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  • Dogmom1978
    Dogmom1978 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Thanks! I finally got my hdmi cable today and I took a break from most of my cardio machines (it’s raining here, so I did hit the treadmill afterwards) and did some YouTube body groove dance videos. I would NEVER do that in public lol, but in my basement gym, no problem! My husband is NOT allowed to come down and watch me dance though 😂
  • Dante_80
    Dante_80 Posts: 479 Member
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    Friday-Weighday!

    SW: 177.8 kg - 392 lb (May 2020)
    GW: 69 kg - 153 lb

    LW: 137.0 kg - 302.0 lb
    CW: 135.7 kg - 299.2 lb
    Variance: -1.3 kg / -2.8 lb / -0.95% TBW

    OL: 42.1 kg - 92.8 lb

    Weight remaining for:
    Obese class II: 24.4 kg - 53.8 lb
    Obese class I: 38.4 kg - 84.6 lb
    Overweight: 52.3 kg - 115.3 lb
    Normal: 66.3 kg - 146.1 lb

    Into the 200s! I guess it must be more than five years since the last time I was there. Truth be told, we are not accustomed to pounds here in Europe so this doesn't really seem like a milestone to me.

    But, I'll take it! >:)
  • michellevt725
    michellevt725 Posts: 190 Member
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    I'm back at it on mfp. 42yo. 5'4
    SW 210
    1st goal: 189
    Ultimate goal: 130. I think. I've not weighed that little since my early 20s.

    I was this weight when I got down to 159 before getting pregnant with my first over 7 years ago. I was finally feeling good about myself then. Infact, the first time I went to buy maternity clothes I cried to my mother that I was going to get fat again. This was after years of infertility and, wanting nothing more than to get pregnant.
  • _inHisGrace
    _inHisGrace Posts: 183 Member
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    Age: 45
    Height: 5’1
    SW: 307.8 lbs
    CW: 287.2
    GW: 125

    20 lbs lost!!!! I’m thrilled.

  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
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    _inHisGrace wrote: »
    Age: 45
    Height: 5’1
    SW: 307.8 lbs
    CW: 287.2
    GW: 125

    20 lbs lost!!!! I’m thrilled.

    Stay strong and committed!...I am so proud of you doing this!
  • rieraclaelin
    rieraclaelin Posts: 115 Member
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    Age: 37
    Height: 5'9"
    SW: 390 lbs
    CW: 326.6 lbs
    GW: 155 lbs

    Slow but steady is winning this race!
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
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    Seriously, have you ever considered talking to a professional or getting some meds for depression?........I hate reading how you are feeling because that is exactly how I felt a couple of years ago....I am here if you want to whine, vent, moan or groan!....telling you how great you have done, doesn’t help you right now....
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
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    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    Seriously, have you ever considered talking to a professional or getting some meds for depression?........I hate reading how you are feeling because that is exactly how I felt a couple of years ago....I am here if you want to whine, vent, moan or groan!....telling you how great you have done, doesn’t help you right now....

    @conniewilkins56

    well, I have had 2 sessions now with a counselor - the company will pay for 3 more, so once we get to the end of November, we'll have to see beyond that. The only meds I really tried was wellbutrin but that was for trying to jumpstart weight loss and hoping the antidepressant would be a nice side benefit. Didn't help at all in either case - I would have gotten more benefit from a placebo. My PCP is reluctant to try much of anything else because of the weight gain issues they cause - regaining a bunch of my hard-lost weight won't help, that's for sure! And I'm reluctant to try meds, anyway. I'm reluctant to mess around with things that mess around with my head, and meds won't fix the circumstances.

    I'm sorry - I don't mean to get you down! And I'm sure folks here are probably tired of my whining, venting, moaning, AND groaning lol

    The sad part is that if you'd tell someone around me, especially in my family, that I was depressed and heading to a deep one, they wouldn't believe you. In a public setting like at church or talking to the friend, its like I can set the depressed feelings aside for a little while. Unfortunately that doesn't happen at work- work just makes me feel worse. But I know that I've gotten very good at the public masks; unfortunately for you guys, that mask doesn't seem to carry over to the anonymity of cyberspace.......

    The best friend can only help so much; I can't really go to her because she struggles mightily with her own issues which are way worse than anything I could deal with, and I don't want to set her off. Besides which, when we do get into the depressing conversations, we find that we kind of are in the same boat - we understand what the other person is feeling but have no solutions to offer on what to do with it. We can commiserate but that's about it.


    I'm also very much afraid I'm getting to the point where I'm going to have to talk to my supervisor about it, and while he's a laid back, really nice guy, truly, I still dread a conversation with him on this topic with every fiber of my being. Not quite to the sick-to-my-stomach dread like I had a few years ago when I had to confront the roommate on something, but still dread. I hate confrontation of any type (which is why I have no desire to go into supervision). Besides my liking to keep my personal problems person, I don't know if I could talk to him about all the stuff without winding up in tears and would THAT ever be mortifying.......
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
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    Hmmmmm....I didn’t know my anti depressant caused weight gain because I have been on them the entire time I have been losing weight!....I was never to the point of wanting to harm myself but I felt like I was drying up and dying inside!...and I hid it so well except with my close family that I live with...I felt like I was being drowned or suffocated in a tank of water or in a vacuum of airless space and I could never get back to the surface for air...sounds crazy to actually write this down but I was so sad and so lost....I just could not breathe to the point I was actually holding my breath all the time...I was always the life of the party, laughing and smiling...I put on a great show until I just could not fake it anymore...on the outside I had nothing to be sad about so I felt guilty for the way I felt...we have great kids and grands, a nice house, car, and any material things I could ever want...my doctor and I talked over a few visits and tried a few meds....now I am on a med that is for pain, anxiety and depression and it has been amazing...no one changed but me....I was sleeping my life away but I was never rested.....depression sucks the life out of you until you can barely function and you don’t even care, that is the scary part....not caring!.....I hope you can find a solution for yourself....your happiness and well being depends on it....

    I can’t tell you to quit your job or to change your life because millions of people are stuck in jobs they probably hate...being isolated at home with no co worker interaction is probably lonely....it’s hard to get out and mingle right now....I wish I could help you more than writing my thoughts but I do care about you and wonder how you are coping...

    Hang in there because you are so worth it...
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
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    @bmeadows380

    This is your place. There will never be a time when what is going on in your life will be unwelcome here.

    Your PCP's reluctance to try something is insane. Depression causes weight gain and you have crept up a little so it is time to be more proactive. If it causes a little more gain you can always stop, adjust dosage, try something else, etc. Chances are it will lift you up enough to feel like doing more again. Depression impacts your NEAT in addition to your willingness to exercise. If you do not feel good you move less... FACT.

    I would also suggest light therapy. It is worth a try.

    Get to the doctor. Get a med.
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
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    NovusDies wrote: »
    @bmeadows380

    This is your place. There will never be a time when what is going on in your life will be unwelcome here.

    Your PCP's reluctance to try something is insane. Depression causes weight gain and you have crept up a little so it is time to be more proactive. If it causes a little more gain you can always stop, adjust dosage, try something else, etc. Chances are it will lift you up enough to feel like doing more again. Depression impacts your NEAT in addition to your willingness to exercise. If you do not feel good you move less... FACT.

    I would also suggest light therapy. It is worth a try.

    Get to the doctor. Get a med.

    Yes!....exactly!....maybe if we gang up on Bmeadows she will listen to us....this depression and lack of energy has gone on long enough!.....

    I never get tired of reading your posts!....
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
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    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    @bmeadows380

    This is your place. There will never be a time when what is going on in your life will be unwelcome here.

    Your PCP's reluctance to try something is insane. Depression causes weight gain and you have crept up a little so it is time to be more proactive. If it causes a little more gain you can always stop, adjust dosage, try something else, etc. Chances are it will lift you up enough to feel like doing more again. Depression impacts your NEAT in addition to your willingness to exercise. If you do not feel good you move less... FACT.

    I would also suggest light therapy. It is worth a try.

    Get to the doctor. Get a med.

    Yes!....exactly!....maybe if we gang up on Bmeadows she will listen to us....this depression and lack of energy has gone on long enough!.....

    I never get tired of reading your posts!....

    Gang up nothing. I am about to drive up there and force feed her some pills and super glue a therapy light to her head.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
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    @bmeadows380

    Backing up for a moment...

    I have a talent for guidance counseling. That does not make me qualified to deal with anything clinical. If you have a problem for which a different perspective might help solve I am pretty good at that. This is not something that is in my range. With that said I have read a lot of your posts and I am going to tell you what seems obvious to me even if it is unqualified.

    Your identity is being hyper critical of yourself. You affirm it over and over. To feed this identity you need to slip and fall. You might hate it but there is also an odd comfort being who you believe yourself to be. When you have the will to fight it you can beat it back as you have been. When you are depressed your will to fight is diminished or nonexistent and it is easier to drift with the current. There are a lot of non medicine approaches and I think they could help you but you need your head above water and while I do not think you are drowning I think you are bobbing. I believe a med will make sustaining your current losses easier and perhaps even pave the way for more losses. Once your will to fight is restored I don't think anything can stop you... even yourself... and you seem to be a tough opponent.

    Research does show that if depression goes unchecked the likelihood of repeat episodes keeps increasing.

    Please consider getting some medicine. It may not have to be that strong. You may just need a little air in the life vest to keep you up.
  • eliezalot
    eliezalot Posts: 620 Member
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    bmeadows380 wrote: »
    conniewilkins56 wrote: »
    Seriously, have you ever considered talking to a professional or getting some meds for depression?........I hate reading how you are feeling because that is exactly how I felt a couple of years ago....I am here if you want to whine, vent, moan or groan!....telling you how great you have done, doesn’t help you right now....

    @conniewilkins56

    well, I have had 2 sessions now with a counselor - the company will pay for 3 more, so once we get to the end of November, we'll have to see beyond that. The only meds I really tried was wellbutrin but that was for trying to jumpstart weight loss and hoping the antidepressant would be a nice side benefit. Didn't help at all in either case - I would have gotten more benefit from a placebo. My PCP is reluctant to try much of anything else because of the weight gain issues they cause - regaining a bunch of my hard-lost weight won't help, that's for sure! And I'm reluctant to try meds, anyway. I'm reluctant to mess around with things that mess around with my head, and meds won't fix the circumstances.

    I'm sorry - I don't mean to get you down! And I'm sure folks here are probably tired of my whining, venting, moaning, AND groaning lol

    The sad part is that if you'd tell someone around me, especially in my family, that I was depressed and heading to a deep one, they wouldn't believe you. In a public setting like at church or talking to the friend, its like I can set the depressed feelings aside for a little while. Unfortunately that doesn't happen at work- work just makes me feel worse. But I know that I've gotten very good at the public masks; unfortunately for you guys, that mask doesn't seem to carry over to the anonymity of cyberspace.......

    The best friend can only help so much; I can't really go to her because she struggles mightily with her own issues which are way worse than anything I could deal with, and I don't want to set her off. Besides which, when we do get into the depressing conversations, we find that we kind of are in the same boat - we understand what the other person is feeling but have no solutions to offer on what to do with it. We can commiserate but that's about it.


    I'm also very much afraid I'm getting to the point where I'm going to have to talk to my supervisor about it, and while he's a laid back, really nice guy, truly, I still dread a conversation with him on this topic with every fiber of my being. Not quite to the sick-to-my-stomach dread like I had a few years ago when I had to confront the roommate on something, but still dread. I hate confrontation of any type (which is why I have no desire to go into supervision). Besides my liking to keep my personal problems person, I don't know if I could talk to him about all the stuff without winding up in tears and would THAT ever be mortifying.......

    HUUUUUUUUUUGS!

    I'm so, so sorry you are feeling this way. This all sounds so familiar. Even at my absolute lowest (severe undiagnosed depression, failing classes in college, sleeping 16 hours a day and still being tired, literally unable to get out of bed some days), nobody ever guessed anything was wrong. I come off pretty cheerful even when everything sucks. And honestly that made it so much harder. I felt like I was drowning, waiting for someone to help me, except nobody noticed that anything was wrong. Don't every worry about talking or venting here. It is so important to have someone who can listen and support you, and we're all happy to do that!


    I'll urge you to continue working with the counselor, but also to talk to your PCP and explore more drug options. Make sure to tell her how you are really feeling and struggling, without trying to minimize it. It can often take several attempts at different dosages and drugs to find the right treatment regimen. And, it doesn't have to be forever! Consider medication as a tool to support you through the bad (and current unchangeable) work situation. I've gone on and off medication a few times as my life situation has changed. And I'll also add that I've never really noticed an effect from medication on my weight or eating habits. Besides, we know that medication itself doesn't truly cause weight gain. It may make you more or less hungry, it may cause some water retention, but those are all things you can and know how to manage! If anything, I find it easier to control my weight when my depression is controlled. Medication is just another tool for mental health management, one that you shouldn't be afraid or ashamed to use when needed!

    Remember:
    ofwbv7y1dkyz.png

    (Also, I've cried in front of at least three previous supervisors. It sucks. Once I had panic attacks thinking about starting the conversation. But, it also was not the end of the world...the fear of it was worse than when it actually happened. After after the awkward conversation and crying, things were able to improve at least a bit. The counselor should be able to help you think through and practice that conversation, if you think it is one you need to have.)
  • gewel321
    gewel321 Posts: 718 Member
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    So I will add my two cents since I am a mental health professional that runs all the BH services for 15 clinics. I tend not to give my opinion on mental health issues because it is very dicey most of the time and difficult to diagnosis in this environment.

    @bmeadows380 I agree that you need some help. I think a combination of medication and therapy would be the best thing. I know that outwardly you say that no one can see and that may be accurate but the face we show the world doesn't necessarily mean its the face we see in the mirror. It is easier in the anonymity of MFP to be more real than it is with our friends and family. Especially when we feel guilty for having those feelings. You are alive and healthy and working on bettering yourself. You have a job and friends and family. What do you have to be depressed about? Doesn't matter you are.

    I understand that your PCP doesn't feel comfortable with psych meds but you should really find one that will help you with this journey. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Continued Depression increases this imbalance. Just because you are on an antidepressant for a little while doesn't mean you have to be on it forever. Think of it like a self fulfilling prophecy. The more you don't' deal with the depression the more depressed you get. The more depressed you get the more of whichever chemical is out of balanced will do what it is doing. The reason Wellbutrin didn't work is because that isn't the chemical that needs help. There is a reason that there are so many different antidepressants out there. Yes weight gain is a side effect of most of them but that doesn't mean that you will take the meds and balloon up. Weight gain is also a symptom of Depression. If you continue to work and CICO then it will continue to work but with medication it may be easier to maintain healthy eating habits.

    Your weight has gone all over the place and isn't going in the direction you want it to go. Think about the reasons why. It is very hard to work on yourself physically when your mind is fighting against you. Please my friend, see someone. Sorry if I am out of line.
  • _inHisGrace
    _inHisGrace Posts: 183 Member
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    Age: 45
    Height: 5’1
    SW: 307.8 lbs
    CW: 285.2
    GW: 125

  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
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    My Starting Weight:
    ~375 lbs (01/01/2017)
    My goal:
    180 lbs
    Milestone:
    215 lbs
    Current Weight:
    222.9 lbs
    Loss this Week:
    -2.9 lbs
    Total Loss:
    -152.1 lbs

    What's Working/What Needs Work:
    Okay, I fully admit today's weight reading threw me for a loop and I tested that weight 10 times. When I first got up and stepped on the scale in one particular spot in my bathroom, it read this. So I moved it a little as I thought that can't possibly be right - I was 231 on Monday, 228 on Tuesday, and 224 yesterday; how did I have that much water weight?!!!!

    Then I moved it to the hallway and it read 226 in 2 different places, so I thought "okay, this is probably right. Depressing, but probably right."

    a few minutes later, I was finished with my morning routine and realized I couldn't quite remember the reading for my HappyScale trend application, so I set the scale down again and it came up 222.9. I didn't believe it and moved that scale to 4 different places in the house to test it, and it read that every time.

    So I recorded that as my weight, but I'm not trusting it and thinking I might want to consider getting a new scale.....

    I am also surprised to see the drop because I blew it big time over the weekend, staying up way too late Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights in a row talking to the best friend. Lack of sleep coupled with being up so long led to snacking and over maintenance on all 3 of those days, so its rather surprising to see this drop for me, which is why I'm doubting that scale reading!


    However, this week was better. Not perfect by any means, but better. I bumped my calorie limit back down from 1650 to 1500 which puts me at around 1.5 lbs/wk loss rate if I stick to it, and I did this because I'm trying to game my brain. Once I get into the red, my brain wants to throw caution to the wind and I find myself snacking. But my brain tends to slow down about the 500 calories over mark. If I end up over my deficit, even if it is by 5 measly calories, my brain wants to just keep going and I can't find the willpower to resist the snacking urge - and trust me, I try my best to eliminate all snack foods in the house, but its amazing what my brain can come up with - I even snack on try old fashioned oats, for Pete's sake! But it seems that once it gets close to that 500 mark, I can get the brain to slow down. Some days not by much and I still ended up over maintenance, but usually once I hit the 500 level, I could regain some control.

    So if 500 calories over seems to be what it takes to get my brain back under control, I figured I'd lower the calorie deficit back down so that when I find myself eating over and I can get my brain to stop at the 500 calorie mark, instead of being at maintenance that day, I will at least still be in something of a true deficit.

    And what's weird is that being at 1500 seems to be easier to stick to than the 1650!

    But if this is what it takes to stop the regain, than this is what it takes. What may have also helped is I was able to get a lot of walking in this weekend - I got at least 4 miles in Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday. Yesterday was no walk, but I did clean house and got some activity. Today won't be much because I have to go into the office for work today and afterwards I have to stop at mom's for dad's birthday dinner, which is a double whammy on me - a birthday dinner without a chance for extra activity to offset it. But one day is one day and hopefully it won't throw me off track.

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