Over 50s Ladies - Our Special Needs
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Belated Happy Mother's Day everyone!.
I’m new to this group and thread but not to MFP.
Physical Status: I’ve had 2 injuries since September, an ankle and an shoulder. Exercise is mainly shoulder physical therapy and walking when foot tendonitis allows. I held maintenance for 4 months but over winter it gradually started to slope back upward.
Nutrition status: September I was at 1275-1300 for maintenance. January tried to lower it to 1275-1250. April tried to lower it to 1250. May trying for 1225-1250.
Macros P45%-F40%-CB15%. TBD adjusted as needed.
Purpose for low carb: To get a hold on my weight. I knew if I reduced carbs my metabolism has a chance to kick start my weight loss.
Personal Stats. Weight: December 148.6, May 153.6; BF% December 36%, May 39.9%.
Age: 60 Good health. Currently in post surgery therapy.
Monthly Goal: Reduce overall carbs to boost metabolism for weight loss. Weight 153.6, BF39.9%
May 4 Week 1 Goal range reduce Carbs from 80-100 range to 60-80 range.
>Results: D3 constipation. Post Dinner hours felt satiated and didn’t have snack attack effect.
May 11 Week 2: Repeat week 1
>Resulst so far: Constipation gone. Sleeping better.
Week 3: Reduce from 60 - 80 range to 60-70
Week 4 : Repeat week 3
What works for my weight loss: Sleep!!!, Water, No Stress, Eating at a deficit, Consistency, Strength Training,
Measure & weigh always.
May, thanks for starting this thread.
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Hello Ladies and welcome to HorseChick and hoopsgal !
Well Jane, you sly girl....I am so jealous of your younger man. And since you mention our mothers.....I don't know why I have not had the courage to mention my terrible relationship with my mother....here of all places, the place where I feel the most support. I let it slip last night on another thread. So here goes, I'm trying to be truthful in front of my friends, so need to be brave. I will always be hesitant I think, because I imagine when others hear my stories, they will reject me as a failure. So I need to be brave now and try to put to rest all these old fears. Of course some of them are absolutely related to our relationships with food. I apologize in advance for the long post.
My mother has a self-centred, selfish attitude, which I am sure she learned from her mother. My grandmother lived with us, so my sister and I had two strict, sharp-tongued women to order us around. We had everything we needed growing up, but never felt loved by them....not even to this day, and I am 53 and my sister is 51. The daily criticism we faced then, we now categorize as abusive. I mentioned last night that my sister and I were in our 40's before we stopped crying at family gatherings, due to my mother's abusive comments. We took the comments to heart most of our lives, which was likely the intent. My mother has a knack to hurt someone right where she knows it will hurt the most. In her case she did not restrict her tactics to private, she would humiliate us in front of others too.
When I was growing up, she called me 3 different names, "turd", "twerp" or "twit"....the 3 "t's", I called them. In order to try to turn her affection to me, I made sure that I was a straight "A" student, I bent over backwards trying to please her and make her laugh, but of course, there is no pleasing her. I could never understand why she wouldn't show me love. I could never understand why she was so mean. Even when trying to tell her about an accomplishment, she had a way to put me down ( I am ashamed to say she did it recently and I let her, choosing not to speak up for myself since it would do no good.) I won't go into details, except to say that my sister and I would agonize over this, unable to understand why she didn't love us. I don't remember her hugging or kissing us or telling us she loved us. I just remember feeling bad and feeling not good enough.
I am sure that I drowned my sorrows with food from quite a young age. I remember being hungry and asking for a snack when I was under 10 and being scolded. I remember my grandmother making comments about how fat I was. But when I look back at photos, I don't think I was that fat, maybe a little chubby pre-teen, but normal sized after puberty. But by then the damage was done. I had taken to hiding food in my desk drawer to avoid the comments about sneaking food and getting fat. I know I started to try to comfort myself with food. I know that I likely always had low self esteem. I remember asking my parents why they didn't praise us growing up, and my Dad ( who was a sweetheart, a gentle man trampled and under appreciated by my mother) telling me that they didn't want us to get swelled heads. I think I grew up thinking that nothing I did would ever be good enough.
So of course you know where this is headed. I got married to a man who took over from my mother in terms of not appreciating me. I slid right into that role having been there all my life. My husband was a yeller. A lazy man who could not show love, who would not even kiss me after we got married. I was married for 20.5 years before I worked up the courage to seek a divorce. The last 10 years were especially bad, and the yelling increased to the point that I could hear him still yelling at the end of the street, after I left the house to go for a walk. My husband was 12 years older than me. Today when I look at him, I can't stand the sight or smell of him. I am so sorry I stayed married to him for so long, thinking it would be better for my 2 girls. It was spring 2006 when I was able to get him out of the house. I kept my house, having to start all over again in paying it off. It was been tough, especially when difficulties with my daughter arose right around that time. I have already told some of you that the issues with my daughter's violence ( she was chasing us with knives and I thought she was going to kill me ) and diagnosis of Asperger's led to much intervention with health professionals and social services, which led to her hospitalization etc ....which led to my meager support system of my mother breaking down more and opened up more wounds when my ex-husband retaliated....and that led to my own emotional breakdown, anxiety issues, panic attacks....and that led to me losing my job. I had failed at everything....my marriage, my job and motherhood. But anyway, that's really another story and not my point right now. I've come a hell of a long way since then.
When I think back, I think that since I had been able to lose that first 100 pounds in 2005, I finally had summoned up enough self confidence to initiate divorce. I did it in an unhealthy way of course, with a low fat SAD diet and an exercise regime that was impossible to keep up. I had started walking for hours on end, just trying to get out of the house away from my husband...hoping to walk towards a happier life. But when more stress happened, of course I reached for food to comfort me. My mother was mortified that her 2 daughters' marriages had failed and what would people think of her....it's always about her. It was a horrible time, trying to rebuild my life. I have periods of a couple of years that are just fuzzy and vague in my memory, due to my own anxiety. I lost a lot of time and I need to make the most of it now.
Through a friend, I met my chiropractor who has gradually helped to turn my health around. I am a much different person now than I was 5 years ago...that was the start of my healing. But that's another story too. The whole point of my story is really that I think it was the relationship with my mother that steered my life down a certain path. I am trying honour my extremely patient ( deceased )Dad and be a good daughter and respect my mother, while trying to learn how to respect myself and take care of myself in all ways. I have definitely reached a new comfort zone within myself and that is leading to an ability to stick with my health resolutions. Keto absolutely makes it much easier to stay on track.
Now if only I could find a nice young man.............0 -
Welcome HorseChick and hoopsgal---happy to have you here! Best to you in the way of eating!
Kitn--It's an honor to have you share your deeply personal story with us. So much pain and heartache. I commend you for having the courage and wisdom to improve your health and your life as a whole. It takes a lot of strength to overcome the abusive situations, to grow within yourself and be able to relate to your mother in a respectful way even though she caused such harm to you. That is truly a lovely way to honor your dad. My best wishes to you as you continue this WOE and improve your health more and more.0 -
Thank you for listening Wheatless. My Dad stuck with my mother right to the end. He was the gentlest, most diplomatic, kindest man I have ever met and he was the best Dad ever. My mother used to pick on him too, but he always took it. I used to feel so badly for him and my sister and I would always stick up for him ( "Poor Daddy")...and my mom would not like that one bit. I think she always took him for granted, although she surely must miss him now. She mentioned to me after he passed away, that "he never said a bad word about anyone, not like me." I used to think that she was not aware of the damage she caused with her tongue, but now I think she must have some awareness of how her approach. I just don't want to let her hurt me anymore and that is huge.
I have come a long way in the past 5 years. I have been able to distance myself from becoming emotionally hurt by her....mostly. I can appreciate that her upbringing was probably loveless, knowing how her mother must have treated her growing up. She was also an only child whose parents moved a lot, and she went to a boarding school which may have prevented her from forming lasting relationships. She was also cared for very well by my Dad, and for the most part, did not work, and since she did not mingle well with others, was pretty sheltered all her life, and had perhaps less exposure to the real world. So I can accept that these factors set her apart. I have also come to believe that she is likely not capable of showing love in the way we expect her to, so I have stopped looking for it. My sister and I spend time with her because I feel it is our duty to do so.....and I feel that I must take my Dad's place and help her around the house because that's what he would do. So when I start to prepare the soil in her garden and get it ready for planting, I will do it with his spirit guiding me. And that brings me much peace.
It's not all a tale of woe.....it's also a triumph, even though my journey is not over yet. I am happy, I am losing weight slowly, I am much fitter than I have been in years. I have much more self control, and my emotions are healthy and normal. Everything is happening together. I can feel my self confidence strengthening. It's not just about weight loss....it's about all aspects of my health and life coming together so I can be the best I can be. I want to prevent disease, get my body functioning better and better physically, but also mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I want to be fitter all around, and I want to be able to help others and share what I have learned.......and then I'll hope to find love as well.
Thanks you for your good wishes. I am so thankful to have found MFP to help with the weight loss but also to have found this wonderful group. Thanks so much.0 -
Welcome @Hoopsgal Look like you know what you’re doing! I fully agree on the importance of sleep. Hope all goes to plan for you.
@Jane yes indeed, cougar is the word
@Kitn I’m so pleased that you have been able to feel comfortable about sharing your story. I think it’s so important to have trusted people to share with, and that there’s such a benefit to revealing what happened. Somehow, opening these things up to the light reveals that the shame wasn’t ours, as we’d always thought. It shows the blame where it always belonged, we just didn’t know it
I truly understand about crying, I fought not to do that so many times if I was ignored or spoken over in group situations. Well, even one on one. I’ve read that because we weren’t nurtured, we are not able to move past that development stage, so tears are *completely* understandable and normal. I’m pretty sure your mother and grandmother are narcissists as well. Most of them are open about it, so I’d say you have 2 prime examples there! One of my uncles is like that and nobody invites him anywhere now my aunt (the blood relative) has passed. Yes, learning to please them; learning to predict and cater to their every thought and need are prime results of living with a narc. Nothing you do is ever good enough. If it was, they would lose their tight control over you. They revel in your struggles and the power they feel. Low self-esteem is a given for children of narcs (unless you’re the favoured one, but that’s another story). Deep inside we take on that if our own mother doesn’t love us then there must be something deeply flawed about us, but it’s not true in the least! The flaw is in these wretched monsters that were allowed to breed and inflict their terrible payload onto innocent young souls who may never be able to free themselves of that inner shame. Unless they are strong and amazing, and we are all of us here strong and amazing. And after all these years I can even include myself in that, which is a miracle. If you can’t see it in yourself yet dear Kitn, I promise you it’s true, and you *will* see it! I am sooo pleased that you left that awful man. What a horrible existence you must have had, and it’s your mother’s fault, not yours. You know – there’s a saying that I like ‘Depression is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of holding on to impossible situations and being too strong for too long’. It’s no wonder at all that you broke down. Nobody could take all of that unscathed. Another point. Children of narcs often suffer from PTSD and that’s where the panic and anxiety issues come in. If adult men suffer PTSD from war, imagine how hard/impossible it is for a child growing up in the war of a household run by an all-powerful narc – or two. You are amazing to have come through all of this and be so kind, gentle and loving!Kitnthecat wrote: »I can appreciate that her upbringing was probably loveless, knowing how her mother must have treated her growing up....
So was yours , and you didn’t turn into a monster. *For me* I’ve found it best to accept her for who she is, and accept the reasons why she is that way, but I sure as heck don’t excuse her behaviour because of her past. Not saying you have either! I wonder why it’s always the good that die young? My mother had 2 sisters – 1 was a third of my saving grace as a child and died in her early 50s. Another died 2 years ago. But mother is going strong and still trying to dole out her viciousness. Oh well. I’m through it now. You sound as if you are too and it’s so fantastic that you are holding onto your lovely Dad. I’m so happy that you are a part of this group, that you are healing body and soul, and that we can all share our experiences together. And what I love most, is that all of us are facing health and freedom rather than indulging in pity parties.
My BP is back to normal today and I will continue taking the valerian at night, as well as Mauricio's herbs, to heal my fluttery heart. I had a 700 gram weight loss today too after a lovely night's sleep. I'm still 500 grams above my lowest weight of nearly 2 weeks ago, but it'll happen. In the meantime, today I feel at peace, *really* at peace. My wrists have lost weight yet again, it's so funny. And I honestly think my thighs are losing fat which hasn't happened since I was 11 even though I've been 'slim' a few times since then!!! My stomach and waist remain, hardly touched since I started this WOE on 23rd Jan. I'm going to look, side view, like a letter b before long ROFL
Stay awesome everyone
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@Kitnthecat big hugs to you and thank you for sharing. I am glad you could get your story out ...I hope it helps you to feel good about yourself and what you have become despite your upbringing. I am happy for you that you can start building your life and body to a healthy happy being...good for you (((hugs)))0
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Wow, every time I log in and read thru this thread I am newly amazed at the wonderful, supportive, wise, incredibly strong women that have gathered here. I just can't dig all of that BS and pain back up enough to type it all out so I am very proud of those of you that are able to get it all out there and talk about it. It sounds like most of us have traveled that rocky path to hell and back. I'm so glad we all made it back and that we've all gathered here to push, prod, poke, and heckle each other, with as much love and understanding as possible, into continuing our journeys. I am very grateful and think you are all the greatest!!
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Kitn, thank you for sharing because of the risk of triggering old hurts and the cost is great. So thank you, it takes courage. But you never know who your going to help with your personal story. I agree with those who said there are a lot of strong women here and it is a good place to share and get advice.0
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Hi all, I'm new to the group. Age 52, perimenopausal. I am researching low carb because the significant other's doctor recommended he do an Atkins type diet. I'm thinking that lowering carbs myself might help me with a lot of my hormonal symptoms. I don't have a lot of weight to lose, about 10-15 pounds, so I don't think I need to go keto. The worst of my symptoms seem to be related to sleep disruption and tiredness and stressed feeling, even when there is nothing to be stressed about. Too much cortisol. Even when it seems like I slept most of the night, I am exhausted within an hour of getting up. I skimmed through some of the posts in this thread and noticed someone mentioned magnesium, anyone have more info on that?0
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Hello everyone and welcome to the new ladies in the group! It's so good to have you here so we can celebrate your success with you! You are all in the right place!
@Kitnthecat, doesn't it feel good to know that you aren't your mother? It feels good to me! Good for you for putting it out there. Dining that alone can be a big step towards healing!
@GrannyMayOz, so glad your BP is under control. Hope you are enjoying the new rowing machine!
@jumanajane, Cougar you are, but age doesn't matter when love is there! Good for you!
Which brings me to my latest occurrence. I received a message from a gentleman on mfp Saturday morning telling me he had seen my picture and just had to send me a message.:-/ Well, we have been chatting a bit but he is in Virginia and I am in Mississippi, so there's a very slim chance we will ever meet face to face. Here's the thing, I'm 47 and he is 36. He has abs for days! Never thought a man like him could be attracted to someone like me! I have been married for 23 years, happily so. But, my hubby has never been open with compliments, but this guy is calling me gorgeous (I've never been called gorgeous) and all kinds of compliments! Just curious about any thoughts on this since I can't really talk to anyone about it here? Just a bit exciting!
Hope everyone is having an amazing low carb day!0 -
I'd say "Danger Will Robinson", and don't jeopardize your happy marriage by getting into an emotional relationship online.0
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Hello my lovely ladies!
Welcome deksgrl and wow, lol, your number of posts means you must have been using MFP for ages!!! Be interested to hear what you have been following up to now! Commiserations on the 'joys' of going through the menopause! As far as I understand the magnesium helps with sleeping when you are following LCHF woe. I havent fathomed how though but all I know is that I wasn't sleeping very well until I started taking it and now I am!
When I was still going through the menopause I used a bioidentical progesterone cream to counter the oestrogen dominance that happens. Everyone thinks you lose all of your estrogen(isnt that whats its called in USA? I used the English word before!) but actually you dont as it is still produced by fat cells which produce something which metabolises into estrogen BUT your progesterone does drop right down. Using a bioidentical cream helps to redress the balance. You have wonderful compounding pharmacists in USA I hear who can make it up or buy it but mkae sure you avoid any made with yams as they are actually estrogenic. A good search on Dr Google will turn up a lot of info.
May and Ellen...sorry to hear your little experiment hasnt rebooted you! I cant help feeling 5 days isnt long enough??? Probably wrong....I usually am! Lol. So glad to hear you BP has gone back to normal levels again May. It is a worry when you take it randomly and its way up but who knows why.
After my lovely low of a couple of days ago the usual has happened and today I'm 1kg up.....usual story. Ah well.
Today I was invited to a brunch to try food from the Kerala region of India! I was terrified that there wouldnt be anything without carbs but fortunately there was fish and chicken and delicious prawns in a spicy tomato sauce so I was fine...waaay over my protein level but......now I have to face tomorrow! I have lunch with my little group of friends. Thats fine, we meet up for lunch together every 4 or 5 weeks and they know all about my LCHF......dont agree with it but 'humour' me,lol. Trouble is that after that I have been invited to a Tea Party held by my Singaporean friend...who is definitely very anti LCHF!!!! Apart from the fact that I wont be hungry after lunch which might be a blessing in disguise,lol, I know most of the food will be carbs! Be nice to see people but I think I might be somewhat antisocial!!!
Btw, my social life is usually very quiet and then I get a sudden burst like this,lol.
@kitn.....I am SO happy that you feel comfortable enough and secure enough to tell us your story! An honour! I knew you were an amazing lady even before hearing it and to see how you have dealt with it and risen above it is sooooo good to hear. May the rest of your life be full of joy and happiness and LOVE.....and a good man when the time is right.hehehehe
@ May you are also amazing...we all knew that before but more so now! You have been down the path of recognising the issue with your mother and have discovered coping mechanisms that allow you to not allow it to affect to so much now. I know the feelings never go away but acceptance and tolerance are a brilliant step. Im sure your lovely David is such a help and support to as he reinforces your self esteem and self worth.
My tale is a little different. My Dad was killed in a car accident when I was 8 and I adored him. My brother who is 2 years younger was a severe asthmatic. I grew up never feeling loved by my mother. All her time and energy went into my brother or her job as a teacher. I just had to muddle along. I tried very hard to do everything to win her approval and even being a straight A student didnt even do it! She remarried when I was 14 and that actually pushed me further into the background. I wasnt allowed to be a 'girly' girl. No pink and frills or sparkles. Functional clothing and bedroom. Concentrate on school. Stand up for myself. Be independant. Always belittled in company. Always told I was fat (despite being 5inches taller than her so a different body shape anyway) Never did anything that met her approval. Mean while my brother could do no wrong despite being a poor student...excuses always made! Lol. I further let her down by quitting school before finishing my 'A' levels and so not going to Med school which was what I had intended. Then I got married and exchanged my mother for my husband! Talk about struggling for approval. The funny thing is I was expected to be 'one of the boys' or a successful woman in a mans world by them both!!!
Anyway long story short the depression I had after the egg donation thing went at age 35 went wonky finally led me to having hypnotherapy and it all came flooding to the fore and I understood it all! At the start I was asked to write down 5 positive things about myself. I came up with 2....I was quite kind and I had nice eyes!!! That was the extent of my self esteem despite having been a State Registered Nurse, a sister on a ward and then going into Pharmacutical sales where I was very successful but didnt accept it was me...it was just a fluke!
I was told I could carry on in the behaviour patterns that had developed with my mother and put up with it or...I could choose to change them! I chose to change them! Lolol. We were driving to see my mother and discussing what job I should go back to when I returned to work...Husband suggested I be a Traffic Warden...a very unpopular person in the UK! I was understandably upset but laughed it off as usual! I told mum what he had suggested and was told...oh well you have never been very good with people anyway have you!!! I laughed! A nurse and a sales person, both relationship building positions with...people!! Before I wouldnt have said a word but...this was it! I turned and told her that she had no idea what I was good at or not as she didnt even know me! The look on her face was amazing! I had never dared to stand up for myself and contradict her. It was like a HUGE weight had gone and I wanted to do the 'Rocky' dance waving my fists in the air etc. That was my turning point! A couple of years later I got away from the husband(I had to do a moonlight flit to actually break away!)
Since then I have been through so much healing, no small part in thanks to my lovely hubby who saw that whatever my mother said was rubbish and actually believed me. AND he bought me loads of pink stuff, sparkles and girly things. He loves me being feminine etc. Bit hard to learn at 40+ but.......
The upshot of this is that I have confronted my mother about some of the stuff and she has been shocked! She has seen that I have friends who think the world of me(unimaginable in her mind) and tell her so and I have tried to understand why she is like she is. Im not making excuses for her but she was sexually abused by her father and 'trained' to do exactly whatever a man wanted! I'm sure subconsciouslyshe didnt want a girl when I was born because it meant I was open to being abused like her. Her way of dealing with that was to make me as independant as possible and as unattractive as possible! I know there is more to it but I'm trying to understand what she must have gone through too. She has no idea how deep her unconscious methods affected me. I still cant discuss it all with her. She is easier with me and I tease her about her not being at all feminine etc etc but I know she will never know or accept all the damage she has done. At 83 shes too old to deal with it. And, lol, my brother can STILL do no wrong!!! Argghh.
So there you have it. Again sorry its a long post. Im not at all sorry for myself but happy that I now understand some of why she is as she is and so grateful for the love and care of my hubby and friends who know the 'real' me and have supported me while I have healed. Sad thing is I have had to explain some of it to my boys to explain things I have done that affected them! Hopefully they know they are loved and I am proud of them!!!
Finally...@karlotta.....its nice to be told that you look very attractive by a younger man but.......dont get sucked into something you may regret!
Lots of love and hugs to you all!!
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jumanajane, I started here in November, 2011, MFP told me 1200 calories. That didn't last long. I started eating more than that and lost some weight. Then I recognized that it wasn't so much my weight was the problem, it was my high body fat % so I started lifting heavy. This also was a great thing because that same year 2011 at age 48 I learned to ride a motorcycle and bought a Harley, and being stronger is a big help handling a motorcycle. Now that I have lowered my body fat somewhat and increased strength, I have a lot more confidence and a better body image, even at 20 pounds heavier than what I used to think was my goal weight. I started looking at LCHF for my significant other because his doctor recommended it, and I realized that I would probably benefit by lowering carbs given all of the fluctuating hormone things going on. That is the Readers Digest Condensed Version. lol.
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@deksgrl....now to be known as...bikergrl,lol. Thanks for the RDCV! Well done for not giving a novel after my epic! Congrats on your improved body image. If you have anything to lose....do it now,lol, before you get the joy of post menopausal weight swings and stalls!
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Thank you Ladies for your kind words of encouragement. My heart is full.
It was hard to get it all out, and even though I feel I have moved on considerably, I think it is part of my nature to fear rejection. So the reliving of it for me is not as scary as the fear of how others will judge me. I'm not into the pity thing. I'm still not used to having people on my side. Thank you for accepting me.
I did stand up to my mother when my Dad was dying. He was clearly not going to make it when she outright blamed him for ruining her plans for retirement and travel due to his illness. Of course it was all about how sorry she felt for herself and what her life would like without him to cater to her. She was so mean she berated him and made him cry in front of me. I could not take it, but waited until we were alone preparing to have him move back home into a hospital bed at her house, when I asked her to be kind to him if he was moving back home. I was so angry that she hurt him, that I did not mince words and told her that he did not have time for her self centred theatrics. I did not want my dad to see me speak to her like that but also wanted to protect him. She was extremely upset and would not speak to me in the couple of months before he died, and to this day states that she will never forgive me. But I have to stand up for what I know to be right and true. I keep my cool with her now, but will not be manipulated.
Enough about that...no more heavy stuff ! I am very glad to be here. And I am super pumped about moving on and enjoying my life. And my commitment to rebuilding my health is stronger than ever. I mowed the lawn for the first time this year, and it was much easier than the last time I did it last fall....I am 33 pounds lighter and in better shape, so no huffing and puffing at all. It can only get easier.
I saw Dr Randy today and he showed me my X-rays. He has my X-rays on file going back almost 5 years and we can see the progress my neck and back have had over the years. I know there has been major improvement since I first started seeing him, so I was surprised to see with my own eyes the difference between last years' and today. I have lost 4 degrees on the curve of my neck due to the accident...in the wrong direction. No wonder my neck and head are sore. I keep having to arch my neck backwards to stretch it out. But he is confident that my remaining 34 out of 42 adjustments that I have left in my insurance coverage will be adequate to regain my neck curvature and improve it even more. It took 3 years to achieve the curve it had pre accident, so it will be a slow process, but I am glad I have him and he knows me, so I am already in a better place than after that first catastrophic accident years ago. He says I am taking excellent care of my spine, so the recovery will be fine. I love my Dr Randy
Have a wonderful evening / morning everyone. I love you all !0 -
Hello everybody!
Mother issues! Wow. Mine is an untreated Bi- polar, manic depressive, who was also sexually abused as a child. I know that food was is her insulation from attention. She taught us how to binge and overeat. Then she would tell us we were gaining weight (when she was 400 pounds), looking fat... Spoke horribly of men in general, even calling all men male shovanist (word?) pigs, even though she was married (still is) to my father, whom I adored. She could be loving at times, but is mostly just mean, and bitter. Can't even carry on a conversation with her because she can't focus on what's being said and then she passes on information the way she heard it. Never correctly, making up whatever sounds good to her. She always says, well that's what I heard. There is no reasoning with her. I stay away, mostly, since I find that easiest. I miss time with my dad because of it. That's the part I hate. He has stayed and suffered the mental abuse, I don't understand why, but he is a good man.
The issues I have always had was once I lost a bit of weight, and maybe started looking good, I would get attention from men that would send me running for a McDonald's Big Mac, or two. The weight became my insulation, since when I was bigger I didn't get that attention. After working with a psychologist I have learned to take that power back, and how to love myself too! I had given complete strangers power over my health! So, when this guy showed up here, giving compliments, my instinct was to run for food. I even told him this (MY power!)! But, I didn't run for food!!! This is HUGE for me and I feel good about myself too!
I starting thinking about how I would feel if my husband was chatting up other women and how bad it would make me feel. So, flattery is nice, but that is done. It was nice to have all of you to bounce that off of too! Thank you all for being here! It means the world to me!! 0 -
Hi everyone I am new to posting. I am 59 and have been trying to lose the 40 lbs I gained with quitting smoking. I joined a fitness club and have been getting personal training 3 times a week. I have an old back injury (3 prolapses & 1 herniated disc) and needed professional advice with strength training. I have kept my food intake between 1100-1400 calories and watch my carb intake try to keep it in the 60-80 range because my metabolism is so sluggish. I have only lost 10 lbs so far but gained muscle with the training. I also do HIIT and cardio 3-4 times a week. Losing weight smartly does take time so I intend to keep motivated till I reach my goal of 125lbs. as I am only 5'3".0
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@karlottap - great work keeping your own power.
@debbie - welcome, the strength training really does wonders, doesn't it?0 -
Hi ladies. Welcome to new gals. Just going thru MFP threads as I'm having last drink of the evening(diet coke). Going for blood work tomorrow so will start 12 hr fast in 6 mins. Can't wait to compare results to those from 6 wks ago. Have been doing this WOE for 20 odd days now and am actually feeling better than I have in a long time. This is quite petty of me, but I really want to show the improved blood work to my know-it-all sister-in-law, who keeps telling my mum how dangerous this WOE is. Speaking of mothers, I'm so sorry that some of you have had such awful struggles thru the years and just want to send a big hug to all of you.0
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I hope you have great numbers!!
I am going into Day 5 of lower carbs. I feel good. Did have a hive outbreak that I posted about in another thread. I'm pretty sure it is elevated histamine levels due to excess cortisol because I have that peri-menopausal "stressed out all the time" feeling even when there is nothing to be stressed about. Probably the diet change was an added "stress" and hopefully it is getting used to it. I'm concerned mostly because this bout of hives is on my face. Woke up this morning and it is not itchy, took benadryl before bed and drank about 12 ounces of water as soon as I got up.
I haven't eliminated all sugar, I still am doing sugar in my coffee. And I have had a couple of starchy things this week, but in way less quantity than I would have previously eaten. Stepped on the scale yesterday morning and it was showing a loss, which probably is water weight. I feel a lot less bloated and less "icky", so it's good even if it isn't real fat loss.
Busy weekend coming up with lots going on. Saturday will have beer but I'm going to try to not indulge. After just getting rid of some bloat, that will bloat me right back up. It is making me feel icky just thinking about it so I should be able to resist.
TGIF!0 -
Yes, @deksgrl, that icky feeling will grow into the strongest willpower you've ever had. For me it is anyway. I get the icky feeling if I think about, or see carbage. The motivation I feel is outstanding because of the results (NSVs) I've seen!
@Sk8Kate, having validation through blood work is awesome proof that this woe isn't harmful is a great thing. I don't feel it's pretty, at all! I understand wanting proof, to show the naysayers that they are wrong!
@debbiesteinman, welcome to the group! It's the most comfortable, and supportive, on mfp!!
I feel real good about my "admirer" situation. I've never had an opportunity to tell one how their words affected me, until now! I feel so much stronger and able to handle anything!0 -
I feel that if you are not losing, you have to seriously look at your food intake. So if carbs are low enough, take a meal and cut out some protein. I would also stop snacking between meals. Go further in between meals. To burn some fat. At 20g carbs a day you should be in ketosis. You should not be hungry. So dont eat if you dont want to. Even if it is mealtime. It is ok to skip a meal sometimes. Make sure to eat nutrient-dense foods so that you are up with all the vitamins you need.0
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Hi all. Had my Dr appt today. She won't do blood work for another month to give this WOE a "real chance to see change". But, she was all for it. And my biopsies came back clean so I am going to really enjoy this summer. Still can't believe how much better I feel now as compared to this time last year. I've already spent more time in yard in the past month than I did all of last year. It's great!0
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That's awesome Sk8Kate!
Well.... yesterday we had a fundraiser to go to and I figured this was going to be a bad thing. Beer and chicken BBQ. Ugh. I learned my lesson. Nothing on the menu was low carb. The fog came rolling back into my head and I felt like I was hung over. But today I'm back at it and I feel better. This is Day 1 for the man. We used stevia in our coffee and we didn't die from no sugar. lol. We just had brunch, bacon onion scrambled eggs with bacon on the side.0 -
Yum...bacon! I'm glad it's something I don't get tired of eating! Great start! Before long the Stevia will taste sweet too!0
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Hello Ladies, hope everyone is well.
I feel like I am in a bit of a slump, but I know you ladies ave all been where I am now. I was going great with the dairy free experiment, and then along came Mother's day and I'm struggling to maintain the loss....which wasn't a real loss, it was merely getting back to my previous low weight. I'm wondering why I have been losing the same 2-3 pounds for weeks really, and ending up in the same place as before. The only good thing is that I am not gaining weight. If I have a day or two with a higher carb intake, I can expect my weight to go up even if the amount of carb calories I have eaten does not justify the gain.....you know what I mean, I did not take in 3,500 calories in order to gain that pound. Sigh.
I am also bummed out about an incident at work on Friday about which I won't go into in detail. This co-worker who is a manager is a bit of a bully and took out some of her nastiness on me, and I am trying to get this worrying out of my mind. You know, even though I know I am doing so much better handling my anxiety, at times like this it crops up. I am so thankful that I don't resort to stress eating anymore, so that's good.
So today I thought I'd better try to find something to cheer me up. I am preparing a big bundle of clothes to give for a donation in aid of diabetes, so went up to my closet to see if I could find anything else to give away. I tried on clothes, trying to determine what to keep, what fits, what's too big etc and I found a whole heap of stuff to give away. But I also found some old clothes that now fit ! I was flabbergasted to find blouses in size 14 that fit and a nice pair of fancy jeans size 16 ( I've always been one size bigger on the bottom ). I could not believe that they fit ! I'm happy about that. That news gave me a little energy to get on the treadmill this afternoon.
Back to the old grind, back to routine. Maybe I'll try the dairy free idea again this week, right after my cheeseburger is eaten....0 -
@Kitnthecat, closet shopping can be fun!!! We are about the same size. I'm an 18 on bottom andl L/XL on top. I actually wore a size large dress this weekend! I am amazed with myself and insured you are feeling the same! Try not to allow work stress to dictate your actions. Good luck! 0
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Hello Everyone Well, I've read and loved all of your posts - and all of the posters (by which I mean each of you!). You're truly the most beautiful group of ladies on the entire web, not just MFP!!!
But I am so far behind that I simply can't go through every post and reply to everything that I want to. That makes me sad, but I have a lot to do in real life, and David is rostered off on Wednesday so I only have 2 days to achieve the urgent things before things get behind/messed up again. I don't do housework or exercise while people are around and David had both weekend days off. Which was wonderful.
Saturday we had our son and grandson arrive as they always do on alternate weekends. Then we had our other son and D-I-L bring our 2 granddaughters. Those 2 adults stayed for a while and then went home. We'd been looking forward to attending a Medieval Fayre in the city for literally months, and had planned/made costumes etc. Well, after a fine week and so little rain so far this Autumn (only 2 weeks remain until Winter) the forecast for the weekend was guaranteed rain, and storms with strong winds. What awful timing The Fayre was to be outdoors. So we put on our costumes anyway. I face painted (my latest hobby) the 3 grandies and my son and we had fun taking photos. Then the grandies did some colouring in, we had dinner, and they snuggled up to watch a film before bed.
The narrator of the story
The scary dragon
The brave knight
The innocent maiden/princess...
and her sister
So they enacted the princesses being scared and the knight saving them by stabbing the dragon.
The girls' dresses were purchased by their Mum a while ago, and a friend of my mum made my dress. David made his own trousers and jacket, I made his shirt and Andrew's knight's tunic.
Sunday they just played happily together until their parents came for them. It was a happy time, but still disappointing that we couldn't go out. Apparently there's another one out in the country in October *sigh*. It'll be Spring by then, and hopefully fit weather!
And I'm very relieved to finally report, after 3 weeks' hard work, that I'm down a new 100 grams today. Woot, woot, happy dance!!! Which is slightly marred by wondering how much of the glory will be taken away from me tomorrow ha har! 0 -
@Kitnthecat Sure do know about the slump! But how great that you are able to wear clothes you haven't been able to wear for a while---that's wonderful! I'm sure the ones you're donating will be of real help to other ladies. So nice of you to do that. Maybe dropping the dairy for a while will shake things up a little bit. Hope so!
@Karlotta Oooo--so fun to get a pretty dress for the wedding. You must have felt like a million bucks! Good on you for passing up all the cake, too!
@GrannyMayOz You're an amazing artist--the face-painting and costumes are wonderful! The kids look so happy with them. You made it a great day despite the rain; such a fun grandma and grandpa. Yay for the scale drop, and I hope it's permanent. You've been working so hard at this!
It's good to read everyone's progress and stick-to-it attitudes. Hope you all have a great week!0
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