BlissfulK wrote: »

Previous Weight: 151

Current Weight: 149.2

KimR_1986 wrote: »

CW: 290.7

Like several others right now I'm reading but not really responding through everyone's ups and downs, I'm currently in a mental down right now with family in the hospital again. My mother in law was admitted for shortness of breath on Monday and they found a 99% blockage in her LAD and had a stent placed, but she is still not feeling well. If any of you could spare a healing thought or prayer it would be deeply appreciated.

JbeanR0212 wrote: »

MUAC Daily Post:
*Feel free to skip past just working things out

Saturday (8/19)
Track: Yes
Calories: Yes - Gross Under / 💧132 oz.
Exercise: Kickboxing, strength + farm labor (parents)

Goals/Day/Comments: We survived the week! Did a couple hours of work and then decided to take the remainder as a mental health day. Worth it! The hours of work this week without kids interrupting, bickering at eachother and well just being around to lightly distract my focus were a bit of a huge wake up call. Many of my working hours have been spent overwhelmed by grief!

I realized the excessive exercise I’ve been doing these past few months hasn’t just been for weight loss, on a deeper level it has been a harmful distraction. One from what has been too painful to process except when the bubbles begin to fester out. This glimpse in the mirror has added to the sense of being overwhelmed.

In April I kinda shut down. In May I showed up here kicking tail and taking no prisoners. Seeing all my former colleagues at the school asking how I am doing with that empathetic little rub on my shoulder brings it back in but after her watching me fight the tears I had a nice walking chat with my counselor friend. I had my heart crushed and less than 3 weeks later lost my best friend of over 26 years suddenly (stomach flu, asphyxiated on vomit). I instantly lost the only two people in the world I would turn to for anything. Realizing how recluse I’ve become outside of open waters or unpopulated hiking trails. And I am so lonely yet….. afraid to get out and actually socialize again at the same time. The sorrow is just so heavy but I’ve allowed it to fortify itself and it’s time to start really clearing that away. Oh the hypocrisy of failing to accomplish what I’ve spent my professional life advocating. Going to be a long and windy journey.

So here I was crying, meditating, writing my ex a 27 page letter (which I will NOT mail) and talking out loud to Dani’s spirit (aka myself) while working on a memorial sculpture. It was therapeutic but I’m gonna need countless more moments like those before I feel the healing has even begun. Gotta start somewhere I guess but hopefully it’ll give all of you a bit of a break from my madness. I will make the work time up in chunks today & tomorrow.

“I closed my eyes and let the music flow through me, cleansing my soul of all fear and sin and reminding me that I am always better than I think and stronger than I believe.” - Paulo Coelho