MacInCali Member

How the hell am ~I~ the expert, I haven't even ~seen~ a penis in over 6 months!!! Omg ... I haven't even seen a penis in over 6 months ... :sad:

Thankfully, you've come to the right place for advice!! *grabs popcorn and waits for said advice to come rolling in*

:heart: :drinker: :heart: :drinker: :heart: :drinker: :heart: :drinker: :heart: :drinker: :heart: :drinker: :heart: :drinker: :heart: :drinker: :heart: :drinker:

It's been so long that I've forgotten.

Never. If I know one is coming on, I leave the room. Always (even after 16 years of being together). Of course there are those that slip and can't be helped, but I've never knowingly farted in front of my SO. He cannot say the same.

Lol, thank you kind sir! P.S. This gif is killing me, lol.

Now wait just a damn minute!! I'm German and I do NOT want my boobs **** on!!!

I confess to not being very creative with my name ... I really DO live in Cali.

I great quote from a facinating woman. And while this scenario can be perfection in its simplicity, there is something to be said about being the aggressor ... about being the one who claims, rather than being claimed herself. The perfect man is one who wants a female that is adept at both ...

If I'm drinking my calories, alcohol better be involved ... vodka or margaritas preferably.

No question - no sex. Bad sex is just sad and depressing and I'm perfectly capable of giving myself pretty damn amazing orgasms so, yeah, no sex over bad sex, lol

You only want to hear from straight ladies? I guess you can count me out. I'm curvy. Plus, I like girls as much as I do guys. Even more so at the moment, lol.

Oreo's MUST be dunked. I can't eat an Oreo without dunking it first. It could sit there for days if I'm out of milk, lol. With that being said, NO OTHER COOKIE can touch my milk before it goes in my mouth. Yes, I know I'm weird.

To Sovi Is undeniably sexy

I'd say your spotter was standing a bit too close then.

I fear you're going about this all wrong ... everyone knows it's the women over 40 (like me) who are the most desperate for someone to love them ... you're missing out on a whole demographic of sad and lonely women who want nothing more than to be used and taken advantage of ...

This puppy right here is Apollo: Our last puppy was a Rotti named Bruno. RIP :heart:

Did you just call me old? And to think I've "liked" past posts of yours ... :angry: . . . . . . :wink:

Thank you for allowing me to picture what you see, instead of the diseased vag that I see.

Even my love of boobs could not stop me from cringing at his sentence structure.

I'm not a teacher, BUT: I have to get up at 5:30am to get me ready for work and the kids ready for school. I work a 9 hour shift and come home with the kids around 6:30pm (if I'm lucky). We eat dinner. I help them with homework. We read for 30 minutes. Then it's shower time. If I'm lucky, we get about 30 minutes of…

Old Spice because of my grandpa. Fire Garlic cooking in olive oil. The forest Rain Coffee Johnson and Johnson baby lotion and shampoo.

That woman is ridiculous. What I want to know is why in the hell does every Disney movie kill off one or both parents and/or one or both parents are already dead in almost every single movie?! :laugh: The Little Mermaid The Lion King Cinderella Bambi Aladdin They almost managed it in Brave, but then they went and turned…

IN

Because you put your fingers in my honey.

Know that you are very much loved by many of us, cheer up hun, xoxo.

Because he needs to be in my .... newsfeed ... :blushing:

Finally, someone gets it!!! :drinker: