Dating life Post Surgery
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I can laugh now
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I live vicariously through you @NicoleL874 since I'm not in the dating pool anymore. I think the nicknames are great! I had Music Man, Green Card Guy, Narcolepsy Boy, and a couple others I can't remember anymore.2
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I'm new on the board and pre-op. I've been single for two years, but still hang out with my ex bf. He moved out of state so when he visits we see each other socially; there's no chemistry he's like a bff. I guess I need to admit that his friendship has been the comfort zone that holds me back from getting out there.
This year it's all about me, working on lifestyle changes, just starting my 3rd of 6 months pre-op. I'm changing foods, habits, and activities. I'm seeing a cognitive behavior therapist and really putting the time into me.
I envision me being a dating person in the future. I haven't been good at it in the past, that may or may not be a story for here for another day. I'm still in the weeds right now but I'll be on the path with you all later.
In the meantime, take care and have fun!5 -
Keep bringing the entertainment! I'm living vicariously through you and, unbeknownst to him, keeping me extra appreciative of my husband!3
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I'm 6 months post op and newly single after 27 years.1
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NicoleL874 wrote: »
So, all the men get "code names" because it's easier for my friends to keep them straight, lol! (and a little privacy when posting about experiences here) Right now there's Food and Fun, Hot Cop, Day Drinker (we went wine tasting, day drinking is funnier), Single Dad, Pool Balls, and Coffee Guy.
UPDATE: Food and Fun. Still there. Still not interested in more. Seeing him tomorrow night.
Hot Cop, Day Drinker, Pool Balls...haven't heard from. *crickets*
Coffee Guy...disappeared, again, I'm sure he'll pop up.
Single Dad became ANGRY Single Dad and had to be cut loose. I don't need that *kitten*.
NEW ADDS...ok people. I'm playing a dangerous game here. I've become friends with a girl that works for the gym. Hanging out with her in a small bar town near my home. All the guys know one another. I've been accepted by a group of them as "chill and fun". Huge compliment coming from these a-holes, lol! Well, one of them is on POF, but met him out, then saw his profile. We've had quite a few dating hell conversations. We're hitting it off, and I'm definitely interested. We hung out last night...I never go out on a work night! I'm up by 4:30am, got home at 11pm! It was a good night, we met for drinks, then met up with others at two other bars. (I mentioned it's a bar town) We are kinda hitting it off, I think. (No sense for this crap anymore after all the ghosts) We text daily. Laugh often. Getting to know each other slowly.
So, the stupid part of me? I know his favorite bar...now. Well, over the weekend I met another guy there. Not a part of the group, but still a part of the general crowd, and a regular at that bar. We hit it off and exchanged numbers. Now I'm nervous because I am realizing how small this crowd is, but really am interested in both, and really don't know either. OH WELL. We'll see. No code names for these two, yet...
Any advice on that one? lol1 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »NicoleL874 wrote: »
Any advice on that one? lol
Have fun. You're single, not really dating either of them, so just have fun. You know the herd will thin itself at some point :-)3 -
This is better than even the old Melrose Place episodes! I agree... Dr. Stalker... ROFL!1
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I had fun reading through all these! I'm married, not interested in dating or single life ever again...but still love to hear about the stories. So much fun! Nicole, I absolutely love your sense of humor with regards to dating. It sounds like you have an excellent head on your shoulders and eventually you'll weed them out. What happened to candy/boat guy? 0
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I've been staying out of this thread too, married...boring...lol. But I love to see how everyone is doing with dating, and confidence to just get out there, and live life. So good for you single ladies and men, that's awesome. I do hope I can get my husband to date me again, and rebuild our marriage...I loved the man I dated but 19 yrs later, that love is cold. So it will be interesting.
I went out with different guys at the same time...but there was no intimacy, it was all platonic getting to know each other, made great friendships. Once I met my husband, and he officially asked me out...I did break the ties with the others., they never officially asked., and one regretted it, but after 3 1/2yrs, as much as I knew I loved him and the fact that it took my husband to see my worth in 2 weeks, and no games. It was refreshing., so even tho he asked me to break up and gave me the he was better for me speech, (he had been drinking, lol), I said no, I can't play his games anymore, he had years to ask me and I need to see how this plays out, and hubby and I were married 9 mths later. These two guys were also roommates., but I only knew the one...until I moved into the same city, and we got introduced., by hubby's brother (whom I was friends with since I was 16)...again never met hubby...until I moved into the same city...I entered their circle.
I miss dating, I miss the butterflies, the anticipation of seeing them, I use to drive 4 hours to meet up for dinner, game of pool, sometimes it was a bit more...but never too much...he kept it flirty and fun. I miss being flirted with, and feeling the attention., and giving attention, and laughing...I miss laughing.2 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »NEW ADDS...ok people. Well, one of them is on POF, but met him out, then saw his profile. We've had quite a few dating hell conversations. We're hitting it off, and I'm definitely interested. We hung out last night...I never go out on a work night! I'm up by 4:30am, got home at 11pm! It was a good night, we met for drinks, then met up with others at two other bars. (I mentioned it's a bar town) We are kinda hitting it off, I think. (No sense for this crap anymore after all the ghosts) We text daily. Laugh often. Getting to know each other slowly.
So, the stupid part of me? I know his favorite bar...now. Well, over the weekend I met another guy there. Not a part of the group, but still a part of the general crowd, and a regular at that bar. We hit it off and exchanged numbers. Now I'm nervous because I am realizing how small this crowd is, but really am interested in both, and really don't know either. OH WELL. We'll see. No code names for these two, yet...
So, yeah. The first guy in the update? Let's call Airlines, as that's where he works. I had friends from out of town over this weekend, told him we'd be at a bar. He was there for about an hour, was really standoffish, but then texted to check on me the next day. So, no clue there. Whatever.
The other guy, we'll see. I'm cautiously optimistic as you guys may guess from all my posts. He says he's interested, he seemed to be over the weekend. We'll see what happens. He made it very clear if he gets involved, it would have to be one on one...which would mean dropping Food and Fun.
That...wow. I don't know how I feel about that. I know that things are just as I call him, but he's set the bar high. I went and saw him briefly yesterday to drop off vanilla and chili (random) and he had flowers waiting. He was incredibly sweet, said how it was nice to see me that early, mocked my gym clothes...I'm going to have to wait and see how it goes with the new guy, then have a candid talk with Food and Fun about the whole situation and see if reality does anything to him. For now...status quo.
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AllisonMart wrote: »
You all (and being 91 lbs down) have inspired me to actually make an effort and put myself out there. So Wednesday I signed up on POF to see what's what. I thought I might get one or two replies but instead I had 30+ in 12 hours! Overwhelming to be sure. I have been talking to 2 guys and actually went on a date with one yesterday. I haven't been on a date in YEARS. He's also had WLS and it was nice that he understood. Have a date with guy #2 on Tuesday. I don't know who this new me is, that actually talks to men and goes on dates, but I like her!
Figured I'd update so Nicole isn't doing all the work! Guy #2, who we will call Geek Guy, turned out to be AWESOME. Today is a month since our first date and I really have no interest in seeing anyone else right now. We have a lot in common, are on the same page, and can easily talk for hours. It's easy and fun and I'm having a great time!
If someone had told me a year ago that so much would have changed in my life in 12 little months - new job, new home, new body, new car, new guy - I would have said they were nuts! Life's a roller coaster, you guys.10 -
Ok. So.
Airlines said I'm sweet, funny, intelligent, sassy, but not for him. Ok.
The other guy dropped off the face of the planet.
I've deleted the dating apps for now.
There's still Food and Fun. I think he likes me, but is terrified of commitment. His signals are so mixed my head spins some days, but I'm rolling with it. The more I get to know him, the more he is worth the patience. And let's be honest, I'm having a flipping blast with him.
Now, let's discuss why meeting men in bars is bad. *get your popcorn, pepperoni chips, Quest bar, settle in and get ready for a story*
Screw the code name. We'll go with Drunk Larry for this one. Met Drunk Larry several times. There was an attraction, and something I didn't like, but couldn't put my finger on. Guess whose gut needs to not be ignored? Well, DL (for short), asked me out away from town. Great. Ok.
Last Thursday, DL drove out near my house to have a couple of drinks. Things went really well. We laughed, had great conversation and made tentative plans for the weekend. Met up for a bit on Friday night.
Then on Saturday morning he took me for a motorcycle ride. We went and got Bloody Marys by the river (big boating and biking community) and split a lunch. We talked for several hours. I told him about surgery, he thought it was fascinating and fantastic. At 2pm I drove him to his work van in town, he had to leave it the day before. I was going out with friends, busy from 4pm - 9pm. He had loose plans. I was supposed to call him when I was free to possibly meet up.
The texts started at 4:30pm. "Hey, come get me." "I'm hungry." "you don't like hanging out with me." My eyeballs fell out they rolled so much in my head. I did my best to ignore him. At 8:30pm he called, completely blitzed to the point he had no clue where he was. Some poor lady had to get on the phone and tell me where he was. I was tempted to leave him wandering but would have felt horrible if something happened. So, I left my friends, texted my Bar Buddy (BB), and went.
He was hammered, never went home after getting his van, couldn't find me when I was five feet below him (small staircase to the store he was at..wine store/bar). He stumbled down two steps and sat. Tried to kiss me, and I stopped him and said he smelled like a distillery. Well, in his drunk mind, those were FIGHTIN' WORDS! It got ugly from there. BB showed up, tried diffusing the situation, no-go. I offered to Uber him home, he refused. I offered him to walk with us, he refused. Long story short, I left him at the bar. COMMENCE DRUNK, ANGRY TEXTING. I was very polite, knowing he'd see them in the morning.
The next day, he actually tried contacting me to go out again. I told him no, he said he knew I'd run. I told him I was facing it head on and walking away. He needed help and I didn't need a relationship like that.
MORAL OF THE STORY? LISTEN TO YOUR GUT, NO MATTER WHAT.
Now, for a funny story. Saturday after I left DL, BB and I ended up at one of our usual haunts. She knows the owner, and the bartenders, so we go there every night we go out. Well, I was talking to this boy (early 20s), we were having a good time. Across the bar, there's a guy that's ALWAYS in there alone and ALWAYS hammered. I've never so much as said hello before. So, he waves at me. I literally looked behind me, then back at him and half-assed waved back. I keep talking to the boy. I see this guy waving at me again, but now he's calling me over. I shake my head, "no." So this drunk gets off his stool, drunken stumbles across the room, slurs...*ready?* "Hey, I've seen you in here before. Let's get out of here." I look at him and say, "No." His response is the best part, as he stumbles back he says, "Had to try."
Needless to say, I need to avoid bars.6 -
The drunk dudes are SO not worthy of you, but you knew that 2
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Ugh and this is also why I don't meet men in bars or hang out with men who like to hang out at bars. I am probably too old and grumpy for that *kitten* lol.
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Well that had me laughing my way thru a couple hours
Wow nicole you sure have met some odd ones bless you
Im regularly tempted to give up on guys
I had one date who turned up late, stoned and stinking like a bin
My mama taught me to be nice so i chatted to him for a while trying to keep out of arms length. When i went to go he asked for a second date. I told him i didnt think we clicked but i wish him well. At first he begged and then the threats started..... after a few weeks i had to move house
Met a guy online. Showed him loads of pics, told him im 5ft 2 and that i weighed over 300lb......... he told me 2 weeks after our date that it wasnt me, it was him. That he hadnt expected me to be so fat...... ummmm
I met my sons dad on POF he was always telling me its the best relationship hes had..... he accidently sent a text when i was 7 weeks pregnant meant for another woman and then told me he had changed his mind and didnt want to be a biological father after all ( we had a previous miscarriage)
Few months ago i went on a date with lets call him minnie on account of sounding like the mouse
He showed up with a friend who did ALL of the talking. Any question i asked he deflected to his friend
By the end of the night i knew way more about his friends new baby then i did the guy who had been begging for a date for weeks
Then theres mr train. Ive known him years, he knows all about my weight, diet, exercise.
Visits me every few weeks and a couple visits ago kissed me...... i was so shocked i kinda slapped his arm. Doesnt seem to have detterred him but i know he doesnt see himself as relationship material2 -
OMG! Thanks for adding! I feel like I'm the only one dating sometimes! I know I may have some of the craziest stories, but there's got to be more out there! Or advice, or comments, or anything! lol
Yeah, smelly, high...I'd run. No need to be polite sometimes. Any first date from an internet site, I have a friend text me about 20 minutes after I get there with a message. It's my out. I've not had to use it yet.
Someone showing up with a wingman? Lame. I would have asked who I was on the date with and asked the other to leave. If they said no, I'd leave.
Good luck!0 -
Im just counting the days till mr train has time off and comes up to visit. Should be 4th and 5th of may1
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Speaking of dating...hahahahaha
I ran into DL last weekend. Quite literally. I was coming out of a gaming area and he was walking backwards and walked into me. I put my hands on his back and said, "Careful, Larry!" and chuckled. He turned and said "sorry" then saw it was me. He looked sad, which made me a little sad. Later, I was outside and he came over and asked for a hug. I feel like making an enemy of the town drunk is not a wise choice, so I gave him a hug. He stared all night.
Now that those tears for DL have been shed...I saw him while I was out with someone else. Heh. Younger guy by 10 years. Sweet, funny, smart, can hold a conversation. Bonus, I've seen him sober more than drunk.
You may only hear about him and Food and Fun (who's messing with my mind once again. Men.) for a while. My parents are coming in next week and staying for three weeks. Then I'm home for a week then visit them for a week. Then, I'm home for five weeks and then OFF TO MEXICO! WOOT! So, dating is taking a back burner.
This new guy was a surprise. I was going out for drinks with my friend last week Tuesday, he's usually off on Tuesdays, but happened to be at the bar. He was finishing up his shift and came out with us and we hit it off. We've known each other since January, but just really started talking and now have seen each other four times. We'll see!
Crazy meet-up this weekend in Michigan with a WLS support group from FB. 50 have paid. We'll see how many show up! Should be good times! I've thought about ditching the party and keeping the cash for my skin surgery. 4 -
Ok, this is going out to all the men. I need help with this situation from the male perspective.
FOOD AND FUN. Shall we recap?
On Halloween, we actually met for the first time. Talked a lot about past relationships. He's been screwed over big time by women. Has adult children, never been married. Two ex-fiancés. He made it clear from the get-go that this was no strings attached, just fun. OK!
We've gotten together every few weeks, his house or my house. We've actually gone out twice (Frisbee golf and a bar for a band) I went to see his band play about 45 minutes away from me once in November.
I was gone for four weeks over the holidays, contacted him mid-January, heard nothing until the end of January. Since then, things have been shifting. At one point in February, we briefly talked about what this situation was. He reassured me it was status quo. If I wanted more he was ready to walk away. I said I was fine, as long as my brain knew what page we were on.
Since then, he's told me he missed me at two of his shows, he begs me to go. He gave me flowers for Easter, he's planning outings for the summer, he's shown jealousy over the idea that some old dude at a bar flirted with me. (I was talking about a local bar, said the owner was this old flirt. He spun around, irritated, "He flirted with YOU?") He's been sending me texts just to say hello. Just now, he texted me he hopes I have fun on my trip this weekend.
To me and my girlies, it seems like there's something, he is just hesitant because of history. My friends keep telling me to say something, which I will NOT. I'd rather keep what we have than screw it up and lose him. But, in all honesty, it's a bit of a mind *kitten*. As a woman, if you just want FOOD and FUN, there should be no flowers, no outings with his brother, no begging me to see his band...right? Or do the men see a different perspective? All are welcome to reply, but I'm really looking for men to chime in...0 -
Sitting here sipping my coffee waiting for the men to chime in...2
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Twenty years out of the dating scene (and was lousy at it then!), but I would guess he is interested in monogamous and serious but with no commitments/easy out when things go south. Which is an absolute mess of mixed signals.
Not sure of his/your politics, but I might probe to see if he has any connections to the Mens Rights stuff (free love, men get screwed when marriages break up stuff). Seems like he is caught between wanting a relationship but not wanting a 'relationship'. i.e. he has what I consider to be (old school) manly tendencies (protective, monogamous, committed), but has decided not to get 'trapped'.
I bet a semi-serious conversation (not looking to make him commit, just exploring the mixed signals) would be very interesting and revealing.
Good luck!
Rob
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I bet a semi-serious conversation (not looking to make him commit, just exploring the mixed signals) would be very interesting and revealing.
Yeah, probably interesting, but I'm terrified it will make him bolt. I would be all in for more, but am really enjoying what we have. Plus, when I'm not receiving messages from him I'm still enjoying dating as much as I can. Even DL had his perks, lol! I'm at the point where my brain is keeping everything more casual, waiting to see if this man comes around. Like I said in yesterday's post, I'm kinda on a hiatus until after I recover from skin surgery. I'll keep you guys updated on his craziness. Talking about it helps keep me grounded in the, "just casual" mode.1 -
A guy who ghosted me a couple months ago got in touch today, says he misses talking to me, its like he lost his girlfriend blah blah blah
Was supposedly at a garage one road over from where i was. I drive round..... no one there
He calls, was apparently putting air in his tyres. I drive back.... no one there. I went home, when he called i told him its time to get on with my day
He says we will meet next time.
Ummm yeah youve always an excuse at meet up time
Dating in a right minefield
Hope your ok nicole and you can make head way with FOOD AND FUN.
It does sound like he wants more. Once bitten twice shy2 -
So the ghoster slipped up
He phoned me and twice he mentioned his girlfriend
I called him out on it and apparently its complicated
Im not interested in a guy testing the waters before he decides weather to leave his girlfriend or not....... so hes moved to the next woman on the list in order to have a date tonight
Bellend2 -
So new guy has ghosted. No idea what happened there. Meh.
Had a great time at my crazy meet-up! Holy cow! We had 47 people from all over the world! (US, Canada, and Australia) It was great! I arrived late Wednesday, we shopped all day Thursday, prepped for a portion of Friday. Friday afternoon people started arriving. Wow. It's amazing how emotional people can become over people you've never "met"! Friday night we had 28 people at a restaurant for dinner. Friday night, we had 13 people sleep at the house, the rest were in hotels. Saturday, the party was supposed to start at 5pm...yeah, everyone had other ideas! Luckily, with 13 people in the house the rest of the prep went quickly, because people showed up about NOON! We partied from 12pm - 1am. Someone brought a bags game, another person brought their karaoke machine. Sunday, 35 people came back for breakfast. I drove home Sunday late morning, incredibly sad to leave my people, but filled with love and support around the world!
Sunday, Food and Fun contacted me...asked if I'd be able to find any time for him while my parents were in. I told him of course I would. So, we have tentative plans next week. I laughed at him and said it would be best to do it by his place. He said he does want to meet my parents if possible, but that would definitely be awkward at my place. What? You want to meet my parents? That seems like more than what we have. Anyway, we have tentative plans for Bloody Marys at this little dive bar near my house for 5/13. (Best Bloody Marys in the area!) Maybe meeting the family will make it more real for him? Who knows...all I know is I had to tell my mom SOMETHING. They have no clue I've been dating since September. ME: "Mom, my friend Food and Fun may join us at the bar." MOM: "Oh?" ME: "Eh, not sure what the situation is. Don't get your hopes up." MOM: "Don't worry, I never do with you."
WTF? Thanks Mom. With her new dementia diagnosis I bit my tongue and let it go.
So yeah, my parents arrive today by 6pm. They are here for three weeks. I may go out once a week or so, but I'm thinking my social life will be very light. With her diagnosis, I plan on spending as much time as possible with her. I have a lofty project for this summer, and ongoing really. I plan on interviewing her and recording her as much as possible. For now, using my phone, may be getting a camera soon.3 -
@NicoleL874 Your meet-up sounds like so much fun! I'm glad you had such a good time. And seriously, wth is up with F&F? He doesn't want a relationship, but wants to meet parents? I can't even pretend to imagine what is going on in his brain.2
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OK! Food and Fun...
Last Thursday we were supposed to get together. He called and said something came up and had to go pick up his brother's dog. He said I was welcome to join him, but we could reschedule if I wanted. My initial thought was to reschedule, then changed my mind and said if he wanted company I'd go. We had a great time! We actually got to talk. He opened up about his most recent ex that has him so screwed up about relationships. It was very eye-opening. It was the first time he bought me dinner. We went back to his house for a bit after, ate and hung out.
So, yesterday I took my mom out for breakfast, then for Bloody Marys. Food and Fun joined with Mom and Dad. It went so well they invited him for drinks and dinner on 5/22! While at the bar, he mentioned he had errands near my house, so I asked what he was doing. He said he wanted to try his hand at gardening this year. Now, him and I are going to plant a garden. The more we actually talk, the more he seems shocked by the fact that I actually like him.
Looks like he's bringing down his walls slowly. I'm still open to others, and definitely not getting my hopes up, or getting emotionally involved at this point...but, we'll see!
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WOO HOO...sounds like things are on the up and up and glad that things went well with your parents! 1
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My husband was on POF. He saw that i looked at his profile. He recognized my profile pic on FB through our mutual friend. We started talking....we've been married for almost 5-years now!3
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