bike has only an 8 gear cassette. I'll be selling the current trainer bike to recoup some of the cost of this one, so today's purchase isn't as self-indulgent as it sounds...5 -
It’s a beauty Bella! Not sure what a trainer. Like the bicycle goes on some kind of rack for indoor stationary cycling? It’s almost too pretty to keep indoors.1
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Yes, you remove the bike’s back wheel and attach it to a smart trainer instead like this:
Means you have all the comfort of riding a proper bike that has the correct geometry for your height... plus if you hook up to a platform like Zwift you can participate in group rides, complete training plans or just have fun riding around epic courses such as Alpe D’Huez, Mont Ventoux or the Champs Elysees, all made famous by the Tour de France. Smart trainers have revolutionised indoor cycling. They mimic the experience of riding up lung busting leg snapper mountains or haring down steep hairpin descents, you get to use all the gears on your bike (all 22 of them) and it’s almost as much fun as actually being outside.3 -
Ah the joys of youth. No lung busting or leg snapping experiences for me any longer. The goal at my age is to try and hold it all together. At the gym I do a brisk 30 minute hike and another 15 on a stationary bike. Then it’s off to the weights for another half hour. Under all the wrinkly skin are some pretty good muscles 💪.
Enjoy that bicycle. I’m sure it will give you hours of adrenaline rushes!2 -
I dragged myself to the van today!?!?!?
Had to pour water on my head to make it! There used to be air conditioning in the van! There was squealing. The squealing stopped and silence ensued. The air conditioning stopped too. The blinky light blinks. At a guess the lack of squealing is less good than the previous squealing though one would have thought otherwise. A long weekend is coming up. I will attempt to get a new belt, possibly a pulley, tomorrow. Else the battleship is sunk! 4 -
bojaantje3822 wrote: »It doesn't seem like the onus should be on the person hurt. It's not my responsibility to thicken my skin (or your responsibility to thicken yours); surely it's the responsibility of the person saying hurtful things, whether on purpose or unknowingly, to stop? Being sensitive shouldn't be frowned upon or discouraged. Sure, most people have good intentions but as humans we live in communities so others' opinions are always going to matter. I don't want to close myself off just so I can feel less hurt by what others say. And while intentions matter, impact matters more imo.
I know internalising their negativity is not the way to go either but 'just grow thicker skin' is not the encouraging message you think it is, though I know your intentions were good. I still hear that it's my fault for feeling a certain way.
No need to further explain, I know you're a decent person and well-intentioned and I'm not gonna let this change my (positive!) view of you but yeah, yooly's words were less ambiguous? so they clicked better in my brain.
I agree with you, @bojaantje3822 - that people should not say hurtful things. BUT. The only thing we have any real control over is our own response - so it makes sense to focus on what we can control?2 -
Beautiful bike, Bella. Absolutely love the colour!1
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lauriekallis wrote: »I agree with you, @bojaantje3822 - that people should not say hurtful things. BUT. The only thing we have any real control over is our own response - so it makes sense to focus on what we can control?
Exactly, Laurie. Other people's words, attitudes, opinions, actions and sensitivity are completely outside our control; we can try to influence those factors, but we are ultimately powerless over them. The ONLY thing we have control over is our reactions and responses to other people. Therefore, IMHO, it's in our own best interest to invest time and effort into learning mastery over our more distressing emotions. It's not a question of closing ourselves off from our emotions, but learning to master the emotions that cause us pain and distress, so that we can explore the feelings when we're in a calmer headspace, rather than when we're agitated, hurt or upset. One can call that 'growing a thicker skin' or 'mastering your emotions' - either way, I personally have found it incredibly beneficial for my mental health.
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Getting older works too! You realize that life is short and you no longer have time for that stuff. Might as well just be happy and enjoy yourself.2
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Ah but Yooly, you're a wise old bird! Age doesn't go hand in hand with wisdom for lots of people! My MIL is a great example of a lovely but irredemably foolish woman, and she's 82!3
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Just putting this out there for those of us who love primates. May your day be as lovely as this little guy! This put such a smile on my face this morning!
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So my time has finally come. Tested positive for Covid last night. Feels like a cold on steroids. The sore throat is the worst part followed by the cough and congestion. Also not sleeping well. Took me until about 3am to sleep for longer then 15-20 minutes at a time. Even that was only 1.5 hours.
Hopefully things won't get worse as I am vaxxed and single boosted. Just frustrated because I had so much to do this weekend and most of it was out of the house. So all of that ends up getting pushed back. I start my new job on the 8th and am moving by the end of September. I don't have time for this.4 -
Yes you DO have time to rest and recover. Don’t rush this or it come back to bite you later
Bella, love the baby primate. The faces remind me of son as an infant. Wonder what thoughts are going on behind those happy little eyes?3 -
Just caught up on several days of comments--good to hear about some of the positive things going on with home improvements, job situations, etc! I have been incommunicado since my hysterectomy 7/20 for endometrial cancer--the surgery went great and I am recovering very well with essentially no pain. Unfortunately I just found out yesterday that the cancer has metastasized to my lymph nodes and I will need chemo and possibly radiation, probably starting in late August after I have finished healing from surgery. Now here's my question--I am still about 13-14 lbs from my weight goal of 140 lbs. I don't know what to expect in terms of how the treatment will affect my metabolism or weight or sense of taste or appetite. I don't know whether to keep on actively trying to reach my weight goal, or just hang it up for now since I have this new challenge to face. Does anyone have any practical advice or personal experience to offer?3
