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2018 - The Year of " I AM "

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  • suzyqholland
    suzyqholland Posts: 1,362 Member
    :'( We didn’t get selected for our September itinerary in the Grand Canyon. Fingers crossed for our first week of October itinerary request. We should know by mid June. I’m still going to train as if we’re going.

    I did gain a couple of pounds while away and I’m feeling especially heavy right now. Do y’all go through those periods where you just feel like a big bloated heavy mess? We leave for New Orleans in Friday for a week! What are the chances that I can drop a couple pounds before then? Maybe I’m retaining some fluid? Oh well, it is what it is!!!

    I hope you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day. We’re going on a short hike in the morning and then I’m just relaxing....maybe grill some chicken and veggies.
  • Snooozie
    Snooozie Posts: 3,457 Member
    edited May 2018
    Suzy... I'm very sorry to hear that your parents are refusing to consider the assisted living option; I can understand how scary the thought of losing any independence is for any of us; giving it up in any increment would be hard, maybe with a bit of time they will adjust to the realization that the time has come and be a little more accepting of the idea.. i can only hope because i know how hard it is on the rest of the family too trying to take care of them and all their needs in the interim...

    Crap on not getting the september GC option... wah!! Will cross every body part i can that you get the october one.. and great move to keep training as if it's a done deal!

    your comment about feeling "especially heavy" right now? omg... um.. short answer.. YES.. i am in the same boat... i feel like an oompa loompa right now.. I don't know what's going on I am like an eating machine and getting sucked into that circle of feel huge; eat to console; feel huger (is that a word?) yada yada...

    I went out clothes shopping with a friend the other day... I have absolutely no clothes for summer that fit.. everything in my closet is from when i was at my goal weight and with the 20lbs i regained. well thats 2 sizes.. so trying to get into anything i had (which wasnt much either) i was sucking in the gut tryign to do up pants.. couldnt breathe.. etc.. anyway i decided enuf... so i took a friend as a personal shopper and got a bunch of stuff that fits me now.. I wasn't happy with the size... BUT.. i wanted stuff that fit me now and fit me well... i still tend to go for "baggy" - thats a throwback to when i was at my heaviest i believed that baggy covered everything up.. but i've come to learn that "fitted" looks better no matter what size i am. We made an agreement that i would try on anything she wanted - BUT if i didnt look in the mirror and say "yup i LIKE this" .. it wasnt going home. Anyway.. i actually ended up quite happy; 3 bottoms and 8 tops all that can be mixed together to make abunch of outfits and all of which i felt good in... and yet the day after is when i started the eating frenzy..... im not even eating a lot of crap - well some of it is but its just huge amounts ... and often!! I am back at the "set weight" i am always stuck at no matter if i lose 4-5 lbs i always end up right back there.. i dont know WHATS going on inside my head right now...I know I;m an emotional eater but i'm not aware of anything going on emotinally at the moment that would drive me to this eating frenzy... but i need to get a grip and get back to the right mind set.. i'm not sure whats gonna kick my *kitten* in gear but i'm happy to take any kicks anyone might have on hand to help ... !
  • suzyqholland
    suzyqholland Posts: 1,362 Member
    Thanks Snoozie, for the positive vibes on October. By the way, my parents are looking at independent living! It’s not even assisted living!!! Aaarrrggghhh! Oh well...out of my control.

    So funny... I went shopping before I went out of town and found absolutely nothing that I felt good about. Perhaps the problem is that I wasn’t willing to go up in size. I feel like if I buy a larger size then I’ll (unconsciously) give myself permission to eat more than I should. Whereas by wearing a pair of shorts that’s a bit snug I can’t eat too much or I’ll pop a seam!! Lol!! I think part of my problem (speaking of emotional eating) is that I’m upset with myself that I’ve let over four months go by and haven’t gotten any closer to my goal. We had both said that we’d be there by our birthdays or at least closer and we’re not. Perhaps we’re telling ourselves, “WTH, I’m not gonna make it anyway so I may as well have seconds or dessert or that gin & tonic.”

    I’m not sure what’s going to kick my butt into gear. It’s just something we have to find within ourselves. I hope we all can find that something! Meanwhile just stay positive and make small changes....baby steps will lead to huge strides! It doesn’t take a grand gesture but small victories!
  • Snooozie
    Snooozie Posts: 3,457 Member
    sorry I got confused Suzy... so is it more of just downsizing from a house to an apt kind of thing for your parents??

    as for the shopping; as you all know i'd rather have root canal than shop but I was determined to get things that fit me now and that I felt good in. Which I did.. and to be honest for me it was more important to feel good in clothes where I am right now... the trying to struggle into the smaller things just wasn't working just made me feel worse lol.. but as you said its about what works for each of us - and its finding "that" for right now I need.. I did do a grocery shop this morning and got lots of fruits and veg and lean meat; and we have about 6 or 7 weeks weeks til the "bd" month so I am gonna kick my own *kitten* into gear ... hmm I can't get my foot all the way up there.. a little help pls ??? lol
  • suzyqholland
    suzyqholland Posts: 1,362 Member
    Yes, downsizing to an apartment that includes meals, cleaning, laundry and with on-site activities and physical therapy! Oh well...hopefully they’ll figure it out before mom falls again. I go over once a week to help them with whatever they need or take them to the doctor. They appreciate it and once a week is manageable for me.

    I hate shopping, too. Whether it’s clothes or gifts or whatever. I may end up trying to find a couple things this week before we go to New Orleans though. You’re absolutely right...I want to feel comfortable.
  • Snooozie
    Snooozie Posts: 3,457 Member
    edited May 2018
    Suzy... for me finding clothes that fit right now and fit well and that i feel good in was a necessary boost - to counteract the mental mind games that were starting over stuff not fitting and the downward spiral i was falling into. I plan to have them start falling off me tho!

    I reset my ticker this morning and while I was in my profile I read back through my entries and realized I hit my goal weight in Dec of 2013.

    FIVE YEARS AGO. and I have been steadily gaining ever since to where I am now.

    It was a huge shock to realize just how much time has passed ..and how quickly it has gone...and it was a little scary too.. all this time ....and I am right now still just cruising at the regain weight... and i'm kinda horrified to be honest.. how could I not realize how long ago I actually got where I wanted to be then let it go?

    this may be the giant kick in the *kitten* i need. Yes.. I do believe it is. :)


    Suzy:
    Are you going to be seeing family in NO or is it a vacay trip for you and hubby? Inquiring minds wanna know lol

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  • suzyqholland
    suzyqholland Posts: 1,362 Member
    Well, you’re ahead of me! I’ve never reached my goal weight. However, I was at my lowest weight almost four years ago. I’m twenty pounds heavier now. It could be worse.

    We’re going to see my nephew and his family for a few days then joining my brother and his wife in NO to celebrate our 35th and their 45th anniversaries.
  • Snooozie
    Snooozie Posts: 3,457 Member
    looks like you and I are on almost a parallel course Suzy - both close to where we wanted to be around 4 yrs ago and both about 20lbs above where we want to be now! Which also means we can get to where we wanna be this year!

    I'm simply working on portion control right now... I realized its been a long time since I actually felt "hunger" so just working on waiting for that then doing smaller amounts of food each feeding... I know I need to get that under control first..

    Wow sounds fab on the trip - family time and your 35 yr anniversary?? Awesome!! I hope you have a lovely time and enjoy every moment!
  • Time2LoseWeightNOW
    Time2LoseWeightNOW Posts: 1,730 Member
    I AM ....getting tired of this yo-yoing, I too have to get back in the game and lose it for good... Snoozie, portion control, SWEETS, manufactured carbs:aka POTATO CHIPS....eating when I am not hungry( We are all so much alike) is my main goal .
    30 lbs to get to my goal of under 200. I want to give it all I have to get there by end of year....I feel it is attainable.....just gotta' do it.

    Hotttt weather has made it's appearance down here in the South in a wicked way.

    Happy Anniversary, Suzy!!

  • suzyqholland
    suzyqholland Posts: 1,362 Member
    Thank you! Where in the south are you? Do I know this already? My mind is going. Lol!

    My portion control is awful. AND I actually ate potato chips the other day and I don’t even usually like potato chips!!! What’s up with that?!?!

    I absolutely know that I am the only thing standing in my way of losing this weight. I’ve been through my periods of trying really hard and not seeing results then I just give up. Right now I think I’m just a bit apathetic about the whole process. I need to find my burning desire again and I’m not sure how to go about that.
  • Vailara
    Vailara Posts: 2,462 Member
    It seems like we're all in a similar place with the weight battle. Why is it so hard? I never really had a goal weight, but just lost weight until I felt comfortable, then maintained. But I'll be honest, my "maintenance" weight is in the "overweight" range. It's over five years since I started, and I've never actually hit a normal weight. I've had periods where I've lost a few more pounds, and then periods where I've gained a few and had to diet back down again. At the moment, I'm four pounds above my maintenance weight, which doesn't sound too bad except for the fact that my maintenance weight is overweight!

    The frustrating thing is that maintenance is dieting too (I know we can call it something else, but it still comes down to permanent dieting being a necessity for me!), so I feel like I've spent over five years of constant dieting, generally successfully, and now I should get some sort of reward, rather than even more dieting! Lol!

    And instead of getting easier, it's getting harder! And regardless of the weight on the scale, I am getting fatter! I can see it and feel it. And actually measure it on my body fat scales if I wasn't too embarrassed to use that feature. Maybe today's the day to do it - I KNOW it's going to be bad news, and I'll be upset because my main focus was always losing fat while maintaining lean mass, but at least it will give me a starting point and let me know what I'm up against.

    Anyway, thank you for indulging me ... I'm sorry, I have been reading and not commenting than come out with this me, me, me post. It's just that all your comments struck such a chord with me! Especially your comments about needing to find your "burning desire" again, Suzy! I know just what you mean!

    I've been trying to inspire myself by watching TV programmes about obesity and so on - there has been a series on TV here in the UK. And there was a woman on it, a bit younger than us I think, who had been slim right through having children, but then gained a lot in middle age. Anyway, she successfully lost quite a bit of weight, and I was pleased for it, but thinking "this is just the start of it"!. I honestly think that first weight loss is the easy part, and this part, years down the line, when we're trying to lose or at least prevent regain is the hardest!

    Good luck to all of us! At least we have the summer coming, with salads looking more attractive - lol!
  • Snooozie
    Snooozie Posts: 3,457 Member
    "I honestly think that first weight loss is the easy part, and this part, years down the line, when we're trying to lose or at least prevent regain is the hardest!"

    Morning Hatters - quick note as i have to run out and move my car for cleaning of the parking garage and i might as well head to the lake too which means getting out of my pajamas LOL.. but i had a quick read and had to take a sec to say Vail - your comment above.. ABSOLUTELY agree with you 100% - and as far as the "me me " thing?? It's supposed to be all about the "me's" here - how we are feeling, what we are doing yada yada... so it's absolutely perfect you felt comfortable enough to share and why we're here!!

    I can totally agree with the whole "feeling" heavier - likd you and suzy both said feeling the weight is far more of a signal for me than any scale number. I haven't found my burning desire either; but I've spent the last 2 days just eating less... and waiting for that hunger thing..i'm slightly embarrassed to say I have yet to actually feel hungry still... what's with THAT?? I swear I feel like I have enough food in me from the past few weeks that my body just can't remember what hunger feels like... anyway I feel a bit better this morning after just the 2 days of eating less.. I'm not sure if it's all in my head but for right now. .it'll do lol.. i think perhaps too.. im just sick of feeling as suzy said all bloaty and stuffed and stuff...

    Gail - i hear ya 100% on the junk feeds - been there done that got the t shirt... which is too tight btw lol... it actually sounds to me like we're all almost fed up with feeling this way so maybe that's where our burning desire is hiding?

    righto - alarm just went off AGAIN... LOL more later ladies!!

  • Time2LoseWeightNOW
    Time2LoseWeightNOW Posts: 1,730 Member
    edited May 2018
    Suzy, I live in a small Mississippi town between Jackson & Meridian..... off Hwy 35. I also forget whether I know where someone lives....lol and Sometimes it's the real names !! ...but luckily I know most of your names... : )
  • suzyqholland
    suzyqholland Posts: 1,362 Member
    Gail, we take 20 west to Meridian and then head south to see my nephew. Small world!!

    Okay Snoozie....here’s the deal....I feel hungry all the time. Even right after eating a meal! This is something new for me and I just don’t know how to handle it.

    Vail, preach sister!!!!!! I hear ya! I agree with ya! I’m frustrated just like all of you!

    I’m going to try to stay sane with my eating and drinking on vacay and then jump back into it when I get back. I don’t want to dwell on it while away.

    Btw, went shopping again today. I found one top that I liked, so I bought that. I even tried larger sizes and just hated everything on me.

    We’re off on the road tomorrow. I’ll pop in when I can! Have a great weekend and week!
  • milove1029
    milove1029 Posts: 308 Member
    Hello, everyone,

    Yes, the heat has hit us hard. It is in the 90's everyday. I live next state over from Gail she is in Mississippi and I am in Louisiana.

    My blood work was great! My cholesterol came down to normal and the ldl and hdl were perfect. I might not have dropped the pounds liked I wanted to but at least I dropped the right foods. Even my Hgb A1c came down. I was using the diary on mfp to see what was high in fat and sugar and I was shocked to see that cheezits has trans fat and I was eating that everyday. Can milk was high in fats and I was using that daily in my coffee. So I AM grateful.

    Suzy that type of apartments for you parents sounds great.

    Its nice Snoozie that you live so close to the Lake.

    Everyone have a great weekend.
  • Snooozie
    Snooozie Posts: 3,457 Member
    Milove - that is fabulous news about the bloodwork results!!!! You have actually accomplished something much more important than any weight loss and that is overall health improvements which is really what we're all after - well done YOU!!! Thrilled for you!!

    Suzy - have a fab trip; and not that it matters but I agree totally with simply enjoying your time with family and making the most of every moment!! have a total blast and take lots of pics!!

    I feel quite far away geographically being in Toronto - but I know Vail is across the pond too and its so cool that we are all here together to support and encourage each other; god bless technology!!

    So I went to a pickleball thing yesterday at the rec centre; it ws a drop in program with beginners welcome.... it was a 55+ so everyone was around my age (they also have a 65+ group which i would very much like to think i will be able to join in 10 yrs!!)

    and t here was another newbie so one of the guys who kinda instructs took us off to our own court and taught us the rules and couple of the moves and practiced learning the weight of the ball and paddle etc... then he and another lady played us.... (by the way PB for over 55 is always played in doubles... now I know why!!!! hahahaha... anyway... I could barely move last night!!! But it was my own fault because we practically played for 2 hrs straight.... games actually only go 15 min normally.. and from what I could see around me people play and/or sit out whenever they feel like it.. we have the gym for 2 hrs so it appeared normally people play a game or 2 then sit out; you can kinda play as little or as much as you want.. even mix of men and women... but again I was kinda focusing on just our little court but it was an absolute hoot even tho I am pretty much unable to move any body parts today without it hurting hahaha. its like the first time you do a full workout in a gym... and the next day everything hurts?? (not that I remember what that's like but I have a vague recollection!) Anyway I have to say it was a load of fun and if I was playing regular - a game or 2 at a time I wouldn't have hurt as much instead of playing for 2 hrs straight lol... its more of a winter indoor sport here; runs from sept to end of june but I wanted to try it out - hoping to get in a few more drop in programs before it ends but for sure come September I will definitely be going thru the winter! It was only $6 for the 2 hrs which fits into my budget and if I get a membership down the road it would be free with the membership but that's not in the works for now. But $6 a week is doable for now and gets me moving and having fun too... and the fun part i have realized is necessary!

    I'm on my last day of vacation today and its a lovely weather one so will head to the lake later and walk off the ouchies a bit lol...
  • Vailara
    Vailara Posts: 2,462 Member
    edited May 2018
    Congratulation on your results, Milove! That's fantastic! So much more important than dropping the pounds too. I sometimes not sure about what difference the right diet (in terms of the right foods, rather than how much!) makes, but experiences like yours make me think about how important it is to eat well.

    Suzy, have a lovely break! It's strange about feeling hungry after every meal. I've found that there seems to something up with my hunger switch, and I actually seem to get more hungry when I eat, rather than when I haven't eaten for a while. What's that all about? I suppose at least it has helped me do intermittent fasting. Of course, where I go wrong with IF is I end up eating more when I do eat, because I feel I can because I haven't eaten for so long - lol!

    Snoozie, pickleball is a new one on me - I had to google! It looks fun, but hard work. No wonder you were sore! Hopefully it will not be painful if you're doing it regularly! It's great that you've found something athletic that you can do indoors in the winter - hopefully social too. I would love to find more things for over 50s here - although the cycling group I sometimes go out with have no age limit, but I would say are mostly older than me. I'm glad you're having good weather, and hope the walk helped with your pain!

    I did eventually brave the body fat scales, and the results weren't good, but I knew that. Body fat % is up of course, but the worry is that my visceral fat has gone up one point. I've also put on 3 inches round my waist. Looks like all my fat is piling around my middle and my organs, thank you very much! All this without really much weight gain (3 pounds above my maintenance weight when I measured). I have had a lot of social eating over this weekend, so it has been difficult, although I'm proud to say that when I went out to a friend's across town for a meal last night, I cycled there and back! It was quite exhilarating (took me a few goes to spell that) cycling back: the roads were quiet at night so the traffic wasn't too scary, but the riverside walk was very dark and felt like something out of a horror film! But I enjoyed it! Anyway, will try to keep things in check during the week. Goodness knows how much weight I'll have to lose to get those three inches off my waist and get the visceral fat down again.
  • suzyqholland
    suzyqholland Posts: 1,362 Member
    Vail, how wonderful to be cycling!! I bet it’s fun. You’d be taking your life in your hands to cycle around here. I have a scale that does the whole body fat thing but I don’t go near that feature. It scares me how high my percentage has gotten.

    I’m back home from New Orleans and I’m too chicken to get on the scale. We had a good time and did some walking but boy oh boy, did we eat!!! I’ll get back on my eating and exercise schedule (hopefully) tomorrow. I’m seriously feeling huge! It’s awful. I was looking back at my Instagram photos for something and saw myself four years ago at my lowest weight. How depressing.

    Now I’m going to go google pickleball.
  • Snooozie
    Snooozie Posts: 3,457 Member
    edited May 2018
    Welcome home Suzy... I'm so glad you had a great time - I can totally relate to the feeling huge... because like YOU I can actually "feel" it... i feel like a tree trunk right now.. solid and thick and back in the cycle of eating crap to commiserate with myself over it...

    and like you right now i'm experiencing that "hungry even after I eat" thing.. WHERE the hell did that come from - is that some new syndrome or a little piece of hell that comes along at some point for everyone? argggh


    I KNOW I have to kick myself out of this ... mode or whatever.... and its honestly not so much about losing a number now, its that I need to feel better about my physical self .. I can absolutely remember the feeling when I had hit my goal weight - because I was able to move better and just felt like doing more.. now I feel like a big lump and have no energy so logic would say "hey snooz no problem... you felt good then, you don't now so it's simple..just start working at getting back there".. ya well hello logic?? bite me...

    Anyway.. I DO need to get my shi^ together... and now is good... there's a few days left in May to get myself turned around for a fresh start June 1st ... then again... why wait... i'm starting to seriously dislike logic.....

    Vail - I know what you mean about finding things to do with people your own age,; either socially or exercise or whatever.. a lot of the classes I took at the rec centre were for "older adults".. but god love em most were over 75 at least and various forms of walkers and things..(altho I'm not to proud to admit most of them still kicked my *kitten* at the exercise stuff).. but I just wish there were more groups/outings etc around with people in the 50-60 range.

    And ty (kinda) for the reminder that body fat = visceral fat around the organs - I had forgotten that particular nasty item... and its a biggie for me as we all know how bad that can be for us... I'm kinda shocked the body fat went up so much at only 3 lbs gain...arggh! Mind you.. I have a "muffin top" right now which I haven't had in a long time.. so I suspect if I was to hop on your scale it would scare the crap outta me... hmm maybe a quick trip to England is what I need!!

    I'm going to head to the lake early since a) i'm awake (grr) and before the people come.. maybe i'll talk to the ducks and see if they have any inspiring words to help me get my shi^ together!!



  • suzyqholland
    suzyqholland Posts: 1,362 Member
    I’m up early (for me) so that we can go hike Kennesaw Mountain and wouldn’t you know it....it’s raining. I could have slept a couple more hours. I guess I’ll have to do something constructive, like unpack and do laundry. :/

    I braved the torture and got on the scale. It’s not pretty. I’m really hoping that at least a couple pounds are from water retention. I guess it’s too much to hope that I’m retaining twenty pounds of water. Lol!

    Snoozie, maybe one of the ducks can chase you around the lake for a good cardio workout. If you find that magic motivation “bullet” let me know. I’m in desperate need myself. We’re going to Washington DC for my birthday in 12 days. I’ve wanted to go there for as long as I can remember. It’s just the two of us so I know we’ll get in plenty of walking and not as much eating. Then we’re stopping in Asheville, North Carolina on the way back for some hiking. Maybe this will help me get on the right track.