Dating life Post Surgery
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Overthinking is the worst. Just go with the flow, keep your expectations low, and have fun.
So, Dr Dirty and I have kind of taken a little bit of a slow down. We still text/talk often, and it's still flirty and sweet, but the dates and sleepovers have dialed back. It was a little too fast and furious for both of us. School work stresses her out, and she does not handle stress very well.
I moved into my new house last night, so now I can say that I'm not a single guy in his 30's living with his mother!!7 -
Congrats on the house!!! That is awesome news!1
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My brain is my own worst enemy. I think everything to death. Not just this dating crap, but everything. So...the dating thing. *sigh*
Here seems to be the problem. I NEED HONESTY, brutal if need be, it's what I respond to best, lol.
Alright, he drives a glorified bus for disabled kids. I have no issue with that. I don't care what someone does for a living if they are paying their bills.
The issue then? He has quite the extensive resume, and he plays up everything he used to do. He almost tries to glamorize his current position with some of his comments. I've worked in some aspect of Special Ed for almost 20 years. I know how not glamorous it is. I don't know if there's some insecurity in what he does, or if he's trying to impress the girl, or if this is just who he is. I'm a straight shooter. I'm not very exciting, what you see is what you get, and I like getting the same. (exciting or not)
I can't help comparing (awful, I know) to the other guy I went out with this week. They are so similar, yet so different...and I am definitely attracted to both, but the personality of one is a stronger pull than the other.
I feel like I shouldn't be dating, lol. I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing.
HELP.0 -
wait... You are complaining about one date to the other?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo2 -
no...COMPARING (in my own brain) not COMPLAIN, lmao!0
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@anbrdr I don't ever bring up other guys while on a date. Bad form. Usually, I get asked about funny stories or horror stories from the site, those I'll share within reason...but yeah, no mention of dating others or not, or anything.0
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I no read gud!
I told Dr D that we could hang out any night minus Friday (yearly obligation) with friends. She asked, well how many other chicks are you seeing right now? In my brain I was like, "We're only on week 3, chill out) and My mouth was like, "I don't really date multiple people at the same time after 3 dates." Which is 98% true, my brain can't function right with multiple relationships.4 -
And another blooming relationship put to rest. She says that she can't cope with the fact that I attempted suicide a few months ago. Sucks because we both saw something there, and still really like each other. Oh well.1
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I haven't been on the dating scene since 2006, when my wife and I got together and even then, it wasn't really that I was dating. My first wife passed in 2004 and I moved to a different job location and met my current wife there. We got to know each other, after several months went on a date and it clicked. We saw each other exclusively afterward for another nine months. We've been happily married ever since.
My nephew who is 19 is on the "dating scene" and frankly, I think it's kinda scary. I don't know about the population at large or how things are done outside of the US as my exposure is limited. But kids today meet somebody on sites/apps like Plenty of Fish or Grinder, hook up for some nookie and then decide to "get to know each other." It completely baffles my mind. I was always brought up to be the "take a lady on a first date for dinner & a movie" kinda guy. At 42, I'm completely out of touch with today's young dating scene and frankly, I think it's pretty damn scary.0 -
@anbrdr That sucks. I'm sorry. The whole thing is so difficult to navigate...and quite frankly, people suck.
I'm about ready to unplug completely for a while. I know my hormones are in flux again. I have PMDD which also affects the serotonin levels in the brain, and right now everything is raging. Thinking about just saying "*kitten* it" and walking away. But, then I think about how that used to be my go-to and got me to where I was...and I don't want to go back there.
So, I'm keeping you guys during the day. I've turned off my alerts to Messenger, and have been ignoring POF and Facebook. There are a few guys that have my Google Voice number (one with my real number) and I figure I'll keep in touch, somewhat, with them.
Hopefully, within a few days, everything will settle and I'll feel more human again...0 -
As soon as I say I'm done I get another message. She was way too gorgeous, and we had great conversation, but I didn't feel anything beyond that. Thankfully, the boys are moving out of the house this week and I can deactivate the dating stuff, work on paint schemes, pulling the *kitten* bushes up, winterizing, etc. Hopefully, it'll be nice to be "too busy for a social life".1
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@anbrdr I know how that goes! The messages, they pull you back in! I'm pulling my profile for now, and hoping something works out with one of the guys that I'm currently in communication with. I'm tired of the site. I'm tired of starting at square one, to go on one date, to be disappointed in some way, to start over again...
I have a date set up for Saturday. I really do like this guy, there's just one aspect we have to discuss to see if we can make work. We'll see. We've talked on the phone a lot, and our conversations are easy. We've been out once for dinner and it lasted five hours. There's a definite attraction. We'll see...
I leave for Arizona in a month, for a month...so now would be a good time to hang it up temporarily anyway.
I'm still moody as hell, but a hell of a lot better than I was on Sunday, heh.2 -
... and just like that, here we go again! Started chatting with a lady last night, which has led to a date tonight. Honestly, I've already put in 26 hours at work this week (35 by the end of today) and all I really want is a beverage, a couch, and Netflix. Oh well, she seems cool, smart, and fun, so I'll roll the dice.3
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Moodiness is subsiding...getting more excited about Saturday. Now have something set up with the other guy tentatively for Monday. We'll see. I'm hoping Saturday goes well and that'll be it for a while...
It's hard to just stop, isn't it? heh. I like chatting with people, I like going out, I like being social. I have to admit, first time in my life, I like the attention.
Good luck tonight! Fill us in tomorrow!3 -
Hahah, so last night was, for lack of a better word, interesting.
So after work/exercise/shower, I get ready to head out to the beer garden for the date. I send her a message, let her know I'm 40 minutes away, because of traffic. No response.
I send another message, letting her know I found another route, and will be there earlier. No response.
I send a 3rd message, telling her that I'm sitting at the bar for one beer, then heading out. no response.
15 minutes later, text response: "Holy *kitten*!". Then a phone call.
Followed by a phone call. Apparently, she has the next 2 weeks off of work, and decided to get day drunk with a friend. and got way drunker than expected. She had just woken up, in a friend's car, at a pool bar, because another friend was in a dart tournament, and she was not allowed inside for being too drunk. Obviously being passed out and drunk, she forgot all about the date. She apologized about a bijillion times, offered to make it up to me, and to reschedule.
I couldn't do anything but laugh my *kitten* off. Oh I laughed the entire night, treated myself to dinner at the beer garden, and went home chuckling. What a *kitten*-show.2 -
And....READY FOR THIS? Ghosted...AGAIN. *sigh* I'm leaving for AZ in a few weeks for a month, so I'm hiding my account for now. There are a few guys that have my Google number that I'll keep in touch with, and there's still the Halloween/Boat/Band guy.
So, the ghost...he was a chef. We went out on 12/5, had a fantastic time, five hours in a restaurant talking and laughing. He invited me to his house for dinner because he wanted to cook. A few nights later, it seemed like he was flaking, acting like he didn't remember, but said we were still on. The next morning I got a message that he needed to reschedule to that Saturday, I said I could make Saturday work. Then nothing until late Friday afternoon. He called and asked if we were still on, I laughed and said no...I thought he had blown me off. We talked, worked it out, and set up for this past Saturday. We talked every day on the phone. Wednesday, he said he'd call me on Thursday to confirm the time and plans. Thursday, I sent him a picture of my mini-blinds (broke, I installed, he had been following the saga) to no response. Friday, I sent him a "Good morning!" message. Nothing. Friday night, I called and left a message to text and I can call him back, busy, girlfriends, blah blah blah. Saturday around 11am I called and left a message stating I hope he's ok, and everything's alright. I said I had the same feeling the week before, and I didn't think he was the type to just stop calling, and I hoped he enjoyed his weekend. The only reason I left that message was from our call the previous week where he was upset that I had not tried to call him. So...he's done. Why does it seem the guys with the most potential ghost? Sissies. lol
Halloween/Boat/Band guy came over for dinner last night. I have NO idea what's going on there and for the first time, I really don't care. lol Would I like more? Sure. Am I willing to jeopardize the fun I have with him to even bring it up? NOPE. This is the fourth time we've seen each other. We ate and drank, and actually talked for the first time. His house is full of distractions (roommate, pool table, darts, so many sporting events) where my house was the two of us, Bubba (his old Chihuahua), and Pandora radio. I had a great time. At one point he mentioned us finding time together in the five days in January between me getting home and him leaving for vacation...I took that as a decent sign, lol. We text infrequently and haven't talked on the phone in weeks...so I'm defining it as food and fun. Heh.
Wow, that was a lot...4 -
Chef guy seems like he has trouble with communication. I don't think I could bring myself to ghost out like that. It's no big deal to say I don't think you are right for me.
Boat sounds pretty promising. This time of the year is always awkward for dating.
I actually gave drunk girl a second chance. And I'm pretty happy that I did. We've had a lot of conversations, and a truly cool date. Enough similar interests and viewpoints that felt great. I'm sure we are getting together Saturday.3 -
I have been in maintenance since 2014 (though I have lost about 30lbs since hitting my original goal). I have dated off and on since having surgery. I was open with my surgery right away, since my eating habits would give me away every time. I still don't eat much, still take most of my meal home if I eat out.
Every once in awhile I think about getting back out there but...every time I do, I end up disappointed. There's this pipe dream that there's a wonderful, intelligent, mature man out there for me but what I usually end up with is immature men looking for easy sex and a relationship that doesn't require any work.
I simply cannot understand why I know so many women who met the man of their dreams after weight loss surgery but I haven't been as lucky. I can only deduce that the problem is me... but I am loathe to change who I am just to have a man.0 -
Second to the last guy i dated from OKCupid never showed up for a date. Never answered my calls, emails or texts. Just disappeared. Two weeks later, he sent a random message-- "I didn't feel like you liked me enough and I didn't want to go through that BS."
He tries to contact me here and there and every SINGLE time it ends in him acting like a 15 year old. Like, he'll text me and suggest we get together to talk in a few days. He really wants to work things out and whatever. Fine, whatever. Maybe I get a message or maybe I log into OKC cause I'm grown and I can. I get a text at 3am: "obviously not ready to get back together, I hope you found what you were looking for. Forget about meeting up, lose my number."
Dude? NOT A PROBLEM. He has been blocked for a year now.1 -
And...another first date last night. It went well. I'm way less optimistic at this point. lol
We met for drinks, I had a good time. I felt a connection. I think he did from his goodnight kiss and our conversations since. He mentioned setting something up for Thursday night...so we'll see. I've been here too many times to get my hopes up, lol. The weird between first and second date...
There's still Halloween/Boat Guy! lmao I'm really looking for a relationship. He really isn't. So, he's what he is until there's something more...either from him or elsewhere. Is that wrong? Heh.2 -
So despite a fantastic second date, Drunk Woman wasn't "feeling the chemistry, even thogh she's highly attracted to me". I guess I can interpret that as maybe I'm too boring. C'est la vie
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Ok, that doesn't make sense to me...whatever. Lame. Move on.
And dinner is set for Thursday...1 -
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No doubt.0
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Well...the guy I started seeing in mid-October flaked out on me and told me Monday night he can't be in a relationship and needs to fine himself. UGH!! Men!!!0
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UGH! I'm so sorry Becky! That's complete crap.
If you need someone to talk to, hit me up... 0 -
I know Nicole!! I was pissed yesterday...today I'm sad. I really miss him already. He's a great guy...just f'ed up in the head from his previous relationships. He finally met someone normal and I don't think he knew how to act. IDK...I'll let him find himself and see if he comes back. I can only hope.0
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I've been so nervous since yesterday afternoon. I'm glad I've hidden my profile at this point. The wonderfully craptastic men I've encountered up until this point have made enjoying the ride difficult. I have date two with the new guy tonight and I keep getting paranoid about when he's going to cancel on me. Heh. It sucks. I'm hoping he doesn't...it makes me feel way more pathetic than I should.
Becky, give him a while, hopefully he'll wake up soon and realize what he's letting go...0 -
*kitten* curse of the second date, I tell ya. Had to head out of town for work. It's completely viable knowing his job. But yeah, sucks. We'll see what happens. He's driving right now from WI to IN, so we'll see if he contacts me to reschedule or if this is a polite way of ending things.
Bonus points for at least contacting me in advance, and seeming upset himself...*sigh*2 -
Well, *kitten*. I always thought December was supposed to be a good dating month. Maybe there is something decent around the corner. Maybe I should just get a dog/cat...1
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