Dating life Post Surgery
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Eek, while rejection hurts, if it's due to something as petty as 'not being able to handle' loose skin, you definitely dodged a bullet.2
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I had a similar situation with someone who I was dating. We seemed like a really great match. Got along great, had fun together. He knew about the surgery and I did mention that I had some loose skin, and he acted like it was not a concern. We dated for a month or so, and the day after the first time we heavily made out and he actually got a feel, he called me to tell me he "couldn't handle it". It stung at first, but I quickly realized I dodged a bullet. The funny thing is, he was a couple of years older than me, (I was 52 at the time), and at that time I was also dating a guy who was 32, totally cute, totally fun, and he thought I was the hottest thing since fire. I expected the older guy to be more mature, but it didn't turn out that way at all.
You are over 50? I would never have thought that. Mid 30's at most!
You did dodge a bullet. A bit of loose skin isn't what makes you who you are. My wife had the surgery 4 years ago and has the "tummy apron" and she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I guess I've never been vain or put such importance on trivial things like cellulite or looks in general.
And just putting this out there: I have never sent unsolicited "dick pics" to anyone. Period. I think that is one of the creepiest things going. The Anthony Wiener Syndrome. I guess these guys watch way too much porn and have little to no real-life experience. Because showing women your "hog" and saying filthy things to them just doesn't seem like it would work in real life. But hey, what do I know?
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Made me lol. I always felt that he was just trying to live up to his name. And if you're going to go into public office, having a name like WIener is not a great idea.StevenGarrigus wrote: »The Anthony Wiener Syndrome.
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petunia773 wrote: »Well...the guy I started seeing in mid-October flaked out on me and told me Monday night he can't be in a relationship and needs to fine himself. UGH!! Men!!!
Good things come to those who wait!!! He figured out he loves me and wants to be with me. I am so happy. This is a pic we took on our first date back in October. I took pics Friday night but the lighting was crap so they didn't really turn out...We had some stuff to work out and the dip *kitten* went back to his psycho ex but broke it off with her for good on Sunday. Oh boy...I need to trust him and trust in his love for me and take things nice and slow.
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@petunia773 Congrats Becky! Hope it all works out for you!
I'm just home from my one month away. Trying to process some crap, so avoiding all at this point. We'll see...0 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »@petunia773 Congrats Becky! Hope it all works out for you!
I'm just home from my one month away. Trying to process some crap, so avoiding all at this point. We'll see...
Good luck sweetie.1 -
Back to IL, back to life, back to dating? Food and fun, Halloween/boat guy has disappeared...BOO! Hopefully, he'll call for more fun, lol! In the meantime, I'm back on POF. I hate that site. lol
Last night I had drinks (was supposed to be dinner, he decided not to order food so I didn't) with a train wreck. This guy was HOT. His photos did him NO justice. Hottest date YET. (not like I get a lot of hot guys, lol) I knew from a conversation that we didn't quite match up politically, but WOW. I'm kinda glad it all came out the first time we met, but it was A LOT for the first time we met! Let's just say he didn't even get a handshake as I left...I was shocked at the information falling from his mouth.
I do have to say I find myself laughing a lot more this time around. Not because it's funny, but because it's funny...heh
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NicoleL874 wrote: »Back to IL, back to life, back to dating? Food and fun, Halloween/boat guy has disappeared...BOO! Hopefully, he'll call for more fun, lol! In the meantime, I'm back on POF. I hate that site. lol
Last night I had drinks (was supposed to be dinner, he decided not to order food so I didn't) with a train wreck. This guy was HOT. His photos did him NO justice. Hottest date YET. (not like I get a lot of hot guys, lol) I knew from a conversation that we didn't quite match up politically, but WOW. I'm kinda glad it all came out the first time we met, but it was A LOT for the first time we met! Let's just say he didn't even get a handshake as I left...I was shocked at the information falling from his mouth.
I do have to say I find myself laughing a lot more this time around. Not because it's funny, but because it's funny...heh
I have always said, if you let people talk, the herd thins itself and saves you the trouble!4 -
I have always said, if you let people talk, the herd thins itself and saves you the trouble!
You are NOT kidding there! On that, I'm a talker. For real, my family complains, my friends know how to shut me up, lol! I've noticed with the last handful of dates I haven't been able to get a word in! Even when I start talking, these guys interrupt and have stories to add, then never get back to what I was saying. It perplexes me, lol! I'm a thoughtful talker. I ask questions, if things go silent, I can come up with a topic or a question. So few ask me questions.
I'm a sign language interpreter. You'd think that alone would spark some conversation. Last two dates never even found out what type of interpreting I do. I wish there was a way to thin the herd a little more quickly, lol!
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Had to jump into this convo to see what my future is going to be like...I just had VSG 3-4 weeks ago so I'm very much focused on dating "me" for the foreseeable future while I establish my new lifestyle and focus on healthy habits, but curious what is going to await me once I dive back into the dating pool. I'm looking online but not contacting, lol.
I just finalized a divorce in November, and while we were only together for 4-5 years, he did a number on my body image emotionally. I had gained maybe 30lbs since marrying him (I wasn't thin when I met him) and while he never admitted it bothered him until the end, he acted like it in every small way I refused to notice that chipped away at my soul. The deal breaker for me was when he texted me a picture he had snuck of me (stuffed into an airplane window seat on a 6 hour flight back from Vegas) and stated "He just wasn't attracted to this"...yeah well duh, I'm not attracted to anyone stuffed into an airplane seat either. I filed papers the next day. Wish I had my money back from the trip I paid for!
Someone HAS to reassure me that not all men are shallow enough to end a relationship over 30lbs...2 -
@DizGal First, love your screen name. Second, not all men are that shallow. Your situation sucked and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Third, dating sucks. It has its ups and downs and leaves me wanting to crawl in a whole some days. Other days, you meet a guy you think has potential. A guy who makes your heart flutter. A guy you can't stop thinking about. A guy that talking to seems to natural you feel like you've known him for a long time...
More on that next week...(meeting Friday)2 -
@DizGal, I'm so sorry for the way your husband treated you. When my wife and I started dating and subsequently married, she was around 280lbs. I loved her for who she was and still do just the same at 145ish lbs (I'm guessing because she keeps it secret!). I will love her the same if not a great deal more as our baby grows in her womb.
You are a beautiful young woman, full of life with a fantastic future ahead of you. You will find the right guy who loves you the way you deserve. Somebody that will look at what you consider an "imperfection" and love it and you that much more. Good luck when you do get back on the dating scene and keep your chin up!2 -
Well. I had my lunch date on Friday and it went well. He is everything I thought he was from our conversations before meeting. Funny, smart, caring, open, honest...definite chemistry. He is someone I can see myself falling for. I'm completely hesitant because I find myself in this situation once again...
Friday went great. Made plans for Saturday. Saturday he wasn't feeling well. So he postponed. We have talked a bit, and did reschedule for Wednesday, so we'll see.2 -
@NicoleL874 I hope it works out!2
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Fingers crossed for you, Nicole!1
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Good luck @NicoleL874!2
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Oh.My.Gosh!! I don't know whether to laugh or cry after reading these. I am in my 40's and was married for almost 25 years. I'ts been over ten years of wanting to separate but the kids were little, etc. This is the year I break free and take action and I am excited at the future but apprehensive too. Now, I read all about the dating scene and wonder if I will ever get back out there?? I mean....does anyone even remember the "olden" days (as my kids tell me) when you had to use something called a land line? Or talk face-to-face?? Yep....wish me luck!!2
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@klcovington It's definitely a trip out there. There are men that will treat you like pen pals and you wonder what the hell their intentions are. (for real, I gave a guy my number in December, he still hasn't used it only contacts me through the app) Some are clearly out for sex. It gets tiresome, but you wade through it. I found laughing my way through makes life more enjoyable. I've met some interesting people. Found people I'd love to be friends with if they were open to it.
A more recent laughable moment? Got a message: "Want to exchange massages today?" Well, I thought he misspelled "messages." So I answered, "Sure!" Ahem. Regretting my life decisions, in 3...2...1..."Great! Your place or mine?" Bwahahahaha! Um. No.
Anyway, I've deleted the app for now. Giving this guy a shot. Dinner at his place tomorrow. He's cooking.6 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »A more recent laughable moment? Got a message: "Want to exchange massages today?" Well, I thought he misspelled "messages." So I answered, "Sure!" Ahem. Regretting my life decisions, in 3...2...1..."Great! Your place or mine?" Bwahahahaha! Um. No.
Anyway, I've deleted the app for now. Giving this guy a shot. Dinner at his place tomorrow. He's cooking.
Dying over here!!!
Wishing you luck! Though I do have to say your stories make me laugh and cringe...1 -
I love the dating scene! There are some weirdos and creepers, but the world has been my oyster! I've loved meeting new people. My bf is amazing!! This time around, I know that things are on my terms. I think that the big difference is that I used to aim for someone to like me...now I know that I'm awesome, and men are drawn to that.3
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@AngieViolet, I definitely think you've got the right mindset --- "now I know that I'm awesome, and men are drawn to that". I love that!!!
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Now that I have date two tonight with a guy that I really like, Food and Fun/Halloween Boy/Boat Guy pops up out of the woodwork to see how I'm doing and if I want to go out. What? We've really not gone out. We played Frisbee Golf once, but now he wants to take me out? These boys...*sigh* I can't figure them out! lol4
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[quote=" These boys...*sigh* I can't figure them out! lol[/quote]
Don't try. Trust me
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Saturday night with Food and Fun went amazingly well! We had dinner at my place, went out for drinks, to play pool, and listen to his friend's band, then back to my house for dessert. He mentioned possibly going out to dinner some time. So weird. I've gotten used to "food and fun" that I'm not sure how to behave around him in public! lol
The new guy, we had a nice dinner by his place last Wednesday. He ended up being really sick. Still getting over it. We were going to do dinner at my house tonight, I offered to postpone. He said no way. I offered to make dinner and bring it by him, since he works tomorrow and I don't. Well..."we'll see." That turned into "oops, screwed up my work schedule. I work til 9pm, not 7pm." I would have thought he was blowing me off, but he invited me out to dinner by his work on his break. If he wasn't interested, he could have just told me he wasn't feeling well.
At what point do you guys feel like you really need to be open about dating others, or cut the cord and go with one?1 -
This is by far my fav thread on MFP and I'm going through withdrawals without any new postings! So instead of lurking I'll put one up myself.
You all (and being 91 lbs down) have inspired me to actually make an effort and put myself out there. So Wednesday I signed up on POF to see what's what. I thought I might get one or two replies but instead I had 30+ in 12 hours! Overwhelming to be sure. I have been talking to 2 guys and actually went on a date with one yesterday. I haven't been on a date in YEARS. He's also had WLS and it was nice that he understood. Have a date with guy #2 on Tuesday. I don't know who this new me is, that actually talks to men and goes on dates, but I like her!5 -
@AllisonMart YAY! It's rough in the beginning, but so worth it!
I'll update. So, the new guy didn't work out. I got a message last week that he just wasn't interested. I was grateful for getting the message instead of him ghosting. Not gonna lie, I want to ask what it was, lmao, but won't.
I had pre-emptively signed up on Hive, and just started talking to some men there. Ironically, I remembered the photos from POF. But, with Hive, you have to say you're interested, then they say they are interested, then the woman HAS to send the first message. Men cannot. If you send a message and they don't respond in 24 hours, the match expires and is gone for good.
Anyway, two guys. One, I'm super attracted to, but not sure how reality will work, but I'm already putting him in a box to be judgmental, which isn't fair, but it is what it is and I'm keeping positive and hoping to meet him this week. (He's a SWAT cop, totally into fitness, omg the muscles. My insecurities make me feel like he'll judge me on my saggy, gross body more so than someone that isn't built like him. Unfair, see above, I know.) The second one, we've not talked much but have a wine tasting set up Friday at 3pm at a Coopershawk. He admitted it's free in his membership, it should be fun.
I did text a guy I've been going back and forth with since December and he said he was glad I did and was traveling last week and would love to try and set something up this week...we'll see.
I'm back on POF and already blocked a guy. We were chatting, it was innocent (so I thought), I had a girls' weekend, he wouldn't leave me alone, so I ignored him. On Sunday I got home and said hello, I was home from my weekend. There was a message about me being "naughty", needing to be "punished" and some other nouns I won't use except maybe in messages, lmao! So, his *kitten* got blocked.
One guy I went out with twice, then he ghosted, hit me up on there AGAIN. I talked to him about it, was very honest, and told him he had my number, if he wanted to set up a date to take me out and get to know me, I may entertain the idea, but if he's thinking I was going to be a hook up he was wrong. There's more, but again...private, lmao!
It's a roller coaster, but worth riding...until hormones hit and so does the pity party!0 -
This is my favorite board to peruse.... I wish I had some nice people to set y'all up with! 2
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You guys, I hate feeling like I'm boring people on here. I'm the most active user of this thread, lmao, but whatever. If you guys want stories and updates, I'm game. It's crazy and sometimes just the activity of posting is enough for me to get perspective.
My friends refer to my dating life as "the spreadsheet". When I first started, I would only talk to one or two guys at a time, but saw that this was a waste of time because so many will weed themselves out. Then, I started talking to all the men, but only going on one or two dates with different men at the same time, but again...none may work out, and then start at ground zero again. Now, I'm talking to several, have been on first dates with several, a second date with one, there's still "Food and Fun", and now one I went on one date with in December has popped back up. I try not to get my hopes up...like ever...because there was so much disappointment when this all started about a year ago. Now, I just take it encounter by encounter.
So, all the men get "code names" because it's easier for my friends to keep them straight, lol! (and a little privacy when posting about experiences here) Right now there's Food and Fun, Hot Cop, Day Drinker (we went wine tasting, day drinking is funnier), Single Dad, Pool Balls, and Coffee Guy.5 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »
So, all the men get "code names" because it's easier for my friends to keep them straight, lol! (and a little privacy when posting about experiences here) Right now there's Food and Fun, Hot Cop, Day Drinker (we went wine tasting, day drinking is funnier), Single Dad, Pool Balls, and Coffee Guy.
I love this! I always use code names or nicknames lol. My friends didn't even know the real names of some of the guys I dated. Chinese Food Guy, Vegas Guy, Dr. Stalker. Then for some reason I ended up with like 4 guys named Daniel that I dated off and on, so they ended up being lawyer Daniel, Mexican Daniel, artist Daniel, and Israeli Daniel. The last guy I dated was named Adam but he turned into Ryan because my coworker kept referring to him as Ryan and when I asked why, he said, "all white guys are named Ryan" and it totally stuck lol.
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I love this! I always use code names or nicknames lol. My friends didn't even know the real names of some of the guys I dated. Chinese Food Guy, Vegas Guy, Dr. Stalker. Then for some reason I ended up with like 4 guys named Daniel that I dated off and on, so they ended up being lawyer Daniel, Mexican Daniel, artist Daniel, and Israeli Daniel. The last guy I dated was named Adam but he turned into Ryan because my coworker kept referring to him as Ryan and when I asked why, he said, "all white guys are named Ryan" and it totally stuck lol.
Dr. Stalker? OMG. Totally LOLd on that one!0
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