Dating life Post Surgery
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@jcavanna2 ...all our living vicariously through others dreams are coming true!3
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@Ultima_Morpha ...My inner teen girl just screamed YAY!!! When i saw that...
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@Ultima_MorphaUltima_Morpha wrote: »@jcavanna2 ...all our living vicariously through others dreams are coming true!
LOVE IT!!! Now we just need to coordinate getting all of us getting together in one place...LOL
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@Ultima_MorphaUltima_Morpha wrote: »@jcavanna2 ...all our living vicariously through others dreams are coming true!
LOVE IT!!! Now we just need to coordinate getting all of us getting together in one place...LOL
You all live in places where it gets cold (like, below 60). You can all come here, I have lots of floor space :-)2 -
@garber6th where do you live?!0
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L.A.2
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Have air mattress, will travel!
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Speaking of mattress.. Me and this woman that I met from this place are currently in bed right now.
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So in a FB group I'm part of...and Becky is part of (can verify everything) these two met in the group in March. They met in mid-Spring. She moved from TX to NY in July or Aug to live with him. Black Friday, they got married. Bariatric love stories...with that...
I should go to sleep. G'nite Tony. @anbrdr
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Don't worry, I'll get the light.2
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You all live in places where it gets cold (like, below 60). You can all come here, I have lots of floor space :-)[/quote]
@garber6th Yes, it's freezing here in NY! I'm ready for sunshine!!!!
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Where in NY are you? I am from Westchester - don't miss the extreme cold and snow, but I miss so much of everything else...0
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Never "too" cold in beautiful NC. Cold front today has it in the low 50s.0
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It's a balmy 25 in Ohio today. I'd tell you all to come here, but I'm wanting out!1
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Stephaniev51697 wrote: »@garber6th Yes, it's freezing here in NY! I'm ready for sunshine!!!!
I was there a month ago and it was perfect, I love that crisp fall weather, but I have been here way too long and can't handle the cold any more!
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Where in NY are you? I am from Westchester - don't miss the extreme cold and snow, but I miss so much of everything else...
@jacavanna2 I'm in Long Island, about an hour and a half from Montauk Point (the end of the Island)
@garber6th Yes a month ago it was much nicer, now it's COLD! I would love to move where it's warm all the time.. Just 1 more year till my youngest graduates high school and then i can leave! Till then i'm stuck with the cold/snowy winters...1 -
@Stephaniev51697 - my sister lives in Old Bethpage and other friends are in Lyndhurst! Next time I head "home" we should try and meet up!
@anbrdr we also should meet up at some point - just a few hours away from each other. Every now and again we go to Cary/Raleigh and Carrboro. My friend is moving to Elon early next year too - so am sure I will be in the area soon enough!2 -
Jen, we will definitely have to hang out at some point. Let me know the next time you all head this way! I would love to visit Charlotte again, at some point.0
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Tony will definitely let you know when I head out that way, and if you head to CLT let me know. I work in Uptown so it's definitely easy enough.
How's the job hunt going? Go on the Wells Fargo site and use me as a referral if there is anything of interest1 -
@Stephaniev51697 - my sister lives in Old Bethpage and other friends are in Lyndhurst! Next time I head "home" we should try and meet up!
@jcavanna2 Definitely let me know the next time you are "home", I'd love to meet up!1 -
Will definitely do that!1
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Dating was terrifying! Intimacy seemed like judgement day. I was with my now ex for 17 years. We divorced 6mo post op. I've lost over 200 lbs in just over a year and a half...my body looks like a deflated balloon hahaha!!! I'm very lucky; however, and met a wonderful man. He and I are serious now, but it still amazes me that he'll sit on the side of the tub when I bathe and keep me company...with my extra skin kinda floating and my breasts non existent for the most part. I keep asking him how it doesn't bother him. He just laughs and squeezes me and tells me that I'm perfect. I can't even understand this!
As far as intimacy...I have been with a few men since my divorce. One of them and I became friends. I asked him seriously about my body, and he kinda got angry. He said that it wasn't even a topic for discussion. I got offended until he explained. He told me that I'm incredible as a person and as a partner, and my confidence made any issues that I had with my body literally non-existent. Another partner had WLS 3 yrs before and hadn't been with a woman for 6 years. We found all of his out when we noticed our "tell-tale" eating habits on a blind date lol. We too remain in contact.
Bottom line - I've been 100% open. I've dated through tinder. I've told all of the men that I've gone out with prior to our first date. I've only found one person who was no longer interested.
Saddest part...I now see how miserable and alone I was in my marriage.4 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »And....READY FOR THIS? Ghosted...AGAIN.
So, the ghost...he was a chef. We went out on 12/5, had a fantastic time, five hours in a restaurant talking and laughing. He invited me to his house for dinner because he wanted to cook. A few nights later, it seemed like he was flaking, acting like he didn't remember, but said we were still on. The next morning I got a message that he needed to reschedule to that Saturday, I said I could make Saturday work. Then nothing until late Friday afternoon. He called and asked if we were still on, I laughed and said no...I thought he had blown me off. We talked, worked it out, and set up for this past Saturday. We talked every day on the phone. Wednesday, he said he'd call me on Thursday to confirm the time and plans. Thursday, I sent him a picture of my mini-blinds (broke, I installed, he had been following the saga) to no response. Friday, I sent him a "Good morning!" message. Nothing. Friday night, I called and left a message to text and I can call him back, busy, girlfriends, blah blah blah. Saturday around 11am I called and left a message stating I hope he's ok, and everything's alright. I said I had the same feeling the week before, and I didn't think he was the type to just stop calling, and I hoped he enjoyed his weekend. The only reason I left that message was from our call the previous week where he was upset that I had not tried to call him. So...he's done. Why does it seem the guys with the most potential ghost? Sissies. lol
Anyone remember this? UPDATE! LMAO! Well, on January 1, I received a message "We should have at least f**ked." Um. What? And a good morning to you. I was shocked, and didn't have time to respond...next up? "I'm so hard right now." And a picture with proof. rofl! WHAT? Does this really work? Ever?
Ok, so my response? Yeah, he didn't know that I searched him after our first date, to kinda get a better feel on him...I responded with his real name, and his full work name..."So, Mr. Cheffy, Nutritional Director of That Hospital. You're lucky I'm not some crazy b*tch. I'm sure all of your employees and co-workers would love to see that plastered as a flier on their windshield. Oh, and what about your brothers at the Knights of Columbus? Doesn't seem like a smart first move after blowing someone off months ago!"
He actually persisted in trying to get me to come over! Telling me he liked my strict side and would love to see it in person! I was near tears from laughter! I finally ended it with, "Don't make me pull my crazy out and make good on my threat. Right now I'm leaning toward color instead of B&W."
I don't think I'll hear from him again...
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I still don't understand why some guys think we want to see it. Even if we're getting ready to do the deed, I still really don't want to see it. Lol. I usually liked to respond with a "Aw. That's hard?! I'm so sorry." I got called a b*tch a lot, but meh.0
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Ba ha ha -chubby_checkers wrote: »I still don't understand why some guys think we want to see it. Even if we're getting ready to do the deed, I still really don't want to see it. Lol. I usually liked to respond with a "Aw. That's hard?! I'm so sorry." I got called a b*tch a lot, but meh.
That is AWESOME!!! I don't get some of these guys - what I do know is that clearly they don't deserve you!
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chubby_checkers wrote: »I still don't understand why some guys think we want to see it. Even if we're getting ready to do the deed, I still really don't want to see it. Lol. I usually liked to respond with a "Aw. That's hard?! I'm so sorry." I got called a b*tch a lot, but meh.
I really don't get it either. A picture of your junk is not going to automatically make me think that you are the hottest man in the world and I have to have you NOW. Most of the guys that send those pics really think they have something special. I usually tell them, unless it's laying golden eggs or can do my laundry for me, it isn't as special as you think it is.3 -
Truth be told, it was impressive, lmao! It irked me more that he blew me off, rofl! But...I'm not desperate, and was not going to feed his ego at all, so I went with the flier idea.1
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So I've missed a lot of the discussion in here, but I've just started getting back into the swing of things (I'll be 5 years post op in May). I have had a couple interesting dates during these 5 years, and I had a lot of questions in my head about when to talk about my surgery and whatnot.
Thankfully, most of the guys I've dated during that time were not as worried about it as I was. The worst experience I had was with a guy who I dated a little while, and I told him I had had surgery. When the night finally came we decided to get intimate, as we were kissing and touching, he asked with heavy breathing between kisses 'So what kind of workouts are you doing to tighten this skin?' Right away I stopped him and asked 'Really?' He tried to tell me to forget it and that he misspoke, but I told him he made me very self-conscious when I'm not used to being that. I wasn't able to get comfortable with him after that.
I also dated a really health-conscious cardiologist for about 6 months as well. He was very fit, went to the gym daily, etc, but he always complimented me on my body and whatnot even with the excess skin. I had told him before at the beginning of us dating about the surgery and all that was said was along the lines of "Well you have done really well and look amazing", so I thought it was cool that he was pretty normal about it. Well, fast-forward 6 months and he's telling me about how one of his doctor buddies is trying to get him into doing weight loss surgeries with him. He tells me he doesn't know that he would want to get into it though since it's mostly just for people who don't want to put in the hard work to lose weight. Flabbergasted, I remind him that I had WLS, and how much work it still took to lose the weight. He totally forgot and tried to take back what he said. I didn't break up with him due to that at all, but we did split soon after.
I've never had any other bad experiences. Most guys are just thrilled to be with someone who feels happy about themselves and enjoy being with them.2 -
The worst experience I had was with a guy who I dated a little while, and I told him I had had surgery. When the night finally came we decided to get intimate, as we were kissing and touching, he asked with heavy breathing between kisses 'So what kind of workouts are you doing to tighten this skin?'
I had a similar situation with someone who I was dating. We seemed like a really great match. Got along great, had fun together. He knew about the surgery and I did mention that I had some loose skin, and he acted like it was not a concern. We dated for a month or so, and the day after the first time we heavily made out and he actually got a feel, he called me to tell me he "couldn't handle it". It stung at first, but I quickly realized I dodged a bullet. The funny thing is, he was a couple of years older than me, (I was 52 at the time), and at that time I was also dating a guy who was 32, totally cute, totally fun, and he thought I was the hottest thing since fire. I expected the older guy to be more mature, but it didn't turn out that way at all.
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