Dating life Post Surgery
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NicoleL874 wrote: »Ok. Now, I need advice from people that understand! LOL! OMG. I feel like such a head case sometimes. A little more about me. I'm INCREBILY over-analytical. I think things TO DEATH at times. It causes these little things in me to NEED to know what's going on, so I can calm the FLIP down.
So. On, 9/16 I started chatting with a guy. On 9/18, I gave him my number (before Google Voice, so my actual number), and we shifted to texting. *sigh* If I wanted to do that, I'd stay in the damn app. On 9/20, I finally got him to call and we had a GREAT conversation. Then, back to text all week. On 9/24, we met and went for a six mile walk. It was GREAT. Very natural, comfortable, and I *felt* something. Since then it's been pretty quiet. A hello text here and there.
The contact from before we met to after we met has significantly declined. I try, and he doesn't respond much. I know his life is busy, and it can be a number of things..but...*sigh*
Do I let it go and follow his lead? (That's what all my married friends are saying) Or do I take the step to say, "Hey! Had a great time on Saturday, would really love to get together again!" and see what he says?
WHY IS DATING IN YOUR 40S SO HARD?
IT IS HARD!!! LOL! I broke up with a long-term boyfriend back at the end of June (am STILL waiting for him to move his *kitten* out of my house-hopefully this weekend) so I technically am still not in the dating pool but have done online dating (how I met now ex-bf) and personally, what I would do is ask him point-blank what his deal is? Tell him you had a nice time and would like to see him again, but if he doesn't want to see you again, to at least give you the courtesy to tell you. Call him out on it. What do you have to lose? I tend to over think things myself, so I am the same way...I NEED to know what he's thinking. All you can do is ask and if he responds, there's your answer.
Good luck!! P.M. me if you want to talk further about our dating stories. LOL!2 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »Ok. Now, I need advice from people that understand! LOL! OMG. I feel like such a head case sometimes. A little more about me. I'm INCREBILY over-analytical. I think things TO DEATH at times. It causes these little things in me to NEED to know what's going on, so I can calm the FLIP down.
So. On, 9/16 I started chatting with a guy. On 9/18, I gave him my number (before Google Voice, so my actual number), and we shifted to texting. *sigh* If I wanted to do that, I'd stay in the damn app. On 9/20, I finally got him to call and we had a GREAT conversation. Then, back to text all week. On 9/24, we met and went for a six mile walk. It was GREAT. Very natural, comfortable, and I *felt* something. Since then it's been pretty quiet. A hello text here and there.
The contact from before we met to after we met has significantly declined. I try, and he doesn't respond much. I know his life is busy, and it can be a number of things..but...*sigh*
Do I let it go and follow his lead? (That's what all my married friends are saying) Or do I take the step to say, "Hey! Had a great time on Saturday, would really love to get together again!" and see what he says?
WHY IS DATING IN YOUR 40S SO HARD?
I am the type that would just let it go. I agree with anbrdr that you shouldn't put energy into someone who isn't making you a priority, or important enough to take a few moments to contact. In my experience, if a man is interested, you will know. It seems like you have done your part to show that you are open to communication with him, so you kind of have to wait and see, or not wait and see and move on.
I used to over-analyze and try to figure out what was going on with the other person, but I stopped trying. It takes a lot of energy and you end up spinning your wheels. Their actions will show you who they are and what they want.
Dating in your 40s IS hard, but wow, dating in your 50s is something else lol.0 -
Yeah, I've learned to never count on someone as a sure thing. Keep the options open until after a few dates.1
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WOW. The ghosting and flaking is serious! lol! Last time I wasn't quite as active and met someone by the third guy. This time around...YIKES. All these first dates that seem to go well, the guys say "We really should do this again," I wait for them to go in for the hug...then no more contact. I wait a few days and send a quick message, and get nothing! I almost feel like these sites need feedback forms, lol!
I had one guy that didn't want to meet (I contacted him first), then did, then never set something up, then begged me to meet for a drink, and within 12 hours had made other plans and didn't notify me. I texted to confirm before showing up. THANK GOODNESS. Now, he's actually trying to set something else up.
It's a wild ride!
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That guys isn't worth your time in my opinion...he sounds flaky if you ask me...:)1
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I had a guy similar to that. He'd call, set something up and then when I would try to confirm...crickets. I wouldn't hear anything for several days or weeks and then he'd either email or text wanting to set something up. He claimed he had narcolepsy which is why he would stop responding. lol. I may be blond, but I'm not *that* dumb.2
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It's a total pain in the *kitten*. I'm taking this month off of dating, maybe the rest of the year, unless something happens in the wild. With my work on this half-marathon, and the house purchase right around the corner, funds and time will both be limited.
*Haha, censorship! Oh wow, editing a post loopholes around the "kitten" censorship. good to know1 -
@anbrdr I've just started seeing the *kitten* thing and had me so confused at first. I think it's hilarious. About as hilarious as some of the dating...
My big issue now is patience in communication. Heh. Not everyone has the same style as me, and I need to pull back and learn to wait. I don't do that well. *smile*0 -
You mean like expecting instant responses?0
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Not instant...but after that first date, and they say it went well, and want to see you again...then start texting, and you respond, and it goes back and forth a bit, then just stops...mid-thought...THEN...the next day, he sends a message again, and it happens all over again.
Another guy, I hear nothing from, completely give up thinking about, then get a message 4 or 5 days later. We chat a little, then the same.
These are guys that I thought I had a connection with, I just have to learn to sit back and breathe. I'm no one to them, and life happens. Or, do I ignore the connection and let go? I hate this, lol.0 -
I think some of it can be trying not to burn out on texting. Some of it is probably that he's pursuing other options. Some of it could be that he just sucks at texting. Also, there's that whole BS old-thought of "playing it cool/hard to get".
Honestly, all you can do is leave the ball in someone else's court. Or be direct and suggest a date to him. I love when a woman doesn't rely completely on me to make all the plans and do all the asking out.1 -
Yeah, I did that Saturday, mentioned I had some things to take care of out his way. Asked if he wanted to get coffee/drinks/late lunch...got a message around noon he was mowing the lawn. At 3:30pm, sent him a message that I was heading home...nothing. Then yesterday he initiated conversation again. And then again, I asked a question and got nothing. Just now, I got a "good morning!"
Just gonna let this play. He leaves for vacation on Wednesday, if he reaches out again today I may suggest dinner tonight or tomorrow and see...1 -
Dating is such a weird game of back and forth. I don't think it's on just one person to keep communication going, but when I send clear signals and the other person doesn't get the message or seal the deal, that's kind of a deal breaker for me. If all we ever do is text and plans are not made, or if they are made and not followed through with, I have to move on.
I met a guy who I knew was shy, but he was sweet, so I would suggest things to do and even dates/times. He would agree to it then back out last minute. We never ended up dating because of his flakiness, then later he admitted to me that I intimidated him because I was "forward". Oy.1 -
Some people are terrible at picking up signals. Especially people with limited dating experience.
*Source: have spent most of my life in long-term relationships. I'm catching on to it though, or becoming more cynical.
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Heh, my friend's husband has just offered to start "interpreting" for me. (I'm a sign language interpreter, so it's fitting...and amusing) So, he's helped me understand some of what I see are stumbling blocks, and what he sees as normal and good signs.
I *did* finally have my first second-date yesterday, lol! It went well. Really well, but we'll see. He leaves for vacation tomorrow, for a week. So, while I'm optimistic about this guy, I'm not holding my breath...yet.
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After saying I was taking a break from dating, I started talking with this lady from OKC, after she messaged me. (Guys LOVE it when a woman messages first, btw!) She's convinced me to run an 8K with her this weekend. We're planning on meeting up sometime this week for drinks. We'll see how that goes.3
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@NicoleL874 and @anbrdr I look forward to hearing your updates.
I got a message from a guy last night. He told me he is a "naycher lover". It seriously took me a few moments to figure out what he meant. I thought I was reading "nachos" for a minute. I am going to start looking at adopting a cat now.3 -
Lol @ "naycher lover". It took a minute to figure out what that was.0
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@garber6th I love the updates too! It's nice to have a place to share judgment free, with people that get it.
NAYCHER? OMG LMAO! I had to read that four or five times to get it! I second the cat, lol!
@chubby_checkers I love your profile picture! That *kitten* makes me cry every time I see it!0 -
Lol @NicoleL874 thanks! I saw it the other day and about died laughing.1
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So, how's everyone been holding up?
RunnerGirl and I met at the race, and had a beer afterwards. We both had friends at the party, so we didn't spend too much time together. Still texting quite a bit though. We get along well and our lifestyles are compatible (other than her traveling for races all the time). If we ever have a real date, I'll be surprised.
I also met SoilGirl, and went on 2 STELLAR dates. I mean, events unintentionally fell into place like a damn movie. Last night as I was leaving work, she half-jokingly invited me to a no-pants movie night. I accepted, much to her surprise. It was a decent night, but I really don't remember what movies we watched...5 -
So, how's everyone been holding up?
RunnerGirl and I met at the race, and had a beer afterwards. We both had friends at the party, so we didn't spend too much time together. Still texting quite a bit though. We get along well and our lifestyles are compatible (other than her traveling for races all the time). If we ever have a real date, I'll be surprised.
I also met SoilGirl, and went on 2 STELLAR dates. I mean, events unintentionally fell into place like a damn movie. Last night as I was leaving work, she half-jokingly invited me to a no-pants movie night. I accepted, much to her surprise. It was a decent night, but I really don't remember what movies we watched...
No-pants movie night sounds awesome!!! Almost has good as naked twister!
As @NicoleL874 knows, I've met someone and we are really hitting it off!! He's a friend of my boss's and he's going through a similar situation to what I did with trying to get the ex-SO out of his house. Mine finally moved out 10/1...his ex has until 11/1 to get out but he actually had to get a court order and have her served!!! Whoa! He hasn't been in his own house since mid-August. Anyway, we've totally hit it off. First date was last Saturday night, took me out to a fabulous dinner and then drinks after...then I broke my own rule of no sex on the first date!! But it was great! Saw each other Monday night, Wednesday and again last night. It's amazing what great conversations we have...we have talked on the phone for hours. I just can't believe someone like him actually exists. And you know what...after all the *kitten* I've been through with my divorce and subsequent *kitten* relationships since, I *kitten* DESERVE to have someone treat me the way he treats me. He's been through similar *kitten* situations, worse actually, so I really feel we are meant to be together and we have come into each other's lives and the exact right time.2 -
I was thinking about trying a different dating site. The one I am on is not really for me. One thing I am a little concerned about though is privacy, like, I know my coworker is on POF and I am not sure what else, and I don't really want anyone knowing my business. I feel like it would be awkward to see someone I know or have someone see me. Has being on a dating site ever caused any weirdness or awkwardness for anyone?1
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OKC has been decent, and I've actually met some great people through Tinder, which surprised me. I figured Tinder was all kids and all hookups; not quite so. POF is just sketchy in my area.0
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Hey guys!
So...*sigh*...I'm so tired, lol! So there was a guy. We went on two dates. He went on vacation. He chose to video chat one night. He chose to push things a direction I made clear to him I was hesitant going there. He went there anyway. Heard nothing for days. I was sending him messages trying to shore up tentative plans when he finally responded that he was embarrassed by his "pervie" behavior. We chatted a little, I thought I had him calmed down. And...*crickets*...*lots of crickets*...then his dating profile photo changed.
So the spreadsheet has started over and is filling up. *snicker* You guys really need to know me to know how big an *kitten* I'm NOT. @petunia773 can tell you. I'm just a giant goofball.
Had a horrible stomach virus this weekend and needed a root canal on Monday. Stomach still not doing the greatest, but YEAH! SURE! WHY NOT?!? I'll meet you TUESDAY NIGHT at a local MEXICAN RESTAURANT for dinner! lol, I paid for it later. BUT...I had a nice time.
Each stoopid experience is helping me figure out how to communicate with these yahoos. It's helping me see what I want, need, and expect. Each let down has me a little calmer for the next situation. We'll see...
For now, I'm focusing on a GREAT weekend to come! There's a support group on FB that I've become quite close to, and there's a meetup this weekend in Michigan. I'm heading out on Thursday and staying until Sunday or Monday. The party is Saturday, but I've become close with the hostess, so it's be great to hang out.4 -
Date with RunnerGirl was meh. She couldn't stop talking about herself and running and drinking. It's like there was no life other than those 2 things. Oh well, I'll stack her into the friends deck.
Things are going pretty well with Dr Dirty (formerly SoilGirl). We've spent way too much time together, but I'm trying to help her get through this thesis defense.2 -
Ok, so the date at the Mexican restaurant went really well. We're going for Thai tonight.
There's also another guy that I went out with on Monday. Craziest (in a funny way) first date EVER. We were supposed to go Frisbee golfing, but then he realized it was Halloween and insisted we hand out candy. So, I went to his house, we climbed on his boat...in his driveway...and handed out candy to the trick or treaters, and alcohol to the adults. He made dinner for us (and his roommate). We played pool, and watched the Bears. It was fun, I enjoyed this guy A LOT, and hope to see him again!
It feels weird to be dating two guys, but...here I am!4 -
Sounds like a fun night...I will live vicariously through you!!!
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Ok...date two down. I'm finding myself retreating for old reasons, and starting to doubt this guy because of the "old me". There's definitely something there that has held me back somewhat, but I'm definitely attracted. I'm trying to stay out of my own brain, because it's a place full of over-thinking, which is never a good thing. *sigh* He wants to see me Sunday...we'll see how I handle it.
I do know that I'm enjoying my new body, and my new confidence...but it's pulling out parts of me that I'm realizing I have to control for the first time ever, lol!1 -
I say lose control..lol Go on the date Sunday and fill me in! 0
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